“You know what I said in it. You’ve heard the song.” He looked down at me, his eyes so warm on mine, his body leaning in so close I could feel his breath on my neck as he whispered my name.
“Ana, I love you.” He caressed my cheek, swept his fingers under my chin. I swayed into his touch. It felt so good, after all those months, exactly what I’d been craving every day and every night.
Clicks and flashes rose from all around us, capturing us, capturing celebrities. We couldn’t be in a more exposed setting. But I didn’t feel it. It felt like just me and Ash, finally. Alone together in the middle of all the craziness.
“I’m no good without you, Anika,” he murmured in my ear, his hand weaving its way into my hair. “Without you, I come undone.”
I was glad, then, that I hadn’t had a stylist preparing me for my appearance that night. It was much better this way, with my hair loose and natural. Then Ash could weave his fingers through my hair, touch me, caress me, and I leaned into his hand, my eyes fluttering closed.
Then applause rose from all around us, snapping even the two of us from our world together, as the show began. Huge name after even huger name walked across the stage, some looking great in person, others one Botox shot shy of becoming a plastic doll.
Then came the first category Ash was nominated for, and he won. Then the next, which he won as well. By the fourth time he won, he tugged my hand.
“Come on.” He grinned at me.
“No! I—” But he pulled and I followed and before I knew it, we were both up on stage accepting the award for Top 100 Song.
“She’s the reason for this!” Ash declared, holding up the award with one hand, clasping my hand in his other. “She’s my inspiration. She’s the genius behind the song.” Looking at me, he added. “This is for you. Thank you, Ana.”
I couldn’t manage a word. My eyes filled with tears and I think I was able to smile and wave a bit at the massive attack of applause. If I’d had my wits about me, I suppose I could have grabbed the mic and thanked my parents. That would have been nice. But as it was, I could barely manage to stand upright. I’d have to thank them later.
The rest of the show passed in a blur. Ash won a couple more times, giddy with winning, starting to get random in his thank-yous, going on a tangent about his younger brother and how much he loved him. I felt so proud, so happy to see him getting such praise for such a risky departure. That song had been nothing like what he’d done in the past, open and raw and real. A fresh start for him. Maybe for us?
Somehow, I found my parents after the show. Ash and I never stopped holding hands, which made it more difficult. To say he was mobbed would be a massive understatement. Everyone wanted a piece of him, a picture, a glimpse at the star of the evening. But he insisted on sharing it all with me. And then he pulled my mom and dad in for a few photos.
“Oh, my!” My mother patted her hair and pulled herself up to her full five foot two inches. My father smiled as wide and proud as I’d ever seen him. I even caught him wiping a tear from his eye.
“I’m sorry I didn’t thank you when I was up on stage,” I managed to say before I started crying a little, too.
“Och, don’t be silly.” My father brushed away my apology.
“All those piano lessons you drove me to.” My voice broke and my mother caught me up in a big hug.
“I’d drive you to a thousand more,” she assured me, giving me a plump kiss on my cheek. “Now stop making me cry. And go have a nice time with this big rock star of yours.”
“You don’t want to come to the after party?” I asked.
“You’re more than welcome,” Ash assured them. “Anyone you want to meet?” he asked my mom. “I’d be happy to introduce you.”
“I’ve got what I want right here.” My mother tucked her arm into my father’s and they stood together, looking as proud and puffed as peacocks as they gazed at me adoringly.
“Your mother and I are going to go have some real Russian vodka back in that fancy-schmancy hotel room you booked us in. We’re going to go toast to both of your success. Now go! Go!”
They shooed us away and away we went, heading into a party so mobbed we honestly weren’t able to move a foot. We didn’t make the rounds so much as people made the rounds to us, congratulating us, wishing us well, telling us how excited they were for us. Everyone was so nice and kind and lovely and all I could think was how much I wanted to be alone with Ash.
“I can’t wait to get you alone,” he leaned down and murmured into my ear.
“I keep thinking the same thing,” I admitted.
At that moment, Taylor Swift walked into the room. In the rush of attention, we saw our opening and took it. We ducked out a side door, giggling like high school kids cutting class. We couldn’t make it up to the hotel room fast enough. Ash was staying at the MGM as well, of course in one of the top floor mega suites. We had to share the elevator ride with a couple of other people who tried unsuccessfully not to stare at Ash. I understood their difficulty. I couldn’t stop gazing at him, myself. Especially since just the touch of his hand lit me up inside, his fingers stroking that sensitive spot between my index finger and thumb. I’d been craving his touch for so long, I didn’t think I’d make it until the top floor.
Finally, the doors dinged open and finally we were able to tumble down the hall and make it into his room.
“Ana,” he exhaled into me, pulling at the straps on my dress. “Missed you so much.”
“Hated it.” I wasn’t sure he even understood what I meant, that I’d hated all of our time apart, every second of it. But I didn’t need to rely on words when I could reach up and tear his jacket right off of him.
“Need—” He unzipped the back of my dress and pulled it down off of me, one hand reaching out to cup and squeeze my breast through my bra. “Can’t—” He kissed me, ending my attempt to try to answer him, which wouldn’t have been successful anyway.
I groaned in response, kissing him back with all the pent-up longing and passion and need that had welled up in me for months. His shirt, my bra, his pants, my panties, all of it came off quick and he backed me up against the nearest wall.
“Need now,” he groaned, sucking hard on my erect nipple. His thigh parting my legs, he sank a finger into my dripping wet sex, hissing to discover me so ready for him.
“Ash,” I sighed, sinking my fingernails into his powerful shoulders. I wanted to mark him, make him mine so we’d never have to be apart ever again.
“Never letting go,” he managed as he ripped off his boxer briefs and positioned his thick, erect shaft at my entrance. “Are you ready?” He sank his mouth down onto my throat, claiming, biting, sucking. A harsh cry of need escaped from my parted lips.
When he thrust up into me in one long, commanding stroke, I nearly passed out it felt so good. I screamed and clawed at him. He pinned me against the wall, hammering into me.
“Mine,” he called out, his gaze fixed on where our bodies met, where his glistening, hard cock pushed into my slick pussy again and again. I was so wet for him, so aroused, with the sound of us smacking together, his balls against me, I got so close so fast.
“Come for me, Ana,” he ordered, grabbing hold of my breasts in his large, rough hands. “Come hard, baby.”
Screaming, eyes rolled back into my head, I did as I was told. I wanted him to keep fucking me just like that, never stop. I needed him to fuck me like he owned me, like he’d never let me go. I couldn’t take being apart for him, not for another minute, and as soon as I could I wrapped my hands around his ass and pushed him in even deeper.
“Yes, like that!” I cried out as he buried himself in me to the hilt. I could feel his huge, thick cock spreading me, bumping up against my cervix. His precome mingled with my juices and I could feel him tense, his breathing ragged and urgent. I whined with need, knowing he’d come soon, needing to feel him unload in me. I wanted it so badly, that moment of release when he’d thrust and call out and give me all of hi
s come.
“Ana!” he roared as he sank deep inside me, coaxing another orgasm out of me as I quivered and screamed and clutched him to me. Breathing hard, we stayed joined together, our heads sunk into each other.
“Never letting go,” he repeated, his hands cupped under my ass, keeping us firmly linked even as I sank down off the wall, spent. He walked us over to the couch, holding me as if I weighed nothing, then sat with me straddling his lap.
Kissing me reverently, he adored my throat, my lips, my jaw. “I missed you so much. I’m so sorry about whatever I said up in that cabin to Connor. I didn’t mean it. I love you. I love you so much.”
Tears spilled from my eyes at his words. The words I’d heard in that song, the words I now knew he’d written to me as long ago as January. Words that echoed the same sentiment in my heart.
“I love you, Ash. I love you.” The words tumbled from my mouth as we kissed and professed our love over and over, each of us reveling in the newfound ability to say it directly to each other. No holding back, no intercepted letters, no songs pumping through the airwaves that may or may not have been authentic lyrics. Just our whispers for each other as we sealed our love in kisses.
Slowly, he began thrusting up inside of me again. Signing, I eased fully back down along his shaft, wondering at the feel of him, the way he grew hard again so quickly, the way he filled me. I couldn’t wait to take him in my mouth again, to lick all of him down, sucking and loving him.
“You’re so gorgeous.” He brought his hands to my waist, easing me up and down, working me along his length. With his thumbs, he grazed the swell of my breasts, the tips of my nipples. I arched my back, giving myself to him, getting just the right angle as I straddled him.
“I could watch you on top of me for hours,” he murmured, sounding transfixed. His eyes looked glazed over with pure lust as I met his gaze. Feeling like a sex goddess, I rolled my hips over his, easing myself down on his huge cock. He closed his eyes and groaned.
“That’s so good, baby.”
“You like that, Ash?” I asked, bringing myself up, then down again full, surrounding him entirely in my wet heat.
“It’s too good. I’ve waited too long.” Grabbing me around the waist he pulled us both up and off the couch, then flipped me around and shoved me over the back of it, rough and demanding. “I have to take you,” he growled, giving my quivering ass a hard slap.
“Uh! Ash!” In my core I felt a wet rush of heat in response to his touch, the rough feel of his smack against my soft cheeks. And then he claimed me again, from behind, taking me full and hard the way he liked it. The way I needed it.
“Hold on, baby,” he warned me. I dug my fingers into the couch, getting a good grip and he dug his fingers into my hips so hard I knew he’d leave a bruise. But I wanted his mark on me, I wanted him to take me so hard, so deep, and that’s just what he did, thundering into me, fucking me relentlessly, so demanding I knew he felt exactly the same way.
He shot his hot come deep in me and I came, shuddering around his shaft, milking every last drop. He gathered me in his arms and we sank down onto the couch again, him cradling me on his lap. We breathed each other in, basking in each other’s nearness.
“I’m never letting anything come between us ever again,” he promised me. “You’re mine, Ana.”
“And you’re mine, Ash.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him full on his lips. “You belong to me.”
“I do.” He nodded. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t know where I would be now if it wasn’t for you.”
“I’m so grateful to all the horrible men chasing you with cameras that day you came into the library.”
“Never been more grateful for those assholes.” He grinned, kissing me again. “There’s a lot I don’t know, Ana. I don’t know what I’m doing next. Or where—”
“Shh, don’t worry so much.” I kissed his forehead, laughing at myself as I said it. I was usually a classic worrier and planner, liking to have everything mapped out just so. But if I’d learned anything over the last few months, it was that there was a limit to what you could plan. You could devote a lot of time to figuring out every last detail, but then something could happen to blow it all out of the water. It was far better to live in the moment, especially when that moment involved Ash Black naked and holding you in his arms.
He smiled at me and stroked my back, kissing my ear. “You think it’s all going to work out, Anika Ivanov?”
“Yes, I do,” I assured him. And somehow in my heart I knew I was right.
EPILOGUE
Ash
Another year, another Kavanaugh family holiday party. Only this year I wasn’t wondering who I was going to take as my date. I wasn’t taking orders from my PR rep Lola and stewing over getting the right camera shots to rehab my image. I was the happiest man in the room with my gorgeous fiancée on my arm.
This time the engagement ring was all Ana’s, not on loan from a store, not picked out for its wow factor by a PR company rep. And I’d been right, there was a stone in Ana’s family I was able to use in the setting, giving it a personal touch and emotional tie to her background. Her mother had been so pleased when I’d asked. Though it was a small diamond, I knew its worth far exceeded the others I included into the design. And there were others. I didn’t go cockroach-sized like Lola had, but I wanted my girl to have some sparkle.
“I can’t wait to see Gigi!” Ana squeezed my arm as we walked through the grand entrance of the Waldorf Astoria. The two of them had started corresponding regularly, discussing wedding plans and who knew what else. That friendly woman from Montana, the one who’d married my surprise! half-brother Declan, she was in on it, too. They seemed to be having a ball.
“Tulips,” Gram declared as she walked over to greet us, looking regal as always. “It came to me last night as I was reading a fascinating biography of Katherine Graham. I’m not sure why, exactly, but I became instantly convinced, you need to go with tulips.”
Good thing Ana seemed to know what she was talking about. The two of them hugged like long lost relatives, which I guess they were soon to officially become. Our wedding was set for the springtime, only a few months away. And apparently we were going to have tulips at it.
“Asher.” An older, jowly British relative cornered me the moment I entered the ballroom. “May I have a word?” I watched my fiancée and Gram walk away, knowing there was no getting out of it. It was time for my annual disapproving lecture.
“Jolly good show young man.” Say what now? I looked at him in surprise. “That new album of yours, quite excellent if I do say so myself.”
“Oh, thanks.”
“That second number you have on there.” He started humming and I suppressed a wince. Apparently I hadn’t inherited my musical abilities from him.
He was talking about my latest album, released just last month in time for the holidays. I’d recorded an album of standards with some of the greats, legendary jazz musicians with more talent in their pinky fingers than many of the pop stars I knew and couldn’t say I loved. I’d learned a lot from them and had a blast.
We’d roughed up the songs everyone knew, given them some Ash Black signature style but still kept them true to their roots. So far, the album was selling great. It was the kind of thing I never would have considered doing before I met Ana. Now, I couldn’t imagine not having done it. It felt great to break out of the mold and have some fun, not worry so much about looking and seeming cool and instead simply enjoy making music.
Meanwhile, “Undone” had been nominated for a Grammy in a couple of categories. The success of that song still blew me away. But more than that, I was grateful for how it brought me and Ana back together. Had she not been invited to that BMA show, we might have kept right on keeping on, each of us stupidly thinking the other wanted it that way. We’d wasted enough time as it was.
Since that show, I’d barely let her out of my sight. We’d divided our tim
e between S.F. and New York, and Ana had a whole new role at the library now, overseeing the disbursement of the funds I’d established to refurbish and expand children’s programming and services. I’d never seen anyone so happy about making other people happy, but Ana lit up about it, spending time visiting children’s branches and asking them about what they could use to improve their offerings. Me, I liked making her happy and if that meant making a bunch of kids happy, too, well it was a win-win.
She also made me appear on a poster. I wasn’t too happy about that at first but, hey, it was for a good cause. Styled like the celebrity posters that simply said “READ” and featured celebrities with a book, she had me photographed with a book. Only she had them reverse the R in READ. It was eye-catching, I’ll give her that. And it was all to raise awareness and funding to help kids with learning disabilities like dyslexia, the kinds of processing differences that made reading a struggle.
Talk about uncool. Ash Black from a year ago would have laughed at the absurdity of the idea. Get on a poster to promote reading? No. And then on top of it, advertise my learning disability? Become the poster boy for dyslexia? Not going to happen.
Then I fell in love with Ana and it turned out she could talk me into absolutely anything. And it turned out people loved it and the campaign was raising all kinds of awareness about and money for kids with learning disabilities. All kinds of celebrities had taken to social media, sharing their own stories about struggling in school, feeling stupid, and how they’d gone on to overcome it all. Add it to the list—the long list—of things I never would have pictured myself doing before Ana. Now, I was so grateful I had.
“Thank you so much for your guidance, Chester.” Gram swooped in, rescuing me from my jowly relative whose name was apparently Chester. All these years I’d never known. I’d have to send him a signed copy of the album he so enjoyed.
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