by Jamie Beck
He heard Avery gasp yet he couldn’t look at her. He bent over, elbows on his knees, and looked at the ground. “The doctor said it wasn’t my fault, but it haunted me for a long time. Had I been too aggressive that night in bed? Had I pushed her too hard to be active on the slopes and hiking trails over the years because that’s what I loved to do? How had we missed the symptoms? So many questions. So much grief. But nothing—no answer—would bring her back.”
A gentle breeze wafted through the air, lifting the edges of Gray’s heavy bangs. He traced her name over his wrist. “After we buried her, I couldn’t stand to be in Truckee anymore. So I took off for Utah, then kept running. Kept moving.”
“I’m so sorry, Grey.” Avery’s eyes were teary. “That’s devastating.”
Rolling his shoulders to ease the tension, he straightened up and sank back into the bench.
“It was. For a long time, I had no interest in women. Of course, eventually I realized I couldn’t live the rest of my life without them either.” He grinned when Avery blushed. “I got the tattoo to remember Juliette and the love we shared, but I hide it because the loss still hurts even after all these years. I’ve dated around, met one or two women I remember more fondly than the rest. But, as you know, it’s not easy to fall in love.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Anyway, that’s my story.” Grey rubbed his forehead and sighed. Retelling—no—reliving that nightmare always wiped him out. He peered at Avery, who looked flushed. He’d come clean, now it was her turn. “So, how about you? Are you going to give your ex another chance?”
“No.” Avery shook her head, looking a bit surprised by his question. Grey was thankful to hear her certainty. “I’m not interested in ‘Matt and Avery 2.0.’ Our relationship was nothing like what you shared with Juliette. I’ve never had anything like that, actually. Never felt so connected or certain or . . . or loved. You’re lucky.”
“Guess I am.” He sure hadn’t felt lucky when she died, but he was grateful for the years they had shared. Telling Avery about Juliette had been a calculated risk, but the payoff could be worth it if she were willing to take that plunge with him. He dipped his head to force her to look at him. “For a long time I felt hopeless, like I’d never recapture that magic with anyone else. Lately, though, I’ve been more optimistic.”
She didn’t blink. Her lips parted slightly, her chest rose and fell with each breath. Time slowed. Kiss her. But this time he wanted to do it right. His heart thumped hard as his hand reached across the bench toward her and he slowly leaned in, but then she flushed and shifted away.
“Thank you for sharing Juliette’s memory with me. Obviously she must’ve been quite special to have won your heart so completely.” Avery’s forehead wrinkled as she looked away. “What woman could compete with that history?”
Someone completely different from Juliette but equally compelling, just like you.
“Avery—” he began, sensing from her quick rise off the bench that his past was scaring her away instead of pulling her close.
“I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I’ve got to run, Grey.” She jumped up and started walking backward. “Call me if you have any questions about those exercises.”
And then she was gone.
Chapter Thirteen
“What’s got you whistling?” Avery tossed her keys on the counter and grabbed an iced tea from the refrigerator, wishing for ten minutes of privacy—like, ever. Just ten minutes alone to think about why she abandoned Grey on that bench.
“Started working at Emma’s today. Feels good to have something else to think about besides the lawsuits.” Andy joined her in the kitchen and dug his hand into the M&M’S jar on the counter. “And Emma’s such a softie. Nicest boss I’ve ever had.”
Avery poked his chest, latching onto a welcome distraction. “Don’t you dare take advantage of her.”
He slapped her hand away, looking appalled. “I’d never do that. I can’t believe you’d even say something like that.”
“Sorry.” Avery stroked his arm. “I was half teasing.”
Andy nodded and tossed back his fistful of chocolates. The whispers and gossip had taken a toll on her already-sensitive brother’s self-esteem. Maybe now that he had a purpose and some ability to contribute to household expenses again, he’d start feeling better.
“What do you want to do for dinner? Eat in, order takeout?” She scanned the refrigerator again, looking for something resembling food. Milk, OJ, iced tea, blueberries, lettuce, eggs, and a big hunk of Manchego cheese. Not a lot of options.
“Chinese takeout? I’ll share some sesame chicken and spring rolls,” he said after scooping a second handful of candy and closing the lid. “By the way, brace yourself. Mom and Dad are coming to visit again soon.”
“Oh.” Avery sighed at the thought of spending more time under the same roof with her dad. “When?”
“Not sure. I think Mom’s trying to squeeze in a ‘nice’ trip before the criminal trial.”
Criminal trial. The words still sliced through her heart like a Chinese star. She shouldn’t be wasting her time whining about her future happiness when Andy’s was in jeopardy.
Avery hugged her brother, fiercely proud of him for having the courage to take responsibility, to get a job, and to joke with her when he must be terrified. “I still think your lawyers will work out some kind of last-minute plea bargain.”
“We’ll see.” He patted her back and then eased away. “I’m going to shower. Got a little sweaty from moving furniture and sanding crown moldings. Whoever painted the place last time just layered paint over old caked stuff. Awful job. Can’t believe she paid for such crappy work.” He shook his head as he meandered toward his room.
Avery sank into the sofa and ordered their dinner, then turned on the television. Anything to keep from thinking about her family’s troubles or Grey’s tragic love story.
A loss like that—and the way it happened—well, no wonder he’s always touching that tattoo. Although she’d been curious to learn more, she’d been too overwhelmed and afraid to pry. Juliette. Such a pretty name. Was the girl as pretty? Grey hadn’t mentioned anything about her appearance other than noting she’d been cute when they’d first met.
Would he really have gotten married so young, to the only girl he’d ever dated? It seemed incredible, but she’d known of other people marrying their childhood sweethearts. Especially in small towns like Sterling Canyon and Truckee.
Grey’s eyes had taken on a dreamy quality when he’d talked about Juliette.
Kind and gentle and everything good.
Avery considered herself a decent person, but doubted anyone would ever use such words to describe her. For better or worse, she took more after her dad with his can-do approach, controlled emotions, and lack of romanticism. God, that unwelcome realization stung.
She closed her eyes, trying to envision a thirteen-year-old version of Grey—scrawny and bullied because of a learning disability—and the sweet girl whose compassion had captured his heart. Talk about a romantic. Grey might rival Kelsey in that department.
Any woman who got involved with him now would be competing against a ghost—a saintly ghost, if Grey’s tone of voice conveyed how he thought of Juliette.
Although he wasn’t a cad like so many other skiers she knew, he remained equally unattainable. No way could she live up to his expectations of love. That kind of love only comes around once in a lifetime.
For her, maybe never.
Until today, that admission had never, ever caused an aching longing.
Andy reappeared and flicked the top of her head as he passed behind the sofa. “Dinner here yet?”
“No.”
She watched him set up plates and flatware at the island. Domestic, like their mom. Somehow that gene had passed her by, too. In fact, most of her mother’s genes, including her soft heart
, went to Andy.
“Hey, I heard Jonah got fired today.” Andy’s expression turned grim as he folded napkins. “Add him to the list of people whose lives I’ve wrecked.”
Whether her hopelessness about Grey or her dawning recognition of similarities with her dad had worked her into a tizzy, she couldn’t say. But it didn’t matter, because Andy’s remark tipped her over the edge. Fueled the need to regain control of her life, and the lives of those she loved.
“Stop it.” Avery stood and approached the kitchen. “Jonah ignored the fact that you were all getting bombed. He lost his job because of what he did. You have more reason to be angry with him than the other way around. If he had done his job properly, maybe you wouldn’t have gotten in that accident. He could have called you a cab. Not to mention what could’ve happened to all the other really intoxicated people he let walk out the door that night.”
Andy shrugged. “Maybe. Guess we’ll never know. Bottom line, I was drunk and I tried to drive. I hurt someone, too. That’s all on me.”
“And you’re taking responsibility. Your license is suspended. You’re facing criminal prosecution. You don’t need to add feeling guilty about Jonah to the list, okay?” As usual, feistiness resuscitated her previously flagging mood.
“Okay, boss.” He grinned while filling two water glasses and setting them at the table. “So, what’s going on with you and Matt? You must be feeling grateful toward him, because Grey’s suit against the OS could mean we won’t lose this house.”
“There isn’t any guarantee.” Avery sat at the island. She had no idea what kind of expenses Grey had racked up, or how much income he’d lost, but given his current diet, she assumed they were significant. As for Matt, well, that was a nonstarter. “And PS—Matt’s help now doesn’t erase the past. I don’t hate him, but I don’t love him. Maybe I never really did.” She picked at the napkin, avoiding her brother’s contemplative stare.
“Yeah, I kinda thought that might be the case.” He drummed his hands on the counter, antsy.
“Really?” She sat back, surprised by his remark. “You never thought I loved him?”
“You weren’t all that devastated when he left. Your pride took a hit, for sure. Man, you were pissy. Stunned. A little dazed. But you never seemed heartbroken.” He reached across the island and tickled her arm. “Then again, you’ve never been a girl to fall apart over a broken heart.”
She felt herself glowering as she slapped his hand away. “If that’s true, it’s partly your fault!”
“My fault?” Andy pressed his hands against his chest as he laughed. “How so?”
“How many times did you warn me that guys were only interested in one thing? That I shouldn’t trust them? You made me so wary.”
“I was trying to protect you in high school, Ave. And believe me, I wasn’t wrong about horny teenaged boys.”
“Well, your honesty killed any romantic dreams I might have had.” Okay, so maybe she’d overstated a tad.
“You’re actually pouting. That’s pretty funny, sis.” Andy tilted his head, studying her. “If you want to blame me, go ahead. ’Cause it couldn’t possibly be anything you did or didn’t do. Not like overthinking every step of a relationship might kill the passion, right? Keeping a lid on your emotions wouldn’t make the other person feel you’re not all in, would it? Being like Dad and viewing compromise as a four-letter word might not make you the easiest partner, would it?”
Thankfully the doorbell stopped the discussion, because Avery didn’t have any quick comebacks to Andy’s remarks.
She tossed her wallet at him, pointing toward the door. Once he’d gone to pay for their dinner, she rubbed her temples.
Had Avery fought so hard against turning into her mother that she’d somehow ended up becoming just like her dad?
Four nights later, Avery parked around the corner from On The Rocks. Somehow she’d let Kelsey rope her into Ladies’ Night. One drink. One drink was all she’d promised.
Kelsey thrived on flirtatious banter with random men. In contrast, Avery had never been comfortable in that environment. She’d preferred something more personal and, well, elevated, for want of a better word.
She checked her hair and makeup—what little she wore—in the rearview mirror before walking into the bar.
The din of rambunctious chatter competed with the DJ’s tunes. She elbowed her way through the crowd toward the bar, where she expected to find Kelsey surrounded by at least three men.
Only two. Surprising.
“Hey!” Kelsey waved, flashing a gigantic smile. She’d dolled up tonight, sporting a snug pair of jeans and sparkly wrap top. Kelsey had quite the bombshell figure. Sexy and feminine, if somewhat curvier than contemporary ideals. The two men standing beside her clearly admired her assets. “Saved you a seat. Meet Dylan and George, from Montrose.”
“Montrose? What brings you two all the way down here midweek?” Avery slid into the barstool next to Kelsey, feigning interest.
“Working construction on some big shot’s vacation home just outside of town.”
“Which one?” Kelsey asked. “Might be one of my former clients.”
“Mitchell Westwood. Ten-acre ranch property.”
Kelsey’s eyes lit up. “Yes, I sold Mitchell that old ranch house. His wife is sweet. So they’re starting the remodel?”
“Tear down and new construction. Six-thousand-foot post-and-beam project.”
“Wow, should be stunning.” Kelsey leaned closer to Dylan, or George—whoever.
Avery paid for her half-price martini and surveyed the scene, paying little attention to her friend and the two men whose attention remained rather glued to Kelsey’s chest. As she scanned the room, she happened to catch sight of a very tall, dark-haired man in a cowboy hat strutting through the door. Trip.
Her pulse kicked up a notch when she noticed Grey just behind him, looking almost as out of place as she felt. His intentionally disheveled, wavy hair hung sexily across his brows, partially obscuring his eyes. His lips were the only soft thing amid the sharp, masculine lines of his face. Even when set in a firm line, their fullness drew her eye.
The last time she’d seen him, she’d run away. Each time he’d tried to get close and open up to her she’d basically shut him down. Part of her wanted to dive-bomb into his arms. But the bigger part cowered, because she feared both failure and success. Rejection would hurt, no doubt. But she’d bounced back from rejection before and could do it again.
What scared her more was how she’d not only bent ethical rules for Grey, but now her affection for him also had her dismissing major family conflicts, and being dishonest with one of her dearest friends. Once again, she’d begun to lose her identity for a man. How’d she let herself go there again?
She turned toward the bar and gulped her martini, her heart beating a little too fast. Straightening her shoulders, she tamped down the butterflies in her gut and donned a smile for Kelsey and the guys, who were still discussing Mitchell Westwood’s project.
As soon as he entered the bar, Grey knew he’d made an error. Instinctively, he lowered one hand to shield his bad knee from getting kicked or shoved by the throng. Fortunately, Trip’s size and appearance tended to part the crowd, so Grey stayed in his friend’s wake and made it to the bar without injury.
Trip ordered a pair of IPAs and then faced the crowd with his elbows resting on the bar. “Not bad. Not bad at all for a Wednesday night.”
Grey grunted, knowing Trip’s laser-like eyesight would quickly identify his prey. “Ah, and the entertainment factor just jumped by about twenty degrees.”
“Why?” Grey craned his neck to try to see what Trip did, but he couldn’t compete with the five-inch advantage.
“Boomerang’s down there at the end of the bar with two guys and your Avery.” He nodded to his left. “Shall we go have a little fun?”
&nbs
p; Grey shook his head, unwilling to interrupt Avery and Kelsey while they were with other men. “You’ve got to stop calling her Boomerang.”
“You named her.”
“I know. But it was rude, and I don’t want anyone to hear us use that name again.”
“Naturally.” Trip stroked an imaginary beard and tossed him a sideways glance. “So are you gonna go after the girl, or are you gonna be a pussy?”
When Grey refused to respond to the insult, Trip began walking away.
Grey grabbed his arm. “Where are you going?”
“I’m not a pussy.” He shrugged free of Grey’s grip. “Stay here if you want.”
“Hey.” Grey reached out again, but Trip twisted away and cut through the crowd with Grey on his heels. “Dammit.”
“Well, look at what I found, Grey. The prettiest girls in town.” Trip smiled, ignoring the men who looked pissed about the intrusion, and turned to Grey. “I told you it would be worth coming out tonight.”
“Trip.” Kelsey’s smile faded as she turned and coolly glanced at Grey. She then made a big show of looking all around him. “So, Grey, is your mystery woman here tonight?”
Grey noticed Avery’s eyes widen and her cheeks flush. She took a huge swig of her drink and looked like she was trying to blend into the background.
“Kelsey.” Grey waved at her then met Avery’s eyes. “Avery.”
“Hi, Grey.” She only managed to eek out two whole words for him. When she turned toward Trip, her expression relaxed. “Trip. Imagine seeing you here on Ladies’ Night.”
“Where else would I be?” Trip inserted himself between Kelsey and Avery, effectively boxing out the other guys.
“Hey, man,” one protested.
“Sorry.” Trip casually swigged his beer. “Didn’t see you there.”
“Trip, Grey, meet George and Dylan, from Montrose,” Kelsey supplied, helpfully.