The Girl in the Woods

by Patricia MacDonald

  The next thing she knew, someone was shaking her by the shoulder. She opened her eyes and looked up. Ellis, unshaven, stood beside the bed in his work pants and thermal undershirt, the boots on his feet unfastened. He was staring down at Celeste’s face.

  Blair blinked at her uncle, frowning. She was halfway between sleep and waking, trying to take it in.

  ‘What?’ she mumbled.

  ‘It’s over,’ he said. ‘She’s gone.’

  THREE

  Snow flurries began on the morning of Celeste’s funeral and, by the end of the day, Yorkville was veiled in white. The service for Celeste was held in the unfamiliar sanctuary of Darlene’s church, where Darlene’s brother was a deacon. Darlene suggested that the service might be held there and Celeste’s family, belonging to no congregation, gratefully accepted. The pastor, though he had not known Celeste, led a moving service, inspired by the loss of a young mother in the prime of her life. Blair wept frequently during the service; even Uncle Ellis’s eyes glittered and reddened. Malcolm was stoic throughout. The effort he made was heroic, but pointless. No one expected him to remain composed at the funeral of his only parent …

  After the service and the burial in a hillside cemetery beside the church, a small reception was held in the Church Rectory. Malcolm and Blair shuffled along the slippery sidewalk with the other mourners. Malcolm allowed Blair to hold his arm as they mounted the stairs to enter the Rectory, while Uncle Ellis walked behind them. The spacious, slightly shabby old house quickly filled up with people. Darlene bustled around setting out punch, trays of sandwiches and bowls of potato salad on doilies on the dining room table. Darlene’s brother, a man with gray, thinning hair and wire-rimmed glasses just like hers, did as he was bidden by his twin, unwrapping paper cups and Styrofoam plates for the mourners. Darlene approached the family as they came in and introduced them.

  ‘This is my brother, Joseph Reese,’ said Darlene. Everyone shook hands. Ellis had clearly not met Darlene’s brother before and he tried his best to be sociable. It was painful to watch Ellis’s awkward efforts, while Reese peered at him suspiciously.

  ‘Thank you for arranging this with your Pastor,’ said Blair, when she was introduced.

  ‘Oh, he was happy to do it. Very sad about your sister,’ said Reese. His hand, when Blair shook it, felt cool and clammy. ‘Terrible,’ he said, ‘when it’s someone so young.’

  ‘We really appreciate your help,’ Blair said.

  Reese sniffed.

  ‘Well, when Darlene gets a bee in her bonnet … I did have to take the day off from work,’ he admitted.

  ‘Where do you work?’ Blair asked politely.

  ‘I’m a Greyhound driver. I do the regular route to Philadelphia.’ Reese turned to Malcolm, who shook his hand as well. ‘Sorry for your loss, son. We lost our father when we were young and then my mother had a breakdown,’ Reese intoned, intending to be sympathetic. Blair could see that Malcolm was not comforted. ‘Took me and Darlene years to get over it,’ Reese recalled with a certain relish.

  There were quite a few mourners. As antisocial as Ellis was, the Dietz family had been in this town for generations. People who had known not only Celeste, but also their mother, Tina, came up and introduced themselves to Blair. Blair went numbly through the motions, thanking everyone she met for coming. Although she had spent a lot of time in Yorkville since Celeste fell ill, she had not spent any of it socializing. She had not seen most of these people in many years.

  Malcolm, on the other hand, seemed to know a lot of people. Blair watched as several kids his age in the crowd, accompanied by adults, greeted Malcolm awkwardly.

  ‘Your mother would be proud of you,’ Blair whispered to him, as Malcolm shook hands gravely with the adults.

  Zach, Amanda and Peter were among the mourners. Blair thought that the Tuckers made an attractive family. Amanda was still trim, her coppery hair pulled up in a swinging pony tail. She kept one hand firmly on Zach’s shoulder. The seven-year-old seemed a little frightened by the proceedings. Peter, who was a forest ranger, had thick hair that was sun-streaked and a complexion which was permanently bronzed from working outside. Blair felt a pang of loneliness, watching them. Zach was younger than Malcolm, but seemed to treat him like a big brother already. Amanda and Peter watched over both boys protectively. Blair could see how faithfully Amanda intended to fulfill her promise to Celeste. It will be fine, Blair thought. He’ll have a good life with them.

  Just then a middle-aged couple approached Blair.

  ‘Blair, I’m so sorry about your sister,’ said the woman. It took Blair a moment to place her, and then, when she did, her eyes filled again with tears. Molly’s parents.

  ‘Mrs Sinclair, Mr Sinclair.’

  The woman smiled. She had aged a lot since Blair had seen her last. Her long, dark hair was shot through with gray and her face was deeply lined.

  ‘Oh, call us Janet and Robbie,’ the woman said kindly. ‘We’re all grown-ups now. What are you doing these days?’

  Blair had been so preoccupied with Celeste’s funeral, that she had not been able to concentrate on her sister’s deathbed confession. Seeing Robbie and Janet Sinclair brought it all back to her in a rush. As she stumbled over a few details of her life in Philadelphia, Blair wondered if these nice people would still be speaking to her once they found out what she had learned about Adrian Jones, now Yusef Muhammed. But surely they would want the truth to come out. Wouldn’t they?

  ‘How about you?’ she asked. ‘You still own the Apres Ski?’

  Robbie Sinclair nodded. He had a round, still youthful face, but his hair was graying and his eyes had a weary cast to them.

  ‘Oh sure. Keeps us busy.’

  Blair hesitated.

  ‘I’m going to need to come and talk to you while I’m here. Do you still live in the same house?’

  Janet Sinclair nodded. ‘Same house. The neighborhood’s changed a lot. A lot of big new houses where it used to be all woods. But we’re right in the same place. Come by anytime. We’d love a chance to visit. We just wanted to be here to offer our condolences.’

  ‘Thanks,’ said Blair, squeezing Janet’s hands in her own, cold hands. ‘It was kind of you to come.’

  People continued to stream through offering hugs and words of comfort. The whole day was exhausting and, when the last guests had said their goodbyes, Darlene urged Ellis, Blair and Malcolm to return to the house while she stayed behind to help tidy up the Rectory.

  ‘Joseph will help me here,’ she said. Darlene’s brother was sitting by the window, looking worriedly out at the lowering skies, as if anxious to get out of there before the storm worsened. Blair pretended not to notice his impatience. She wanted to take the opportunity to leave. Everyone was drained and weary. They rode home in silence in Ellis’s truck, entered the house and turned on a few lights against the gathering gloom of the afternoon.

  ‘Malcolm, do you want anything to …’ Malcolm shook his head miserably before Blair could finish the sentence and went up to his room. Blair went into the living room to turn on the lights there and saw that the hospital bed, and all the equipment that had been there for Celeste, had been removed while they were at the funeral.

  ‘Wow,’ she said.

  ‘Wow what?’ asked Ellis.

  ‘What happened to all the stuff? The bed. Everything?’

  ‘The hospice people.’

  ‘That’s an efficient organization,’ Blair said. ‘Did you know they were coming to pick up everything while we were gone?’

  Ellis nodded. ‘We had it all worked out beforehand.’

  ‘You and Darlene?’ said Blair.

  ‘Yup.’

  Blair looked around the living room, now emptied of the medical equipment. She noticed that the Nazi memorabilia which Ellis always displayed in the bookcase by the brick hearth was not in its customary place.

  ‘How come you took down your Nazi stuff?’

  ‘When I found out the hospice was coming, I hid it in tha
t cupboard above the washing machine,’ said Ellis. ‘I was afraid someone of these strangers coming and going might help themselves to it.’

  ‘Are you kidding? Nobody wants that vile crap.’ It felt good – bracing almost – to call it what it was. Ellis couldn’t threaten her any longer. She had her own life, far away from here.

  ‘That’s what you know. That collection is valuable.’

  Blair shrugged. ‘I can’t picture Darlene coveting your swastikas. In fact, she’d probably be horrified if she knew you had them.’

  ‘Not Darlene,’ he scoffed. ‘She’s good people. But I knew all Celeste’s lowlife friends would be coming around.’

  Blair shook her head and did not respond. There was no point.

  ‘So,’ said Ellis, changing the subject. ‘I guess you’ll be leaving soon.’

  Immediately, Blair thought of Adrian Jones.

  ‘The fact is, I was planning to leave right away,’ she said, ‘but my plans have changed. Something has come up.’ She was going to have to tell him about Celeste’s confession eventually. She wondered if this was the moment.

  But Ellis did not leave her an opening.

  ‘Well, you can stay if you want. This is your home,’ he said flatly.

  Blair stared at her uncle. Her home? She despised this place, but she could see that he meant it sincerely.

  ‘Well, I thought I would stick around a little while. Sort through Celeste’s things. Maybe help Malcolm get adjusted to the new situation. It’s a lot of changes for him.’

  ‘What new situation?’ Ellis demanded.

  ‘Well, you know. His new home.’

  Ellis peered at her. ‘New home?’

  Blair suddenly realized, with a sinking feeling, that Ellis knew nothing about it. Celeste had never told her uncle about her plans for Malcolm. Blair shook her head. Had Celeste ever dealt with a single uncomfortable truth head on? Had she avoided every single difficult admission?

  ‘I thought Celeste would have told you,’ said Blair.

  ‘Told me what?’

  ‘Malcolm is going to be living with Amanda and Peter Tucker, and their son, Zach.’

  ‘The hell he is,’ said Ellis. ‘That kid’s not going anywhere.’

  ‘Frankly, I would have thought you’d be relieved to be rid of him,’ she said coldly.

  ‘I never said that,’ Ellis protested, glowering. ‘He can just stay put.’

  ‘Look, I don’t want to argue with you about this,’ said Blair. ‘Those were Celeste’s wishes. As I understand it, she went to an attorney and made it all legal.’

  ‘That’s ridiculous,’ said Ellis. ‘She didn’t have no money for a lawyer, unless you gave it to her.’

  ‘This has absolutely nothing to do with me,’ Blair protested.

  ‘She didn’t ask you to take him?’ Ellis demanded.

  ‘No, in fact, she didn’t,’ said Blair.

  ‘Shows you what she thought of you,’ he said unkindly. ‘Taking her kid from family and giving him to strangers,’ Ellis muttered. ‘Who does that? It’s wrong. It’s just wrong.’

  ‘It’s what she thought would be best,’ said Blair.

  ‘Your sister was dumb,’ he grumbled, ‘But even she—’

  ‘Do you mind?’ Blair said icily. ‘We’ve just come from her funeral. Do you think you could avoid trashing Celeste on the day we buried her?’

  ‘I’m not trashing her,’ Ellis insisted stubbornly. ‘I’m telling it like it is. She lived under my roof for all these years. I guess I know a few things about her that you don’t.’

  ‘Look, she should have told you what her plan was. I assumed she had.’

  ‘Didn’t tell me nothing. In fact, I don’t believe it. This sounds like something you cooked up.’

  Blair sighed and shook her head. ‘There’s no use talking to you. I’m going upstairs.’

  ‘We’ll just see about this,’ Ellis called after her.

  Blair turned her back on him and headed for the stairs. She climbed up to the second floor and stopped at the door to Malcolm’s room which was closed. She could see the light was on, but when she tapped on the door, he did not answer.

  ‘Malcolm, it’s me,’ she said.

  The boy did not reply.

  Blair waited at the door for a few minutes and tapped again. Finally, the door opened. Malcolm stared out at her with desolate eyes.

  ‘Oh Malcolm,’ said Blair. ‘It’s been such a horrible day. I’m so sorry.’

  Malcolm did not reply.

  ‘Are you hungry? There’s still lots of food in the fridge. Or I can take you out somewhere if you’d like.’

  ‘I don’t want to go anywhere,’ the boy said.

  ‘Do you want to talk?’

  Malcolm shrugged. ‘Not really.’

  ‘Malcolm, I just want you to know that I understand. I really do. I know how terrible it is.’

  The cat meowed and slid out around his legs and through the open door. She headed for the staircase.

  ‘Can I come in for a minute?’ Blair asked.

  Malcolm hesitated and then stepped back from the door just far enough for Blair to enter the room. Blair looked around. The room was small and claustrophobic, with the bed, the chair and the floor near the closet piled with dirty clothes. Every inch of wall space was decorated with menacing-looking posters of zombies, vampires and heavy metal rock groups fastened to the wall with pushpins. A smiling photo of Malcolm and Celeste sat atop a bookcase that seemed to be exploding with disorganized books, papers and miscellaneous junk.

  ‘I just want you to know,’ Blair said. ‘I’m going to stick around for a while and help you get everything sorted out. Did your Mom talk to you about what’s going to happen?’

  ‘What do you mean?’ he demanded.

  There it was again. She could see in his eyes that he had no idea of what she was talking about. How could you not have told him, Celeste, she wondered?

  ‘Well,’ Blair said, and she could feel herself backtracking. ‘I mean, in your future.’

  ‘What do you mean? Like going to college?’ he demanded. ‘Cause I don’t want to go.’

  Blair had to smile. ‘Well, that’s a long way away. I was thinking of other, more immediate things.’

  ‘What other things?’ he cried.

  Blair licked her lips and tried again. ‘Did Amanda and Peter talk to you about what your Mom wanted for you?’

  ‘No,’ he said. ‘Why would they?’

  ‘Malcolm, you know how much your mom loved Amanda, right? They were best friends.’

  ‘I know,’ he said. ‘She said Amanda was like a real sister.’

  Blair wondered what that meant about her. She couldn’t help feeling a little hurt, but she reminded herself that her own feelings weren’t important right now.

  ‘And you and Zach are very close.’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Malcolm suspiciously.

  ‘Well, your Mom wanted you to stay here in Yorkville and the Tuckers are a part of that plan.’

  Malcolm was peering at her suspiciously. ‘What plan?’

  Blair hesitated. This might not be the moment, but she didn’t want Malcolm to hear about it from Uncle Ellis.

  ‘Look, your Mom thought it might be best for you to live where you’d have more of a regular family life. That’s why she thought of the Tuckers and they want to take care of you.’

  ‘Live with the Tuckers? But I live here,’ Malcolm protested. ‘With Uncle Ellis. Is he going away somewhere?’

  ‘No, no. But your Uncle Ellis is getting … pretty old. Your Mom was worried about the future. She had to think about that for you.’

  ‘Doesn’t he want to keep me?’

  Blair felt like this conversation was going awry and Malcolm was getting upset. She decided to speak in generalities. There would be time for specifics tomorrow.

  ‘Of course. Of course he does. He loves you. And so do the Tuckers. A lot of people are on your side, and want to take care of you. Do you know that? I mean, it�
�s not the same as having your mother, but the important thing is that you are definitely not alone.’

  Malcolm shrugged. ‘I guess.’

  ‘With a loss like this, it can leave you feeling … adrift in the world. But you are absolutely not alone. Uncle Ellis. Amanda and Peter. And me. We all want to do anything and everything we can for you.’

  ‘What about my cat?’ he asked.

  ‘What about your cat?’ she asked.

  ‘If I lived at the Tuckers, would my cat come with me?’

  ‘Oh sure. Of course,’ said Blair, encouraged that he was considering the idea and she hoped that no one had allergies to cat dander at the Tuckers.

  ‘When would I go there?’ he asked.

  ‘Listen, sweetie, I don’t want you to worry about it. There’s so much that still has to be discussed and decided. There’s no big rush. I just thought you … would want to know what’s going on.’

  ‘I guess,’ he said.

  ‘And Malcolm. I mean, just speaking for myself, you can always depend on me. You can call me, day or night. I’ll always be there for you. You’re my only nephew and I love you.’

  ‘Ok,’ he muttered, and then he yawned.

  Blair sighed. Enough for one night, she thought.

  ‘Look, we’re all tired tonight. It’s been a terrible day. The worst day ever. We can talk more about this tomorrow. Why don’t we go downstairs and get something to eat?’

  ‘Not hungry,’ he said.

  ‘I can’t help worrying about you,’ she said.

  Suddenly, to Blair’s amazement, Malcolm hurled himself at her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She smoothed his hair with her hand.

  ‘It’s ok. It’s ok. Everything will be all right,’ she whispered.

  ‘Thanks, Aunt Blair,’ he mumbled.

  He let her go and flung himself on his bed. Blair looked at him sadly, wishing she could take the sorrow away, but there was no avoiding it. In the book of his life, this would always be the chapter on unbearable pain. Accepting the unacceptable.