by Alisha Basso
Especially when the whole world seems to be against her.
CHAPTER ONE
Moonlight and shadows danced through sixteen-year-old Cassie Merchant's mind as she slumbered, not quite asleep and not quite awake, caught in the mysterious world in-between.
"Cassie. Cassie."
The whispers, so soft, so gentle, made her smile. She snuggled deeper under her duvet.
The whisper came again. "Cassie."
She stilled, recognizing the voice. Right person; wrong place.
She bolted upright, her blankets falling around her waist. Shadows made it hard to see. The lights on her purple iPod showed two in the morning. She blinked then gasped at the figure sitting on the windowsill.
Inside her room.
"Todd? What are you doing here?"
His same sassy grin gleamed in the darkness.
"Dad will kill me if he finds you here." She shifted the blankets out of her way to shuffle back up against her padded headboard. Glancing down, she realized the shoulder of her sleep shirt had slipped down. Heat climbed her cheeks. She yanked the offending material back into place and hauled her blankets up to her neck. Thank heavens for the gloomy light. "What are you doing here?" At the sight of her open window behind him, she added, "And how did you get in?"
Todd, his hair falling every which way, smirked. "How do you think I got in?"
"I have no idea." She tucked her shoulder-length hair behind her ears. "Why are you here? You know how much trouble I will be in if my parents find out you're here, right?"
"I know. I'm sorry, but it'll be all right. I promise."
Cassie snorted. "Right. Like you promised to help me with my science project last week? Or how about your promise to show up for my debate? Remember how that turned out?"
"Are you still on about that? I said I was sorry."
His devilish grin tore her heart out. Heartthrob Todd. The name had stuck after Penny's mom coined the term. And it wasn't just that his jet black hair curled in such a way that all the girls wanted to twine it around their fingers. Or the way that grin of his slid sideways, catching everyone's breath. Nor was it only about his lean, six-foot frame that moved so strongly and easily through life. No, it had more to do with him being a good boy wrapped up in bad boy packaging.
All the girls adored him.
Good thing Cassie was immune. On the other hand, his brother, with the same adorable curls, matching lopsided grin and warm, melted chocolate eyes…Oh, boy.
"Yeah, right. Whatever." Cassie studied Todd. For all his bravado, she'd never seen him look so pale. His stark white skin shone in the darkness. He'd have made a great vampire. And he stayed up all hours of the night. But that went along with being eighteen and almost done with school. Cassie, however, needed her sleep, otherwise…
No. Todd looked upset, sad. Or maybe lost was the better word. She couldn't really pin it down, but whatever was bothering him, now bothered her. Todd always knew what to do in life. He never had doubts or qualms about his actions.
Cassie yawned. "Okay. What's going on?"
Todd didn't do heart-to-hearts well. It took him awhile, but he did get around to explaining, eventually.
"I can't tell you all of it. But you will hear some stuff about me that's wrong. Very wrong. Stuff I don't know how to put right. I need your help, Cassie. I've never asked you for anything before; well okay, maybe I have, but this time, I'm begging. Please, don't believe what you hear and don't think bad of me. I didn't do what they say I did."
"They? Who are they?"
He turned his head away. She heard an odd sound.
A sniffle? For the first time, Cassie started to panic. "Todd," she whispered, her voice hoarse with worry. "What are you talking about?"
"I can't explain." His voice cracked. "Besides, you'll find out soon enough."
Somewhere in the house a door slammed and voices rose. Todd straightened to stare at Cassie's bedroom door. A sliver of light flashed at the bottom of her door. Muted voices sounded.
Cassie caught her breath, squeezed her eyes shut, and slid down under the covers. If they got caught…
Her mother's hushed voice droned outside the door; her father's harsher one interrupted constantly. Cassie couldn't make out what they were saying. Then she heard stomping footsteps that faded away, as if her parents had headed downstairs. A minute later, the hallway light went out. Cassie's room returned to total darkness.
She released the pent up breath she hadn't been aware she held and turned to face Todd again.
Only he wasn't there.
Cassie bolted out of bed, whispering sharply, "Todd? Where are you?"
His voice, thin and distant, answered, "I'll be back. Remember what I said."
She raced to the open window to search the darkness outside.
Passing clouds hid the moon and the shadows hid Todd's tracks. He'd disappeared. Too many trees and houses kept her from seeing what direction he'd gone – if he'd gone. Her gaze swept the room but there was no place he could have hidden. Her closet door was open, the interior jammed full. Knowing the idea was ridiculous, she bent and looked under her bed anyway. A balled up sock nestled amongst the dust bunnies. Yuck.
He had to have gone out the window.
She rushed back to the window to study the height from the ground. Except…how? Then Todd was a street jumper and pulled off some pretty wicked stunts. She should have asked him more questions. Next time.
He'd sounded so sad. It freaked her out.
She hoped he wouldn't do anything stupid. But what if he already had? Maybe the better question was – what did other people think he'd done?
Disturbed, Cassie crawled back into her bed, pulling the covers up high. It was the end of May and balmy for this time of year, but the cozy comfort of her own bed no longer felt welcoming or warm.
Sleep was slow coming.
Her best friend was in trouble.
***
Morning had never been Cassie's best time of day. Today wouldn't be so bad, except it was Saturday and that meant housework. It also meant she'd get the afternoon off to head to a movie with her friends or even just hang at the park. A good thing, because Saturdays with nothing to do, sucked.
Cassie studied her reflection in her bedroom mirror. Those were bags under her eyes. She'd always wondered what that term meant, and now she knew. Nuts. She'd hardly slept after Todd's visit, then, after she'd finally fallen into a deep sleep, her mom had awakened her early. Not a good start.
Throwing on jeans and a tank top, she swept her flyaway hair up in a ponytail and headed downstairs.
Her parents sat in the kitchen. The matched set as she called them. Perfect with each other and no room for anyone else. Because of it her childhood had often felt cold and lonely. Their conversation stopped as she walked in. She gave them a cursory glance and headed for the coffee pot. Her friends had turned her onto coffee months ago, much to her parent's disapproval.
"Hi, honey. Did you have a good night?"
Cassie slid a sidelong glance at her mother. Was it her imagination, or did she have her I'm-determined-to-not-let-Cassie-know-something's-wrong look.
"I guess," she murmured, her fingers crossed. White lies were allowable in her book. She filled her cup and added cream before turning around. Her parents stared at each other. Her mother tilted her head in Cassie's direction, and her father frowned.
Great. Charades.
"So what's the matter?" Cassie lifted her cup higher, letting the steam bathe her tired face.
Her mother jumped into the silence. "What makes you think there's something the matter, honey?"
Cassie rolled her eyes. "Mom, you're telling Dad to talk to me, and he's frowning because he doesn't want to. Right?"
Her father threw the newspaper down, disgust washing across his face. "Oh for the love of…Abby, just tell her."
Her mother got up, smoothed down her skirt then walked to where Cassie slouched against the kitchen sink. "Cassie, we have bad news
." She pulled Cassie's cup out of her hand and set it on the counter.
Cassie's heart pounded, her empty hands clenched. The last time her mom had acted this way, Grams had died. Her stomach twisted. That had been horrible. Grams had understood Cassie. She'd always had time for her. Three years later, Cassie still missed her. She wiped her hands on her jeans. "What happened?"
Abby glanced at Cassie's father.
"Stop it, Mom. Just come out and tell me." Cassie twisted sideways, snagged her coffee cup up again and took a sip. It wasn't much, but it did provide a slight barrier against what was coming.
"Your father spoke to Adam Spence."
Cassie closed her eyes, her shoulders sagging. Oh no. Any contact with Todd's alcoholic father came under the heading of bad news. Maybe this would explain Todd's cryptic statements last night.
The words blurted out of Abby's mouth. "Todd's dead. He was killed in a car accident last night."
Cassie's eyes flew open, and she straightened abruptly. "What? No, that's not possible." She swayed, her coffee washing high up the sides of the cup.
Abby pulled the cup from Cassie's frozen fingers and led her to the closest kitchen chair, pushing her to sit. Her mother had to be wrong. Todd dead? Not possible. "There has to be some mistake," she whispered.
Her father jumped in, his voice harsh and condemning. "There isn't. He was drinking and driving and managed to kill himself. A chip off the old block. I told you that boy was trouble. And isn't it a damn good thing you weren't in the vehicle with him?"
She glared at her father as his words filtered into her dazed mind. "Todd doesn't…didn't drink." Cassie didn't understand. How could this be? This had to be a mistake.
"Cassie, honey?"
Her mother hovered at her side. Cassie looked up. "I'm okay, Mom. Just confused." And horrified. "I can't believe he's dead. Todd was so full of life. He was fun to be with."
"Too much fun, if you ask me. The only thing that boy was heading for was trouble. Well, he found it." Her father grabbed up his newspaper, opened it and held it between him and his family.
"Victor. That's no way to speak about the dead." Her mother frowned at the paper he seemed determined to read.
It rustled loudly before he lowered the pages to glare at Abby and Cassie. "Just because he's dead doesn't change his actions. He drank, then he got behind the wheel of a car and drove off the road. He killed himself. Thank God he didn't drag anyone else over that cliff with him."
Cassie shook her head, trying to comprehend the nightmare suffocating her. "I know you never liked him, Dad. But he wasn't like that. He was always very careful with me."
"That's because he wanted inside your––"
"Victor." Abby snapped. "That's enough. Give Cassie some time. He was her friend."
"Humph." The paper lifted and her dad retreated into a wall of silence.
How could something so major change – and yet her world still looked so much the same? Blinking to hold back tears, she realized there had to be a mistake. It just wasn't possible. "Something's wrong," she muttered under her breath. "I saw him just last night."
Her father lowered the paper. His deadly quiet voice stabbed into the silence. "What did you just say?"
Surely she hadn't spoken aloud? Oh God. Her world was collapsing and her father would be out for blood. She gave a broken laugh. Like that mattered now.
Ignoring him, Abby pulled a kitchen chair close and sat down. "Did you say you saw him last night?" She leaned forward. "When?"
"Last night. I woke up…" She shook her head, rubbing her temple as she tried to sort through her suddenly rocked world. "And he was there. In my room."
Her father's fist crashed to the table.
"What?" he roared. "That boy was in your bedroom?"
"It's not like I invited him or anything. He just showed up." Cassie rolled her eyes. Her dad was so-o-o protective. If it weren't so irritating, it would be cute.
Victor beetled his thick bushy brows together. He opened his mouth to speak again, but Abby held her hand up, stopping him. Confusion twisted her pretty features. "Please, Cassie. You need to explain."
Her mom wouldn't be able to hold her dad off for long. Cassie rushed to explain. "Someone called my name and woke me up around two in the morning. When I rolled over, Todd stood by my window. We talked until the hall lights came on and we heard you two talking outside my door. I hushed him up. When everything went quiet and dark again, I called out to him, but he'd gone."
Victor opened his mouth then closed it again. He looked dumbfounded and exchanged a blank look with Abby before he shrugged his shoulders and returned to reading. Abby slumped back into her chair, her gaze jumping from Victor to Cassie then back again.
Cassie could see they weren't pleased – but they weren't yelling, so that had to be a good thing. Maybe she'd escape without punishment after all.
Her voice as gentle as a buttercup, Abby reached a hand to cover hers. "Cassie, Todd died just after eleven last night. At two in the morning his body was already in the morgue."
CHAPTER TWO
Cassie worked like a robot throughout the morning, vacuuming, cleaning, dusting. Mindless stuff that occupied her hands while emotions and questions spun endlessly inside. The well-meaning looks from her parents were easy to ignore. She'd never be able to talk to them. Not about Todd's supposed death, or his appearance in her room last night. She wanted to blame them. Strike out at them. Fairness or logic didn't factor in this. Her best friend had died.
The first tears fell without warning. Once they started, she couldn't hold them back. With a cleaning cloth in one hand and a bottle of cleaning spray in the other, Cassie rested her forehead against the big bay window in the living room and bawled.
"Oh sweetheart." Cassie dimly heard her mother's gentle voice, as someone took the rag and container from her hands and pulled the rubber gloves off. Her mother wrapped her in a caring hug. Darned if it didn't make Cassie feel better. She'd never been able to get close to her mom the way her best friends Suzie and Penny were with their moms. They told theirs everything.
Cassie would have liked to, but the words never came out right. Or they weren't received right. She didn't know.
She hiccupped and pulled back slightly.
"I'm sorry, honey. I know he was your friend." Abby patted her back.
"My best friend, Mom." She just didn't get it. Todd was special. How could he be gone? The world would be such a dark place without him.
"I'm going out for a while." Cassie raced to her room. From the door she walked to the spot where she'd seen Todd standing. Surely, there'd be some proof he'd been there. She checked the carpet and the windowsill, searching for a speck of dirt, a shoe imprint, something. There was nothing.
She couldn't stand being inside a moment longer. She ran to her bathroom and washed her face then returned to her bedroom to grab a hoodie. Taking the stairs two at a time, she was out the door in seconds.
Ignoring the world around her, she headed to the park that had been their special place. It would be full of moms and toddlers at this hour, but she knew an area where she could be alone. Her cell phone rang. She checked the caller ID as she walked. Penny. She stuffed the phone back in her pocket, unanswered. She just couldn't talk about this yet.
At the park, she hiked to the far corner where the original rusty swing set still stood beside the large almost empty sandbox. She'd spent many happy hours here with Todd. Over the years they'd covered almost every topic. Older by two years and with a difficult father, Todd had been a great listener through the rough patches growing up. He had understood so much.
Where was he now when she needed him?
The sense of letdown, of being abandoned, was stupid. Todd hadn't left her – he'd died. He hadn't done it on purpose. He wouldn't. She knew that, but knowing it didn't stop the wave of anger at his absence. Selfish. Stupid. But it had been the same after Grams died.
Cassie sat on the cracked rubber swing seat, drifting bac
k and forth, the steady creaking of the rusted chain comforting in its constancy. The area was deserted – just the way she liked it.
Todd used to pick up coffee, then text her to get her butt over here in five minutes or he'd drink both cups. She smiled through her tears, murmuring, "I should have bought one in his honor."
"Thanks for the thought."
Who said that? Cassie frowned. "I must be losing it."
"Scaredy cat."
The humorous yet so familiar whisper made Cassie drag her feet on the ground, bringing the swing to a halt. Ever so slowly, afraid to hope, she turned around and watched Todd walk toward her.
"Todd?" His name slipped out on a shocked breath. She let out a whoop and raced toward him. Her heart swelled. She knew everyone had been wrong. She bounced with joy. "They said you were dead!"
His lips formed a sad smile that made her heart cry. He looked so lost. She reached out to touch him. But touch what? She could almost see through him – his features, his clothes – so substantial yet flimsy. Her hand dropped. She blinked several times.
"Oh my God! Todd? Are you…a ghost?" She gasped, her eyes opening wide.
"I am." His eye lit with sardonic humor. Trust him to get a kick out of the situation.
Cassie gaped like a child seeing Santa Claus for the first time.
"What? How?"
"I know. Weird, huh?"
She shook her head. "No. Weird is eating onion and jam sandwiches or liking punk rock. This is freaky shit."
He grinned. "Trust you to put it in perspective." He moved a few steps closer.
A breeze picked up around them. Cassie shivered, wrapping her arms around her tightly. She cast a quick glance around the surrounding area. Were there other ghosts here, too? Or was Todd alone? An oddity?
Zipping her gaze back to Todd, relief washed through her. "I was afraid you'd disappear when I looked away, - like you did last night."