Stromsoe remembered how the strobe lights had beveled Hallie Jaynes’s lovely face into something exotic and unknowable.
It was so easy to see her now:
“You look good,” she had told him.
“You do too.”
“We miss you.”
We.
“You’re the one who left.”
“Oh, Matty, you’re much better off without us,” she said with a bright smile. “Mike doesn’t know how to apologize. He doesn’t know what to say. I wish we could laugh again, you and me.”
She looked both radiant and famished. It was an appearance he would see a lot of in his generation as the decade wore on. Looking at her for the first time in almost two years, he realized that she had moved past him in ways that until now he hadn’t known existed.
“She was different,” Stromsoe said to Susan Doss. “So was Mike.”
He told Susan how Mike had gotten taller and filled out, grown his wavy black hair longer, wore a loose silk suit like the TV vice cops wore. His face had changed too, not just in breadth but in a new confidence. His sense of superiority was the first thing you saw—the quarter smile, the slow eyes, the lift of chin. He looked like an angel about to change sides.
“They were there with three other couples,” said Stromsoe. “The dudes were older than us by a notch or two—early thirties, good-looking, Latino, dressed expensive. Versace and Rolex. The women were all twentysomething knockout gringas—extra blond. I was there with some friends from school and we ended up sitting across the dance floor from Hallie and them. I could hardly take my eyes off her. You know how it is, that first love.”
“Sure,” said Susan. “Richie Alexander. I wrote poetry about him. But I won’t quote it for you, so don’t ask.”
Stromsoe smiled and nodded. Susan had freckles on her cheeks and a funny way of holding her pen, with her middle finger doing most of the work. Atop the garage, the crew commenced nailing the plywood to the roof frame and Stromsoe felt his nerves flicker.
He told Susan that on the drive home to his Fullerton apartment that night, he had lost his old faith that Hallie would come back to him someday. It was obvious to him that she and Tavarez were knocking on the door of a world in which Stromsoe had no interest. He had seen enough cocaine use at his high school and in his extended college circle to know the large sums of money attached. He had seen the white powder do ugly things to almost everyone he knew who used it. It made them pale and inward. Everything they did was for the high.
He didn’t tell Susan that when he had imagined Hallie becoming like that—an inversion of everything about her that he loved and lusted for—his heart had hardened against her. But it had broken a little too.
Stromsoe believed back then that people soon got what they deserved.
Now he did not.
Now, sixteen years later, Stromsoe understood that Hallie had become everything he had feared, and that Mike Tavarez had gotten much more good fortune than he had ever deserved.
Tavarez had demonstrated that coke was venom to body and soul, and that anyone who ignores this fact can make many, many millions of good Yankee dollars.
Hallie had demonstrated how right Mike was. She was his first customer.
WHEN THEY FINISHED the lunch Susan pushed the paper plates away to make room for her notebook. She had brought the plates with her today, and Stromsoe wondered if she had sensed his anger yesterday over Hallie’s dish.
“I didn’t see her again until the night I graduated from college,” said Stromsoe. “That was June of ’88. After the ceremony a bunch of us went to the Charthouse here in Newport. We took up two long tables on the far side. Steak and lobster. Cocktails and wine. We blew enough money that night to live on for a semester. Hallie came in around midnight. I saw her spot me and I watched her come through the tables toward us.”
Sitting in his courtyard now, Stromsoe could as good as see her. She was smiling at him but he could tell something was wrong. She walked carefully. She had lost weight. She wore a pink trench coat over a black-and-pink floral-print dress. Her hair was up and her earrings dangled and flashed.
Up close he saw that her face was clammy, with sweat beads at her hairline, that her pupils were big, and behind her pretty red lips her gums were pale.
“Congratulations,” she had said, then hugged him. “I’m back at Mom’s and Dad’s after a little tiff with Mike. I saw your announcement in their mail pile. Not raining on your parade, am I, Matt?”
“Not at all,” he’d said.
She touched his face. “I miss you.”
Stromsoe got her seated and ordered her a soda water but Hallie told the waiter to make it a Bombay martini, rocks with a twist. She drank three of them in short order. He introduced her to his friends. The guys smiled and glanced knowingly at Stromsoe when they thought Hallie wasn’t looking. The women were actively disinterested in her. She made several trips to the ladies’ room.
Hallie ordered a double at last call, took one sip, then collapsed to the floor.
Stromsoe carried her back to the restaurant manager’s office while one of his friends called paramedics. She was conscious but stupefied, trying to focus on Stromsoe as he lowered her to a couch and wrapped a blanket around her. Her eyes were swimming and her teeth chattered.
“Ohhh,” she whispered, closing her eyes.
He smartly smacked her cheek. “Stay awake, Hallie. Look at me and stay awake.”
She was half awake when the paramedics got there and took her away. Stromsoe followed them to Hoag Hospital in his old Mazda, called her parents from the waiting room. His hands were shaking with anger at Mike while he talked to Hallie’s mom.
It took the doctors two hours to stabilize her. Inside Hallie boiled a witch’s brew of Colombian cocaine, Mexican brown heroin, Riverside County methamphetamine, Pfizer synthetic morphine, and Bombay gin.
“She was okay,” said Stromsoe. “Too much dope. Too much booze. It wasn’t until later that I saw the really bad stuff.”
Susan looked up from her notepad.
The day after Hallie had gone to the hospital Stromsoe had gotten a call from Sergeant Rich Neal of the Newport Beach police. Neal told Stromsoe to meet him outside Hallie’s room at Hoag at 2 P.M. sharp.
Neal came from her room and shut the door behind him. He was stout and florid and asked Stromsoe what he knew about Hallie’s drug problem. Stromsoe told him what had happened at the Charthouse. Neal asked about Mike Tavarez and Stromsoe confirmed that he knew him, and that Mike and Hallie were a couple.
“The parents think he supplied her with the drugs,” said Neal. “They think he did that work on her body. She says no. What do you think?”
“He probably gave her the drugs. I don’t know what bodywork you’re talking about.”
“Ask her about it,” said Neal. “Where is he? Where’s Tavarez right now?”
“I have no idea.”
Neal asked Stromsoe about other friends of Hallie’s, other boyfriends in particular. He asked if Stromsoe had met Mike Tavarez’s parents and the answer was yes, Rolando and Reina, he’d spent some time in their home back in high school, eaten dinner with them on rehearsal nights, and sometimes he and Mike would just hang out there on weekends, shooting pool and drinking sodas, maybe ride their bikes or, when they got older, go for a drive. Stromsoe had always liked quiet Rolando and large, expansive Reina.
He asked if Stromsoe had given Hallie any of the drugs she had ingested last night and Stromsoe told him just the last few drinks.
Neal gave Stromsoe a card and an unhappy stare, then walked away.
“So I went into the hospital room,” he told Susan. “Hallie was sitting up. She had some color back but her eyes were flat and her face was haggard. I held her hand for a minute and we didn’t say much. Then I asked about her body and she told me to give her some privacy. I faced the door and heard her rustling around. When she said okay, try to control your excitement, I turned back and she had rolled the hospital
smock just to her breasts, and pulled the sheet to just below her belly. Her torso was pretty much one big black-and-purple bruise, with a few little clouds of tan showing through.”
Stromsoe now remembered the bend of Hallie’s ribs under the livid skin. He remembered the pert Muzak version of “Penny Lane” that was playing while he stared at her. Susan Doss looked up from her notepad.
“She’d gotten an abortion a month earlier,” said Stromsoe. “She told him it was her body, her decision, that she was a druggie and not ready to be a mother. There was no discussion. Hallie was that way. She said Mike went quiet, didn’t talk for days, didn’t even look at her. One night they went to a club and Hallie drank some, got talking to a guy. For the next couple of days, Mike drank and did blow, and the more loaded Mike got, the more he accused her of having a thing with this guy while he was away at school. She’d never seen him before in her life. Just when Mike seemed to be calming down a little, he and some of the guys drove her out to the middle of nowhere and the men held her while Mike hit her. And hit her some more. She passed out from the pain. They left her by the side of the Ortega Highway in the middle of the night. Mike flew back to Boston the next morning.”
“My God.”
Talk on, thought Stromsoe. Tell how Hallie handled that pain. Words, don’t fail me now.
“She hitchhiked to the nearest house, called a friend to pick her up. Stayed in bed for three days at her Lido apartment, medicated herself with antibiotics, dope, and liquor. She forced herself to make an appearance back home for her parents’ twenty-fifth anniversary, saw my graduation announcement, called my folks, and found out where the party was. By the time the doctors saw her, she was bleeding inside, infected, poisoned by the dope. Three of her ribs were broken and there were internal injuries to her spleen and ovaries. They took one ovary and said she’d probably never conceive. Three years later she had Billy.”
“What did she tell the cops?”
“That she picked up the wrong guy one night. They knew she was protecting Mike but they couldn’t crack her. Hallie was tough inside.”
“Why cover for him?”
“The beating was five days old, so she knew it would be hard to make a case against four friends with their alibis lined up. And pride too—Hallie thought it was a victory not to go to the law. She also realized he might kill her. The cops busted him from a liquor-store videotape a week after Hallie left the hospital. So, she thought Mike would get at least a partial punishment for what he did to her. Big news, when the Harvard boy was popped for a string of armed robberies in California.”
“I remember.”
He closed his eyes and could see Hallie as she was in high school, and again as she was on the day they were married, and then as she lay in the maternity ward with tiny William Jaynes Stromsoe in her arms.
But again, as had happened so many times in the last two months, his mind betrayed him with a vision of the nails and his wife and son.
He watched a neighbor’s cat licking its rear foot in a patch of sunlight on the courtyard bricks.
His felt his heart laboring and he admitted to himself that telling this story was far more difficult than he had thought it would be. Where he had hoped to find some moments of fond memory, he found the awful truth instead. The truth he thought would set him free.
Then Stromsoe admitted another truth to himself—he was feeling worse each day, feeling farther from shore. It was like swimming against a tide. Wasn’t he supposed to get closer?
He was astonished again, almost to the point of disbelief, that he would never see Hallie or Billy as they were, only as they had ended.
God put them there for reasons we don’t understand.
“Maybe we should take a walk on the beach while we talk,” said Susan.
6
They came to the ocean at Fifty-second Street and turned south. The sun was caught in the clouds above Catalina Island like an orange suspended in gauze. The stiff breeze dried Stromsoe’s left eyelid and the pins in his legs felt creaky as old door hinges. The skin graft on his left breast tended to tighten in the cool evenings. He pulled up his coat collar and slipped on his sunglasses.
He told Susan about taking Hallie into his little college apartment in Fullerton and getting her off the drugs. And about how he had escorted her into court to testify in Mike’s robbery trial, traded mad dog stares with Tavarez, how Mike’s mother sobbed after the sentencing, and how Mike nodded to them—a courtly, emotionless nod—as he was led back to his cell.
“Do you mind?” Susan asked, taking a small digital camera from the pocket of her jacket.
“Okay.”
She set her notebook in the sand with the pen clipped to the rings, and started snapping pictures. “I’d like some candids of you and Hallie and Billy too. From your home.”
“Okay,” he said.
Okay, because their story must be told and their pictures must be seen. Okay, because Tavarez can’t take away their stories or their pictures. Or my memories. Ever.
“I know it hurts,” said Susan, “but face the sun, will you? It lights your face beautifully.”
He faced the sun, his right eye shuddering with the brightness and his left eye registering nothing at all. Susan circled him, clicking away. He turned to face her and he began talking about their wedding and their life while he went through the Sheriff ’s Academy, about their attempts to have a child and the doctors and tests and doctors and tests and the sudden presence of another life inside Hallie, detected by a drugstore pregnancy test on what was probably the happiest day of their life together until then.
Billy.
They walked on, then stopped to watch the sun dissolve into an ocean of dark metallic blue. To Stromsoe none of it looked like it used to. He wondered if this would be the last time he’d walk this beach. That would be okay. That’s why he listed the house for sale. The world was large. A new home can be a new life.
“When Mike ordered the bomb, was it intended for Hallie and Billy, or just you?”
“Just me.”
“Why does he hate you so much?”
“I loved Hallie and spent my life trying to put him in a cage.”
There was Ofelia too, and what happened to her, but that was not something he could tell a reporter.
“You accomplished both,” she said. “You won.”
Stromsoe said nothing.
They started back across the sand toward the houses. Stromsoe looked at the beachfront windows, copper in the fading light.
“Thanks for everything,” she said. “For telling me your story. I know it hurt.”
“It helped too.”
“If you need a friend, I’ll be it,” said Susan Doss.
“Oh?” He glanced at her and saw that she was looking down. “I appreciate that. I really do.”
“What I mean is, this is me. This is what I look like and this is what I am. And I think you’re wonderful and brave and loyal and I’d be proud to be your friend. Maybe more. I’m sorry to be clumsy and insensitive. I think my moment is right now and if it passes I’ll never see you again.”
He looked at her, not knowing what to say.
“Plus, I get four weeks’ paid vacation, great medical, and good retirement. I’ve got good teeth, strong legs, and an iron stomach. I’m relatively low maintenance.”
He smiled.
“And I only look clean-cut.”
“I can’t.”
They came to the street and headed toward Stromsoe’s house.
“I talk too much at the wrong time,” she said. “It’s a problem.”
“Hallie was the same way.”
“You’re a beautiful man.”
“You’re a beautiful woman but I can’t.”
“I understand, Matt.”
Susan lightly held his arm until they came to the house. She waited in the living room while Stromsoe chose a framed picture from the spare bedroom wall: Hallie, Billy, and him on the beach, not far from where he had just watch
ed the sun go down, smiling back at the stranger they’d asked to take the shot.
She looked at the picture then at Stromsoe. “You’ll find all this again. Somewhere, someday.”
He wanted to tell her it was impossible, but saw no reason to belittle her opinion.
One thing Stromsoe knew for certain about life was that things only happen once.
LATER THAT NIGHT he packed and loaded the car. It didn’t hold much, but he got his bare necessities, the bag with Hallie’s jewelry, and the one with Billy’s things.
He cooked canned stew and drank and limped through the house again as the memories collided with one another and the waves roared then hissed against the beach.
He signed a power-of-attorney form downloaded from the Web and left it on the kitchen table with a check for five thousand dollars, made out to Dan Birch.
He’d call Dan from wherever he was tomorrow, explain the situation.
He slept in his bed for the last time.
EARLY THE NEXT morning he gassed up and headed east toward Arizona. By two that afternoon he was in Tucson, where he called Birch and talked about the selling of his house. Dan was unhappy about Stromsoe’s plans but said he’d handle the sale and have the money deposited in the proper account.
“I want you to call me,” said Birch. “I’m not going to let you vanish.”
“I’ll call, Dan. I don’t want to vanish.”
“What do you want?”
“Forward motion.”
Storm Runners Page 3