by Sara Orwig
They ate around a campfire, the woodsmoke smell enticing. Each night now they had tempting slices of beef cooked on a makeshift spit over the fire. Potatoes had been cooked in the fire, and they ate fresh corn bought in town. It should have been delicious, but his appetite was gone. Rachel had changed from the boy’s clothing to a blue gingham dress that revealed her full breasts and tiny waist. She given him only the most impersonal glances, bustling about serving everyone, eating across from him where dancing flames from the fire hid her from his view. And she didn’t seem to care whether he was present or not.
The notion angered him. He wasn’t accustomed to women ignoring him. Never had he loved one who had turned a cool shoulder to him afterwards. She acted as if their loving never happened.
Will Murdock was sitting close to Abigail, both of them with their heads together while they talked. That’s what he should be doing with Rachel. Instead, he couldn’t even see her, much less talk to her. And it didn’t seem to be deliberate. When she had passed him to get more beef from the spit, she had given him a full, rosy smile. It was as if she didn’t care. Or had forgotten. That was impossible. He clamped his lips together, holding a tin cup of cold water in his hand, trying to get a glimpse of her across the flickering firelight. She was sitting between Eb and Josh, so she wasn’t taken up by one of the other men.
Dan wanted to toss the cup of water down and stride across the clearing and turn her around where she had to talk to him.
Standing, he moved impatiently. He carried his dishes to the tub of water, scraping his plate, knowing he was wasting some of the best food he had been served in a long time. He tossed down the water and turned around. She was talking to Josh, balancing a plate on her knees.
Dan strode across the clearing to her. “Care to walk down to the creek, Rachel?” he asked, without giving it forethought. Once said, the idea pleased him, and he reached out his hand. She placed her plate in his hand.
“Thank you. If you’ll take my plate, I’ll see that the rest of the meat doesn’t burn. Josh needs some help. His axe broke today, and I told him you could fix it.” She slid past him and was gone. He looked down at her empty plate. Her appetite was fine. There wasn’t a crumb left. He wanted to smash the plate against the rock. He turned to look at her. She lifted the stick holding the remaining cuts of meat and carried them back to the pan on top of a barrel, pushing the meat off the stick into the pan.
“Rachel said she needs someone to build a table,” Josh said. “Pa said if we’d cut some stout branches for legs, he could build one with some planks, but I can’t cut any branches because my axe broke.”
“Get your axe, and we’ll look at it,” Dan said tightly, trying to keep his annoyance out of his voice.
As Josh ran across the clearing, Dan was plagued with thoughts about Rachel and with worries over getting Pinkerton’s off Eb’s trail. Dan stared across the clearing at Rachel who was laughing at something Oscar was saying to her. Dammit, she acted as if this morning never happened!
“Here’s the axe,” Josh said, handing the tool to him. The handle had broken off at the head, and Dan took out his knife to pry out the old handle. Then he whittled the broken end until it was smooth. As he worked, he glanced across at Rachel who finally finished her chores. The men were going back to work and Eb strode up.
“Getting it fixed?”
“Yes,” Dan answered, “in a minute I’ll be finished.”
“I’ll be down at the barn. There’s enough light from the lanterns to keep working. The sooner we can get a barn and house built, the sooner we can live better.” Eb strode away.
Bending over the axe, Dan knew he needed to join the men working by the light of lanterns. Rachel was out of sight and he didn’t know whether she had gone down to the creek or was in the wagon. He finished the axe and with Josh trailing him, Dan strode to the area they were still clearing. Swinging the axe, he chopped down a small mesquite tree and then handed the tool to Josh. “It’s fine.”
“Thanks, Dan!” Josh said, grinning up at him. “I’m glad you stayed with us.” He took the axe and ran away, returning to a pile of branches that he had been chopping. He stood in the fringe of light from a lantern as he began to chop. Dan’s gaze swung again to the wagon. He couldn’t spot Rachel. Where was she? Clamping his jaw closed, he strode toward the men to go back to work.
It was after midnight when they stopped. The women slept near the wagon while the men would bed down in the center of the clearing. He glanced toward the women, knowing they were all asleep. It was just as well it was his night to stand watch, because he knew sleep would elude him. He moved to the stack of lumber, climbing up where he could have a good view of the surroundings. Along the creek banks the trees were dark shadows, but anyone slipping up on them would have to cross open land where he could spot them.
It was a sliver of a moon, the night still, the earth gradually cooling. Staring at the forms by the wagon, Dan guessed which one was Rachel. She was sleeping as soundly as Lissa. How could she be so indifferent? It was her first time at lovemaking. Why wasn’t she looking starry-eyed like Abigail who had spent every spare moment with Will Murdock?
All Dan’s life women had responded to him. He had known Solange from the time they were both children, and it had always been a mutual love. Solange never had had that fierce independence that Rachel displayed, but Solange had been Southern and protected, her father a descendent of a Frenchman who had settled in Mississippi. Dan stared at the slight form on the ground and remembered today by the creek, Rachel’s sleek, strong body moving against him, her softness enveloping him. He was aroused, wanting her, angry that the whole incident seemed to mean nothing to her.
“Leave her alone,” he whispered, turning his head and gazing all around. “It’s just as well.” Only it wasn’t just as well. It bothered the hell out of him. He wanted her to be anxious to be with him again; he had hoped they could slip away from the others and he could make love to her again. He studied his surroundings. Cottonwood leaves fluttered in a slight breeze and there were soft rustlings of night creatures, otherwise it was still.
He wasn’t going to marry her. He didn’t want that kind of life again, going back to a bank or a business, an office every day. He liked it here where he didn’t feel hemmed in, where life wasn’t a routine filled with papers.
Dan shifted, his gaze going back to the sleeping women. In spite of all the logic, of knowing it was best she wasn’t dazzled and melting with love, he wanted to stride across the clearing and pick her up in his arms and carry her where they could be alone.
“Damn,” he whispered, shifting, his gaze sweeping the area. Dan ran his fingers through his thick hair. What could he do to protect Eb Kearney? What had happened that day between Eb and Alvin Eubanks? It was difficult to imagine Eb losing his temper, impossible to imagine him killing Eubanks. What had goaded him into that violent act?
Nothing on the trail had brought out that reaction in Eb. Not McKissick’s raid or the ambush. Dan rubbed the back of his neck. How could he get Pinkerton’s off Eb’s trail? Would the family move again?
At four in the morning Will Murdock stood up and shook out his blanket, folding it. He crossed to Dan. “Get some sleep. I’ll stand watch.”
“Thanks,” Dan said, standing and stretching. He strode away, getting his blanket and stretching on the ground, wishing he had Rachel. Feeling his nerves quiver in response to the thoughts about her, he wanted her soft curves against him. He ground his teeth together and closed his eyes, trying to shift his thoughts to let his body cool.
The next morning as he stood in the shade of a cottonwood by the creek and shaved, staring at a small shiny piece of tin he had propped on a branch, he cut himself.
“Dammit!” He glared at his reflection. “You fatuous bastard,” he said quietly to the blurred tin image. “You thought she’d be dazzled by you.” Frowning, he wiped blood off his jaw from the cut and tried to concentrate on shaving himself. She was as busy getting
breakfast this morning as she had been cooking supper last night, but once everyone had eaten, she seemed only mildly aware of him. No blushes if he touched her, no quick glances that held looks of longing, Lord knows, no dreamy-eyed stares. He gazed past the piece of tin through the trees in the direction where Eb was beginning to mark off the place for a house.
Dan had to get her alone or go crazy. It hadn’t been a full twenty-four hours since he had held her and loved her and taken her virginity. And he was tied in knots over her and wanting her more than before.
He was no closer to a solution about Eb and he had to think of what course to follow before he discussed it with him. He suspected Eb wouldn’t want to pull up and move on because Eb had spent nearly everything on the new herd and supplies. Yet he had fled for his life before, so he might do it again. And it was the only real solution.
Dan needed to go into town to send a letter to his father. He hated sending his father less money, but if his father knew the circumstances, he would agree with Dan’s decision.
Dan dried his chin and pulled on a shirt, combing his hair and tying a bandanna around his neck. He picked up the tin and his razor and strode back to the others, searching for Rachel.
Chapter 18
Rachel turned thin slices of beef frying in a pan on the fire. She glanced up as Pa appeared, holding out his plate. “Here, Pa. These are done,” she said, serving him and moving the skillet from the fire.
“Rachel, I have to get some things in town. The stove I ordered should be in now.”
“Thank goodness! What a luxury that will be after cooking over an open fire.”
“I’ll leave in an hour if any of you want to go with me.”
“Thanks, Pa. I’ll make a list of what I need for cooking. I’ll go along and take Lissa.” She dropped cuts of beef into the pan, knowing Dan still hadn’t eaten as she glanced around, looking for him.
In minutes Pa set down his empty plate. “Thanks, Rachel. I’ll be ready to go in an hour.”
As he left, she watched him. Late at night when they stopped work and talked during supper, she’d heard him laugh a few times, something she hadn’t heard in years.
She cooked the beef, cleaned up the pan and dishes, and put things away while Josh and Lissa finished eating. Glancing up, she saw Dan sauntering toward her. She was intensely aware of her appearance; she wore the same trousers, a fresh shirt, and her hair was in a braid. She couldn’t look enticing in the male clothing, yet the looks Dan had given her yesterday indicated it wouldn’t have mattered what she was wearing.
“Morning,” he said quietly, studying her.
“Good morning,” she said, giving him a smile and picking up a clean tin plate to serve him breakfast.
“I’ll do that,” Dan said, taking the plate, his fingers brushing hers. He had a spot of blood on his jaw where he had cut himself shaving. His hair was still damp from washing. He looked handsome enough to stir her pulse to a faster rate, but it was the intensity of the expression in his eyes that was so breathtaking. With every glance, she felt as if he were trying to see into her thoughts.
Carrying his breakfast, Dan moved away to sit near Zeb. Finally all the men were gone and she had scrubbed everything except Dan’s plate.
She glanced up as she saw him coming. She clamped her lips together. If she could, she intended to keep him from seeing what effect he had on her. Soon enough he would go out of her life. She might as well get accustomed to doing without him right now. And she wasn’t going to sigh over him and watch him the way Abby did Will.
Watching him stride toward her, she suspected he was accustomed to women doing what he wanted and succumbing to his charm. And she had yielded to him yesterday morning as foolishly and completely as anyone could. She hurt constantly over him, because it was obvious he wouldn’t marry again, didn’t love her, and wasn’t offering anything lasting.
“Thanks for the breakfast,” he said, his voice deep.
“You’re welcome.” She looked down at the washtub she was lifting into place. His hands brushed hers as he took the tub from her. “Where do you want this?”
“I’ll wash down by the creek.”
“I’ll carry it for you.”
“Much obliged,” she said, picking up a basket of wash. “Josh, come along, and I’ll give you your haircut.”
“Aw, Rachel—” Josh protested, frowning at her.
“Let the haircut wait, so I can talk to you,” Dan urged quietly.
“We can talk while I cut his hair,” she replied, her pulse fluttering because of the stormy look in Dan’s eyes.
He stepped in front of her, blocking her path as Josh disappeared from sight. “I want to talk to you alone.”
A faint smile lifted the corners of her mouth. “I don’t want to discuss my decision to stay here. We’ve talked about it enough. You’re not part of my family.”
“No, I’m not, but I can try to stop you from doing something as dangerous as walking through rattlesnakes barefoot.” Setting down the wash, Dan leaned closer, his scowl deepening. “Besides, I want to see you and be with you without everyone else around.”
“I find it easier to do what I know is logical when everyone else is around. Now you move out of my way.”
Dan sucked in his breath, feeling the challenge sizzle in the air between them, as breathtaking and fiery as the first moment he had clashed with her.
“The hell I will until you agree to go where we can talk.”
She made a quick movement to sidestep him. Feeling frustrated, he caught her around her waist. His patience frayed; he wanted her with a raw need. He wound his hand in her hair, jamming her against the back of the wagon, pinning her to it with the weight of his body. His mouth took hers and stopped her arguments. His tongue played over her lips that were clamped shut.
She struggled against him, setting him on fire while her hips writhed and twisted. She moaned softly as her lips parted, and his tongue thrust into her mouth. Yielding, straining against him, she quivered while her hands tangled in his hair over the back of his neck.
Dan shifted, his hand going to her breast to caress her. Blood pounded in his veins and roared in his ears. He wanted to take her hard and fast right here, but he knew anyone could come along. She was yielding to him, instantly yielding and giving with not a shred of remoteness or aloofness. Far from it; her kisses were flaming hot.
While she returned his kiss, her fingers stroked his nape. He pulled away a fraction. “After Josh’s haircut, I want to talk to you alone, down by the creek where we were yesterday.”
“I can’t today,” she murmured, opening her eyes. Passion lighted them, and seared his senses. Gone was the impersonal expression she had been giving him since yesterday. She was ready for love, and the thought heated him another notch. “I’m going to town with Pa.”
“Dammit, then see me when you get back.”
“I’ll be busy getting food for everyone, and there won’t be a good chance.”
“Tomorrow, then!” he snapped, his frustration growing.
“Yes, after noon dinner,” she said softly.
He held her head with his large hand, staring at her. “I wish to hell I knew what’s in your thoughts. What do you feel, Rachel?”
He ground out the words, and Rachel’s heart thudded. He looked angry, his eyes black pools of night. And she prayed he couldn’t guess what she felt or thought, that he wouldn’t see she hurt all over with love for him. She wanted him desperately, wanted his hands on her, his kisses, but how foolish it was to let him love her. Every time now would just bind her heart in a greater constriction and make it hurt worse when he left her.
“Josh is waiting. I better go.”
“You promised to meet me at the creek tomorrow afternoon.”
“I will. I won’t be as busy then and Lissa and Abby nap.”
He touched her cheek lightly with his fingers, and she drew a quick breath, turning her face to brush his knuckles with a kiss.
His e
yes narrowed, and he tilted up her face. “I wish—”
Holding her breath, she waited, but he bit off his words and looked down at her in silence.
“Josh won’t keep waiting, and I need to cut his hair.” She turned and was gone, striding away, trying to ignore the clamorings of her body, the ache deep inside her that wanted Dan, wanted his hard, hot shaft, that wanted the wild moments of rapture they had shared yesterday. She pictured his powerful, muscled body and drew another deep breath, running her fingers across her brow and wiping away beads of perspiration.
She picked up the shears and a towel and headed in the direction of the creek. In minutes she found Josh wading and waited while he came to sit on a stump.
“When I’m a man, I’m not cutting my hair,” he said darkly.
“I hope it doesn’t get tangled in your feet. But then, I don’t think I need to worry. Some pretty girl will come along, and you’ll cut it.”
“No, I won’t! I’m not acting sappy over some girl! What’s the matter with Abby? Is she in love with Will?”
“She might be. You better ask her.”
“Well, she acts like a hog hit by lightning. She stares into space all the time and doesn’t seem to know what’s happening. And she doesn’t make sense to talk to. Why would Will be interested in someone who acts like that?”
“When you’re all grown up, you’ll understand.”
“Will she get over this?”
“She might not as long as Will is around. And don’t try to run him off.”
“I like Will! I don’t know why he wants to talk to someone who can’t make good sense. I’ll never act that way.”
“You sound very certain.”
“I’m certain. You don’t act that way ever. ’Course, you’re old now.”
“Thanks, dear brother,” she replied dryly.
“Well, you are. James said when a girl turns twenty-one and isn’t married, she’s a spinster. He had a spinster aunt who came to live with them. He said she smelled like old flowers and fanned herself all the time.”