by T. E. Black
"She's gonna fucking leave me, Ry." He tosses back his shot quickly and pours himself another in his glass.
"What do you mean, she's gonna leave ya? Did you boot her out or something because last time I checked, that chick is head over heels for ya."
He lets out a scoff, fishing out pieces of his broken cell phone from his jeans and tossing them on the bar top.
"I would let you listen to the message, but my phone’s broken."
I raise my eyebrows, observing the fifty pieces on the bar as I ask him what the hell he’s talking about.
"Looks like it's more than broken. What the fuck are you talking about? Message? What message? Why are ya actin' so shiesty?"
He tosses back another shot he poured himself, running his free hand down his face roughly. He looks like he'd claw his own eyes out if I wouldn't stop him.
"Caroline called."
I watch him pour another shot, this time filling the glass to the rim, and tossing it back quickly. Caroline. I rack my brain for the name to appear, and it hits me. The druggie's sister, Caroline.
"Hasn't the scootch called ya a million times? What's so different about this one?" I ask while I wipe down a bar glass.
"She's pregnant." He grimaces, drowning himself in another shot.
I raise my eyebrows at him before asking the question on my mind.
"Does she not know who the father is or some shit? Because from what I hear, and I hear a lot, was she is screwing half of the townies. That trash bag gives me the skeeves."
Mac's eyes lock shut as he lets out a long sigh.
"She knows who the father is."
I stare back at him. He's gotta give me something here. Bits and pieces of information are not making me understand why he's drinking himself into a coma. I know he cared about this chick a long time ago being it was his ex's sister, but just because she's pregnant doesn't mean it's his problem. It's the baby's daddy's problem.
As soon as I repeat my thoughts again, my mouth falls open.
Holy fucking shit.
"Fuck outta here! Ya slept with her, you schmuck!" I yell at him from across the bar.
It's not a question, but more of a statement. He picks his head up to look at me, and the tears which form in the corners of his eyes tell me all I need to know. He’s officially the world's biggest dumbass.
His head falls into his hands and he lets out a groan.
"It was when I first kicked Callie to the curb. A couple days into not seeing her, I was at the garage and Caroline showed up there. I was pissed the hell off. It meant nothing to me, but in her head, it was another story. It was a mistake. The entire thing was a mistake. She's been blowing my phone up nonstop and I kept hitting ignore. I figured if I ignored her then it would all just go away."
I give him a sympathetic smile. I feel bad for him. Caroline is like a bee who keeps flying around, bothering the shit out of you while you swat at it, and then when you least expect, it stings.
I slide the bottle toward him, touching his arm in a comforting way.
"I think you need this. I'll drive ya home when you're ready to go."
He nods his head in my direction, filling up his glass.
"I'm so screwed Ry. She's gonna leave me. I can't lose that girl. I just fucking can't."
My eyes well with tears of their own as I watch the man I've known for five years break before me. I pat him on the arm, comforting him.
"It'll be all righ’."
My head feels like someone has been hitting me with a shovel repeatedly. My eyes hurt, my body hurts. Everything hurts. I struggle to roll over seeing Callie's side of the bed has been slept in. Thank fucking God. She didn’t leave. She stayed. I can only imagine what came out of my mouth last night. I remember Ryleigh bringing me home, but all in all, things are a bit fuzzy.
A phone dings from the nightstand and I scramble toward it, immediately regretting my quick movements which make my head pound. I take a minute to realize it's an older phone I had lying around and Callie must have had my number switched over at some point between last night and this morning. I see a few notifications on my screen from Callie. As the automated system prompts me to type in my password, I hear the sweet melody of her voice in my ear as the message plays through.
I hope you're feeling good today, but I highly doubt it. I hope you don't mind I activated your number into a different phone since Ryleigh said yours is still sitting in a million pieces on the bar.
“You weigh a ton Malcolm Davis, and you're incredibly hard to reason with when you're drunk. I left some pain medicine on the island, and there's coffee in the pot. I had to go to class, finals. If not, I would’ve stayed until you woke up. I love you.”
“So I'm going to address the elephant in the room because I can't take my exams with this on my mind. Ryleigh told me everything last night, including who Caroline really is. If she's really pregnant, and you're the father, then we will work it out. I love you. I'm not leaving you. I'm not throwing what we have away.”
“I want to meet her.”
I stare at the phone with wide eyes, replaying the messages until I've memorized every one. She's not leaving. She isn't going to leave me high and dry picking up the pieces of my life without her.
I listen to the last message again, swallowing a lump in my throat.
“I want to meet her.”
Fuck me. Caroline isn't exactly friendly with other women. Especially women who are pissing all over what she thinks is her territory.
I make my way to the bathroom, stripping my clothes off from a night I'd gladly forget. Turning on the water as hot as it goes, I step in and let the heat burn my skin. I keep replaying the night before in my head. That message. Caroline sounded so afraid in it. She kept crying when she said the words. “You're the father, Bear.” I almost didn’t understand her between her heavy sobs, but the minute the word pregnant was mentioned, my hearing dialed up about twenty notches. Maybe I wasn't really the father. If she has been sleeping around, then there's a chance it's not mine. There's no way to tell without getting a test done, and I plan on making it number one on my checklist.
I can't believe Callie didn't run for the hills when Ryleigh told her what happened last night, but then again, in a way, it doesn't surprise me. My girl is strong. She can handle anything that's thrown at her. Which is a huge reason I fell in love with her.
I shoot her a text back, telling her when she gets home, we will call Caroline together. I'm not doing this without her by my side. I'm not fucking anything else up. I will not fuck this up.
I have a shit load of explaining to do to Callie. There are things Ryleigh doesn't even know. Things I haven’t ever told anyone, but I have to tell her. She needs to know the entire story. I have to rip open every wound that has healed inside of me over the past six years.
I need to make sure she understands.
Problem 1: A salesman sold twice as many pears in an afternoon than the morning of that day. If the total amount which he sold is 300 kilograms, then how many kilograms did he sell in the morning and the afternoon separately?
I stare down at the paper on my desk, hoping the answer will magically appear in my head, but it doesn’t. There's nothing going on in it that could be of any use to me right now.
The only thing I can imagine is what Caroline looks like. What Mac looks like when he's with her. What they look like together. What they'll look like together when they're walking their child through the park where people will all coo over how cute the baby is.
Will they notice me, standing in the background? A third wheel to their happy family? Will they whisper about me? About how I stayed with a man who has a child with another woman? Will she move in with us? Will he move in with her and leave me all alone? What will the baby call me? Stepmom? Aunt Callie?
All the unanswered questions feel like a weight on my shoulders which are unbearable, filtering out anything that isn't centered around Caroline and Mac. My Mac. My man. That the bitch stole from me.<
br />
I mark down a slew of random A’s, B’s, and C's on my answer sheet, gathering my stuff, and dropping the exam off on the professor's desk.
"Done so soon, Ms. Matthews?" Professor Callahan asks.
"Yeah, I had a lot of time to study last night. That practice test you gave us really helped," I tell her, clearly lying.
She nods at me.
"That is great. I'll assume I have a passing exam from you then."
"I hope so Professor," I say assuringly.
She turns her attention to another student and I take it as my cue to exit the room before she finds out there is no way in hell I'm passing the exam. Truth be told, I didn't even want to come to class today. I thought about asking for a makeup, but I decided against it at last minute. The next couple months of my life will be insane, leaving me no time to study, even if I wanted to, and studying is the last thing on my mind right now.
I check my phone, seeing Mac's returned text.
I’m so sorry, baby. I love you. I didn’t cheat on you. I swear. Please come home. I need you here with me. I won’t call her until you’re here. I love you.
I’m on my way. I love you, too. See you soon.
On the way home, it snowed. Which was just freaking perfect. Nothing like being cold and wet to top off the day from hell. I open the door, welcoming the warmth which hits me as I step inside. It surrounds me, hugging me with its heat. I shake out of my coat, hanging it up next to Mac's. I hear the music before I see where it's coming from. Sam Smith's “Stay with me” pours in the house from the direction of the deck. The irony of the song isn’t lost on me before I switch my thinking cap to why it's coming from outside.
I pad toward the sliding doors, opening them to peek outside. My brow furrows. I step onto the deck, wrapping my arms around myself to keep the chill away. The snow falls quickly, leaving a thin layer behind. I watch Mac hovering over something on the deck and I’m instantly confused.
"What are you doing Mac? It's snowing," I say, stating the obvious.
He stands up, turning toward me, the drill in his hand falling to the wooden floor. I watch him closely, seeing his tired eyes looking back at me.
"Do you like it, baby?"
He steps to the side so I can see what he's referring to. Tears well in my eyes, my hand coming up to suffocate the sob which is dying to escape. A beautiful flower box now sits where Mac's beloved fire pit used to be. It's built large enough to plant an entire garden if I want to. The gesture makes my heart pump at a rapid speed, replacing the anger and hurt with love. I feel the tears that stream from my face but wipe them away quickly.
"You built me a garden," I say softly, staring into his eyes.
"I'm pretty sure the guy at the lumber store thought I was fucking nuts when I told him what I was doing with all the wood," he jokes, chuckling quietly, trying to relieve some of the tension. Mac knows how much this means to me, and although he's building it because he screwed up, the gesture still means the world.
"I want you to stay Callie. I don't want you to leave me because I fucked up. I'm going to fuck up from time to time, but I swear I’ll never screw us up this bad again. I wanted to tell you about Caroline from the beginning, but I didn't think it was important to talk about her until now."
I cross my arms over my chest lightly and wait for him to continue. Even though I heard some of the things from Ryleigh, I need to hear it from him. I'm a strong woman, but I'm nervous I can't handle what he's going to tell me. I feel that when he talks about Caroline the way I'm sure he will, with a protective tone, I won't be able to handle it. I'm afraid the stone walls I spent the entire day building will crumble to dust at both our feet.
"I'm sure you already know that Caroline was Leah's sister already, but what you don't know is I felt the need to take care of her. Leah was strung the hell out all the time, and when she wasn't, her detoxing was just as bad. She didn't give two shits if Caroline had food or a warm bed to sleep in at night. And I did. I got clean for her. I got clean to take care of her the way she needed to be taken care of. She was a young woman at that point, fifteen years old, just trying to take care of herself." He pauses, looking away for a second before his eyes lock with mine again. I wipe away the tears falling freely now.
"When Leah died, Caroline had nobody. Her grandparents took her in and I barely got to see her. We talked on the phone a lot, but even then, I could tell she was so fucking broken up about everything. I comforted her, and in the end it backfired. She fell in love with me. She always loved me, even when Leah was alive, but I played if off as a crush. I should’ve realized she wasn't as innocent as she played to be.
"Then she kept calling that night at the garage and I was so fucking hurt and pissed off about us so, I told her to come by. The moment she walked in the door, my head was so fucked up from thinking, I kept seeing Leah everywhere I fucking turned. It was like she was there, standing in front of me, comforting me when I needed her, but she wasn't. Caroline was."
I shouldn't feel guilt right now, but I do. It consumes me. It breathes me in. It strangles every single breath out of me. I know what it's like to hurt. I know what it's like to feel vulnerable and alone. I know what it's like to feel broken, and I know exactly how Mac must have felt that night. Little does he know, his heartache makes my heart put itself back together that much more.
"I love you." That's all I manage to say, looking down at the snow covered deck. I feel him closing the distance between us. His hand grasping my chin lightly, tilting it up in his direction.
"I love you, Callie. I'm so sorry. I ruined everything. Caroline means nothing to me. She did at one time, but now it's you. Only you. If you want to walk away, I'll let you Callie. I'll do for you, but I want you to stay, and if I have to get down on my knees and fucking beg for you to forgive me, I will. I promise you. I will never hurt you again."
I shake my head at him, trying to laugh, but I can't. The only thoughts which flood my mind are of Mac possibly having a child with another woman.
"Is it yours Mac?" I ask.
I need to know. I need to decide what comes next, and his next words will decide it all for me.
"I don't think so Callie. At first, I thought it could be, but Ryleigh went on a witch hunt. She told me Caroline has been sleeping around, and I guess she found some guys who slept with her around the same time I did. I'm gonna get a test done. Ryleigh and I racked my brain enough to figure out she's been pregnant long enough to get one this week."
I lean into him, touching our lips together softly, and speak against them.
"Is it terrible to hope it's not yours? I don't want to share you, Mac."
His hands come to grasp either side of my face, rubbing his thumb gently against my cheek.
"Baby, you will not have to share me. I'm yours. My heart, my mind, my body, my soul, It's all yours. I love you, Callie. Caroline was a mistake. She'll always be a horrible fucking mistake."
I blink away tears, wishing them away. I don't want to cry, but the love I feel for him is overwhelming. The fear of losing him to her is even worse.
I close my eyes, remembering the first time Mac and I slept together, and the way I freaked out afterward when he broke down the door. I remember the nerves that were bubbling when I locked myself in the bathroom. I remember my throat feeling as if it would close up any minute.
"Mac. I have to tell you something." I take a deep, calming breath, willing myself to clear my conscience.
Mac's hands grip each side of my face, and I open my eyes to see his worried expression. I can tell he thinks I'm going to break him, but it's not as bad as what he's done.
"Do you remember after we slept together for the first time, when I locked myself in the bathroom to calm my nerves?"
He nods his head, his brow furrowing together slightly.
"I didn't run away to calm my nerves because I was upset with what we did. I ran away because it was then I knew I loved you with everything I had. I knew at that point Derrick would no
longer be an issue for me. I knew you filled his shoes, even more importantly, I knew we would be together."
His expression changes into one of happiness.
"So, we will figure out this thing with Caroline. Okay? I love you, Malcolm Davis," I say, my voice small and vulnerable.
"I love you so fucking much Callie Rose."
He grabs my hand, leading me inside and out of the snowy weather.
"Come on baby, I'm going to show every inch of your body how you make me feel. I'm going to make you feel as worshiped as you truly are."
I let him lead me to the place where I can escape from our horrible reality and just focus on the man I love. We can figure this out. Together.
This has to be the most awkward conversation in the entire world. Two women who both have had me in different ways, one physically and one emotionally. It doesn't help the fact that Caroline keeps referring to me as Bear which just pisses Callie off more. She's trying, I'll give her that, but from the glare she keeps shooting at Caroline, I know she's plotting how she could murder her slowly and quietly.
"So Caroline, how old are you?" Callie asks her, her glare still in place.
"I just turned twenty-two," Caroline answers.
Callie's eyes grow wide and she shoots daggers at me.
"You have your whole life ahead of you. Are you sure you want a child right now when you haven’t even figured your own life out?" Callie still watches me on the couch in the waiting room, her tone not changing. It's full of hatred and jealousy at the same time. Jealous Callie isn't something I'm used to, and as fucked up as this situation is, I can't deny how incredibly sexy it is…jealousy.
"If it's Bear's, which I'm sure it is, then yes, I want to keep the baby," Caroline states, trying to mark her territory.
Too bad for her, I've already been marked. Callie did that a long fucking time ago.
"Caroline, how are you so sure it's mine? You already said you were with two other guys the same week. It could be theirs," I say, watching her reaction.