by Tracy Lauren
“Like I said, I don’t have time for white noise. This is a whole new world we are in Kate, if I don’t devote myself entirely, who knows what could happen.”
“So, you aren’t giving up then?”
“As long as this injury doesn’t kill me, then I guess not. I can’t. I don’t have it in me to give up.”
“Well, I’ll count that as a win and we can just work on being friends another day,” I tell her. She scoffs in response. “But I agree Allison, this is a whole new world. Don’t waste the opportunity to be more,” I tell her.
“I’m trying as hard as I can Kate, there isn’t room for more.”
Just then, Rennek climbs up onto the branch, startling the shit out of us both.
“Oh my god! Rennek, what the fuck was that all about? Allison’s here injured and you guys decide it’s a good time for a round of grab ass?” I say irritated.
“Grab ass?” He laughs heartily before turning his attention to the matters at hand. “I apologize for the delay Allison, the results from the scanner came in. The venom was mild, the effects should be localized to the wound and should dissipate within a day or so.”
“You couldn’t have told us that before you and Da’vi… did whatever it was you did down there?” I ask.
“If Allison had been in danger that would have been my first priority. Since she was not, I had to make it clear to Da’vi that he is not to raise his voice to my mate--no matter how loudly she howls at him,” he tells me frankly and without regret.
“That’s why you tackled him? I thought you were giving him the what for over the way he has been treating Allison!” I exclaim.
“That matter will have to remain between Da’vi and Allison,” he says, his expression serious and knowing. All I can do is grumble in response.
“Wait, if Da’vi refuses to continue to teach Allison--or…” she eyes her friend, “...if Allison no longer wants Da’vi as her teacher, will you help her learn to take care of herself?” I ask. I have to know this answer, I feel like Allison needs to know this answer before she decides what to do next. She needs to know if she has options.
“In the morning Allison and Da’vi can decide together how they would like to proceed. If their agreement comes to an end, know that I will always do everything in my power to aid your people, my Kate,” he nods to me and to Allison.
“Thank you,” Allison tells him.
“Now you both must rest. I will remain on watch until daylight,” he says firmly.
At first, I don’t think I will be able to sleep after all the adrenaline and worrying of the past hour or so, but sleep seizes me before I realize it and seemingly minutes later Rennek is waking me for the day.
I wipe the drool off my chin and blink my eyes a few times to adjust them to the daylight peeking through the branches above us.
“Are you hungry, my mate?” Rennek asks.
“Mmm, yeah. I just want to check in with Allison first,” I tell him, getting to my feet. But when I stand and look around Allison is nowhere to be seen. “Where’s Allison?” I ask alarmed.
“She and Da’vi left,” he tells me simply.
“Left? What the fuck do you mean, left? Left where? When will they be back?” I demand.
“They did not include me in their conversation, but it seemed they had reached a mutual agreement,” he shrugs and digs into his pack to get some space MRE’s out.
“When will they be back, Rennek?” I ask, starting to get angry.
Smart fellow that he is, he catches onto my angry tone and brings his focus onto me. He wraps his arms around me and nuzzles my hair. “They have their own journey to make, my sweet mate. They will not be back here. They will either join us later at the beacon or seek out the others on the ship.”
“So, they just left? Allison didn’t even wake me to say goodbye or let me know what her plans were,” I ask surprised… well, kind of surprised.
“You are upset at this?” He asks, his voice sweet and concerned.
I sigh and think about my response. “I don’t know. Maybe. Yes? I just wish she would have talked to me before she left. It’s okay she decided to go with Da’vi and all--I wouldn’t have judged her or tried to talk her out of it. I just wish she would have said something before leaving. At least a goodbye. I don’t know, I’m being stupid I guess,” I say rubbing my temples, trying to push away my feelings.
“You care. That is not stupid. It is generous,” he kisses me on my head and looks into my eyes for a long while. “Come, let us eat and then we will continue our journey.” I join him, but my heart is reluctant to let go of the disappointment over Allison not letting me in. I keep thinking I’m making progress and then we’re back to square one.
“So, how far is the beacon?” I ask, trying to steer the conversation to a brighter topic.
“Depends on how we travel. Two days, more if we would like to take our time and explore a bit. Would you still like me to teach you survival techniques?” he asks.
“Huh? Oh god no, I was only going to do that so Allison would have a buddy,” I tell him, causing his deep laughter to reverberate through the surrounding trees. “I mean, I’d like to pick up on stuff. Like, do point out important information so I can start becoming aware of things I should know. Like if you see poisonous bugs or a nest or something I shouldn’t touch, let me know. But as far as the hunting and gutting animals? I’m just going to let you do your thing. That is, if you don’t mind,” I tell him.
“Of course I do not mind, my mate. It is a singular joy to care for your needs,” he tells me with sincerity.
“Well, promise to let me know if you feel like I’m not pulling my own weight. That being said, it’s really nice to be taken care of. I’ve never had that and I just want to kind of revel in it for a bit.”
“You and I are on parallel journeys, Kate,” he says.
“Yeah? How so?” I ask.
“I have the sense that before we met, in a way, you and I were both lost. Since we have come together, our lives have been bound toward something profound. It is as if fate carries us along,” he tells me, sharing his attention with those MRE’s. He reads the labels and chooses one for each of us. “What we lacked in our lives before, we now have in abundance.” He squeezes the food pouch he has chosen for me, kneading it in his hands, then pops a stick-like utensil off the front… it’s like a lone chopstick. He opens the MRE--steam escaping the bag, and hands me my chopstick. He then does the same with his meal. We sit next to each other on the edge of the branch. His solid muscled arm rubs against mine. It is such a familiar and simple touch. We sit in silence and I turn his words over in my head for a bit. He’s right.
“This is nice,” I tell him.
“It is,” he smiles at me. I realize again just what a babe my alien gargoyle is. I’d have never snagged such a hot guy on Earth. I poke at the meat and veggies in my food pouch.
“This is the first chance we’ve had to really be alone,” I point out.
“Alone and not in imminent danger,” he nudges me with his shoulder. “It is nearly a cause for celebration.”
Silence falls and my mind immediately goes to the topic of conversation I have been sweeping under the rug for so long. I take a deep breath. I shouldn’t push it off any longer. This is our chance to figure things out. To figure us out.
“So… maybe we should talk about this mate thing?”
Chapter 39
Rennek
When the sun rose on this day I knew in my core it was the beginning of something wonderful. Da’vi and Allison took their leave of us and I am grateful for it--though I know it troubles my mate. Da’vi and Allison have their own work to do and Kate and I have this day. For today is the first day of the rest of our lives.
It seems as if my senses are alive in a way they never have been before. I trust our path--both the literal one before us and the emotional one between us. With each passing moment I feel my core entwine more deeply with Kate’s. We are woven together so intric
ately now that I know we can never be taken apart. To be without her would be a death sentence for me.
It is no wonder that on this first day of our forever, my mate brings up the topic of us. I am pleased to discuss it. Today is a day of vows.
“I was under the impression we were finished discussing it,” I tease.
“Is that right?” She smiles up at me.
“I bent to your iron will and agreed to be your partner. Has anyone ever told you what a pushy female you are?”
“Haha. You think you’re being funny, but you have no idea how pushy I can be,” she laughs.
“It will be my burden to bear then, to have a female so demanding. You demand I take you to new worlds, demand I hunt for you and feed you, demand I fuck you each night until you swoon in ecstasy...”
“Pfft!” She snorts. “Wow, you take some liberties, don’t you?”
“Hmm, perhaps I do. Or perhaps I find no shame in speaking the truth,” I tell her. I finish my meal and place the packaging aside, she does the same.
“On a serious note though… I would like to understand the meaning of ‘mate.’ What does it mean to you, or for us...”
“Perhaps it would help me if you described what mating is like on your planet. Then, I could tell you if it is the same or if there are differences,” I suggest.
“Oh gosh… that’s a loaded question. Well, it depends on if you’re talking about mating as in sex, or dating relationships in general, or something more serious.”
“What is dating?” I ask her.
“Dating is like slowly getting to know a person and deciding whether or not you like them and if you would like to pursue more from a relationship with them,” she explains.
“That is definitely not what I mean when I call you my mate,” I tell her. “We are beyond that.”
“Oh we are?”
“I already know I like you, my feelings for you are much stronger than like. Though I do look forward to getting to know more about you.”
“Ditto. Er, I mean, me too.”
“What is more than dating?” I ask.
“I don’t know… cohabiting? Like two people living together. Or maybe engagement, which means a commitment has been made to spend forever together, but it doesn’t become official until marriage,” she clears her throat and has difficulty meeting my gaze as she says these things.
“We do live together. You agreed to share a bed with me.”
“I didn’t know if that was a permanent arrangement or based on convenience.”
“Both,” I tell her. “Mating must be very complex on your planet,” earning me another of her beautiful laughs.
“So, we’re cohabiting then? That’s what you mean when you say ‘mate’?” she asks.
“Being mates means that and more. It is a commitment, as your earth engagement is. What is marriage?”
“Marriage is a big deal. You make that commitment not only to your partner, but in a ceremony in front of all your family and friends as witnesses. You say vows to love, honor, cherish… in sickness and in health for all the days of your life. It’s like two people deciding to be family,” she finishes.
“That is the meaning of mate.” I tell her. “We have a similar bonding ceremony, not all mates choose to have the event. But as Tennir mentioned, Madreed will likely insist.” She looks a bit pale at my words.
“On Earth there’s a bit more to it…” she stammers.
“Tell me.”
“Usually the couple dates for years before they decide to get married,” she tells me.
“That is foolish.” Why would one wait so long for what they already know, I wonder?
“Not really… it gives the couple time to really live with each other and get to know all the annoying habits they have… it helps develop trust…”
“You have already said you trust me and you will be happy to know I possess no annoying habits at all.” My mate smiles at me and I see laughter in her eyes.
“Well, you’re right. I do trust you in a lot of ways, I guess. But maybe I should be the judge of your annoying habits.” I know she jokes, but her words wound me.
“You should trust me in all ways.” My tone causes her to still momentarily.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I trust you in many ways Rennek. I trust you to protect us, I trust your instincts and your knowledge. I know you are a good friend, a good captain and a good son. I trust your sincerity with me…”
“But there are ways in which you do not trust me?” I cut through her words, feeling burned in my core at her insinuation. The drumming comes to life again, rolling like thunder within me, but this time it hurts. It is like all the air escapes me.
“I don’t mean to say that. What I mean is… relationships are hard and you might feel one way at the beginning and those feelings change over time. I’m not saying I don’t trust your feelings toward me, I’m just saying we don’t know right now if you’ll feel the same way in a few weeks or a few months or a few years.”
I am dumbfounded at her words. I do not know whether I am angry or hurt. All I know is that she is wrong and I must reveal her error to her. I must somehow get her to understand that I knew from the moment I saw her she would be everything to me until the end of time.
“Kate,” I take her hands in mine. “When I call you my mate, it is forever. Those feelings will never change.”
“I believe you mean that Rennek, but there is no way of knowing. Don’t people get divorced in your culture?”
“I do not know what this is,” I tell her.
“It is when a married couple, or mates, decide they don’t love each other anymore and they agree to end their relationship.”
“Why?” I ask her aghast.
“I don’t know, lots of things… people grow apart, money problems, infidelity. On Earth like half of all couples get divorced. My parents got divorced when I was little, most of my friends growing up had divorced parents. Wait, Tennir and your sister have a different father? What happened to him?” She asks.
“He died! What is this infidelity you speak of? Do you believe I would be unfaithful to you? Or that you might be unfaithful to me?” I bite back a growl at the thought, but my tail betrays me and whips angrily against the tree.
“No! No, I would never! I’m not a cheater!”
“But you think that I might be?” I ask incredulous.
“Of course not,” she says without conviction.
“Speak what is on your mind Kate!”
“Oh god, I’m doing this all wrong,” she shakes her head and covers her eyes for a moment, collecting her thoughts. “Do you know why I was taken Rennek? Why I was abducted in the first place? The best I can tell is I was abducted from my home because no one will miss me. No one will come looking for me or even notice I’m gone. Forgive me if I don’t trust that relationships are forever, because I don’t have any examples of relationships that last forever.”
“Both my parents were unfaithful to each other. They probably only had me as a last-ditch effort to save their marriage and surprise… it didn’t work. My dad checked out when I was little. He didn’t care about a relationship with me and even though my mom got custody of me in the divorce, she had checked out too. I hardly ever even saw her as a kid because she would leave me home alone and go spend weeks on end with her flavor of the month boyfriends.”
“I had to do everything myself: cook dinner, clean the house, do my laundry. Once, the checker at the grocery store called CPS because it freaked everyone out that an eleven-year-old came in every week to do the grocery shopping all by herself.”
“What I’m saying is, relationships are complicated. You don’t know what the future will bring and even the love that is supposed to be the strongest can fail. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just that we can’t know, there’s just no way anyone can know. And that’s why it’s a good idea to take relationships slow.”
I take in her words. I think of Kate as a precious child, left
all alone to care for herself. I think back upon my own youth. I remember how horrified she was when I told her Madreed had sent me away to Javan as a fledgling, but I was not left alone. Javan is where I met my friends. There were teachers and advisors guiding us though every day and every lesson. There were people who were close to me, that cared for me and took care of me. Kate did not have this.
“I hear you my sweet goddess. I will work to earn your trust as a mate and with each passing day you will come to know that what is between us is forever… for all the days of our lives.” She leans into my embrace.
“I do trust you Rennek. Probably more than I’ve ever trusted anyone and whatever this is between us, it’s something I’ve never felt before. I need time though.”