I open my mouth, but she’s grinning. She’s teasing me. Finally, she’s softening up around me.
“I really meant every word I said,” I murmur. “You inspire and amaze me. You mean a lot to me. That you could overcome all of that crap… You deserve everything in life, and I want to help make that a reality.”
“I don’t need—”
“I know you don’t need me. I get that. I still want to help you. Is that so wrong?”
“I… No. It’s not wrong.”
“Then let me help you,” I plead. “You want your device sold?”
“I don’t want to talk about the device right now.”
“Then what do you want to talk about?”
She hesitates. “You think that the world is a place where there’s wonder. You want to explore and see the good in it.”
“Are you trying to make me sound naïve?” I grumble.
"No. I'm envious. I wish… I became jaded because I needed to. Rix, that guy, when he did all that… I was fifteen. He was nineteen. I thought he cared about me, but he just wanted whatever he could get from me. He was a punk, a goon, and I have a feeling he's probably taken advantage of others both before and after me. Maybe hunting him down would be cathartic, but I don’t want to ever see him again.”
"Then, you know what?" I glance around and dash over to claim a stick. I rip off the bottom of my shorts and tie it around the stick. "Come on."
After handing her the stick, I bring her back over to the fire.
“Burn it, and pretend you’re burning him. It’ll help you to move past him.”
“This sounds like something your mom would’ve thought of,” she asks suspiciously.
“Nope. This is all me. Do you think it’ll help?”
“There’s only one way to find out.” She tosses the stick into the flames. The fire licks at it, the cloth almost looking like hair more than the clothes I intended it to serve as. “Fuck you, Paul. Fuck you and the horse you rode on.”
“Better?” I ask.
“Not quite.”
14
Ava
I can’t believe what Rix is doing for me. I do feel a little better burning the fake Paul, but more than anything, I’m so very confused. My feelings for Rix… I can’t deny it. Talking to him like this has made me feel closer to him, and that frightens me. Given my past, I just don’t let people in.
He’s human. An alien, yes, but he’s not all that different from me… or from Paul. Maybe he is, though. He seems genuine, and that speech, that tear… There is a Kurian actor. I’ve heard about him, but I haven’t seen the movie. Rix, though, isn’t an actor. He wears his heart and his emotions on his… giant arm since he doesn’t wear a shirt to have a sleeve.
“What do you need to be better?” Rix asks softly.
"I need a drink. Can you put that fire out? I don't want my place to go up in flames."
“Sure thing.”
I leave him to it, and I do a quick inventory of my stuff. As I thought, I’m fresh out of alcohol. It’s not often that I have any on hand anyhow, so it’s not surprising.
“I’m here,” Rix announces, standing behind me.
I shake my head. He doesn't want to startle me, which is sweet and endearing, and fuck. This can't be happening. I've put up walls for a reason. Is an alien going to be the one to tear them down? Will he just go off and leave me high and dry like Paul did? I mean, he's a pilot. He wants to see the stars.
Fuck that. I want to see the stars too.
I never really thought about that before, but the prototypes that Paul stole for their parts? They had all been telescope variations that could help to predict weather patterns or the distance between the Earth and the star it was focused on. I've always had a thing for numbers and calculations. The weather predictor, that still had a lot of bugs, but the weather has always been a finicky bitch. She doesn't like to give patterns or telltale signs of her big moves.
“I need alcohol,” I announce.
“Sake?”
I shake my head. “Something stronger.”
“You want to get drunk.”
“Are you judging me?”
“Never.” He hesitates. “I just don’t want you to get into trouble, and I don’t want you to get me into trouble either.”
I laugh. “You don’t have to worry there. I’ve never been drunk. I know my limits, and I usually don’t have enough to barter in order to drink enough to become drunk. No worries there.”
“My mom had a long talk to me about drinking and taking advantage and lowered inhibitions… Drinking alcohol doesn’t affect Novans much at all, and Kurians don’t tend to get drunk either. She made sure that I understood that no means no and all of that. Respect and, ah, I guess I didn’t do her proud when it came to you.”
I eye him. He's not acting. He really does feel bad about how things went down. And from his point of view, he wasn't trying to be deceptive. Rix knew that by hinting at wanting to go back on the ship to resume the tour meant his bedroom. He was being honest about his intentions.
I just didn’t want those intentions realized.
And then after, he ghosted me. Or did I ghost him? I guess it’s more that I ghosted him.
Yeah, I am so confused right now. Not that I drink will help that any, but I’m feeling things I haven’t felt in a very long time, and I don’t think I can handle that right now. Not on top of everything else.
"My mom also told me once that sometimes, a woman needs space. That's some of the reasons why I stayed away. I was embarrassed, yes, but I thought that if I gave you time, you might not be so mad and might not hate me as much."
Space. He wanted to give me space, which was what I needed, wasn’t it? Then again, he did make me feel like he forgot all about me. Man, I don’t even know how he could have handled things so that I wouldn’t be upset. He did the best he could under the circumstances, and honestly, he didn’t play his cards entirely wrong.
“Let’s just head to the bar now, okay?” I suggest.
We walk there. It’s about a two-mile walk, and we arrive twenty minutes later. The place isn’t too packed yet because it’s early yet, but once we sit at the bar, the bartender makes a call, and it takes no time at all for the place to become jam-packed.
A woman bumps into me as we're waiting for our food to be served. "Oh, I'm sorry," she gushes, bending down low, her top leaving nothing to the imagination. I swear I can see her nipples. "Don't you look good? Blue is so your color." She laughs, her hand on her chest as she straightens, and then she flickers her hand toward Rix.
“I do think Ava looks good in blue,” Rix remarks.
I glance down. Yeah, there is a thin strip of blue in my mostly black and white shirt, and I just give him a look.
He winks at me.
“You should try the—”
“We already ordered,” Rix tells the woman.
“Oh. You’re here with her?” She brushes her blond hair back. “Don’t you know that threesomes are amazing? I don’t mind—”
Rix tilts his head, finally looking at her. “I thought the saying was that three’s a crowd.”
The woman pouts, pushing out her lower lip, and she stalks away, maybe looking for another victim.
I sip on my drink. I’m not even sure what it is. All I did was ask the bartender to whip me up something that would taste good. If there’s alcohol in it, I can’t tell, which is dangerous, very dangerous.
Which is why I’m sipping, but I’m nervous, and when I’m nervous, I need to do something with my hands. That means drinking. I’m almost done with my drink when our food is served, and the bartender gives me a second drink the moment I finish my first.
Shit.
Rix and I try to talk, but that blonde isn't the only one to interrupt us. Many more women do as we eat, and that makes me so very uncomfortable, fucking uncomfortable. I mean, on the one hand, it's plain as day that Rix wants nothing to do with them, and that makes me glad, but they just won't stop. There's a seemingly
endless supply of them coming over and trying to flirt and get with him, and I just want to gag. Leave us alone!
Are they oblivious to me? Do they think that someone like me can't possibly be with someone like him? Or do they all think he's just a massive horndog and will want threesomes or orgies? I am not for that at all. I mean, the most I've done is kissing a few times, and once, I had a hand up my shirt. That's it.
But that doesn't mean that I haven't tried to orgasm. That's the keyword. Tried. I've fingered myself, but I've never been able to make myself come. I think not having a house makes it harder for me to get in the mood for one thing. I'm worried someone will see even though most normal people who aren't Rix don't bother to head toward my place, so it's not like anyone would be watching. Still, just the thought of that made me too anxious. Plus, I don't know what to do. I'm clueless.
And Rix isn't a virgin, so he knows what he's doing. My inexperience will—
What the hell. Why am I thinking about us having sex? I need to slow down, not just with the drinks but with my thoughts. I need to cool it, and maybe I need a cold shower too.
Maybe I can take him over to the pond. We can swim, have fun, maybe use some soap, wash each other…
Fuck. I’m doing it again. I mean, yeah, we talked a little, and we might have connected some, but still. I don’t really know him.
Do I want to get to know him?
I think I might.
I mean, why else am I so uncomfortable with all of the attention he's getting from the women in this place? I mean, shit. There are at least ten women in here for every guy, if not fifteen. It's disgusting.
“Do you want dessert?” the bartender asks as he collects our plates.
Rix shrugs. “What do you have?”
“Oh, I can recommend something for dessert,” a redhead says, draping an arm around Rix’s back.
He jerks his shoulders so that her arm falls off. “I’m talking to the bartender.”
“Beat it, Candace,” the bartender says.
The redhead flips him the bird and stalks off.
“Sorry. She’s like a damn vulture,” the bartender says.
“They all are,” I grumble.
The bartender chuckles. “Yeah, well, they like the novelty. I don’t see why they think they can get between the two of you, the way you two keep undressing each other with your eyes, so I completely understand if you just want to jet out of here.”
“What?” I blurt out. “I wasn’t. You weren’t—”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Rix protests, but his face is turning a little purple, and I burst out laughing.
His face is purple.
He’s blushing.
Red and blue make purple.
He’s embarrassed, and he’s lying, and he really doesn’t have a poker face.
Which means that speech earlier really did come from the heart.
That gets me to stop laughing, and I blink a few times. “Um, maybe no dessert.”
“I can pay,” Rix says. He pulls out his wallet and hands the bartender a bill. A fifty.
“It’s a little more,” the bartender says a little sheepishly.
“This enough?” Rix asks. He adds a twenty.
“Yep. Give me a minute or two, and I’ll come back with your change.”
“You can keep it.”
“Are you sure? That’s a nice tip. I mean, I’m not complaining, but I don’t want to take advantage—”
“You were great. Don’t you tip based on service?” Rix asks.
“Yes.”
“Well, then, keep the nice tip.” Rix grins and helps me down from the high bar stool even though I don’t need his help. I don’t mind, though, and I appreciate the hand on my lower back as we leave the place. It’s that crowded, and I feel a bit claustrophobic. I’ve never felt this way before, but my chest is tight, and I’m breathing fast, and my hands are clammy.
Oh. Maybe this is all from him touching me. I don’t know. Crazy to think about.
As we head back to my place, we talk about things, not super deep but not terribly light either.
By the time my place is almost into view, Rix stops. “I hope you didn’t mind all of that.”
“All of what?”
“I sure minded. It gets old fast. When the guys are around, some of the women will pay them attention, so it’s more manageable, but honestly, I hate it.”
“Hate what?”
Rix just gives me a look.
“You mean the attention from the women? Oh, I barely noticed that.”
“Ava, I could tell that made you uncomfortable. Ovian, it made me uncomfortable. I don’t appreciate it, and I just want you to know that. Okay?”
He’s so very sweet, worrying about me and my feeling. He wants to settle my nerves, and honestly, he’s having the opposite effect on me. Rix is making me feel all kinds of things, and I decide to give in, to go for it.
I lift onto my tiptoes.
And I kiss him.
15
Rix
The kiss comes out of nowhere, and I don't know where to put my hands. I mean, I want to wrap my arms around Ava and pull her to me, but I don't know if I should, if she wants that. Then, she touches my arms, and I think it's okay. I wrap one arm around her, and she relaxes against me.
My lips move against hers, and I want her to open her mouth. There’s so much more that I want. In fact, I want her so very badly that even though she’s not pressed up right against me, she still might be able to feel my erection. My cock is throbbing, and I want her so much right now. It feels like my balls are going to explode.
But I control myself. As badly as I want Ava, I don't want to push her too hard, too fast.
I pull back enough to say, “You’re in control,” but then she’s kissing me again, claiming my words.
My tongue sweeps across her lower lip, and she opens her mouth. Cautiously, I put my tongue in her mouth, and she moans, her grip on my arms tightening.
There's no doubting it. Ava's clearly feeling the effects of her drinks.
Her hands run up and down my arms, and I just hold her, rubbing her back, not letting myself cup her ass even though I want to. This is a very fine line here, an extremely fine line, and I’m not sure we should cross it, so I’ll rather err on the side of caution.
If there is any caution to be had.
“Rix,” she says, and she giggles.
I do love that sound—both of her happy giggles and of her saying my name.
She runs her hands through my hair. “I think… You’re an alien explorer, right?”
“Sure.” I smile down at her, loving how lit up her eyes are.
“I think… I think I’m enchanted by you. I’m enchanted by the alien explorer. Isn’t that hilarious?” She bursts out laughing.
“Ava, I think you need—”
“Alien explorer, hush! I’m not done talking yet.” She touches my nose and then moves her finger to my lips to shh me. “Alien explorer, do you want to explore me?”
Ava steps back and lifts her hair up behind her head as she pushes out her chest.
Okay, yeah, this isn’t the Ava that I want to know.
I shake my head. “Ava, I think you should get some rest.”
“Get some rest? What the hell. Why would you say that? Unless you mean you want to sleep with me. Is that it? That’s it, right? Maybe… I don’t really have a bed. It’s just some blankets that I lie on. Do you want us to go back to the ship? Yes! Yes! Let’s finish the tour! How does that sound? I mean, that’s what we should do, right? My first time shouldn’t be on blankets. It should be done right and proper in a bed. In your bed. Can we go to your bed? We can rest there.” She winks at me, or at least I think she tries to, but she just deliberately blinks at me.
Honestly, it's strange. It's like the alcohol almost had a delayed effect on Ava because when we were walking, she slurred her words some and walked a bit zigzagged, but she hadn't been this over the top.
<
br /> “No, Ava,” I say as smoothly as possible. “I think you need to sleep as in sleep. Not sleep as in sleep with me.”
“Why the fuck not?” she demands. “You left that bar full of women who all wanted to rip your pants off with me. Why can’t I be the one to rip them off? I won’t even rip them. I like how those pants fit you. And besides! You can’t lie to me, Alien Explorer. You want me.”
She reaches toward my cock that is pressed against my pants and begging to be freed, but I grab her wrist as gently as I can.
“You’re nothing but a fucker, you know that? Leading a girl on. Getting her to open up to you, to care for you, to maybe, I don’t know, feel things. It’s wrong for you to do that, to get her hopes up, to send… Yes. You’re sending mixed signals. Why don’t you want me?”
“Ava, I do. You can see that I do.”
She tries to reach for my cock again, but I tighten my grip just enough to stop her. “I don’t know. I can’t see very well. I do better by touch.”
“Do you now?” I can’t help snickering at that. “Ava, please. I don’t want your first time—Ovian. You’re a virgin?”
“What’s the matter, Alien Explorer? You don’t want to be with a virgin? I thought guys would want to be with virgins instead of those girls who fuck a hundred guys a night. My pussy’s tight. Want to feel it? You know you do.”
Fuck me. I do want to feel it, and my balls are starting to get really painful. I’m going to need to flamindulis and soon, or else I’m going to risk losing one of my balls or even both of them. I would love to have kids one day, so that means that I can’t risk that, but I also don’t want to lose Ava. If I touch her now, I’ll have her for one night. If I don’t touch her, I might be able to have her forever.
Or I might lose her forever and not even have that one night.
No. No, I'll be here for Ava even if she doesn't think I am.
“You’re just like that rat bastard Paul!” she screams. “You just want what you can get out of me. You never really had any feelings for me, did you? That crying, that speech, it was all just bullshit. You don’t love me. You don’t care for me.”
Enchanted by the Alien Explorer Page 9