by Annie Jocoby
∞
Ryan and I finally made our way to the breakfast table around 10 AM. With a start, Ryan saw a familiar face around the table – his sister, Sarah.
Sarah rose and gave him and I a hug.
“Sarah, what are you doing here?”
“Um, I flew here last night. I couldn’t get ahold of you, so I got a hotel room last night, and came in this morning to see you.”
“You flew?” Ryan said, more surprised about this tidbit than the fact that she was there at all. “Where’s Cori?”
“Gil’s watching him.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Sit down,” she said.
I looked at Ryan, whose face was suddenly white as a sheet. There was obviously bad news that was being brought, and I silently prayed that Maggie was okay.
Ryan took a seat and just sat there and looked at Sarah silently. “Mom?” he said.
“No,” Sarah said shaking her head. “Dad.”
Ryan took a breath and let it out. Then he looked down at his hands, then back at his sister. “When? How?”
“Yesterday. He…his cancer came back. But he never told anybody. He passed away about seven o’clock last night.”
Ryan just nodded. “When…”
“I don’t know. I suppose he should be brought here, because this was where he spent most of his life.”
I looked at his face, and I think that I could read what he was thinking. While we were going at it, his father was breathing his last, and Sarah couldn’t get ahold of him to tell him.
Ryan continued to look at his hands. “Thank god we made our peace, huh?” he said. “Thank god for that.”
“Yes, that’s what I was thinking,” Sarah said. “Are you going to be ok?”
Ryan just continued to nod his head. “Yes, yes, of course, of course. Uh, I guess you and I better start making arrangements, huh?”
“That’s why I’m here.”
I finally chimed in. “Is there anything I can do?”
Ryan shook his head. “I’m uh, sure there is, but I just don’t know what it would be just yet.”
“I’ll do anything that you need me to do,” I said. “Anything at all.”
Ryan looked at Dalilah, who was sitting in her high chair and eating her breakfast. “Dalilah never got to meet him. Why does that make me sad?”
Sarah took Ryan’s hand. “I’m sure that you’re feeling complicated emotions right now. Do you need to talk about any of them?”
“No, no. I don’t know if my emotions are complicated. I mean, that man made my life a living hell. But I forgave him. There were no more words to say.” But, at that, he went into Nick’s den. “I need to be alone for a second, ok?” he said to nobody in particular.
Nick was sitting there at the table as well, but he was so quiet, I almost didn’t notice him.
I needed Nick’s guidance on this again, but last night made things very awkward between us, to say the least. “Um, Nick….do you think Ryan’s going to be ok?”
“I’d say so. I don’t know, though. Ryan had a real love-hate relationship with his father, as you surely know.”
I decided to go into the den and see for myself how he was doing.
He was sitting there, motionless, staring at the fireplace that had no fire in it. I sat down and put my hand around his back. He looked at me, smiled wanly, then looked back down at the floor.
He didn’t talk for a few minutes. Then he said “it hasn’t hit me yet. But it’s going to seem weird, you know? My father hasn’t been in my life, yet he has always been so ever-present at the same time. He always knew what I was doing, and he was always there to help me. Like a father should. So, it’s strange – in a way, he acted like a father should act. Protective, willing to do anything to help me, even if the help was only coming from afar. Yet, he ruined my entire life as well. I…don’t know how to feel about this. What to think about this.”
“I understand,” I said. “There’s probably a part of you that’s is glad that he’s gone, but another part of you that just wants your dad. No matter his flaws, he gave you life. So, feel how you feel, but don’t try to judge it. Whatever your emotions about this, just know that there is no wrong feeling.”
“I know,” he said. “But, right now, there really isn’t time to sit here and ruminate about it. Sarah and I have to plan everything.”
“Of course,” I said.
At that, Ryan and I left the den and made our way to the kitchen table again to talk to Sarah and make arrangements.
Chapter Thirty-Three
The next few days were a whirlwind. Benjamin had made out a living will, which specified that he was to be cremated and his ashes scattered in the Atlantic Ocean, off the coast where he made his home in Rhode Island. It turned out that he was very fond of that particular mansion, and it was apparently his favorite home. Yet, Benjamin’s life was here, for the most part, and his friends and business associates were all here as well.
So, Sarah and Ryan decided to have a memorial here in Kansas City, then have another service in Rhode Island when Benjamin would be scattered at sea. Benjamin’s yacht would be used to scatter his ashes, as the state law specified that such services had to be performed a certain distance from the shore.
I made sure that Ryan was feeling mentally ok, but I sensed that this was not the case. Dalilah apparently picked up on Ryan’s distress as well, as she watched him with her eyes everywhere he went. “Daddy sad?” she asked me.
“Yes, very much so,” I said, although I wasn’t quite sure exactly how Ryan was feeling.
It turned out that part of his distress was the possibility that some of the people who would be attending the service would be some of the same people who tormented him at the sex parties all those years ago.
“What if I see somebody and I start remembering things again?” he said. Then he shook his head. “I can’t think about this,” he said. “Not right now. Right now, I have to get through the next week or so.”
“I’m right here,” I said. “If you feel any kind of anxiety, just let me know.”
“Thank god you’re here,” he said. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“I feel the same,” I said.
I helped Ryan write the eulogy, and I was right there when he and Sarah visited the funeral home and had to prepare the service.
The memorial occurred outdoors, and I was half afraid that it would not be well-attended, considering how Benjamin must have alienated a lot of people. That fear was not founded, though, as around 200 people showed up to see Ryan eulogize his father. Several other people spoke about him, as well. They talked about his charitable work and his enormous heart. I learned some things about him that I would have never imagined.
I learned that he financially supported street kids, and was personally responsible for fifty of these kids being able to pursue a good education at top schools. That his philanthropy extended to many different causes that were disparate – he helped animals, the environment, and people starving in Africa. Other people talked about his stay at the ashram, which was the reason why he was able to turn his life around.
I had to admit that I didn’t really know the man that these people spoke of. I only knew that Benjamin tormented my husband, and then he was able to get my husband to forgive him. I was surprised that all of these people had such affection for the man, but it seemed that they did. They didn’t seem to be acting.
Afterwards, everybody met at a five star restaurant that was rented out for the occasion. Ryan made his way around and tried to talk to everybody.
I drifted my way around as well. I heard snippets of conversation. “He only had three heirs. They’re going to be set for life.” And “I know! I didn’t know the man that they were eulogizing, either. I only knew a misogynistic bastard.”
I wanted to go up to these people and scream at them “A man is dead. Dead. Please refrain from making rude comments for just this one day!”
; Instead, I bit my tongue and went on.
I drank from the cash bar for several hours, not really knowing what to do with myself. Ryan was still making the rounds, then I saw him and Sarah in the corner talking.
Ryan made his way over to me. He took my hands. “Uh, Sarah has to get back to her home soon. So, we scheduled the reading tomorrow. I hope that you can be there with me.”
I nodded. “Of course. That goes without saying.”
∞
We met with the attorney for Benjamin in a huge downtown high rise. Ryan and Sarah were very quiet. Maggie came in the law office as well. She didn’t attend the service, telling Ryan and Sarah that she had no desire to have anything to do with Benjamin at all. She never got the chance to make her peace with ex-husband.
Ryan turned to me. “Uh, you might be shocked a little at what my father was worth. I just wanted to warn you, in case you feel like freaking out.”
“Uh, I wouldn’t be freaked out about anything at this point.”
How wrong I was.
The lawyer informed Ryan, Maggie and Sarah that Benjamin’s will called for the three of them to split his assets three ways in equal measures. He read through the list of Benjamin’s property, which included stocks, paintings, coin collections, homes, and savings.
The total value of his assets was valued at $35 billion.
I couldn’t help it. My mouth flew open. $35 billion? How much money? Huh?
I heard little else. Suddenly Ryan and I were billionaires. Not merely millionaires, but billionaires. Multi-billionaires at that. Each of the three got around $11 billion in assets.
Billion with a B.
After the reading, I sat next to Ryan in silence on the way home in the Escalade. I had to process it all. We were suddenly not just rich, but super-rich, and if it took me awhile to get used to being wealthy, it would take me that much longer to adjust to being super-wealthy.
“What are you thinking, beautiful?”
“Just that none of this seems entirely real. I mean, that much money would never seem real to me. And I used to say that you could have too much money and you can also be too intelligent. That excessive money and excessive intelligence causes problems. Now, I have a little girl who is going to have both things, and I worry about how she is going to adjust.”
“I understand. But look at it this way. We have enough money now that we can do absolutely anything we want. We could do a lot of good in the world with this kind of money, even more than the money that we already had. The sky would be the limit. I always thought that, after my father passes, I would really like to get actively involved with setting a foundation that would be multi-faceted and geared towards improving the welfare of animals around the world.”
I looked at him. “That would be the best idea ever. Using this money to really do some good in the world, instead of just possessing it for selfish reasons.”
“Of course. There is just no way that I would just want to have this money just sitting in a bank somewhere, not doing anybody any good. You and I could become a team to figure out the best way to use this money.”
I smiled. I knew that Ryan wouldn’t give all of his father’s money away, but I thought that he probably would give a great deal of it away at any rate. “That sounds great! We should get on that as soon as we can.”
Ryan looked at me, and took my hands. “Things are going to change now. We need to figure out our future. It’s not just finding a new home, but I also need to figure out if I want to continue on at the bank or quit there and spend my time establishing a foundation.” Then he paused. “And Nick. I don’t really know what’s going to happen with that. I haven’t had the chance to really talk to him since that night.”
“Yes,” I said. “Nick. He hasn’t been on my mind, either, lately. For obvious reasons.”
I found myself thinking about how our lives would be changing from then on. We would soon be living in a different house, and Nick would no longer be a part of our everyday lives. I had mixed emotions about that, to be perfectly honest. On the one hand, it would be a relief to get some distance from Nick. Ryan and I needed that distance, because Ryan and I had to move forward with our lives together. We had a child to raise, and a future to figure out. And, as much fun as the other night was, it couldn’t happen again. I knew that, and I really didn’t want it.
I also wondered if Ryan would feel emotional devastation again. After all, even though Benjamin wasn’t the best father in the world (what an understatement!), he was still Ryan’s father. And they had made their peace with one another in Rhode Island. Ryan forgave him, and even kind of understood him and found a way to love his father again.
But he seemed very serene about everything. “I don’t have any regrets,” he said. “And, as much as I found that I had loved him towards the end, this was something that I was prepared for. My father was lucky to have the extra year or so that he got. I thought for sure he was a goner when I went to see him at his Newport home. But he recovered and was able to have some more time. So, that was a gift for him.”
He paused some. “I guess what I’m saying is that I did my grieving about this already. And I’m going to be okay. As long as you and Dalilah are with me, I’m going to be okay.”
Nick was another story.
“I’m sorry, Iris. I thought that I could get you out of my system. But it didn’t seem to work. I’m more in love with you than ever,” he said, when we finally got a chance to talk to him alone.
Oh, boy. “Nick, you’re going to be okay,” I said. “These past few weeks have been intense, but, soon, Ryan and I aren’t going to be here every day, and you can get on with your life. Maybe this was all a sign that you’re supposed to look past the superficial and find the woman inside. I mean, I’m not a supermodel by any stretch of the imagination. Yet, you had feelings for me. That means that maybe you can look for somebody who isn’t as beautiful, but is nice, and will love you for your wonderful qualities.”
“Don’t kid yourself. You are beautiful,” he said. “I didn’t think that at first, but I completely think that now. Your beauty is in your strength and your vulnerability. It’s in your complete guilelessness. It’s in your loyalty and devotion. It’s in everything about you.”
Ryan was actually in the room with us while all this was going on. “I really don’t know what to say,” he said. “This is like the first time that you haven’t lost interest in a woman that you had slept with. My luck, the first woman is my wife.”
So I guessed that there might continue to be some kind of strain on Ryan and Nick’s friendship, and my friendship with Nick as well. But that seemed to be a small problem, considering that my future with Ryan was appearing to be smooth sailing from there on out. There wasn’t any kind of threats on the horizon. Andrew was dead. Rochelle was still out there, which sucked, but I somehow didn’t think that she would continue to be a problem. I had recovered from my traumas, and Ryan seemed to be on the mend for his emotional issues as well. Dalilah was going to be a handful, I knew, but I knew that she had the potential to be amazing. Ryan and I had to look for ways to nurture her talents and intelligence so that she would end up reaching the potential that she was given at her birth. If Ryan and I could only have some uninterrupted time where we could just move forward, we would be unstoppable.
Absolutely unstoppable.
So, Ryan and I made plans for our new home, and made plans for our future. I didn’t know what the future would hold at that time. I only knew that, for the first time, there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
I could breathe for the first time in I don’t know how long.
There was one thing that I learned, really learned, in my relationship with Ryan. And that was that I no longer thought that people had it made, while others struggled. I realized that everybody struggled with the same types of issues. Alexis struggled with mental illness and loneliness. Maggie did as well. Nick also struggled with loneliness, and he also had the added pressure of being ex
traordinarily handsome and rich, which, ironically, lured the exactly wrong type of woman into his life. Ryan struggled with his demons and his past. Natalie struggled with insecurities. I did as well. It was remarkable how much we were all the same, and I felt, perhaps for the first time, that I really did belong in Ryan’s world. Yes, I wasn’t as beautiful as them, nor as rich. But that was all superficial stuff that really doesn’t matter in the end.
In the end, it really only mattered who you were inside. I know that’s a cliché, but things are cliché for a reason – clichés are generally true. I always was under the illusion that beauty and wealth equals a great life, and now I know that’s not true. That doesn’t mean that wealthy and beautiful people can’t have a great life, though. It just means that it’s not guaranteed.
So, even though Ryan and I were catapulted into the pantheon of the super-rich in one fell swoop, I hoped that nothing would really change. I hoped that I wouldn’t change, and I prayed that Ryan wouldn’t change either. And I really hoped that Dalilah wouldn’t grow up spoiled and bratty. I hoped that we could just find happiness, the same as people around the world find it – through their relationships, friendships, family and work. There no longer was the illusion that simply being wealthy would mean that we would be happy. We had to make our own happiness, whether we had $13 billion dollars in the bank, or $13 in the bank.
I suddenly realized that it was the end of illusions.
Epilogue
Iris
Five Years Later
“Hey, Sammy, how’re you doing?” I said. “I was wondering where you are with our suppliers?” There was a shipment of vaccines that were due any day now, and there were 100 dogs that were in desperate need of them.
“They should be in tomorrow around 5 PM,” Sammy said. “I know how important it is that we get those in as soon as possible, so I put a rush order on them.”
“Thanks,” I said. There was so much to do. Running an animal sanctuary was hard work, much harder than I ever could have imagined. It was stressful and heart-breaking. It was also the most rewarding thing that I had ever done in my life. Bar none. It was a beautiful thing to have the money to really fund something like this properly. You could get so much done with the right cash flow, I was finding.