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Copyright © September 2010, Michelle Marquis
Cover art by Dara England © September 2010 Amira Press, LLC
Charlotte, NC 28227
www.amirapress.com
ISBN: 978-1-936279-46-3 No part of this e-book may be reproduced or shared by any electronic or mechanical means, including but not limited to printing, file sharing, and email, without prior written permission from Amira Press.
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To the vampire fans
Chapter One The house looked like it had been vacant for about a year. The lawn was a mixture of grass and weeds and some spots were just plain dirt. If a structure could look sad, this house definitely fit the bill. Joan Leon double checked the address scrawled on the back of a Burger King bag. She twisted around from the driver’s seat and looked at her helpers, Mac and Kip, sitting in the back. Kip was a really large white man and Mac, an African American like herself, appeared mighty uncomfortable squeezed into the space next to him, but Joan had offered him the front seat and Mac had refused. So there you go. Her conscience was clear. Mac didn’t want the front because he was afraid someone might spot him in her car and he’d lose his job as a Cisco programmer. Most people in town knew who Joan was and what she did as a hobby…or at least what she tried to do as a hobby.
Joan got out of the car and left the door open. “You gentlemen ready?” Kip squeezed out of the back seat and held up a small wooden stake. It was a little small and looked more like something one would use for landscaping rather than vampire hunting. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
Joan had to concentrate to understand him because he never enunciated his words very well. Kip had a speech impediment that always made him sound like he was talking through a mouth full of cotton.
“I’m ready too,” Mac said, climbing out of the back and going through a series of stretches. Mac was wearing colorful Bermuda shorts and a white Tshirt. He looked more like he was going to run a 10K than to hunt down a vampire.
Joan glanced up and down the street. It was Sunday morning and there wasn’t a car in sight. “Where are Lucky, Lucy and Bill? I got an email from them last night saying they’d meet us here.”
Mac strapped a homemade wooden knife to his leg. “They left voicemail messages on my cell real early. Bill couldn’t make it. He had to watch the kids. Lucky had a Gout flair up and Lucy had to stay home with Lucky to nurse him through his Gout.”
Joan couldn’t believe it. She put her hands on her hips and let her mouth hang open in mock surprise. “You know, when they agreed to join this vampire hunting group, they knew they were going to have to hunt vampires. To date, none of those guys have met us for even one of these.”
“Guys and a gal,” Kip corrected.
“What?” Joan asked.
“Well, technically, it’s two guys and a…um…gal. Lucy is a woman,” Kip said, stating a fact Joan already knew. He’d been copying Mac’s stretches, which only made him look ridiculous. Joan wanted to shove the big man over into the street for aggravating her, but she was afraid he’d hurt himself.
Joan shook her head. Why did she have to be the leader of a bunch of clowns? She nodded impatiently. “Umm… Okay, good point. Thanks.”
“I can’t really blame them for being no-shows. To be perfectly honest, Joan,” Mac said with a lopsided smile, “this is the first credible tip you’ve gotten.”
She stiffened, certain Mac was questioning her expertise, which he better as hell not be. This may be a hobby, but she wasn’t an amateur either. “That may be true, but this is not my first hunt.”
Kip dug his thumbs into the waistband of his pants and tugged them up a fraction of an inch. “It’s not, huh? So how many hunts have you been on?”
“A few.”
Mac squinted at her. “Exactly how many is a few?”
“A few.” The truth was, she had been on two. But, unfortunately, she’d never actually watched anyone kill the vampires they found. Most of the expedition was focused on finding the vampire, running and screaming. “Can we just go inside? We’re wasting daylight here.”
Mac glanced at the sky. “What are you talking about? It’s morning. We’ve got at least eight hours.”
She frowned. “Can we argue later? I don’t know about you two, but I’d really like to get inside and find the vamp. I didn’t come here to spend my Sunday fighting out in the street like a pack of teenagers.”
Mac walked off. Kip shrugged and followed Mac down a narrow garden path that led to the backyard. The backyard was even worse than the front. A kid’s swing set sat rusting in the middle and there was broken machinery and other junk spread all around. The backdoor was ajar and Joan felt a growing sense of unease. Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all.
Joan had started this vampire hunting club last year for some fun and excitement, and things had started out good. She managed to recruit, first Kip, a science fiction and horror fanatic; Lucky and Lucy, the strange retired couple who swore up and down they’d been abducted by aliens while visiting New Mexico; Bill, who’d attended the first meeting and never come again,; Mac, a middle-aged computer geek who was actually halfway decent at this, and, of course, herself.
But soon after the group had formed, Joan realized that finding vampires to kill was actually really hard work. For one thing, no one took them seriously. Ads in the newspaper for tips on vampire sightings only yielded pranks and false leads. Months were spent chasing homeless people and various other kooks.
But this time was different.
This time, Joan was sure she had a good, solid lead. A young clerk from the local occult book store had tipped her off that someone had been to this vampire’s house and had actually seen the vamps doing their bloodsucking thing. She had a good feeling about this one.
Mac led the way inside, stepping over rotten wood that had collapsed from the doorframe. He gestured to a few sharp, rusted nails sticking out so her and Kip would watch their step. They passed through the kitchen, which smelled like mold and damp rot, and made their way into the hallway. Two of the bedroom doors were closed, making the hallway unusually dark for morning. Joan was starting to have second thoughts about this.
“Maybe we should come back with the others,” she said in a harsh whisper.
Mac turned around and stared at her. “Well, I’ll be damned. Don’t tell me you’re going to go all chicken shit on me now.”
“No, I’m just thinking it might be safer if we―” Before she could finish her sentence, Kip forced open one of the bedroom doors. He made so much noise that, if there was anyone in the house, they couldn’t help but know there were intruders. She sure hoped there were vamps here because, otherwise, whoever did live here was probably speed dialing the police.
“Kip!” Joan said through clenched teeth.
Mac and Kip ignored her protests and came into the bedroom. The windows were covered with dingy brown sheets that kept out some, but not all, of the morning light. A stench of old body odor assaulted them. Lying on a filthy mattress was a body.
Mac pulled out his wooden knife. It was just as pathetic as Kip’s tiny wooden stake. “Hey!”
The body moved and then coughed a few times. This was no vamp, couldn’t be. Vamps didn’t cough. Joan felt her guts drop. Here we go again chasing another colossal waste of time.
“Fuck off,” the figure said. He sounded like an old drunk.
“Who are you?” Kip asked.
“I’m the fucking President of the United States,” the drunk barked.
“Now kindly get the hell out of the oval office.”
Kip looked around as if they might actually be in the oval office. “Look, you guys,” Joan said, trying hard to keep the disappointment out
of her v
oice. “This is obviously another false lead. There are no vampires here. Come on, let’s go.” The drunk rolled over to face them. His face was covered in gin blossoms and his hair, what was left of it, was a rat’s nest. “You all looking for vampires?”
“Yeah,” Mac said half-joking. “You seen any?” “Isn’t that one right behind you?” the drunk asked.
Everybody turned around.
Sure enough, it was a vamp, and she was a terrifying sight. Her long red
hair was wild around her pale face and her eyes glowed with red infernal light. She was standing in front of the door, staring at them like they were lambs to the slaughter. The vampire pulled her lips back in an evil smile. “Vampire hunters,” she said, letting the S in hunters come out like a hiss.
Kip, Mac and Joan all rushed for the window over the bed at once, trampling the drunk. He screamed curses at them, but they were beyond caring. All they wanted to do was escape. The thing that saved them was Kip’s generous girth. In a blind panic, Kip threw all his weight against the window and knocked it off its track. The window fell outward and, before Joan knew what was happening, Kip had thrown himself out and into the backyard. Mac was next, disappearing behind the brown makeshift curtain until Joan was the only one left.
The vampire lunged at her, but Joan was a split second faster. Shoving the drunk aside, she vaulted out the window and fell shoulder first onto the ground outside. The next thing she heard was the drunk screaming for the vampire to get away from him. Joan sprinted out of the yard and headed right for the car. Once there, she was surprised to see that both Mac and Kip had opted to run down the street instead of wait for her. Nice of them to make sure she was okay.
Joan stuck her fingers in her mouth and whistled as loud as she could. The two men stopped, turned, and ran back to the car. They bumped into each other a few times as they sprinted, reminding her of the Keystone Cops from those old black and white films. The whole thing was turning into a bad comedy, or maybe it had been one from the start.
When everyone was in the car and she was driving away, Kip said, “Sorry about leaving you back there, Joan, but that vamp got the drop on us. I figured you’d be okay, though. I didn’t think she’d hurt another girl.”
Joan glared at him in the rearview mirror. “Spare me.”
“Are you okay?” Mac asked, contrite.
Oh, now they give a crap. “Great. Fine. Wonderful. Never better.” “Next time we’ll be better prepared,” Kip said as he stared out the
window. Joan ran one hand over her forehead, trying to soothe away an emerging headache. She wanted to be mad at them, but it took too much effort. Maybe they just needed better training. But how the heck did you train people to hunt vampires? “Yeah, next time.”
A few minutes passed, then Mac said, “Hey, Joan, can you drive through Taco Bell. I’m starved.”
A part of her wanted to tell him to shut the hell up, but what was the use of staying mad? Maybe they could try the house again in a few days and have better luck. “You want Taco Bell too, Kip?” Joan asked. Her tiny headache was wearing off now.
“Yeah, that’d be good.” He let out a huge sigh. “Wonder why that vamp lady was walking around in the daytime like that. I thought vampires slept during the day.”
“Maybe that was her lair,” Mac said.
Joan puzzled over that, too, for a moment. It was weird of the vampire to be walking around during the day. “I guess that tip wasn’t a dud after all,” Joan said, more to herself than anyone else.
Kip shifted around noisily in his seat. “Hey, maybe we should call the cops about the vamp attacking that drunk guy.”
“He’s beyond any help they can give him,” Mac said. “That vampire lady probably sucked all the blood out of him and left his carcass in the alley.”
“Nice.” Joan drove up to the Taco Bell window and gave their order, wondering if there was any danger of that female vampire coming after them. Gooseflesh rose up on her arms. That vampire lady now knew what they all looked like. Why would that vampire waste her time with us? We never had enough time to actually do anything. She’s probably getting into her coffin at this moment for a nice daytime sleep. I’m sure we’re safe enough.
Chapter Two Severus came home from a rock concert to find his old friend, Myra, waiting for him. The female master vampire was flipping through the meager cable offerings with her lips in a tense line. He pulled off his leather jacket, threw it over a chair and kissed her on the cheek.
“Myra, darling, it’s so nice to see you again,” he said, taking a seat next to her. “What brings you here?”
“I need some help with a little problem I’m having,” she said, turning off the TV.
“You know I’d do anything for you. What’s your problem?”
“It seems that there is this young woman who’s formed a silly band of so-called vampire hunters. They break into vampire lairs, smash around like a herd of rhino, and generally make pests of themselves.”
“I don’t understand. Why don’t you take care of them yourself?”
“Because I don’t want to be bothered with them. They’re not really dangerous, just a pain in the ass. The ringleader is a young, black woman by the name of Joan something-or-other. She assembled her current team, if you can call them that, from an ongoing ad in the newspaper classifieds. I was hoping, if you could capture this woman and teach her a lesson, the rest would disperse and that would be the end of them.”
“Do you know anything else about her?”
“Just what I managed to pick up through the rumor mill. Basically, she’s a lonely girl with the most discouraging taste in men. Her two former boyfriends were mostly immature boys who dumped her after a few weeks. Her parents passed away a few years ago and she has one sister who she doesn’t really speak to. She lives in a tiny apartment above a liquor store and, except for her vampire group, pretty much sticks to herself.” Myra paused and smiled at him coyly. “I know how much you love toying with the humans. This woman would be the perfect plaything. She’s pretty much alone in the world. No one would miss her. Won’t you please handle her for me?”
Frightening young women was something of a favorite pastime for Severus. It heightened the thrill of sex. Myra knew this particular favor would be right up his alley. He sat down next to her and twisted a lock of her red hair around his index finger. “What if this woman falls hopelessly in love with me?”
Myra laughed. “All the better, but watch yourself. She’s very attractive. You might be the one to fall in love with her.” She smiled. “That would be a laugh. The great heartbreaker finally collared by a conquest. No matter what you think, you’re not totally immune to love, Severus.”
Losing his heart wasn’t very likely. Severus was a notorious playboy. Everyone knew how quickly he first acquired, then discarded his women. The notion he might fall in love with anyone was a joke in itself. He grinned and winked at her. “You’re right. Taking this job on is a big risk. What if the impossible happened and I did fall in love with her? If I do this for you, you’ll have to owe a favor.”
Myra placed her hand on the side of his face. “You know I’d do anything for you.” They kissed sweetly for a moment. Then, Myra pulled back and stood up. She pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket and handed it to him. “This is the address of their hangout. They meet at the Rags warehouse every week. This should be very easy since there are only three of them. Good luck, Severus, and thank you.”
He stretched his arms across the back of the couch. “You think I’ll need luck against these misfits?”
“No, but who knows? This young lady just might be the one to melt that icy heart of yours.”
Severus laughed. “It’ll be a snowy day in Hell first.”
“I’ll make sure to bring my coat.”
Chapter Three It was nightfall.
Joan rushed through the evening streets, late for her meeting. She jaywalked across a narrow, one-way alley and almost got run over by a grocery truck. I
t honked its annoyance and Joan flipped him the bird. Glancing at her watch, she grimaced. She was really late now. The Rags warehouse was just up ahead so she covered the rest of the distance at a quick jog. Joan sprinted around to the alley entrance and banged on the ancient steel door. Her purse slipped off her shoulder and she flung it back up with an exaggerated flair.
“Who is it?” said a voice from behind the door.
“It’s Joan.”
The door creaked open like an amusement park haunted house. Mac stood back from the entrance and gave her a warm smile. “We were starting to think you weren’t coming.”
She headed to the meeting room and Mac fell in behind her. “So was I. I had to work late. Is everybody here?”
“Almost. Bill had to babysit his kids.”
Joan rolled her eyes. Inside the meeting room, which was actually a sparsely furnished managerial office with dusty floors, were three others. There was Kip, Lucky and his wife, Lucy, and of course, her and Mac. She shrugged off her sweater, tossed it on a side table, and placed her purse on the pile. “I’m sorry I’m late, everyone.” She picked up a piece of chalk and went to the blackboard with a big sigh to help calm her nerves. “Okay. Any new leads?”
Lucy took out a wrinkled notepad and leafed noisily through the pages. “We have an unconfirmed vamp sighting in Tampa, two in Saint Pete, and one in Orlando. But my sources tell me the Orlando sighting is just a local crackpot with porcelain fangs.”
Joan wrote all the information on the board, then took a step back to admire her handiwork. “Any others?” She scanned the group, looking for signs of life.
Kip raised his hand.
“Yes, Kip?” Joan said.
The man shifted his bulk in the chair and took a deep, labored breath. When he spoke, his thick tongue made it difficult to understand him. “I heard rumors my neighbor was a vamp, but I can’t confirm that.”
“Do we have any confirmed sightings?” Joan said, exasperated. No one would think this group was composed of professional vampire hunters. They looked like a bunch of science fiction convention geeks.
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