Carnal Beginnings

by Reily Garrett

  Without warning, Julien exploded, vaulting over the table. Chairs skittered across the floor as he plowed into and tumbled Conner to the floor.

  He’d wrapped his hands around his older brother’s throat before Marc and Nate pulled him off.

  Thought and reason no longer applied. Rage flowed to fill every crevice of his being, controlling him like the strings of a puppet. His head smacking against the wall brought him back to reality. Nate and Marc each held a shoulder.

  “Dude! Easy! He’s not gonna make a move on Adara. She’s not even in the country.” Nate huffed with the exertion of holding Julien back.

  In his mind’s eye, Julien saw Adara lying in bed with Conner between her thighs and seeing her in the throes of passion. Her crystal-blue eyes looking up with such trust, devotion and—love.

  Panting breaths refused to provide adequate oxygen. He couldn’t breathe. His heart beat a frenetic tempo with the memory of long black curls that could hold a man in place like steel.

  “Julien! Snap out of it.” Marc shoved his shoulder against the wall.

  “Go near her and I’ll kill you,” Julien growled.

  “I have never gone near another man’s woman. We all know how you are…because we’re the same way. All cut from the same cloth. Ease up.” Conner stood in front of him, straightening his shirt then placing his hands on his hips. “Looks like your lower intestines have been rerouted to your frontal lobe.”

  Julien shook free of his brothers and sat in the nearest chair. “Sorry, Conner, guess I’m a little sensitive where she’s concerned.” As he closed his eyes, trying to get his breathing under control, he felt more than heard his brothers surrounding him.

  “Just a little?” Marc asked.

  “Well, Julien, that was incredibly brave and completely pointless,” Conner admonished as he picked up the overturned chairs.

  “Julien, we didn’t know you were still keeping tabs on Sarah. Sorry, man. But it wasn’t your fault,” Marc murmured. “She chose to ignore your advice in going back to that house. You said all the right things. I sat in the room, too. She ignored your warnings and paid the price. It’s not your penalty to pay.”

  Pain overwhelmed him. “I’ve gone to see her every week, plus I’ve called at the end of the week. She contracted MRSA in her lungs. She never stood a chance.”

  “Julien, we were all involved in that case to some degree. There’s nothing more we could’ve done. You can’t make someone accept your help. And you can’t make them see the logic staring them in the face. You know this. You’re always taking on the weight of the world.” Marc squeezed his shoulder.

  “That’s why you left Adara? What a knucklehead,” Conner added.

  Julien hung his head in defeat. There was no more fight left in him. He closed his eyes on the memory of Sarah lying broken and bloody on the floor. The vision still haunted his nights.

  Nate put his hand on his other shoulder, as if to ease his pain. “Julien, go to Adara. She needs you as much as you need her. You two are made for each other. I don’t think either one can exist without the other.”

  “I’ve hurt her so badly. She couldn’t possibly want anything to do with me.”

  “Bro.” Marc ruffled his hair just like when they were kids. “Go to her, work it out. Don’t discount your powers of persuasion.”

  “I don’t even know where she is.” With a sheepish grin, he looked around at each of his brothers. “I’ve driven by the house each morning and evening, haven’t seen her car there. She doesn’t have any credit cards in her name, and her cell phone records show no calls since two days after she left the hospital. I’ve no clue where she went. Nate? You were the last one to speak with her, as far as I know.”

  “And you call yourself a detective? That the best you got? Cause if so, your job skills suck.” Nate always grounded him. “I took her to the airport,” he added in his quiet tone.

  “Airport—international airport?” Julien jumped up and grabbed Nate by the shirt collar. “All this time you knew where she was and you didn’t tell me?” Julien bellowed.

  Nate grabbed Julien’s hands and pulled them away.

  With nothing to fill the void, Julien was lost, lumbering around the room like a bull. “All this time, you knew and didn’t tell me. How could you?” The loud crack from slamming a chair down sent pain shooting up his arm. His fists clenched and unclenched, as did his jaw. He stalked the room again, looking for an appropriate target yet knew his brothers weren’t the source of his pain.

  “Julien,” Nate reiterated quietly, “Go to her. Talk to her. She needs you.”

  Julien’s head snapped up as the pieces fit together. “She’s in St Lucia?” Each of his brothers smiled as he glared at them. “She’s in St Lucia!” He stalked toward the door, tossing his last remark over his shoulder with as much affection as he could muster. “Bastards.”

  “We love you, too, bro. Want a ride to the airport? There’s a flight leaving in ninety minutes,” Marc said as he looked at his watch.

  Stopped in his tracks, Julien swiveled back. “You’ve all planned this from the start?”

  “Yup,” Marc added. “We all realized you’ve become the poster child for Einstein’s theory of relative stupidity. Figured your brain needed a jump start.”

  “There’s a ticket reserved for you at the counter, bro,” Conner murmured.

  “Yeah, I have a favorite brother, Conner, and it isn’t you.” Julien smiled as he prioritized his needs.

  “Well,” Marc said, “watching you turn into an atmospheric succubus isn’t something we could tolerate any longer. We had to do something.”

  “To see you become a permanent member of the society for the love impaired just didn’t suit,” Conner quipped.

  “Hold on, Julien, I’ll give you a ride to the airport. There’s a duffle in the back of my truck, I packed some clothes and, uh, nice things for you,” Nate added as he kept pace.

  “Hope they don’t do too thorough a search at the airport. That could be awkward.” Marc laughed at Julien’s obvious chagrin.

  “We don’t want to see you back here for at least two weeks, bro,” Nate added.

  The flight to Hewanorra International Airport from Dulles was interminable. A small window framed the view of white cotton clouds as far as the eye could see while Julien’s mind hatched and dispatched different scenarios of what to say and how to approach Adara. Nothing stuck.

  It was inconceivable his brothers knew and didn’t tell him of her whereabouts. After extracting a promise not to warn her of his impending arrival, Julien prepared to take her by storm, give her no time to think, just overwhelm her into hearing him out without scaring her. Yeah, that’ll be easy.

  On the other hand, if she’d done something foolish, he couldn’t blame her. His mind conjured pictures of her taking a rebound lover to dull the pain. He would forgive her anything if she would listen to him. After what she’d survived, it would be a long time before anyone touched her again. He was a patient man.

  He’d said he loved her in the hospital but that didn’t mean she believed him. She might not believe him now.

  Maybe the soothing sound of surf had dulled her memories of him as well as her pain. Still, some of her parting words came to roost in his mind. Science project. Something to fix.

  His flight landed at three p.m. with vacationers swarming the airport like desert locusts, come to soak up the sunshine and beach atmosphere, only to move on at the end of the season

  Depending on what stage of grief crushed her heart, she could be sitting on the beach under an umbrella with book in hand, zoning out, or curled into fetal position in her bed and soaking her pillow with tears. His mind teemed with ideas to choke out all but the occasional rational thought.

  He’d prided himself on self-control. The one thing neither parent had ever demonstrated. He tried to think of something he could give, something of himself. She’d brought up the fact she didn’t know him, who he really was. In his heart, he knew
that was why she’d held a small piece of her heart in check—self-preservation. He’d have to bare all if he hoped for another chance.

  Epilogue

  Adara sat on her towel in front of the resort. An hour had passed since she situated herself to stay in the shadow of her umbrella. Of all the things that had induced tears, the thought of Nika now wrenched her heart. She’d spent days evaluating her life and those in it.

  Julien’s last words were a declaration of love, but he left. Now, she couldn’t scrub him from her heart. She didn’t have the strength. Nika remained her one tie to Julien, albeit a distant one, and she would hang on for dear life. Meanwhile, she needed to stanch the flow of life’s essence leaking from her soul.

  Swarms of people lay on towels sunbathing, body surfing in the waves, or just walking along the beach. So many couples hand in hand, smiling into each other’s gazes. She’d experienced that, far too briefly, yet those memories would last her a lifetime. They’d have to, because she would never involve herself with another man.

  She’d spent her days in that same spot, staring out to sea, and the evenings crying as she hugged a pillow to her chest. Her wounds had healed and the search for answers only the universe knew and wouldn’t share replenished her pot of despair on a daily basis. She couldn’t bring herself to think about the future. It was too painful, just like the past. She didn’t know how to live in the moment. She’d had that and lost it, along with her heart. Now there was only pain.

  “I grew up on the streets of a small town. Almost literally. If it weren’t for my older brothers, I’d have been in juvie hall before I hit thirteen.”

  The deep voice resonated throughout her body, but she couldn’t turn her head. Maybe she was experiencing an auditory hallucination. Her family had either left her or turned on her—why shouldn’t her mind? “You’re not really here. I know it. It’s just my imagination.”

  Strong arms wrapped around her, firm lips nuzzled her neck, inhaled the scent of her hair. A slight breeze brushed down her back when he shifted. With an easy dexterity, he unbraided her hair to let the wind sift its light fingers through it. A shudder went down her spine when mortal fingers traced feather-light circles along her shoulders and down her arms.

  “Sweetheart, please listen to me. Hear me out before you say anything.”

  She’d imagined his voice in the crowd so many times she couldn’t believe he knelt behind her. Tears tracked her cheeks and fell to her shirt. “Easy enough to find me, the only person sitting on the beach under an umbrella wearing jeans and a short sleeve shirt.”

  “The short sleeves impressed me, I have to admit. You’ve gotten so much stronger.”

  “No, Julien, not stronger, I just don’t care what people think. Screw them. All of them.”

  “Aw, baby.” He scooped her hair over her shoulder and carefully lifted her to cradle in his arms.

  She didn’t resist, just laid her head against his heart, and then turned her cheek to rub against his chest. “Julien. Please, I can’t do this. You’ve already broken my heart. Let me go.”

  When he continued walking and telling his story, she didn’t have the willpower to resist.

  “When I was a kid, my dad came home drunk one night. Nothing unusual about that, he was a mean drunk. Usually, Nate pulled me into his room and kept me occupied till the bastard passed out. Marc and Conner spent a lot of time at their friends’ houses.

  “But this night, Nate and I knew he was going to kill Mom, just knew, deep down inside. Neither one of us spoke about it. When Dad started in on her, we went downstairs to confront him. Yeah, Nate and me, two kids against a big, mean drunk. Nate’s only a year older than I am, but was always protective of me, and I was determined.” Julien frowned as his gaze drifted far off.

  “Anyway, Dad straddled her on the floor. One hand smothered her, covered her nose and mouth. Her face turned beet red, eyes bulging, and hands clawing at his fingers wrapped around her throat. She tried to kick out, but he was too heavy. I’ll never forget the panic in her eyes when she saw us. We each latched onto one of his arms, tried to pull him back. I’m not sure he even knew we were there. Big, mean, and drunk as hell.

  “Then Mom stopped struggling, her arms dropped to the floor. Her eyes stayed open. I figured as long as her eyes were open, she was alive. I screamed at him, over and over. I don’t think he heard me. When she didn’t move, he stayed there with his hand still circling her throat. Then his expression changed. It was like he hung onto her for dear life.”

  Julien continued into the hotel and headed up to her room. “I couldn’t look away from my mom. Nate was crying, I think he knew she was dead. I kept telling her to get up. I needed her.”

  When Julien reached her room, he shifted her to reach the keycard sticking out of her shirt pocket. After inserting it in the slot and an audible click, he opened the door. His foot caught the edge and kicked it shut.

  The soft mattress under her head buffered the pain of his story. The shift of the mattress under his weight granted a certain familiarity and comfort. She didn’t resist when he cuddled her to his chest.

  “I don’t know how long I stood there. But I remember Dad turning to look at me. I can still remember the look on his face. I’d never been so scared. Nate grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the house. We ran, kept running. Snow had covered the ground, about six inches. Our slippers soaked through pretty quick, but we kept running. When I told him I couldn’t run anymore, he tried to carry me. Of course I was too heavy, so I grabbed his hand and we struggled and ran some more. I didn’t know where we were headed. Like always, I followed my big brother’s lead. We lived in a fairly small town, but kinda spread out. We finally came to the police station, we found the door locked. Yeah, Hicksville USA, that small. When the officer on duty came back to fill out nightly reports, he found us huddled on the step, frozen and inseparable.”

  Julien stroked her cheeks with the back of his knuckles, sifted his fingers through her hair. “I’ve never told another living soul about that night. Nate and I have never talked about it.”

  “That’s why you keep yourself so bottled up all the time, Julien.” Adara cupped his cheek, her fingers damp from his tears. “You’ve never grieved before, have you?”

  “No. No, I haven’t.”

  “That’s why Sarah’s death affected you so hard.”

  “Yeah.”

  “It’s also why you don’t share parts of yourself, don’t let people in.”

  “I know my being so closed off hurt you.”

  * * * *

  “Julien, it’s just that I’m not sure what you feel.”

  “Sweetheart, you’re not a science project. I love you. Plain and simple. And I know you loved me, too. I’ve seen it in your eyes.” He tilted his head forward to kiss her forehead, praying she could forgive him. “The question remains, do you still love me, or have I ruined that, too?”

  “Julien, I will always love you. Every day I’ve sat on the beach and wondered how I could go on. Ever since that first night with you, I can’t imagine being anywhere else but with you.”

  Julien froze, then turned her to her back and leaned in for a kiss. “God, Adara, I don’t ever want to be apart from you again. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving how much I love you. I won’t shut you out. We’ll share everything. Everything we feel, see, touch. Everything.”

  When his gaze met hers, her tears fell.

  “Yes, sir. I love you, too. I always have.”

  “And if you ever tell anyone I cried, I’ll turn you over my knee. You won’t sit for a week.” He trailed kisses from the corner of her eye to the corner of her mouth, nibbled at her lower lip.

  “Promise?”

  “Yeah, and I think there’s something you’re ready to face also…” With deliberate intent, he lifted the locket she wore.

  Her lips parted on a slow inhale. Her sudden somber expression transformed to a wary thoughtfulness. “Um, maybe you’re right. They’re never coming back
, and this is something they wanted me to know or have. Will you open it for me?”

  A quick study with puzzles and mysteries, he fingered the gardenia shaped locket, its design mirrored on both sides. A cylindrical stem extended from the bottom of the flower. “Looks like there might be a locking mechanism in the center of this stem. It looks rather old.”

  “It is. It’s been handed down for many generations.”

  After turning on the bedside lamp, he swiveled to sit on the bed and removed and held the precious heirloom closer to the light to inspect the bottom of it. “Yeah, see this here?”

  The mattress dipped as she moved to settle beside him. “Yes! I’ve never noticed that before…”

  Reaching over to the bedside table, he snagged an ink pen and pointed to a small distinct depression in the center. Leaning toward her, he didn’t want her to miss the solving of the puzzle. A distinct click preceded the flower opening slightly. “And now we see it bloom…”

  Before the gap widened farther, he handed it back to Adara. “Here, hon. You’ve waited a long time for this. This is your treasure to open. I have mine.” Whatever the contents, he knew it would mean the world to her. It came from her parents.

  Adara’s shaky breath warmed his face. Her look of uncertainty prompted him to cup her hands holding the sentimental fortune.

  As she tilted the piece back and forth, one side fell open from a side hinge. The contents popped out and into her palm. Her gasp of shock gave him no clue of its meaning. “This—”

  “Looks like…a small four leaf clover?”

  “Yes! Oh God, yes! It’s from our best vacation. Dad found it and said that one day…we’d go back and find the perfect vacation home.” Tears coursed down her cheeks. “He put this in the locket so that…on my sixteenth birthday—we’d go back. We almost made it.”

  “Adara, we will go. Soon.”

  “Promise? I mean…I’m not real sure exactly where…”