by M. L. Rice
Her brother had gotten a job at a service station owned by his friend’s dad, and he spent long days from sunrise until sunset learning how to repair anything from mopeds to Suburbans. Having him learn to be a mechanic made Riley thankful. It was a useful and necessary job that would allow him to have a lifelong career. Riley had been worried that he would get stuck doing something pointless. He didn’t like to talk about his work much, though, and Riley could tell that he was unhappy. Girlfriends never lasted very long with him either. He was too restless to stick with one person for an extended period of time. Riley saw that her brother was slowly crumbling inside. He hadn’t gotten what he wanted out of life so far, but he also couldn’t figure out the direction he wanted his life to take. He never said it in actual words, but Riley’s bond with him meant that he didn’t have to. She knew his every thought just by the twitch of his cheek or the furrow of his brow. She wanted to help him, but his entire world was about helping her. Anytime she suggested that they rent a duplex or small house together when she graduated, he would fly off the handle and demand that she work hard enough to get into a good school and make something of herself. Having her stay in Whitehill was never an option. He was even setting aside every penny he didn’t need to get by for her so she would have some funds for school. She couldn’t persuade him otherwise. He was her brother, her best friend, her parents, and her benefactor all in one.
They tried to have dinner together at least once a week, and whenever she would ask about his week and how his mechanic training was going, he would gloss over it and change the subject to who won the Monday Night Football game or he would ask her about her grades. Nothing ever changed until Riley’s Christmas break during her senior year. She stayed over at Aidan’s apartment for the entire two weeks because both of his roommates were staying at their parents’ houses, and Aidan had actually worked really hard to clean it up for her. She loved being away from the Home for such a long stretch of time and dreaded going back. She couldn’t wait to get into college and leave the small suburb and her dreary childhood behind. Aidan never stopped pushing her, so it didn’t surprise her when, only three days after celebrating their Christmas of one small gift each, video game playing, butter chess pie, pizza, and copious amounts of cheap wine in a box, he forced her back into what had become their weekly routine.
“Okay, Nugget. Get out your checklist.”
“Are you serious? It’s Christmas break, Aidan.”
“Hey. If I can give up playing football in the park with the guys for an hour you can give up reading that stupid book for a while.”
Riley held up the tattered book in front of his face. “Aidan, this is Virginia Woolf.”
“And?”
“A Room of One’s Own?”
Silence.
Riley rolled her eyes. “It’s not a ‘stupid book.’ One, it’s awesome. Two, it’s an extremely important historical essay that argues for female creative and financial independence and therefore helped to foster real and empowering discussions about gender roles in society. Three, it’s homework. I’m reading it for my English class.”
“Okay. So it’s not a stupid book. Let me try again.” He cleared his throat. “Hey. If I can give up playing football in the park with the guys for an hour you can, just for a little while, give up reading that amazing piece of feminist literature that surely helped to bring about our current social enlightenment.”
She laughed and tossed the book onto the couch. “Fine. Feminist manifesto perusal on hold.”
She pulled a notebook out of her backpack and placed it on the coffee table as she sat on the floor, legs crossed underneath it.
“Let’s go over it again.” Aidan recited the list from memory. “SATs.”
Riley sighed. “This is stupid. You know I’ve taken them and sent in my scores. We talk about it every week.”
“Riley, I’m not going to let something bad happen because we forgot to do one stupid thing.”
“SATs. Done and scores sent in to North Texas, Texas Tech, Sam Houston State, the University of Texas, the University of Houston, Rice, and Texas State.”
“Applications and essays?”
“Sent in with the SAT scores. Duh.”
“Housing applications?”
“Sent in after my applications were accepted.”
“Scholarships?”
“Scholarship applications sent for all schools except UT, which automatically considers all music students for one. Seriously, Aidan, you know all of this.”
“Financial aid applications?”
“For the love of all that is holy, Aidan. All the damn paperwork is sent! Promise!”
“Auditions?”
Riley leaned back against the couch letting her head loll back onto the cushions. She spoke with her mouth open and slack. “Recordings sent to all but Texas State and UT.”
“Why not those two?”
Riley sat up, her excitement winning out over irritation. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. Those are the two schools I’m most interested in since I don’t want to be too far from you here in Whitehill.”
Riley noticed Aidan shift in his chair slightly. Something was wrong, but she would wait for him to tell her what he was thinking when he was ready.
“So when will you send in your audition recordings to them?” His voice was steady.
“Well, I actually wanted to ask if you could drive me to Austin and San Marcos to audition for them in person. It could be fun a weekend trip or something.”
Aidan slowly nodded his head. “Yeah, I think we can manage that. If it’s done soon.”
Riley narrowed her eyes, but said, “Well, the local audition for cello at UT is two Saturdays from now. I already scheduled it. Yes, I knew you’d agree to take me. We can hit Texas State on the way.”
Aidan smiled. “That will be perfect. Now. Grades?”
“Straight As.” Riley looked away as Aidan gave her a knowing look. “Okay, fine. Except for Trig. I have a B in Trig. That’s good, though. I had a C last semester.”
Aidan smiled. “Yes, that’s very good. I never even made it to Trig. I’m impressed.”
“Okay. Are we done now?”
“Yeah. With the checklist, but…” Aidan looked like he was steeling himself.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing! It’s just that…well, I have some big news that I’ve been waiting to tell you, but I kind of have to now.”
“Oh my God, you’re pregnant.”
Riley’s attempt at levity didn’t work.
“This is kind of serious actually, but it’s a good thing. Honest.”
“Well? What is it, then?”
“Okay. Don’t get mad, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking for the last two years…”
“Well done.”
“Okay, tool.” He reached out and lightly smacked the back of her head. “But seriously, you know how much I hate working for Eddie’s dad, right?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, I don’t make jack shit for the work I do. I mean I like the work itself. It suits me and I’m good at it, but I’m trying my best to save money for you and working that mechanic job just isn’t cutting it.”
“You’re quitting your job?”
“Already quit actually.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Riley crossed her arms over her chest. “I mean, I’m not mad, but you know that you can tell me anything. What will you do now? Did you get a better job?”
“Well, like I said, I really want to be able to help you out when you go to college. I mean I know that you’re a perfect candidate for a scholarship and financial aid, but you’ll still need a lot of money for other things. Clothes and books and…makeup…and girly things…or something. I dunno.” He shrugged uncomfortably.
“Aidan, don’t you dare do this for me. I can’t deal with that. I’m going to get a job too. I can pay for my own things. And makeup? Really? How long have you known me?” She looked at him wit
h exasperation.
“Don’t worry, greedy pants. I’m doing this for me too.” Aidan smiled warmly.
“Okay fine. So what are you doing?”
Aidan took a deep breath and blurted out, “I joined the Marines.”
The air seemed to have been forcefully ejected from the room. She couldn’t breathe. All logical thought left her brain.
It seemed like an eternity, but Riley finally reacted. “You did what?” She jumped to her feet in delayed astonishment, bumping her knee loudly on the underside of the coffee table as she rose.
Aidan stood up with her and put out placating hands. “Shh. It’s okay.” He could probably tell that she was on the verge of one of her breakdowns.
“It’s not okay, Aidan. What were you thinking? What about me?” She was shaking like a leaf.
Aidan’s face hardened, and he stood up straighter, his shoulders square and uncompromising. Riley was moved by how confident and strong he looked.
“Riley, damn it, I’m doing this for both of us. I can’t help you with the money I’m making here, and I feel like I’m wasting away. I want to do something with my life. Be someone. Be a part of something bigger than myself. As a Marine, I’ll be somebody. It’s a good job and it can be my career for the rest of my life if I want it to be. It’s stable, my food and board is paid for, it’s exciting, I get good training, and the extra money I make will help pay for your goddamned college education.” His voice had grown louder as he spoke.
Riley vibrated with anger, but she realized that what she was feeling was more like abject terror. “Aidan, I…” Mortification befell her as tears sprang unbidden from her eyes.
He rushed to her side and sat her down gently on the couch. “Shh. It’s okay, Nugget. You’ll see. This will be a great thing.”
Through her sobs she asked, “They could send you anywhere. I won’t be able to stand not knowing what you’re doing or how you are. Not being able to see you whenever I want.”
“Come on,” he tried to comfort her. “You’ll be off at college having your own adventures. You won’t have time to worry about your big brother. You’ll be so busy playing your cello, taking all of those classes, meeting guys…or girls. Please. I’d only cramp your style.”
Riley slowly calmed down and had a stray thought that Aidan had even figured out that she was interested in girls without her having to say anything, but an icy fear had gripped her insides. “But…but Marines do dangerous things. Bad guys shoot at Marines.” The idea of someone purposely trying to kill him horrified and unnerved her.
“Well, I’ll just have to shoot back. Come on.” He put his arm around her shoulders. “No one can hurt me. I’m too damn handsome. I mean really. Do you know how much the lovely ladies would miss the otherworldly magic that is my…”
Riley groaned and elbowed him in the ribs. He made an oof sound and then grinned his lupine smile.
Riley sniffed. “God, you’re such a perv. You’re going to come home with an STD from some skanky prostitute in some Godforsaken corner of the planet or something.”
Aidan laughed loudly. “Hey, you know I have safe sex. No diseases or babies for this guy! No glove, no love.”
Riley covered her ears and made loud La La sounds. “Not listening! So not listening! TMI! Gross gross gross!”
Aidan laughed again. “Seriously though. I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine. It’s a really great opportunity for someone in my position, and I can’t think of anything better that I could do for my life. And yours.”
Riley leaned into his muscular shoulder and sighed, still gulping from trying to stop crying. “But why the Marines? Why not the Air Force or Merchant Marine or…Peace Corps or something?”
“Riley. Have you seen the Marine uniforms? I’ll be absolutely irresistible. I’ll have a girl in every port.”
Riley knew he was teasing her and rolled her eyes, but she could feel the muscles in her face lifting. Even when it seemed that her world was about to fall apart, Aidan could make her smile. She pulled away from him, blew her nose, and settled in for what was sure to be a long and painful conversation.
Sniffing and wiping her nose with a tissue he handed to her, she said, “Okay, Lieutenant Libertine. Cool down for a minute and tell me when you leave and where you’re going and how long you’ll be there and how I’m going to stay in touch with you and what you’re going to be doing and—”
Aidan laughed and put his large hand over her mouth. “Slow down there, Sparky. One at a time.” He let her go and turned to face her. “First, I’m going to basic training in three weeks, and I’ll be at the recruit depot in San Diego. Recruit training takes thirteen weeks, and after that I get ten days’ leave so I’ll come and visit you here. After that, I’m sent to the School of Infantry at Camp Pendleton, but I don’t know if I’ll end up being an infantry specialist or something else.” He shrugged. “If I go infantry it’s about two months’ worth of training. If not, it’s one month at the SOI and then on to whatever specialty school I need. That timing depends on the specialization, and I don’t know much about those yet. After all of that training is done, I’ll get my orders for my first permanent duty station and will be there for about six months before I get deployed. That’s standard anyway. I’m sure that part can change.” When Riley didn’t speak and just looked at him, he continued, “You know that I could just end up in Louisiana or something, right? They might not even send me overseas anytime soon, so don’t worry too much about it until we know, okay?”
Riley snorted. “Yeah. Like I’d really worry about your goofy ass.” Another tear betrayed her as it slid down her face.
Aidan sighed but slapped Riley’s knee. “In the meantime, though, you’re going to get a few late Christmas presents.”
“Why? You don’t have to get me anything else. This necklace is definitely more than you should have done anyway.” Her hand automatically went to the sterling silver bass clef charm and silver chain that she now wore proudly around her neck. “All I could get you was a used Xbox game.”
Aidan waved her thought away. “Yeah. One that I’ve been wanting forever. You know I love it. And anyway, that’s not the point. Come on. Follow me.”
Riley looked at him quizzically, but followed him over to the window.
“You see that?” He pointed through the blinds to the parking lot below.
She scanned the few cars in the lot including Aidan’s ancient and very worn yet functional Subaru. “What? The cars?”
“No. Your car.”
She turned to look at him, her eyes wide. “You’re giving me your car?”
Aidan pulled back from the window, a pleased look on his face.
“Why?”
“Because I won’t need it for a long time when I go away, and when I’m done with boot camp and get stationed at my home base, I’m just going to buy a motorcycle. It’s a hell of a lot cheaper than a car. I’ll save on gas, and if I get sent overseas it’s a lot easier to find a place to store it.”
Riley grinned before an obvious thought occurred to her. “Aidan, I haven’t even taken Driver’s Ed.”
“Part two of late Christmas presents! I signed you up for the classes they offer at school. It’s way cheaper and you don’t have to go anywhere else. And…” He paused for dramatic effect. “Part three.” He opened the closet door and pulled out a large hard-shelled case.
“Oh my God, you didn’t.”
“I did.” He beamed. “Don’t get too excited. It’s not brand new or anything, but I talked to Miss Geddis, and she said that it’s a high-quality one that has an amazing tone…or something.”
Riley zipped open the case and gazed at the gorgeous cello inside. “This is too much.”
“Nah. I got a pretty decent signing bonus when I joined up, so it’s going to cover a lot of your first expenses, and you have to have your own cello if you’re going to major in it. And to make life a little easier…here.” He pulled a Visa card out of his pocket with her name on it. “I created a jo
int account for us. You can put your gas and books on here. Just let me know first if you need to buy something else. I’m not Brother Warbucks, and I don’t want you to run this card up.”
Riley was silent for a while, turning her first credit card over in her hands. “Aidan, you can’t just give me everything you earn. You have a life too.”
“Yes, I do, and check it out.” He walked back over to the hall closet and pulled out a black leather jacket and shiny matching motorcycle helmet. He held them up proudly. “Pretty cool, huh?”
Riley sighed with exasperation. “You’re going to kill me with worry. First you join the Marines, and now you’re going to be a biker too. Aidan, for the love of all that is holy, please be careful.”
“You know me.” He winked.
Riley shook her head but smiled weakly. “Yeah. That’s the problem.”
Chapter Five
“Do you want me to come in with you?”
Aidan and Riley were seated in a waiting room in the Butler School of Music on the University of Texas campus in Austin. Several string players were scattered around, manically going over their audition music with fingers moving silently in the air, but Riley was the last cello player that remained. She had nervously watched as cellist after cellist exited the audition room, some beaming from their performances, some breaking down in sobs over missed notes and butchered runs.
Riley’s voice shook as she spoke. “You’re not allowed and you know it. Anyway, this is all on me. I either play well enough or I don’t.”
“Well, I don’t know much about music, but I think you’re the best cellist ever.” Aidan smiled helpfully.
Riley snorted in an anxious way. “Not even close, Bro. But thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“Well, you sounded great in that last audition. I could hear you through the door.”