by Xu, Lei
My heart skipped a beat. I'd been right. This thing was far from over.
We were shown a film, the very film we'd watched in the projection room. My eyes went wide as soon as I realized what it was. If I watch this I'm screwed, I knew. For an instant I almost stood up and walked right out of there. I knew that by watching it I was effectively signing up to descend into the abyss. There would be no turning back. But it wasn't like I had a choice in the matter. Even if I closed my eyes it wouldn't make a difference. Wang Sichuan and I glanced at one another. His face was pale. I'm sure mine was as well. This was why command hadn't cared whether we'd watched the film. They were going to show it to us sooner or later. Why punish us for having already seen it?
I didn't notice anything new the second time through. I waited restlessly for the film to be over. All the blood drained from the faces of the guys seeing it for the first time. The officer switched off the projector and began to tell us what was coming next. Command had already dispatched a team to survey the entire dam. After reaching the icehouse, they'd confirmed that the frozen bombs were filled with mercury.
Mercury bombs are terrifying weapons. They released a cloud of mercury killing, everything within a certain distance almost immediately. Nothing would grow there for a very long time. The devils had probably planned to use them to break their stalemate with the Soviet Union, but the Soviets' mechanized troops were much quicker than expected.
The search team had also located a mercury refinery within the dam. It was determined that, at first, the Japanese were here only to mine mercury. It was only later that they became interested in the abyss. The Japanese first built the simple iron platform that bridged the river. Then they built twin cement complexes on either side. Last of all came the dam and the Shinzan's takeoff structure rising over it. All the documents and data we'd seized had also been translated. Much of it was confidential, but the officer did tell us the coded transmission from the abyss meant "Safely arrived." No one had been down into the abyss, though.
That's where we came in.
My heart dropped out of my chest. I wanted nothing to do with this. I could tell Wang Sichuan was thinking the same thing. We'd barely escaped with our lives once and now we were being ordered to risk them again. All we could say for sure about the abyss was that it was filled with poisonous mist—not a good start. Who the hell knew what else was waiting for us down there? But I knew we had no choice. We were the only ones fit for the job. And now that we'd watched the film, we'd never be allowed to walk away. That road had vanished.
I continued to scour my mind for a way out. Then another thought occurred to me. Supposing I was lucky enough to somehow complete the mission? My future would be set. I might even be able to use this success to become section chief back home. No longer would I be forced to endure the hot sun and brave the wind and rain to earn a living.
And had everything gone as planned, no doubt that's what would have happened. But neither I nor anyone else could have anticipated the chaos of the Cultural Revolution right around the corner.
Naturally, Wang Sichuan and I were selected for top positions on the exploratory team. I was to be squad leader and Wang Sichuan my deputy. Old Tian would be our accompanying specialist and three engineering soldiers would tag along as well. The soldiers were no older than nineteen. Seeing them, I instantly thought of Ma Zaihai. He was celebrated as a hero after his death and posthumously awarded the rank of squad leader, but it was all too late. If only he could have experienced just a second of that long-sought honor while he was still alive. Now it meant nothing to him.
I was satisfied with our team but for one thing: Old Tian. I had a feeling this guy would be a burden. Our assignment just wasn't fit for an intellectual, but I knew he had to come. He would have to personally survey the abyss and select the necessary samples. I was sure he'd never back out. He knew exactly how he'd reached his current position and what it would take to rise even higher. Once we were actually down there, though, I figured he'd regret his decision.
Old Tian reentered the tent and began to lecture on some more basic information. My eyelids grew heavy, but I stopped myself from drifting off. I was a leader now. No longer could I be so lax. When the meeting was over, I was requested for a short chat with Old Tian and the officer. By the time I left the tent it was already late. I thought of Yuan Xile. The medical camp would still be open for a little while.
Almost without meaning to I'd already walked to the boundary between our two camps. Yuan Xile's tent was visible in the distance. I could see the middle-aged nurse and several of her friends. They were probably off to get something to eat. I had to admit that the nurse was right; visiting Yuan Xile alone would not look good. It would be best to bring along a few others and perhaps a gift or two, make it seem like I was really just visiting an injured comrade.
Feeling defeated, I turned to head back, but just then I heard someone shout from behind me. I looked back. It was one of the nurses. I continued to walk away, but I heard her call for me to wait. I turned around. It was Yuan Xile's nurse. She hurried over to me. The nurses behind her had all stopped and were staring at me curiously. I almost considered running away, but I always preferred to meet things head-on.
"What are you doing hanging around here all the time?" she asked. Her expression was as imposing as before.
Stuttering, I pointed at the tent behind me. "I-I just got out of a meeting. The tent was filled with cigarette smoke and I needed to get some fresh air."
She regarded me skeptically. "Well, in any case I'm saved the trouble of looking for you. You left this behind last time." She pulled my cigarette case from her pocket and handed it to me.
I didn't know what to say, but she just turned and walked back to her friends. I just stood there and watched her go.
This auntie acted like a head nurse. I wondered if Yuan Xile ever even saw the cigarettes before the nurse realized what I was up to and took the case away. I stared gloomily at the nurse's receding figure. How stupid I had been. All the thoughts that had consoled me over the past few days had been nothing but fantasies. Well, I told myself, I was out of cigarettes anyway. At least this saved me a trip. I flipped open the case to pull out a cigarette. It felt heavier than usual. Beneath the cigarettes was a delicate wristwatch—Yuan Xile's. A strip of paper lay underneath. I unrolled it in the light of a nearby gas lamp. "I miss you so much. Xile."
She'd actually written to me! My heart beat fast. Standing there, buffeted by the cold wind but ignorant of its chill, I suddenly felt short of breath. Time seemed to stop. In that moment I so badly wanted to see her and take her in my arms and never let her go again.
CHAPTER
26
Longing
Previously, my desire for Yuan Xile had been like a white candle, burning quietly. Sooner or later the candle would have melted and the flame died. Now it was as if that candle had been thrown into a forest of dry leaves, starting a raging inferno that was impossible to extinguish. I could no longer just return to my tent and act as if nothing had happened. I had to see her, and would risk anything to do so.
In those days, it was madness to think such things. At first, I myself was frightened at the strength of my feelings. I tried to control myself, but it was no use. I wanted what I wanted. The potential consequences of my actions flashed through my mind in countless tragic variations, but things I would normally avoid at all costs meant nothing to me now. Not that I didn't fear the punishments to which I might be subjected; rather I simply refused to believe they would happen. I didn't think this was impulsive, as I did not feel agitated; I knew only that I had to see her and could wait no longer.
I looked at her tent and the guard standing out front. Sneaking over there should not prove too difficult. I could drop into the river beneath the iron platform and swim the whole way.
I returned to my tent, carefully wrapped Yuan Xile's wristwatch in my handkerchief, and placed it beneath my pillow. Then I snuck back along the edge of the med
ical camp until I found a good place to slip into the river. Our base had been set up in and around the structures on either side of the river where it met the dam. On one side was the medical camp, our camp and our canteen. On the other side was headquarters, the engineering corps and their canteen. The medical camp was its own independent area, with over 20 tents of all sizes and more than 100 nurses living within. Between my tent and Yuan Xile's was the canteen. Like the rest of our base, it sat atop a sprawling network of iron platforms and walkways that had been built by the Japanese and expanded by us. I could count on the walkways overhead concealing me for most of my swim. The only issue was getting out of the water once I'd reached her tent, but I could figure that out when I was in the water.
I took a swig of strong baijiu, limbered up, and slipped into the river. Holding onto the platform overhead, I began to make my way forward. Wooden planks had been laid across the platforms then covered with a layer of waterproof tarps. I sloshed along beneath a constant hubbub of conversation and argument, laughter and clanging footsteps. The water was so cold my teeth chattered, but my heart was burning hot. I had swum 50 feet past the canteen when the iron platform abruptly disappeared. I dove underwater and continued on. When I resurfaced everything was silent. I nearly sneezed as I looked for a way out of the river. Up ahead a bright beam of light pierced the platform and shone onto the surface of the water. Slipping back underwater, I swam closer. The light was emanating from a circular hole in the platform overhead. It was just big enough for a man. I climbed through. The hole was surrounded by buckets of water. It was a well. The cold wind blew through me, raising goosebumps all down my body. I tore off my clothing and wrung out the water. Then, my dripping clothes under my arm and wearing only a pair of shorts, I crept towards Yuan Xile's tent.
A soldier stood guard at the entrance. The tent was staked into the plywood covering the platform and the corners secured with heavy wooden boards. The tent was sealed off. I snuck around to the back and put my ear up to the side of it. Nothing. The tent was silent, not even a whisper. Taking a deep breath, I found my pocket knife and sliced a small hole along the bottom edge of the canvas and then wriggled through. The air was much warmer inside. Within seconds my whole body was tingling from the change. A single lamp dimly lit the small space. My breath caught in my throat. There she was—sitting up on her bed and staring at me. I didn't dare say a word.
Yuan Xile's hair had grown longer and her face was even lovelier than before. The cold and capable aura of the woman once known as the Soviet Witch had disappeared. We stared at one another, neither of us knowing how to react. Suddenly I felt awkward just standing there, wearing only shorts, my body blue from the cold. Had I ruined the image she had of me? Before I could finish the thought she pounced on me and buried her face in my chest. Red-hot desire blazed through my ice-cold body and I hugged her close.
***
For the next few hours we couldn't even speak for fear of being found out. Yuan Xile immediately shut off the light and we snuggled close in her bed, enjoying the heat of each other's bodies. I thought of how things had been between us in the safe room. This was so similar, and yet also so different. I don't know if what I felt was happiness or contentment or something else; only that, at that moment, I didn't want to be anywhere else.
We communicated in the dark by tracing out words on each other's hands. Although this was limited and occasionally confusing, I was still elated. I asked her question after question, but to most of them she just shook her head, as if she didn't understand. This had to be the aftereffects of the mercury poisoning, I realized. My heart was filled with pain, but I knew I couldn't remain too long. The nurses would be coming to check on her at midnight. Yuan Xile knew this, too, and didn't press me to stay. I rose reluctantly and crawled out of the tent. Then I crept carefully back to the water and retraced my route.
Upon reaching my tent I was nearly frozen to death, and yet my heart was content. I told my startled comrades I was just returning from a cold wash in the river. I found Yuan Xile's watch underneath my pillow and discreetly looked the timepiece over. It was an exquisitely crafted man's wristwatch, a Soviet Kirovskie, small and thin. Soviet goods are famously sturdy. Back then Kirovskies were as rare as they were well known. You couldn't buy them anywhere. They were given only as diplomatic gifts.
Flipping the watch over, I saw a sentence scratched into its metallic underside: "You must pity me, no matter what I become." It sounded like a line from some famous opera. Perhaps it was one of her favorite quotes. The words were barely legible, roughly cut with some makeshift tool. My heartbeat quickened. There had to be some deep meaning behind the origin of this watch. Placing it in my palm, I kissed its face. As I did so I felt a sudden presence, as if Yuan Xile were standing beside me. I could even smell the delicate fragrance of her hair.
I knew by now that I was already lost. In middle school I had a crush on one of my classmates. She was a fair-skinned girl who was not easily approached. Later I learned her father was a regiment commander in the PLA. I became determined to join the army and become a Party cadre. Nothing ever happened between us, but I still remembered how she would look at me and how I would feel inside. That, too, was love, but it was nothing like this. Then, even with the infatuation, I could control what I thought about, but now there was only the image of Yuan Xile, pressed against my chest. Nothing else mattered anymore. There was no turning back. Still, I couldn't help worrying. In those days you paid a huge price for falling in love, especially with a woman like her. Who knew whether she would ever fully regain her wits? And how much could I really expect to accomplish in a place like this? I harbored no great hopes. I only wanted to see her again.
Wang Sichuan brought in some friends to play cards. I had no interest but also no excuse, so I played apathetically and lost royally. My face was soon plastered with strips of paper, each the penalty for a lost game. After a while the others became bored and went outside to smoke and brag.
As I lay in bed thinking of everything that had happened, a flurry of emotions filled my heart. Certain scenes flashed through my mind and I felt my face go hot. What a vile fellow you are, I said to myself, but I couldn't help smiling. Consumed with these thoughts, I gradually fell asleep.
I dreamed that the regiment commander's daughter had come looking for me. As I watched, her face turned into Yuan Xile's and then back again.
"What is this, some kind of face-changing Sichuan Opera?" I asked impatiently. As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized I was surrounded by people, all of them staring at me. I rubbed my face. It was covered with strips of paper, each bearing the same sentence: "Wu has a girlfriend."
Turning pale, I began frantically trying to tear them off. They were stuck tight. Even though my skin stretched and ripped from my face, the strips held fast. At last I awoke, gasping for breath.
As I opened my eyes, I realized that my face was still covered with the paper strips from the game the night before. In my sleepy reverie I'd forgotten to remove them. Wang Sichuan pulled on my cheek, trying to get me up. He was excited about something. A wild din sounded from outside the tent. Through the open flap I saw a great crowd of people running past. Shaking off my tiredness, I asked him what was going on.
"Hurry up," he said. "It’s finally happening."
CHAPTER
27
The Steel Cable
Wang Sichuan yanked away my covers and dragged me out of bed. Shivering from the cold, I kicked him off of me and pulled on my clothes. Outside the tent I saw everyone was running toward the dam. We hustled after them.
By the time we reached the top of the dam it was so crowded we could barely move. Before long an officer appeared and ushered most of the people back down, but, being technical personnel, we were allowed to stay. A group of engineering soldiers were weaving together a couple massive coils of steel cable. Transporting these must have been a nightmare as each coil surely weighed over a ton. The two lengths were woven into a single str
and, then secured within an iron sheath. This cable was fed into a windlass. The other end of the strand was attached to a great hunk of black iron. Several soldiers were levering the iron hunk into the mouth of a flying thunder cannon—one of those makeshift cannons made from a sawed-off oil drum that were common during the War of Liberation.
The flying thunder cannon had initially been designed for use against elevated enemy positions. Later, during the bandit suppression campaigns, they were filled with stones and it became a kind of minesweeper. The bandits were foolish enough to bury their mines right next to each other. When one mine was hit it would blow all those around it. The thunder cannon could fill the sky with stones and when these crashed down the whole minefield would explode. Now I understood: they were going to shoot one end of the steel cable into the abyss and pull it taut as a zip line. Realizing this, I unconsciously took a step back. Everyone around me did the same. Some even covered their ears.
Just as I was thinking about how amusing this looked, I noticed a strange man through a newly opened space within the crowd. He was some distance away, standing at the edge of the abyss and staring off into the blackness as if he didn't give a damn about what was taking place. When I say he was strange, I don't mean his appearance was somehow irregular. He was probably a perfectly ordinary-looking fellow where he came from, but that was just it—he wasn't Chinese. This man was a Soviet.