by Alisha Basso
Hell, he was hurting.
And not a little bit because of her comment. Was he doing his brother a disservice by believing what he'd been told? Todd had learned to question life earlier than Jessie had. Living with Dad had been a crash course in survival.
Jessie's life had been easier, gentler. Still, being raised to respect authority, including law enforcement, didn't mean he couldn't question them or their conclusions. He wished he'd thought to do so when the deputy had stood on his front doorstep a couple of days ago. But he'd been too stunned to do anything but blink at the shocking news.
"Hell," he said aloud to the empty hallway, "I should've asked questions." He frowned. Maybe he still could. He certainly didn't remember the guy's name. How did one go chasing down an officer, anyway?
"Jessie? Aren't you supposed to be in class?"
Jessie came out of his musings to see Vice Principle Jenner standing in front of him, his brow furrowed in concern. With no hair above those creases, his face looked like a wrinkled orange. Jessie sighed. "Sorry. I'm a bit out of it today."
Mr. Jenner's face softened. "That's understandable. Sorry to hear about your brother. That's a tough one to deal with on any day. Do you need to go home?"
Jessie hated the sympathy. What was he supposed to do with it? Say 'thanks'? For what? That his brother was dead? Or should he say it didn't matter? Like hell. It did matter. "I'm fine. I need to get to class, before I end up in trouble with my teacher."
With a nod, Mr. Jenner stepped aside to let Jessie pass. "Let me know if you're having problems adjusting, okay?"
Jessie lifted his hand in acknowledgment. That wasn't going to happen. He had enough trouble now. There'd been more talk about grief counselors coming. That didn't make any sense to him.
It didn't change anything. His brother was still dead.
***
Cassie couldn't pay attention. The periodic table wasn't cutting it today. She sighed and shifted back slightly. Her phone vibrated. She checked it and glanced over at Suzie, who grinned at her. Cassie nodded 'yes' to the text suggesting coffee after class. She shouldn't have been so snippy with Jessie, but everything and everyone pissed her off at the moment. Talk about a short fuse. Being with her friends might get her out of this dark mood.
The teacher droned on and Cassie, sitting in the sun, barely kept her eyes open. Ten more minutes, that's all she had to put up with. She glanced out at the sunshine. The soccer field raced with colors as two teams paired up to trounce each other. Todd had loved soccer. Darn. That's all she could think about.
A noise distracted her. Her gaze drifted around the room, picking up the whisperers and the gigglers in the back. What were they laughing at? Her glance carried to the other side of the room. And she saw him..
Todd.
Turning back around, she brought a hand up to hide the heat climbing her cheeks. What was he doing here, in her chemistry class? He wouldn't have been caught dead inside this room when he was alive, yet now that he was dead he was trying out the subject? That so didn't make any sense. She carefully glanced at the students around Todd. No one said anything. Or acted any different. Didn't they see him?
She studied Mr. Barrels, the chemistry teacher. He stared in Todd's direction. And didn't notice him. Cautiously Cassie turned her head to see if he was still there.
He waved, a big grin on his face. She automatically waved back, her eyes widening in shock as she realized what she'd done. Todd's devilish grin widened and he laughed. Cassie pivoted and kept her head locked in that position, knowing her cheeks had to be bright red by now.
"What's the matter, Cassie?" whispered Tess from behind.
Cassie shrugged, not daring to speak or turn for a third time. Darn Todd anyways. He was going to get her in trouble. No sooner had the thought occurred then she chastised herself. Todd was dead. He wasn't doinganything. And how sad was that?
Finally the bell rang and drowned out Mr. Barrel's monotone voice droning on and on about chemical compounds. He was still speaking as the first kids bolted for the door. Cassie took her time. If Todd was still there, she needed to composed herself, or she'd walk right up and speak to him. To everyone else, she'd be talking to the door because that's where he'd been standing. She groaned. This couldn't be good. She so wasn't any good at keeping secrets.
Tess waited for her to gather up her books. "Are you alright? You were acting weird."
Cassie tried to smile. "I'm fine. Or I will be. I keep seeing Todd everywhere, or expecting to see him," she amended quickly.
Tess's face scrunched up with compassion. "Oh, that's so sad. You two were so close."
"Yeah. I probably shouldn't have come in today. I haven't been able to keep my mind on anything. I'm just going to have to read these notes over again at home."
"Stay home tomorrow. You're a good student. One day won't make a difference."
Cassie couldn't find a smile for that. One day had made all the difference – and not for the better.
CHAPTER FOUR
Jessie hurried home. He was due at work in an hour, but he'd hoped to have time to talk to his mom first. He found her collapsed in her favorite chair in the sunroom, her face red and puffy.
He sighed. "Hi Mom."
She sniffled back tears and gave him a watery smile. "Hi, honey. How did school go?"
He dropped his backpack on the floor and pulled up the footstool in the middle of the room. Rolling closer, he reached out and picked up her hand. "School was okay. Everyone's talking about Todd. To be expected, I guess."
She tried to straighten up. After a moment of unsuccessful effort she collapsed back down. "I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have broken up the family like I did."
"Oh, Mom, no one could have predicted this."
A frown wrinkled through her tears. "I should have. Look at his father. I should never have allowed Adam to take him, but he loved Todd so much. They were so close, then. Todd helped stabilize Adam." She sniffled. "You've ended up so much better than Todd."
"Did we really know him?" Jessie couldn't help but remember Cassie. She'd seemed so adamant, so sure of Todd. Yet he, Todd's own brother, wasn't. "Are you so sure he was the kind of person who'd drink and drive?"
Confusion blinked in her eyes. "What else is there to think?" She straightened successfully this time. Leaning forward, she patted his hand. "The police told us what happened."
"I know they did. I…it's just I'd like to make sure. Do you remember who came to the door and spoke to us?" Jessie searched his mother's face.
She frowned. "Honey, I don't think there's been a mistake."
He bent his head. "I know. I just want to talk to him. Ask a few questions. Make sure. I don't want to think back on this and wish I'd done more."
Unshed tears glowed in her eyes. "Then call him. His card is on the table." Pride slowly crept into her gaze. "You're such a good boy for having thought of it."
Jessie smiled. "You would have eventually. That's why I want to do this now, so there're no doubts later on." He stood up and walked to the table, snagging the card on his way.
***
"Cassie, it's dinner time."
Cassie groaned and closed her eyes again. She didn't care about food. She didn't care about school. She didn't care about anything. She just wanted everything and everyone to go away.
Her mom's voice came again, gratingly loud. "Cassie, come on."
Sitting upright, Cassie threw off her blanket and walked to her mirror. She winced at her reflection. Picking up a brush, she ran it through her hair. As she started to close the door to her room, she cast yet another glance at the same corner where she'd seen Todd. It was empty. Again. She'd looked dozens of times, called for him twice as many times, and still there was no sign of him.
Her stomach clenched. Maybe he couldn't visit anymore.
She headed down to dinner. Sensing her parents studying her as she ate, she kept her head down and worked through her plate. Everything tasted like cardboard. But th
ere'd be fewer questions this way. When she was done, she stood up and went to wash the dishes. Her father started to say something, then stopped.
Her mother's doing probably. Cassie didn't care. Finishing the dishes, she headed upstairs, maintaining her silence. Once in her room, she flung herself down on her bed and closed her eyes.
The phone rang downstairs. "Cassie, it's for you."
She rolled her eyes. Great. Picking up the phone in the hallway, she yelled, "Got it, Mom." She took the phone back into her room. "Hello."
"Cassie? This is Jessie."
Cassie frowned as she plunked back down on her bed. "Hi."
"Look, I thought about what you said."
She fell back against the pillows and groaned. "And what was that?" She barely kept the sarcasm in control.
He took a deep breath. "As much as I hate to say it - you were right. I didn't question anything I was told. And…" He paused. "I realize I should have."
Cassie raised her eyebrows and rolled her eyes. Yes, he should have. "I'm glad." He laughed, a mocking sound that made her wince. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be snarky. I'm not having a great day."
"No, it's alright. I deserved it. I'm sorry for not being there for him. But I wanted to tell you that I called the sheriff's office."
"You did?" Cassie bolted upright. "What did they say?"
He cleared his throat. "The deputy said that Todd was the only person around the vehicle."
"Around? You mean he wasn't found in it?"
"No. He was found clear of the vehicle, either from being thrown out or he crawled off a ways."
"Oh," Cassie said in a small voice, as horrible images rushed through her mind. Todd bouncing from the crashed vehicle or worse images of Todd crashing but alive and crawling out of the vehicle, only to die alone from his injuries.
"They found broken bottles and alcohol all over the interior of the vehicle. He was also covered in the stuff."
Cassie let out a small cry.
Jessie rushed to add, "The deputy also said he wouldn't have suffered long. His injuries were severe enough he wouldn't have known what was going on."
"That helps a little." Cassie took a deep breath, willing the tears back. She blinked furiously. "I'd hate to think of him hurt and alone, waiting for someone to come." She took a second breath, this one coming easier. "They're sure he was all alone?"
"That's what they said. They have laid the blame on Todd's head and his alone."
Cassie closed her eyes. Hot tears ran down her cheeks, unchecked. "I'd hoped for something different."
"I know. Me, too." Jessie voice deepened. "I asked him several times if someone could have walked away from the accident."
Cassie's eyes opened wide. "Oh. What did he say?"
"He said it was unlikely."
"Unlikely, but not impossible?" Hope bubbled up inside. Finally. Something positive. Progress. She grinned.
Jessie's voice dampened her optimism. "That wasn't a yes."
"I don't care. I'm sure there had to be someone else driving. Now to prove it."
"Whoa! Cassie, what are you talking about?"
Should she tell him? About seeing Todd as a ghost?
Hell no!
She shifted into a cross-legged position, transferring the phone to her right hand. Dropping her free hand to the comforter, she traced the geometric pattern on her bedspread while working out the problem. He might believe her, but not likely. "He was my friend. I know he didn't do this and I want to clear his name."
"Cassie?"
Jessie had to wonder what chaos he'd started. "You don't have to believe me," she rushed in to say. "I know you didn't know him the way I did, but—"
"But I wish I did." Jessie sighed heavily. "It's not lost on me that you knew him so much better and believed in him, while his own family blindly accepted his guilt."
"Then help me. Help me prove his innocence."
"Why? It's not going to change anything. He's still dead."
"Is he? Do you think he isn't here in spirit? Wouldn't he want us to do this for him?" Cassie stood up and walked over to the window and pulled back the blinds. Night had settled in. She leaned on the edge of the frame and stared out in the blackness. "If it had been me, I'd want someone to clear my name."
***
Todd sat on Cassie's window ledge, alternately staring out into the night and watching Cassie as she slept. He could have spoken with her when he'd popped in earlier, but he'd arrived during her phone call – to his brother, no less. It had saddened him. And it had bugged the hell out of him. He'd never taken the time to really connect with Jessie when he was alive. Now he found it was one more in the long list of things he regretted, now that it was too late to do anything about them.
It figures.
Cassie's dark blond hair fanned across the pillow. Her face was puffy and swollen from the tears he'd watched fall earlier. A private scene she'd not have appreciated him seeing. His heart hurt. For her. For his brother. And most of all for himself.
He hadn't meant to die. In fact, he hadn't realized he had until he was in the morgue, listening to the strange conversation going on around him. A conversation he'd been horrified to learn was about him.
He had not been drinking and driving. And he didn't give a shit what they said – they were wrong.
Many people had seen him as a wild case doomed to an early end. But that wasn't true. That had been his front, his bravado to hide the million insecurities inside.
He loved Cassie – maybe even more now. The loving family he'd never had… There was just something about not being the one chosen to stay with his mother that had never quite healed. He'd understood – sorta. After all, Jessie was the younger kid. He'd needed Mom more. Todd was already more independent and through the divorce, more bitter. Older. He'd started to try things, experimenting like so many others of his age. But never drinking and driving – at least, not together.
He wished he could remember. Why would he have done something like that? If he'd done it? It was a stupid stunt. Of all the things he might have called himself, stupid wasn't one of them.
Thankfully he had Cassie in his corner. Or maybe he was in Cassie's corner.
She believed in him. He'd been friendly with many kids – of all kinds, just never the popular 'in' group. That was his insecurity speaking, his need to be admired. His lack of confidence required people's friendship, affirming he was worthy. Surely that many people couldn't be wrong – could they? Especially not Cassie.
For that he was grateful. He walked over to the bed where she slept and leaned down to run his fingers through her hair. He'd never put on airs around Cassie. He hadn't needed to. She alone, knew the real him, including all his dark places. She shifted, murmuring in her sleep, sensing him even then.
No one else could see him. No one else cared to.
No one but her.
***
Adam Spence reached for another beer from the pack beside him. The six he'd brought home hadn't even made it to the fridge. No point now, he was drinking the last one. "I don't know what to do for the funeral," he said into the phone.
Sandra, his nag of an ex-wife, wouldn't leave him alone. All he wanted to do was forget…and she wouldn't let him.
"He lived with you. Are you going to make the arrangements or not?" Her voice sounded rough. Probably too many hours crying. Blaming him. That was his life these days.
Groaning aloud, he popped the top and took a healthy swig. "I don't know what to do. You handle it. He was your son, too." Silence. He sighed. "Look, you make the arrangements and I'll pay the bills and show up." When she didn't answer, he figured that was a yes. Damn straight. "Good. Then let me get back to my drinking. I have some serious forgetting to do tonight."
"Is that all you care about? What about your other son? Did you ever think that he might need you right now?"
"Jessie? Hell, he can't stand me and you know it. He probably wishes I'd died instead of Todd."
Sandra star
ted to cry softly. "If he does it's because you've never spent any quality time with him. The boy needs a strong father figure."
"Not this father." Adam slammed the phone down and opened his throat, pouring the beer straight back. That was the problem with beer. It took too many to get a buzz on. He staggered to his feet, heading for the pantry and the bottle of whiskey he was sure he'd stashed there.
Pulling it out, he gloated. That was more like it. He opened the cap and drank straight from the bottle. "Maybe now I won't see my boy every damn time I turn around."
He turned and fell onto the couch to stare out into the lonely black of night. The pain just wouldn't quit. No matter how much he drank. Tilting the bottle again, he kept one eye on the vision of his son leaning against the porch door, his thumbs hooked into his jeans as always, with that mocking look on his face.
"Go away. Stop haunting me." The bottle upended once more, emptying the last of the molten gold liquid. Angrily, he threw it at the vision.
Todd jumped out of the way with a laugh as the bottle bounced off the wall behind him. A laugh Adam swore he could hear.
CHAPTER FIVE
Tuesday morning it rained.
Gray sheets filled the skies. Cassie stared out her bedroom window. She'd planned to wear a beautiful new t-shirt. Rain was not part of the program. Just then, Penny texted her. Cassie smirked. Penny was impressed by the weather, too. Not.
Time had slipped away from Cassie. She needed to get moving or she'd be late for class. She'd spent too long on Facebook already this morning. Even dead, Todd was still the topic of choice amongst her friends.
Penny waited for her at the front doors of the school. Cassie grinned at her curvy friend. The guys flocked around Penny every chance they could, but turned tail and ran when they understood her seriously scary brainpower. And Penny was as nice as she was smart.
Cassie hadn't meant to ignore her all weekend; she just hadn't been able to talk to anyone – which wasn't fair. Penny, although not a big Todd fan, was a Cassie fan and would understand how much she hurt.