Her mouth was responsive, sliding against his, and she trembled within his arms, as if beginning to awaken from a deep, deep sleep. Her slender fingers moved shyly across his cheek, holding him closer, wanting more of his mouth against hers. Her heartbeat amped up, and he felt the sweet vibration in her throat, telling him she liked kissing him.
Just the way she was lightly caressing his cheek, he knew this wasn’t sexual, as much as he wanted it to be. Finally, Gray eased his mouth from her wet, warm lips. Barely opening his eyes, he watched hers slowly open. Even in the grayness of her bedroom he could see the blue of her eyes, the clarity that was in them. Gray sensed Sky wanted him sexually, but was hesitant. It was there, in her eyes. But he knew they couldn’t rush this. Someday, they could be together. Maybe.
God, he hoped so.
Sky felt soft and curvy in his arms. So sensitive. So vulnerable. Tenderly, he leaned down, pressing a kiss to each of her eyelids. He felt her hand tighten against his shoulder in response, felt her relax fully in his arms. So trusting. Trusting him to do the right thing for the right reasons. Her cheeks flooded with color once again, and her lips parted, the corners no longer drawn in with pain. He wanted to make Sky happy. Her hand slipped from his shoulder, and he felt her fingers curl softly against the roughness of his chambray shirt, his skin tightening beneath her innocent gesture.
“It’s going to get better,” Gray promised her, his voice low and roughened with emotion. He lifted his hand and nestled strands of her hair away from her cheek. He sensed Sky’s raw, deep need for human touch, contact and safety. And then he saw turmoil come to Sky’s blue eyes, saw them glistening and knew she was fighting back tears that wanted to come.
“Listen to me,” he growled, cupping her cheek, forcing her to look at him. “It will get better over time, Sky. You need to believe me on this because I’ve walked the same path you’re walking right now. You’re stronger than you realize, and that’s why I don’t want any apology coming from you. Understand? We’ll do this together. I’m here for you.”
* * *
SKY SAT OUT at the table with a cup of hot coffee between her damp, cool hands. Gray had gotten her out of the bedroom and taken her to the kitchen table and sat her down. He’d made fresh coffee and cared for her in ways she’d never dreamed would ever happen to her. When he sat down at her elbow, she slid him a shy look.
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to always take care of me when I crash like this.”
Gray’s chiseled mouth moved into a one-cornered smile. The burning look he gave her made her ache. Sky wasn’t an innocent. She knew her body, knew she wanted to make love with Gray. But how could she? Presently, she was the one who was weak and needy, not him. It was unfair to both of them.
“Sky, I’ve never seen myself as being your babysitter. I told you that earlier. I want to be here for you.” His lips tingled in memory of that fleeting, gentle kiss she’d given him. Gray wanted more from Sky. And he had the steel patience to wait and see where this relationship with her was going.
Bowing her head, Sky stared down at the cup of steaming coffee. “I just feel like I’m taking advantage of you,” she managed, her voice raspy with unshed tears.
“I’ll be the first to tell you if I feel that way,” he said. The devastation was so clear in Sky’s face that Gray wanted to sweep her back into his arms and will it away.
Setting his coffee aside, Gray traced her brow and whispered, “Sky, what I feel for you has nothing to do with being responsible to you as a babysitter. Get that out of your head right now. We have something good between us. I felt it from the moment we met. I just wasn’t sure you did. You’re in the middle of a fight for your life and sanity. I get that. And there’s no way in hell I’m going to do anything but support you the way you want. If you want to be held, I’m here, Sky. If you don’t want to be alone, say so, and I’ll be at your side. No funny stuff. This isn’t about sex. It’s about one human caring for another.” He stared into her glistening eyes. “Are we clear about this? About you and me?”
Sky pushed the coffee mug away and turned toward him. Her heart wrenched with hope and anguish. His low voice vibrated through her like a wolf’s growl, only it wasn’t menacing. It was healing. It told her so much.
“I kissed you,” she whispered, her voice barely above a whisper. She saw some of the intensity leave his expression, his mouth lifting a little at the corners.
“Yeah, I know you did. And I liked it, Sky.” And I want more. So damn much more from you... “Tell me why you did it.” He searched her eyes, needing to know if she wanted him or if she just needed a way to get rid of the pain.
Sky rested her brow against his shoulder and closed her eyes, feeling like a coward. “It just felt so right to me, Gray. I—I wasn’t sure how you would react... I was scared, but I kissed you anyway.” And Sky forced herself to raise her head and look him in the eye. “It felt so right to me in that moment. I have feelings for you.” Sky glanced away, trying to find the right words because right now her emotions were wild and howling. “Ever since I saw you, I felt something good and clean between us, too. At first I thought it was me. I thought I was being selfish and needy.”
Gray made a sound of protest in his throat and slid his hand beneath her chin and got her to see the tenderness he felt toward her. “Baby, if anything, when you’re feeling down and out, you turn away from me. You hide in your room or go somewhere to be alone. You don’t really come to me when you’re in that state, Sky. Do you see that?” Gray had never wanted her to see it more than right now.
Licking her lower lip, his roughened hand against her cheek, she barely nodded. “I don’t want to use you, Gray. Not like that.” His brows dipped, and his fingers cupped her cheek and chin a little more. “I have to get strong. I have to fight this. I can’t use other people as a crutch. To enable me. That won’t get me stronger.”
His mouth curved a bit more. He wondered obliquely if her therapist at the Naval hospital had told her that. “This is not a war you can fight alone, Sky. What you see as weak or needy really isn’t. Humans, when they’re hurt, crawl into one another’s arms. They lie down beside them and hold them. They rock them. They whisper words they hope will help heal the other person.” Gray hesitated, looked up at the ceiling and then down at her. “You aren’t the type to manipulate people, Sky. You were in the military. You’re strong and you know how to fight back. And that’s what you’ve been doing ever since this happened to you.” His voice softened. “Sky, you need to ask for help. Come to me when you’re feeling like you need a hug or to be held.” Or kissed. His entire body was feeling scorched by her kiss, triggering his need to heal her in another way. Only it was a way that Sky hadn’t given him permission to follow up on.
“I’m so used to being alone, Gray. So used to fighting this without any help.”
“I know you are. Six months in a military hospital doesn’t exactly engender you to run over to the nurses’ desk and ask for help. I understand.” He threaded his fingers through her hair. “This is different. You’re at a new level of dealing with your PTSD. No one ever gets through their life alone, Sky. And you need to reshape whoever told you to gut through and not reach out for help.”
She sat digesting his impassioned words. Closing her eyes, she felt herself being wrenched back and forth, listening to her therapist, Olivia, or listening to Gray. Opening her eyes, she forced out, “If you didn’t have PTSD, Gray, I probably wouldn’t believe you. But you do have it.”
“I have very little of it left inside me now,” he told her. Watching her eyes, watching the terror in them dissolve with each gentle ministration across her hair, Gray knew what Sky needed. She needed him. He could be her bulwark. He could protect her when things went bad inside her. “I want to be the person you turn to, Sky.” Gray grimaced and added, “I know you work for me. I know you’re worried that the job and pers
onal stuff will get mixed up and confused between us.” His voice grew deep. “But I’m here to tell you it won’t. It’s easy for me to separate the job from the personal with you. Don’t shut me out in the future. Be honest with me about what you need, and don’t be afraid to come to me about it.”
“Okay,” Sky whispered, trying to smile but failing.
“Promise?” he rasped, holding her gaze.
“I—promise.”
* * *
SKY NEEDED TO go to the center, just to be with the wolf pups. They always fed her a certain kind of calmness. As she sat on her knees, the new pups exploring their large room, their eyes open, she watched them sniff and then tumble and play with one another. They were awkward and bungled along on tiny legs. Every day, their little pug-nosed faces were reshaping themselves. Already, Sky could see their noses begin to form and begin to look a little more like an adult wolf’s face.
She sat there, hands on her thighs, smiling and watching them. The pups lifted her into another reality. And it was a respite from hers. Heart opening, she thought of Gray, of his mouth moving gently against her lips. He could have kissed her hard, passionately, but he hadn’t. He sensed what her needs were, and the tender movement of his mouth against hers drove her to tears right now. She sniffed and forced them back. Crying all the time wasn’t going to help her. The fighting she’d begun after awakening in the hospital was what was needed in order to counteract the symptoms that lived like a hungry monster inside her.
Gracie, the white wolf pup, came leaping over to her. She landed on Sky’s lap and struggled up her thigh, her little claws rasping noisily against the denim. Gray had given Sky permission to stop using the latex gloves because the pups were at an age where their immune systems were strong enough to thwart possible human virus or bacteria. Laughing softly, Sky leaned over and cupped her hands beneath the wolf.
“Oh, Gracie, are you hardwired to me? How did you know I was feeling like I needed a puppy hug?” She lifted the pup up and snuggled her against her shoulder and jaw.
Gracie whined and licked her voraciously, wriggling, her thin, whippetlike tail fiercely wagging back and forth.
Closing her eyes, Sky cuddled Gracie. The wolf pup whined and wriggled even more, as if loving her and sharing emotions with her. What was there not to love about these beautiful, wild creatures who trusted her and Gray with their lives?
Sky felt two more puppies leap upon her thighs. She opened her eyes and cupped Gracie in one hand at her side. The black female, Crystal, whined and looked up at Sky with shining blue eyes, wagging her tail. And then the gray male, Chert, rolled off her thigh and into her lap, his little legs up in the air, flailing around. Laughing softly, Sky placed all three pups into her lap and gathered them between her hands.
Gray had said that very soon, they would grow so large she could no longer hold them. Even now they were growing like weeds in a garden. Smiling, Sky leaned down so her hair tickled them. The pups loved playing in her hair, and their little yips of pleasure as they attacked the strands made Sky chuckle. Playing with the babies always lifted her spirits. That and kissing Gray.
As Sky used her arms as a protective enclosure so the pups wouldn’t tumble off her legs as they pawed and played in her hair, Sky felt her heart opening in a new direction.
Why had she kissed Gray? The urge had become so strong within her, she was unable to stop from lifting her face and placing her lips against the hard line of his mouth. It had shocked her. But when he gently returned her kiss, her whole soul had melted into his strong, capable hands, and she had relaxed utterly into his embrace. The sense of safety, of care, and of some other unnamed emotion, moved through Sky as she played with the pups.
Her mind revolved around their conversation afterward. She waffled between fear of being needy and wanting Gray in her life. Confused, she wiped her hand across her face, feeling unable to separate them as easily as he said he could. Sky just wasn’t there yet. She wanted to be, would struggle to be, but she wasn’t right now. Looking down at the pups, who had quieted and were lying next to one another in a pile on her lap, Sky smiled softly, gently petting them. Their thin fur was now fluffy and thick. Every day, the pups were changing and growing. They were so strong physically that it surprised her. Sky wished she had some of their strength, but Gray was right: she was a lot stronger than she realized.
Looking up and through the windows into the central area of the building, Sky missed Gray’s strong, silent presence. He was a voice of reason in the storm of her wildly fluctuating emotions. He was the calm to her fury that lived like a rampaging animal within her. His kiss had been like breathing new life, new hope into her.
Did Gray realize how much it had helped her climb out of that basement of horrors that hung like a dark specter at every turn of her day? Sky was sure he did because his ability to monitor her, his experience of knowing what she was going through, was always there. Gray did not judge her, and for that, she was eternally grateful.
Gray... Oh, God, she had feelings she’d never felt for a man before, rising up through her, infusing her heart and healing her soul. Sky was caught up in such a morass of daily battles with her rampant feelings that she couldn’t take her attention off them to focus on Gray. Would he understand that? Accept it? Sky was unsure. As long as she was a puppet to these raging PTSD feelings, there was no way she could honestly center on Gray and how he made her feel. All she could do right now was be grateful he was standing beside her while she fought the battle to get better.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
IT WAS SUNDAY AFTERNOON, and the next six families, who came from around the world to the dude ranch, were arriving. Gray had just come from the center when he saw Sky greeting one of the families. She had crouched down in front of a very shy eight-year-old boy with glossy black hair. Iris had let them know that the Bradford family, who had a son with autism, would be arriving today. It was their first time here, and Iris had asked Sky to be a chaperone for the boy, Justin. Gray settled his hands on his hips and, from a distance, watched the small boy nod his head as Sky asked him something. The two parents, both clearly anxious, watched them.
Iris welcomed children with mental challenges with open arms. And in the past year Gray had seen a number of them pass through the weeklong dude-ranch vacations. He was glad Sky was there because she had the ability to draw pitch out of a pine tree.
Sure enough, Gray watched the boy shyly lift his head and look at Sky. He knew autistic children were painfully bashful and often would retreat into a corner and become a shadow. They wouldn’t make eye contact. That interaction with people was just too agonizing for them.
Gray snorted and dropped his hands. Hell, PTSD made a person feel the same way, so he was sure that Sky would have a unique entrance into Justin’s enclosed world where he felt safe from the outside world. For Sky, it was to retreat into her bedroom. That was safety for her. For autistic children, some faded into the deep recesses of themselves.
As he walked across the street, Gray saw Justin’s bright blue gaze cling to Sky, who smiled sweetly at him. Yeah, Sky had that kind of wonderful, warm, nurturing personality. Gray would bet by the end of the week, Justin wouldn’t want to leave.
Gray walked over and introduced himself to the parents, Judy and Pete Bradford. He told them about the wildlife center and that they were welcome to come over and go through the one-hundred-acre facility by appointment.
Judy, a blonde with short hair, gripped Gray’s arm. “Iris was telling us you have wolf puppies here, Mr. McCoy.”
“Yes, ma’am, we do.” Gray noticed Judy’s sudden pleading look.
“Could you...? I mean...would it be too much to allow Justin to see the puppies?” Her voice rose with hope. “Justin loves wolves. He has pictures of them hanging up on his walls. His bedspread has a wolf on it. You have no idea how many times he’s watched National Geographic videos
on the wolves in Yellowstone.”
Sky glanced up at Gray. She didn’t know what he’d do with such a request. Normally, the pups were off-limits to the public. When the word wolf was mentioned, even Justin turned, scrunched up his face and looked up at tall Gray McCoy.
Gray rubbed his jaw and faced Sky. “What do you think, Sky? Is Justin well behaved? Would he sit near you if you brought him into Wolf Haven?”
Justin turned, jumping up and down in place, giving Sky a begging look. “Oh, please, Sky! Please let me see them. I love wolfs!”
Sky’s smile broadened. “Would you mind sitting next to me, Justin? I’d need you to sit here.” She pointed near her thigh. “If you could do that, I’d take you in to where we feed the wolf puppies.”
Justin squirmed as if his skin were too tight for him. His mother had dressed him in a pair of jeans and a bright red cowboy shirt with a yellow neckerchief. “I promise! I promise!” he blurted out, shifting from one red cowboy boot to another.
Sky angled an eyebrow, catching Gray’s gaze. She saw him give a brief nod. Tilting her head, she said, “Okay, Justin, we’ll do it tomorrow after you eat breakfast with your family. Wolf puppies get fed about every four to five hours. The next feeding would be at 11:00 a.m.”
Justin gave a yip and went running around his parents several times, wildly waving his arms, excited.
Judy smiled with gratitude. “You have no idea how much our son will love this. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.”
“It’s not a problem. I’ll have to have you sign consent forms, Mrs. Bradford. And only Sky will take your son into that area. You can remain outside the enclosure, watching through the windows. If you want to take photos without a flash, or video, you can do that.”
Judy’s eyes filled with tears. She reached out, squeezing his arm. “Thank you, Mr. McCoy. This just means so much to Justin. He’ll never stop talking about it.”
Wolf Haven (The Wyoming Series Book 9) Page 15