by Autumn Karr
His mouth slides down my throat, his warm breath tickling the sensitive skin of my neck, and a shiver runs through my body. That’s all it takes from him; he has such an effect on me, always has. Holding me tight against his body, he talks into my ear.
“I couldn't get you out of my fucking mind. Every living thought I had was stained by you, out there in the darkness, my hands all over your body, your fingers running through my hair, your moans and sighs. I fucking hate you for being my weakness.”
His mouth finds mine, and he bites on my lip, punishing me. “I needed to get you out of my head, out of my heart, out of my soul. You owned me, and I wanted myself back.” His hand tangles in my hair, and he pulls it back harshly, exposing my neck. “I just want myself back,” he ends on a whisper, and then his teeth skim my neck, making my breath hitch.
He trails his mouth up over my throat, his hand making its own way down my stomach, where he finds the button of my jeans and pops it open. He kisses along my jaw as he slides the zipper down, and reaches his hand into my panties. I gasp as his fingers slowly inch down and he slides first one, then two, and starts to explore, thrusting them in and out in a delicious rhythm. He pulls my head back gently and kisses my lips. His hand travels down the side of my face, over my collarbone, between my breasts and down to my stomach, finding its way under my shirt, cupping my breast. I moan as he rubs my clit with his thumb, making me quiver with his probing fingers, and his tongue delves into my mouth, stopping only to bite on my lips. I can feel his arousal pressing into my side, and it turns me on even more knowing that I have this effect on him. I hide my face in his neck, biting gently as the first wave of pleasure hits me. My thighs start shaking and Devon wraps his arm around my back to hold me up. I tear my mouth away from his neck and arch my back into the wall behind me, cursing as the pleasure starts to take over my body.
“Leighton,” Devon growls. I open my eyes and look into his as I ride the climax, his heavy-lidded, burning gaze making me lose myself even more.
He pulls his hand out of my panties and pins me against the wall, sliding my jeans and underwear in one go down my legs and taking my lips in a rough kiss. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull myself up. He grips my ass and lifts me up so I can wrap my legs around him. My hands reach down to work on his pants without breaking our kiss, his lips against mine urgent, as I slide his boxers down with my feet, and then wrap my hand around his thick cock. I start stroking, loving the feel of him. I quicken my pace, feeling his fingers dig into my back, his kisses losing their rhythm. His cock is hard as steel, as I need him inside of me.
He steps back, slipping out of my hand. My feet hit the floor as he grabs for the hem of my shirt and takes it off, letting it fall. Unbuttoning his shirt, he leans down and grabs his wallet from his pant pocket. I lean back against the cool wall, watching as he rips the little foil packet with his white teeth and then uses his hands to sheath his erection.
My stomach flutters and I bite my lip in anticipation, glancing up in time to see him flash me a devilish smile, the first real one since I've been here. My own lips curve into a smile in response, and slowly, he leans in and takes them into another kiss, this time slow and torturous, taking his time to explore every inch of my mouth with his. His tongue tentatively touches mine before he pulls back and pays attention to my lower lip. This man can kiss.
He hooks my knee over his arm and lifts it up to secure it on his hip, looking straight into my eyes, using his other hand to guide his cock, teasing my opening and clit in turn until I whimper in frustration. We both suck in a breath as he enters me in one long thrust, and it's a mixture of pleasure and pain and absolute fucking completeness.
I arch my back as he starts moving, controlled thrusts that leave me frantic for more. I squeeze his biceps with my hands as his mouth trails kisses down my neck, his movements becoming faster, harder, until he's just plain fucking me, giving me everything he has and taking everything I have to give.
The first wave hits me so hard I whimper his name, which he drowns with his mouth. I feel my whole body tremble, the pleasure spreading all the way to my toes. I know he’s close when his breathing becoming heavier, his thrusts less controlled and wilder, frenzied. He slams into me once more, and grunts into my hair, his hand pressing into my back, connecting every inch of our bodies. He lifts his head from the hollow of my neck, searching my eyes with his as we both reach that climax, our breaths mingling, our bodies speaking without words.
DEVON
I find myself awake in the middle on the night again, staring at the ceiling. Leighton's back is curled into my side, her breathing even, and my possessive hand is on her waist.
And, as it usually does after I fuck her senseless, guilt eats at me.
I look at her and all I think is failure. Weak. Pathetic.
I know I'm a prick. No one made me do it. I've blamed it on her and her seductive ways, but if I'm honest, she didn't seduce me.
By the time I was seventeen, I could pick her out in a room full of women. The way she walked, the way she laughed, the way she would flip her black hair, her scent. I wouldn't have to think twice about it.
It consumed me, this obsession I had.
I hated every boy, then every man that glanced her way. I hated her boyfriends enough to want to hurt them, and her girlfriends just because they could be around her and not have to ignore her like I did.
I stalked her; I'm not ashamed to admit it. I always knew where she was, and whom she was with, even during her little disappearing acts. More than once, I caught myself looking at her, begging her to acknowledge me, and she always did, holding my gaze for just a second longer than she did other strangers', and for that, I was grateful. The crumbs of her attention I got every now and then were enough to feed my addiction.
Until they weren't. As with every drug, I craved more. It's the forbidden fruit; I know that now. I resisted her for so long, and so stubbornly, and it was bound to happen, one way or another. And when it did, I couldn't get enough of it.
It wasn't premeditated. I don't think she planned on it, either, but I like to think she did to excuse my failure. I saw her standing on the opposite side of the street during one night out. I could say she never looked more beautiful, but she always looked beautiful to me. We made eye contact, and suddenly, time stood still. The look she gave me was so suggestive, I did a double take to make sure I saw it right, then glanced around to check if everyone else saw what I did. By the time my eyes found her again, she was walking off into a dark alley.
Take it or leave it. That's all it came down to.
I found myself all but running after her. Just to make sure she's okay, I fooled myself.
And, in that dark alley, against a dirty brick wall, I knew I was doomed.
It went on, for a whole year. She never sought me out, it was always me running to wherever she was, and she gave whatever I wanted without a word. I didn't speak to her for fear of crumbling the walls of my perfect delusion that we were just two people who found each other in the dark.
Ironically, it was exactly what made me step away from her. A year is a long-ass time to keep silent when all you want to do is talk. It suffocated me, knowing that I couldn't tell her everything I wanted to. I wanted to tell her that every moment she let me spend with her was like heaven. Every time she tangled her hands in my hair and let me touch her in every way I wanted, I felt unworthy of it.
That if she were anyone else, I would have loved her until the day I died.
But she was exactly who she was. Leighton Moore, the daughter of Keith Moore—the man who took everything away from me. And one day, sooner or later, she'd be just another casualty of that crime.
* * * *
Her fingers entwine with mine on her hip, and she squeezes my hand. “Stop thinking so loud. You woke me up.”
I smile into the black hair draped over her shoulder, then move it away and place a kiss in its place. She snuggles deeper into my chest, her ass pressing into my er
ection. “Mmm.”
This is a first for us. I've never stayed the night after we hooked up. She never came home with me, and I never went to hers. We never did it in an actual bed.
She trails our threaded fingers down her stomach, then lower between her legs, and I won't lie, the second my fingers reach her wetness and she arches her back into my chest, I'm harder than I've ever been in my entire life.
Her sighs turn into moans as she slides both our fingers inside her and positions my thumb over her clit with hers, my hips jerking involuntarily into her naked backside with her movements as she fucks my fingers.
This is, by far, the sexiest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. She is so beautiful, so sensual. I love seeing her in the daylight.
I can feel her control slipping as she writhes, and I'm about to take over when her hand stops mine just as I feel her muscles squeeze around us.
I watch, dumbfounded, as she gets up, squealing when her feet touch the cold floor while she walks across the room, and then she bends down, giving me a majestic view of her ass. If I weren't already hard, that would definitely do the trick. She runs back toward me with my wallet in her hand, already rummaging through it. I laugh at her shaky hands when she tries to rip the condom package open with her slippery fingers.
“Shut up, you ass,” she says, but she smiles too, then rips the package with her teeth, and puts it over my erection.
She straddles my hips, and I watch her, amused, and fucking turned on, as she takes my cock into her hand, gives it a few urgent pumps that make me suck in a sudden breath, and then she guides it to her entrance and sinks down on it.
“Fuck,” I mutter, as my head falls back on the pillow, my palms grabbing for the sheets underneath me. She takes my hands and places them on her hips and then she lifts herself up, ever so slowly, throwing her head back, and sinks back down.
Then she doesn't move.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I ask her through clenched teeth, trying not to move either, but it's really, really hard.
Pun intended.
“Savoring,” she says, looking at me through her lashes. She leans over, her hair creating a curtain around our heads and kisses a trail from my chin to my lips, and I kiss her back, drowning the moan I expected when I thrust my hips upwards because I'm positive she'd never have moved otherwise.
“Again,” she whispers into my mouth so I do it again, then again when she asks for more, making her bite on my shoulder to keep from calling out. She alternates between moans and sighs every time I sink her down my length. She's holding onto me so tight, clutching onto my shoulders harder with each thrust. I flip us over, capturing her wrists in my hand and stretching her arms above her head, my hips still thrusting, changing rhythm every time I feel like I'm about to explode. My other hand travels up her stomach, over her breast and ends up at her collarbone, my fingers digging into the smooth skin on her neck.
She opens her eyes because she knows I love it when she looks at me as she comes. The intensity in her eyes just about does me in. It’s always like this with her.
She trusts me. I've been keeping her in here, locked up, I've threatened her, I've used her and I've abandoned her. She's suffered more than I care to admit at my hands, and she still trusts me. She knows where this will end, and she trusts me.
I relax my fingers around her throat as she falls apart beneath me. A couple of moments later, I slide one final time deep inside her and then collapse on top of her, burying my head in the crook of her neck. She runs her fingers through my hair, pulling just lightly, then releasing, our chests heaving against each other, our bodies still connected.
“I've never made love to another woman,” I tell her, because I want her to know that. She was never supposed to think she meant nothing, or that anyone could replace her. This fucked up situation is all on me.
“Because you love me.” She says it like it is: a fact. Then she sighs, still trembling underneath me. “And it's not enough.”
I wish it were.
I pull out from her, missing her already as I head to the bathroom to clean up, and then walk around the room picking up my clothes. Thankfully, she drapes the sheet over her body, hiding the temptation from my eyes.
The worst part? She watches me, resigned, as I get dressed and walk to the door. I can actually feel her gaze following me around, but she says nothing. I want her to say something so bad. Just tell me to stay. I pause after I unlock the door, giving her one final chance. Nothing. I get out of the room without looking back, the sound of the lock click piercing my eardrums.
It still rings in my head on the way downstairs. I head into the kitchen, and take out a beer from the fridge and open it. I slump in the chair at the dining room table, and take a swig from the bottle. I can still feel her wrapped around me, begging me to fuck her again, and again, and again.
I sit there, staring at nothing, I don't know for how long. I always hated the look of indifference on her face when I left without a word, making me feel like I was just a pawn, playing by her rules. Tonight, I'd have welcomed it.
Tonight, I feel like I betrayed her.
Betraying my family, betraying myself, and, now, betraying her. I'm a fucking traitor to everything and everyone.
And Hayley? What a fucking mess. Rationally, I know I can't blame her. I used her, she knows that, and she still stood by me. And I know she meant well, but telling Leighton God knows what . . .
I throw the beer bottle across the room, smashing it against the wall.
“Fuck,” I mutter, watching it shatter, the sound piercing the silence. Beer splashes everywhere.
I rub my palm over my face, forehead to chin. It's for the best, I decide. So fucking complicated.
I get up and head to my room. A figure stands at the top landing, watching me climb the stairs. My uncle takes me in from head to toe, my hair disheveled, my shirt unbuttoned, and my feet bare.
“Devon,” he says when I reach him, and puts a hand on my shoulder, squeezing. It pisses me off. I don't know why. It's . . . so fucking manipulative.
I continue climbing the stairs to the third floor.
LEIGHTON
A soft sigh escaping my lips, I roll onto my stomach. The sheets still smell like him, hours after he's been gone. I’ve barely moved from this bed, except to have a shower and dress in an oversized T-shirt.
I keep replaying Devon's words over and over in my head. I had no idea. I’ve had a crush on Devon for as long as I can remember. I don't even recall the first time I saw him, he was just always there. I'd see him around now and again, and he was the most handsome man I'd ever laid eyes on. And, I'll admit it; I fell for the enigma.
Devon had a presence about him. He exuded power, confidence and capability. But sometimes, when he thought no one was watching, I caught the brokenness in his eyes. I wanted to wipe away that look, to fix everything that was wrong.
He made me feel things no one else could. I've had boyfriends, but none of them could compare. Every time his eyes found me I felt like I was on fire.
So, when I saw him that night standing across the street, his intent gaze on me, I knew it was my chance, and I took it. I wanted him badly, I always have. I didn't expect him to follow me; he never had before.
One taste had me wanting more. The things that man could do to me . . . I was ruined for every other guy. Our secret continued, and we would have sex any chance we could, in any place we could without getting caught. The whole time I was with Devon I didn’t even look at another man. I just wasn’t interested. What I had with him wasn’t ideal, but I took what I could, and waited for him to give me more. I was that desperate for him.
I was sure he felt the same. And when he stopped showing up, I was confused.
Two weeks later, I was devastated because I realized that this . . . thing we had? He didn't want it anymore. And I didn't even expect I'd miss his silence.
After a month I was just pissed.
I knew we didn’t have the ki
nd of relationship where I could expect an explanation, but I didn’t give a shit. I deserved an explanation; I needed one. After a while, I blamed myself. Essentially, I propositioned him. I was available to him anytime he wanted me. Anytime he came to me, I gave him whatever he wanted. My body, and, unknown to him, my heart.
I love Devon. I’ve always loved him, and I probably always will, for as little time as I have left to live.
And it doesn’t even matter. My love is inconsequential. It doesn’t change a thing.
In fact, it only makes everything worse.
I run my fingers through my hair, and tug on it. Devon’s leaving after what just happened speaks volumes. We might not be able to stay away from each other, but at the end of the day, it’s business as usual. The most fucked up thing about this whole mess? I keep staring at the door, willing him to come back to me, to hold me in his arms. He thinks I’m his weakness? He is more than my weakness.
And he holds my life in his hands, and he's going to just take it. I won't be a fool again to think this changes anything.
I wipe away the tear streaking my cheek, my eyes still fixated on the door. And then he's standing in front of me, an undecipherable look on his face. Wordlessly, Devon slips back into bed with me. He slides his arm under my neck, and pulls me into his body, spooning me from behind.
It hurts so much, melting into his embrace like everything is normal. But it's not real. And I still turn around and nuzzle his cheek, and then I let his warmth lull me to sleep.
eleven
LEIGHTON
“What a way to wake up,” I say, trying to catch my breath. I glance down at Devon who lifts his head up from between my legs. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, a cocky grin curving his lips. He kisses his way up my body, ending at my lips, and then he slumps into the bed next to me. I lie there lazily, enjoying the sated satisfied feeling you get after having an intense orgasm.