by Nova Raines
“We’re taking you out the back door, so the paps don’t see you again.”
“You don’t need to. I—”
“We are.”
I glance out the doors and then back down the hall. I just want to get out of here as fast as I can and away from Kaidan and this terrible feeling.
“Okay. Whatever,” I say.
The guards lead the way to the back of the office building, with Kaidan trailing a few steps behind me. I can’t decide if I feel protected or like a prisoner.
The guards take us into a tiny gated alcove behind the building. There’s a dumpster, and Kaidan’s sleek sports car is wedged between it and the building.
The guards go to unlock the gate, and I finally look up at Kaidan, wrinkling my nose at the rotten smell permeating the space.
Kaidan raises his brows. “VIP parking.”
I laugh, despite how sick I feel. V.I.P. Very. Impressive. Penis. Does Kaidan know people whisper about his V.I.P.?
The guards have the gate cracked open and are scouting for paps, and Kaidan takes a step toward me until he’s practically on top of me.
He gazes down at me, and his eyes soften. “I’m sorry about what happened at the party,” he says quietly.
“Doesn’t matter.” My eyes are burning, but I’m determined to keep it together.
He searches my face. “It does matter. I was drunk, and I said the wrong thing.”
My throat tightens, and I want to run away, but I feel stuck in place, his deep brown eyes sucking me into their depths. I never noticed the flecks of gold in them before.
“I gotta go.” I try to pull away, but he grabs my arm.
“Wait. At least let me explain.”
I whirl to face him and cross my arms over my chest. “There’s nothing to explain. You thought I was—”
“No.” He cuts me off by lifting a finger to my lips. “I was drunk and screwed up. But I knew exactly who I was taking to bed.”
Heat surges through me at his words, and my cheeks warm. My face is probably bright red… and the familiar ache between my thighs is inconveniently back.
He drops his finger from my mouth, and I bite my lip.
“I’ll admit half that night is a little hazy, but…” he says, “I remember telling you I thought you were leaving. She didn’t leave. I thought you left. I swear that I never, not for one moment, thought you were her.”
I’m grateful he doesn’t say her name. Peyton. I’ll cry if I hear it from his lips right now. I want to believe him. He did say he thought I was leaving… so maybe he’s telling the truth. But even if he is, do I want to be some stupid doppelganger?
“Will you let me take you to lunch?” he asks again.
I want to take my mind off the bomb my lawyer just dropped. And I want to trust Kaidan. I feel adrift, in need of an anchor, and his solid, strong presence feels like exactly that, despite his confusing behavior. How does he do a 180 like that? Go from acting like an asshole I can say no to, to being someone I only want to say yes to?
All that’s waiting for me is a lonely penthouse with a near-empty pantry and fridge. I don’t want to go back to that. So I nod, not trusting myself to speak.
He gives me a satisfied nod in return and places a hand on my lower back, guiding me to the passenger side of his car.
I get in and run my hand along the cool leather seats, trying to blink back the tears forming in my eyes. I feel so helpless about my situation.
Kaidan gets in beside me, tearing me from my black despair, bringing me into the present moment. I sneak a glance at his profile as he eases the car out of the tight space and into the street.
He sees me looking, and that little smirk of his reappears. My heart flutters in my chest, and I stare straight ahead as he drives.
I’m hanging out with Lust List Bachelor #1. I’m just going to try to enjoy this lunch with no expectations for what this thing between me and Kaidan is. And I’m going to do my best not to think about my problems, even if only for an hour. I have the rest of my life to figure out how to climb out of this pit I’m in.
We sit in awkward silence as Kaidan drives us toward the beach. Well, I sit in awkward silence. I have no clue how Kaidan feels. He looks comfortable in the driver’s seat, but I feel unsettled. The party was a one-night-stand gone very wrong, and how do you act normal after that? How do you just… go on a date?
Is this a date?
I smooth my damp palms down my leggings and gaze out at the scenery until Kaidan pulls up outside a small restaurant right on the water. We both peer out the windows for paparazzi, but it looks like we made a clean getaway.
He comes around the side to help me out of the car, and when his hand grasps mine, my heart starts pumping an uneven rhythm, like a bad Cylon Smash song.
“Thanks,” I say, pulling my hand from his as quickly as I can.
He smiles ruefully in response to my brush-off, then leads the way into the restaurant. He holds the door for me, and I thank him but avoid making eye contact. This is going to be a long lunch if I don’t figure out a way to lighten up and pretend what happened at the party didn’t happen.
The place has old-timey marine decor—all worn rope and brass portholes—and is pretty dead at this hour.
Kaidan murmurs something to the hostess, and she leads us up a narrow, winding, metal staircase to the second level. There’s a bar up here, but she takes us outside to a covered wooden deck that looks out over the water. The space is dotted with a few wrought iron dining tables with white tablecloths on them.
Kaidan pulls my chair out, like a perfect gentleman, and I murmur thanks as I sit.
“Your waitress will be right with you, Mr. Stone,” the hostess says.
“Can you please tell her I’d like my usual to drink? And she,” Kaidan says, catching my eye, “would like something… fruity.”
“No thanks. I’ll have a water,” I say.
“Get her a drink,” Kaidan repeats to the hostess.
I press my lips together, slightly annoyed, but a tiny part of me thrills that he remembered what I ordered at the club. Then the sea salt air lifts my hair off my face, and I close my eyes as it caresses me. Despite everything, a small smile buds on my lips. I’d often avoided the beach during summer vacation here. I’d almost forgotten this—forgotten how much I loved the scent of the ocean, the sound of waves crashing against the sand.
My mom brought Rowan and me to the beach all the time when we were little. It was the one time she’d send the nannies away and actually play with us—splashing in the tide pools, building sandcastles just to knock them over with us. She’d laugh and be fun—a totally different person than the mom she was when we were home at our old mansion. After she died, I stopped wanting to come out here. But that old pain seems faded somehow, in light of my current situation. Which I swore I wouldn’t think about.
Kaidan clears his throat, and I jump, realizing he’s just sitting there, staring at me with those intense eyes.
“You like the view?” he asks.
“I do. My mom used to take me and my brother to the beach a lot.” I don’t know why I just said that. I never talk about my mother.
“Really? I don’t remember mine… my mom.”
I furrow my brow. “Did she…”
“Die? Yeah. When I was young. Drugs.” He presses his lips together in a thin line.
“Mine too,” I say tightly. My mom was a Hollywood legend in her time—the highest paid young actress—so I’m sure he’s heard the story of her overdose. But I never once remember reading anything about his mother during my ScandalLust stalking in the past few days. I’m curious about her, but I won’t pry. This is getting awkward, and talking about dead moms isn’t the best first date conversation.
“So,” I say. “I’ve never been here. It’s nice.”
He looks relieved at the change of subject. “Oh? I come here a lot.”
“For business?”
“No. For pleasure.” His eyes darken when
he says it, and I flush and look back out at the water.
I’m relieved when the waitress shows up with a tray holding a lowball glass for Kaidan and a tall red drink and water for me. She’s an older lady, middle-aged, a faded beauty who probably came here twenty years ago in search of fame but never left. Every time a new wave of young beautiful hopefuls arrive in LA, they shatter the dreams of the last wave. My mom’s own acting career was slowing down when she took her life. Was her age and fading beauty the reason? God, I’m morbid right now.
The waitress gives me a warm smile that I struggle to return, then looks at Kaidan, her eyebrows high. “You going to introduce me?”
My eyebrows shoot up to match hers. Who would’ve thought he’d be all friendly with the waitstaff? He doesn’t seem the type. Guess he really meant it when he said he comes here often.
“This is Hayley,” he says.
“Well, welcome to Georgie’s! I’m happy to finally meet one of Kaidan’s friends,” she says, winking at him.
I glance at Kaidan, and he shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Does he always come here alone? And if he does, why’d he bring me here?
“Now what can I get for you two?” she asks.
“I’ll take my usual,” Kaidan says brusquely. “And she’ll have the same.”
The waitress leaves, and I take a swig of my fruity drink. It’s strong, so I take another big gulp. Did Kaidan really just order for me like I’m a child?
“What’d you get me?” I try to keep my voice light, but I’m prickly as hell. “Does it come with crayons and a toy?”
Kaidan trains his eyes on me and sips his drink. “Did you want crayons and a toy?”
I bristle. I’m getting really tired of everyone making decisions for me. My whole life’s been a movie that someone else has directed. I’m sick of it.
“I know how to read a menu.”
“You know, most girls aren’t focused on the menu when I take them out.”
Most girls. Like all my doppelgangers. Why’d he have to bring that up? I take another drink, letting the sweet burn of it course down my throat. “Yeah? Well, I’m not most girls.”
He cocks his head to the side, considering me. There’s no trace of anger on his face. He looks more amused than anything. “Yeah, I think I’m starting to realize that.”
“And you? Are you like most guys?” I push my hair out of my eyes and take another drink, challenging him with my gaze.
His amused expression fades. “What do you think?”
“I think I don’t know anything about you.”
“Really? The whole world knows about me.”
“I doubt they know the real you.” Oops. That came out bitchy.
His brows come together, exposing a flash of vulnerability, but it’s gone so fast I’m not sure I saw it.
“What about you?” he asks, dodging my barb. “What does the world know about Hayley Wade?”
“It knows I’m the daughter of Razor Wade.” The darkness I’ve been battling threatens to overtake me, and I glance out at the ocean and take a deep breath of the salt-tinged air.
He waits a beat before answering. “I’m sorry about your dad.”
“I’m not.” I slam my mouth shut, but it’s out before I can stop it.
Kaidan’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t answer.
“I’m not sorry because he sent me away so he didn’t have to raise me.” I say, digging the hole deeper. It’s the first time I’ve told the truth in a long time, and just saying it makes my chest lighten. “My dad only cared about his career, his drugs, and his women. Yet he controlled every aspect of my life—from my boarding school roommates to the college I had to attend. When I disobeyed him or pissed him off, he found ways to punish me… all without ever talking to me. His assistants used to call me with my punishment of the week. I never asked for this… this life. And now I…”
I stop there, nearly spilling the truth about the will. I can’t tell him about Serena’s diamond, because if he knows that, he might figure out why I was upstairs in his mansion during the party.
The waitress shows up with our food, and I rub my forehead, suddenly embarrassed about my outburst. I sound like a pathetic, emotional train wreck.
The food turns out to be a gourmet fish sandwich with skinny seasoned fries. I take a quick bite, trying to ignore Kaidan’s silence as the waitress walks away. It’s freaking delicious, a thousand miles away from a fast food kid’s meal. Kaidan has good taste.
I swallow the bite of sandwich down and finally meet his eyes. He’s staring at me intently, and he hasn’t touched his food.
“This is really good,” I say, trying to sound happy.
There’s something in his eyes, something in the way he’s looking at me. He reaches a hand across the table and grabs mine.
My whole arm tingles from the touch, and my breath quickens as all the feelings from before return.
“Not a lot of people know what it’s like to grow up with this,” he says carefully, his voice low.
I don’t have to ask what he means. The fame. The paps. The bullshit. I just nod.
“But you know,” he says. “And I know. I get it. Believe me… I get it.”
I study his face, and it’s so open, so genuine, that I know he does get it. For the first time, I wonder if I totally misunderstood him. What would it be like—being the son of a famous record label CEO—being in the position to inherit an empire like that?
“I heard… I heard your dad announced he was giving you the record label at the party?”
I didn’t hear it; I read it on ScandalLust. Apparently his father announced it while I was busy trying to steal a diamond.
“Yeah. He did,” Kaidan says, clipping the words short. He draws his hand away.
My fingers reflexively extend, craving his touch, and my stomach turns. I want that moment back. Did I say the wrong thing again? I should never have mentioned his dad. Why haven’t I learned yet?
He takes a bite of his sandwich and chews it slowly, taking his time. I dig into my food, too.
Long minutes stretch by, and I watch the ocean while I eat, my heart sinking lower and lower, until it falls out my feet and crashes onto the sand below. There are these fleeting moments with Kaidan, where I feel completely at ease and calm… but I have no idea know how to capture them and keep them. Or maybe it’s all in my head. And there’s nothing there. But then why did he ask me to lunch?
The rest of the deck has filled up during the lunch hour, and a few people are gawking at us, including a table full of middle-aged women who share enough silicone and Botox between them to start their own clinic. Kaidan’s too involved with his sandwich to notice, so I give everyone staring a big, wicked grin. The women titter and go back to stirring their martinis.
Kaidan settles up the check, and I grab my purse and follow him back down through the restaurant to the parking lot.
By the time we get into the car, whatever feelings I had for Kaidan are gone… or successfully repressed. I feel completely numb. I saw him one more time, it didn’t work out, and now it’s out of my system.
Kaidan gets into the driver’s seat and shifts the car into gear. “Is your car parked where it was last time?”
“Yeah. Level four.” Shit. My ghettoized car. I don’t want him seeing it.
I take a deep breath and stare out the window as he drives me back. I’m not imagining the awkwardness this time. It’s palpable.
When we reach the parking garage, I hold a hand up. “You can just drop me here. I didn’t see any paps this far down.”
He pulls over to the side of the road, and I reach out to open the door. “Thanks for lunch.”
Kaidan clears his throat. “Wait. I’m sorry I shut down back there.” His jaw is tense, like it’s costing him a lot to apologize, and my resolve to put him behind me cracks. I want to know him, to understand what he’s all about. I want more of those moments.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say.
“See
ms like I’m saying sorry to you a lot today.”
I hesitate, unsure how to reply. “At least you care.” My voice comes out small, and I wish I’d said something else.
“What you talked about back there,” he says, “about never asking for this life?”
I let go of the door handle and lean toward him a little, resting against the console between us. “What about it?”
“I didn’t ask for it, either. I didn’t ask for my dad to choose me over my brother. I didn’t ask to run a record label.”
My eyes widen, and I reach out without thinking, resting my hand on his leg. “You don’t want it?”
He stiffens and swallows but doesn’t look at me. His hand drops off the stick shift and finds mine. He squeezes it, and my breath catches, butterflies dancing in my stomach. Touching him has flipped a switch. The tension between us isn’t awkward anymore.
He runs his hand lightly up my arm, making goose bumps appear. When he turns to me, his eyes are dark.
“Maybe I’m not sure what I want,” he says, his voice deep, husky.
My heart speeds up, and I swallow. “Who says you have to be sure?”
He lifts his hand to trace a line from my earlobe down to my chin. My eyes half-close, and I lean into his touch. I can’t help it. I want it. I need it.
He cups my jaw in his hand and moves so close his lips are almost touching mine. He’s searching my eyes, like I have the answer to his problems.
My nipples harden against the thin bra I’m wearing, and I’m waiting, waiting to see what he’ll do next.
“I’m sure about this” He presses his lips to mine, softly at first, then with more force, like he’s hungry for me but holding back. I lose myself in him, in the gentle rhythm of his kiss. When he pulls away, I’m warm and tingling all over, my heart racing. I may have felt numb earlier, but now I’ve never been more awake.
That was nothing like the fevered make-out session we had at the mansion. It meant something… more.
I take a deep breath, trying to get control over my roiling emotions.