by Xu, Lei
Finally, Yuan Xile could take the silence no longer. "My friend will be back soon. If you don't leave now you'll never get another chance."
I looked up at her. "Do me a favor and keep your opinions to yourself. If I want to stay somewhere I'll stay there."
She raised her eyebrows at me. I was gripped by a sudden impulse. I climbed to my feet and began to walk towards her. Her eyes went wide. As she raised her gun and stepped backwards, I ran at her. Although surprised, Yuan Xile was obviously well trained. Her bullet caught me on the left shoulder. I staggered, but felt no pain, and then I was on her. Grabbing her gun hand, I forced it to the side. I pressed her up against the wall and kissed her.
It was several seconds before she could react. She shoved me off. The look on her face was somewhere between fear and amazement. She continued backing away, her hair wild and the barrel of her gun pointing at my chest. Her finger trembled. By now my shoulder was really beginning to hurt, but though I winced with pain, I kept my eyes fixed squarely on her. I thought of the kiss, of the familiar fragrance of her body. I wanted her to shoot me in the heart and be done with it. At last I slumped to the floor, trying to catch my breath. Never for a moment did my eyes leave her face. I want you to remember me, I thought, as our eyes met. I want you to remember how I was different from all of the others.
She looked down at me in disbelief, her chest heaving. "You goddamned lunatic!" she panted. "I'll kill you! I'll fucking kill you!"
I closed my eyes. I heard her cock the pistol. My breathing slowed and I went quiet as I awaited that final moment. Come on, I thought, just do it. Don't make me wait too long. In my mind's eye I reentered the cave as if for the first time, undergoing all of its dangers—the rising water, the poisoned passageways, the iron chamber. I remembered our flight into the abyss, our crash landing and my miraculous survival. Finally, I recalled those days and nights Yuan Xile and I had spent together, alone in the dark, but this I could not take. This, at last, was too much for me, and I wished to hear that telltale crack and leave this world behind.
I waited for a long time. In the end, I heard nothing. I raised my head and opened my eyes. She was still looking at me, still pointing her gun at my heart, but her expression was strange. She walked to the corner, grabbed a large wooden club and struck me over the head as hard as she could. I crumpled to the floor.
Lights out.
CHAPTER
61
Forced Confession
The cold brought me back. I was tied to the leg of an iron desk. Water dripped from my face. I was still in the control room. Yuan Xile was standing nearby. The special emissary was standing over me, splashing me with water from his canteen. I had no desire to look at him. I ignored the spray and glanced over at Yuan Xile. She'd fixed her hair and her face was once more coldly professional. It seemed I'd been out for a long time. I wondered whether the special emissary had managed to complete his bloody business. I cursed beneath my breath. Not only had I failed to change the past, I'd gotten myself caught up in it as well.
"How could you have made such a mistake?" asked Yuan Xile angrily.
"There wasn't enough time," the special emissary replied. "I did turn the lights on a bit too early, but I was early only because they were moving much slower than planned. They were no farther than the outskirts when they realized what was going on, so they were able to escape back through the projection room before the worst of it began. So yes, they got out, but it doesn't matter and you don't need to worry. They've already inhaled too much of that stuff to survive much longer. And anyway, we have bigger concerns at the moment. Something isn't right here." He took my face in his hands. "So then," he said, looking right at me. "How many of you are there?" He slapped me so hard I saw stars. "Answer me! How many of you fuckers are there?"
In fact, his question caught me by surprise. I didn't quite understand what he was getting at. But if I wasn't going to answer Yuan Xile, then I definitely wasn't going to answer him. I just stared straight ahead, my eyes coldly meeting his gaze.
"You're wasting your time," said Yuan Xile. "This guy's out of his mind."
Keeping his cool, the special emissary turned to her. "You're positive he's not a Chinese agent?"
"Yes. We often worked together in the past. I can assure you he's received no kind of special training. He is simply not the sort of man who is tapped to do espionage work. Just now he had a chance to escape, but he..." She trailed off and looked at the door. "Suffice it to say that if he were really an agent, he'd already be long gone."
The special emissary smiled mirthlessly. "I think it's all an act." He grabbed his bag and dug something out.
"If it is, then why didn't he escape? The point of acting crazy is to get away, not to get oneself killed." She crossed her arms and looked at me. "This guy gives me a very strange feeling. He clearly knows far more than he should, but no way is he an agent."
"Then how'd he know about our plans?" The special emissary let the bag drop. I saw the gleam of a dagger in his hand. "You were there when he nearly killed me just now. This guy's a specialist and he's not alone. As for why he let you live, I think that's obvious. The poor bastard's fallen in love with you."
Yuan Xile turned away. "What kind of specialist would fall in love?"
There was a hint of embarrassment in her voice, but that was the least of my concerns. He's not alone? What's he talking about?
The special emissary sat down on a chair in front of me and cleaned his dagger with a bottle of baijiu. Then, without preamble, he dug the blade into his shoulder and pried out a bullet. The look on his face never changed. He didn't even blink. One got the impression he hadn't felt the slightest bit of pain. The special emissary raised his head and smiled at me. "I wanted you to get a good look at my methods." He tossed the bloody bullet away, poured baijiu on the wound, wiped it clean, and covered it with a piece of fabric.
Then he walked towards me, slowly waving the dagger back and forth. "It's time for you to start talking. If you don't, I'm going to do things to you that will make even Yuan Xile turn away. You might think you're pretty tough now, but I guarantee that in three minutes your resolve will be gone. In five, I'll have your intestines hanging from your stomach and dripping blood on the floor. Then I'll make you watch as I cut them apart, piece by piece by piece. But that won't be the end of you. No, your suffering's going to continue for as long as I want it to. I can tell you're not afraid of death, but you should know that there are two ways to go: the easy way and the very, very hard way."
Whatever rashness or apathy or heroism I'd felt before was gone. I was afraid. I knew the man wasn't joking. And he was right. I didn't fear death, but I didn't wish to die like that. My eyes wandered from the special emissary to Yuan Xile, my mind replaying torture scenes from various movies I'd seen.
A visible change must have come over me, for the special emissary smiled. "So then, what'll it be?" he said. "I've got a point, haven't I?"
I took deep breath. I couldn't help but give a grim laugh. I wasn't laughing at myself. I was laughing at the man standing in front of me. As scared as I'd been, in this moment I realized things were actually very simple. Either way I was going to die. Now all that mattered was saving face. After all, Yuan Xile was here. I couldn't give in too easily. Suddenly, I had an idea. Just the thought of it was terrifying, but pulling it off would be a thrill. With a smile, I said, "You still don't understand the situation, do you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not afraid of death. There's no use in threatening me." I looked over at Yuan Xile. "That said, we might be able to make a deal."
With a smug look, the special emissary turned and glanced back at Yuan Xile. Then he once more met my eyes. "What kind of deal?"
"I'll tell you what you want to know, but I want it to be Yuan Xile who cuts me open. If you agree, then give her the knife."
For a moment the two of them just stared at me. Then the special emissary spoke. "If you think that because she's a woman
she won't be able to do this, then you're wrong. Yuan Xile is far more ruthless than I."
"That's not the point. You wouldn't understand anyway. Just do as I say and you'll get what you want." I glanced back at Yuan Xile. She was watching me closely, probably looking for cracks in my façade. I smiled at her. Revenge was delicious. I knew she'd never find the least bit of cowardice in my expression.
The special emissary's eyes flashed with anger. He rushed at me and sliced open my shirt. "My apologies, but I'm the one who makes the rules here. In a moment, the contents of your stomach will be staining the concrete—and I will be doing the cutting. Then we'll see just what exactly I wouldn't understand."
"Fine," I said, "but I will tell you nothing. Try it if you don't believe me."
The special emissary pressed the tip of the dagger against my stomach, not so hard as to draw blood, but almost. He looked at me. I took a deep breath, held it in then calmly met his gaze. I nodded for him to go ahead.
His face contorted into a mask of rage. Just as he was about to strike, Yuan Xile suddenly called out, "Wait!" She walked over and plucked the dagger from his hand. The special emissary sighed and turned away.
I was elated. This was exactly what I'd been hoping for. Yuan Xile squatted down in front of me. Her slender fingers gripped the dagger. She brought its blade to rest against my neck. "Useless, it doesn't need to end like this. We can still give you a way out."
I listened to the sound of her voice. Her tone was warm and encouraging. I'd often heard her speak like this during her days as squad leader. I just shook my head. Tears began to run down my face. "There's no point," I said, looking into her eyes. "It's too late now. You saying this won't change anything. So just do it. There are things I need to say to you that I can only say just before I die."
She stared at me, shocked and uncomprehending. It took her a long time to respond. "You're...not crying for yourself, are you? No, I can tell. You're crying for me. Who are you? And why is it that when I look into your eyes, all I see is pity?"
CHAPTER
62
Pity
Yuan Xile's question hung in the air. For a moment I really did want to respond and say, Yes, you're right. It is pity, but not pity for you. Pity for the future that you and I will experience together. But as soon as that word crossed my mind, something inside my head sparked.
Pity?
My thoughts stopped in their tracks. Suddenly, it was as if I was seeing double, as if the Yuan Xile standing before me had split into two identical women: one a steely-eyed spy, the other my Xile, a woman from a different time and place. I remembered the sentence etched on the bottom of the watch, the delicate Kirovskie, that Yuan Xile had given me: "You must always pity me, no matter what I become."
I gave a start. "Wait!" I cried, and not a moment too soon. Although hesitant, Yuan Xile had already drawn back the blade and was about to strike. At the sound of my voice, she froze and looked at me, even more perplexed than before. "Please," I said, "I still need a few minutes to think."
A river of information flooded my brain. I considered one strange thought after another, but none seemed to offer any clues. Finally, with the suddenness of revelation, I hit upon the crux of the matter. "What will be will be."
To ensnare me with this sentence, Yuan Xile had to know of its existence in the first place. Given our current situation, it seemed highly unlikely that I would ever tell her about it. Who could have told her? Was there really anyone else besides me who knew about it? No, there clearly was not.
It was then that I once more recalled the moment we first ran into Yuan Xile. She'd been wandering the underground river, entirely alone. Yuan Xile and the special emissary were a team. They'd come here together, would search for the frozen film together, and should eventually leave in kind, but that didn't seem to be what had happened. We found the special emissary still in the warehouse, obviously looking for the film. Something must have come between them. These two were hardened professionals. The split wasn't some personal problem. Whatever caused the rupture must have been something much more serious, something like betrayal. Two things were apparent. First, it must have been me who told Yuan Xile about "What will be will be", which meant I wasn't going to die here. And second, the relationship between these two spies was about to turn ugly.
But with the way things were going, five minutes from now I'd be staring at my intestines as my life passed before my eyes. What could I do to stop this from happening? It wasn't as if Yuan Xile was going to suddenly turn around, knock the special emissary unconscious and untie my hands, saying, "Comrade, you've no idea how long I've wanted to do that."
I watched Yuan Xile's dagger, thinking of those five words carved on the wall of the safe room, and of that sentence—"You must always pity me, no matter what I become"—etched on the underside of Yuan Xile's watch. Regardless of whether Yuan Xile had planted these clues for me or if I'd left them myself, the intent was the same: to convince me to involve myself in this history. The first sentence had persuaded me to return underground. The second had just informed me that the situation was about to change drastically. But if all of this was inevitably going to occur, why did I need that watch clue? With the first clue, it was important that I not only find it, but also understand its significance and act accordingly. So what if this assumedly imminent, supposedly drastic change was not some automatic occurrence? What if, having properly understood the second clue, I was meant to somehow make it happen? But what did I need to do to bring it about?
I had no idea and, at this point, I could only do my best to survive. This is crunch time, I thought. I looked up and saw Yuan Xile staring at me, baffled. I smiled. "All right. I'll talk. I've thought things through. Whatever you want to hear, I'll say it." Yuan Xile just kept looking at me, her expression unchanged. I waited a few seconds. "Like I said, I've come around. So long as you don't kill me, I'll tell you everything."
Still she was silent. She turned and looked back at the special emissary. He appeared just as confused. Suddenly, her eyes red with fury, she lunged at me and pressed her dagger hard against my neck. "Useless! Are you messing with me?"
I shook my head. "I'm serious," I said. Yuan Xile glared at me, her normally pretty features now cold and hard as a sheet of ice. I was afraid she might slice my windpipe out of sheer temper, so I quickly spoke up. "You two are looking for a film canister, right?"
The special emissary's face lit up. He pulled Yuan Xile off of me, grabbed the dagger from her hand and placed it on the table. He pointed at me. "You," he said, "are quite a character. So much for what you said about this guy being untrained. If you ask me, even you're no match for him."
With an audible smack, Yuan Xile slapped me across the face. The blow stung, but I just looked at her and laughed.
Su Zhenhua was undeterred. "How did you learn this information?" he asked.
"This I cannot tell you, but it wouldn't matter to you anyway. What I can say is where the object is located."
"I'm listening," he said, his eyes fixed on me.
"I'm assuming you looked at a blueprint of the dam before arriving here, which means you should also know that at the bottom of this place is an extremely large icehouse." I watched as they glanced at one another. "After the Japanese troops parachuted into the abyss, the rest of those on the plane returned to base with a film of their journey. That film is now in the icehouse. The only problem is that it's frozen beneath the ice."
The special emissary looked at me for a long time, lost in thought. "Even the airdrop you knew about. Just who are you?"
"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you. Anyway, that's hardly the extent of my knowledge. I also know, for example, that in a little while you're going to kill Yuan Xile to cover your tracks." I fixed my eyes on the special emissary. There was only the dim light of the flashlight beam, and I may have imagined it, but I thought I saw him twitch. I still remembered how Yuan Xile viciously attacked the spy in the poisoned passageways. It was obvi
ous there'd been a split and right now Yuan Xile about to strike. I also figured that simply saying this prophecy aloud should be enough to get things started. After all, women are naturally distrustful.
Silence descended upon the room. For some time neither of the spies spoke. It seemed I'd hit upon a sore spot. At last the special emissary responded. "Nonsense. If you're trying to sow discord, you can save your breath. Yuan Xile and I are in this together. We need one another to survive."
"You don't have to hide it," I said. But when I glanced over at Yuan Xile, she merely gave me a cold smile.
"You really think I'll believe you?" she asked.
My heart fell, but it was too late to stop now. "I have proof. If you come over here, I'll whisper it to you."