A smile teased her mouth. She reached up and pushed the errant lock of hair behind one ear. “Yesterday Mama and I were discussing how quiet it’s been at Magnolia lately.”
His heartbeat galloped at her words. Was she admitting she’d missed him? Excitement raised the corners of his mouth in an answering smile. “I have something important to tell you and your family.”
Her brows drew together. “What is that?”
“I’ve realized how right you are.”
“It’s about time.” A grin replaced the concern on her face. “Tell me more.”
He held out a hand to her. After a moment’s hesitation, she placed her own smaller hand in his. Together they walked back to the creek he and his horse had recently crossed.
Nathan led her over to a fallen tree and helped her sit down. He stepped back and took a deep breath. “Slavery is a diabolical practice that has to be eradicated.”
Delight caused her dark eyes to glow. “What happened?”
Nathan told her briefly about Abram and Leah.
When he finished, she clapped her hands together. “Praise God for opening your eyes.”
“Yes.” Nathan picked up a rock and tossed it into the creek. “I cannot believe how blind I was. But that’s over now.”
Abigail stood up and brushed off her skirt. “I am so glad to hear you’ve come to your senses.”
He nodded. “I’m ashamed of my blindness.”
“You’re not to blame.” She put a hand on his arm. “Our experiences form our opinions. In fact, you’re to be commended for refusing to be bound by your preconceptions.”
Nathan felt at least twenty feet tall—taller than the trees surrounding them. He looked down at Abigail’s earnest face. Should he express his feelings now or wait? Was this the right time? The right place?
She turned away, and he realized his hesitation had cost him the opportunity to speak. Maybe that was best. He had absolutely no idea how to form the right words to win her affection.
“We need to get back to the others.” Abigail took a step toward the brush arbor. “My parents will come looking for me if I don’t return soon.”
He nodded, relieved and yet disappointed the decision had been taken from him. He caught up with her as they reached the campground. “Do you think they’ll mind if I don’t take time to wash?”
She turned back and looked him over, her gaze serious as it slid from his sweat-dampened hair to his wrinkled shirt. “It’s up to you.”
Wavering for a moment as the desire to be near her warred with his need to clean off the dirt of travel, Nathan finally shook his head. “It won’t take me long.”
Her gaze returned to his face. Was that disappointment he saw? His heartbeat quickened. He took a step forward.
“The cabin at the end of the row is for the single men’s use.”
Her dismissive words stopped him from reaching for her hand. Hope leeched out of him as she walked away. With a sigh, Nathan picked up his gear and made his way to the cabin Abigail had indicated, as she disappeared into the crowd of worshipers.
The door creaked as he pushed it open. “Is anyone here?” His question met silence.
Wooden bunks filled the room, some with blankets and bags on them, others empty of anything except a thin mattress. He chose one of the latter, sitting down and placing his bags at his feet. After a quick search, he took out a sliver of Colgate soap and a fresh shirt before retracing his steps to the creek. Although he would have enjoyed a full soak in the cool water, he settled for an abbreviated bath before combing his wet hair and tucking the clean white shirt into the waist of his trousers.
Nathan walked back to the brush arbor and tried to slip quietly onto a bench, but the bishop smiled and beckoned him forward. An air of expectation filled the arbor as if the Lord was in this place.
He glanced around the arbor at the smiling faces. Their peace was almost tangible enough to touch. And then he saw Abigail, her face so pure, so radiant, so filled with adoration for the Lord. In that moment, Nathan knew he must become like the people before him. He had to find the same relationship for himself.
“The poem is called ‘Just As I Am,’ and it has a powerful message, one I’d like to share with all of you this evening.” Brother Oliver Smith had taken the podium for the final evening of the revival. “ ‘Just as I am without one plea…’ ”
At first mesmerized by the reading of the powerful poem, Abigail found herself glancing toward Nathan sitting next to her. He had been so serious this week. He’d spent hours talking to the bishop and her father, reading his Bible, and even teaching parables to the children. She would have liked to spend more time talking to him, but with so much going on, it had been impossible. It seemed the only time they sat near each other was under the arbor where they could not talk.
He seemed to have won the admiration of everyone here, especially the ladies. And why not? She admired the firm angle of his jaw, his pronounced cheekbones, blue eyes, and thick blond hair. A man ought not be so handsome. Add to that his nice manners, kindness, and consideration of the feelings of others. Who could resist him?
“ ‘Here for a season, then above, O Lamb of God, I come, I come!’ ” The preacher’s voice rang out, drawing her attention back where it belonged. She hoped no one noticed how red her cheeks had become.
“Jesus is waiting to claim you as His own. He doesn’t want to wait until you get your life all straightened out. No, sir. He wants you to come to Him just as you are. I’m going to talk to you tonight about the first time I heard someone reading these powerful words. They changed me. Made me a different man than the one you see standing up here tonight.”
The emotion of the preacher’s voice pulled on Abigail. She listened to his story about being a thief, a robber who preyed on travelers along the Natchez Trace. As he spoke, she could feel the Lord’s presence with them.
“One of my victims was a Christian man. He prayed for me even when I took his money. Even though I laughed at his weakness, this man continued asking for Jesus to forgive me. I wish I could tell you that his faith turned me from my life of crime, but it didn’t. I went on my way, certain he was a fool. Then about two weeks later I was visiting my ma up in Jackson, and she talked me into going to her church. While I was there, I heard that poem for the very first time.”
He stopped speaking and stood in front of them silently for a moment. “ ‘Just as I am, and waiting not, to rid my soul of one dark blot.’ Now I can tell you I had a lot of dark blots on me and in me. More blots than most.” Brother Smith held up the sheet of paper, and Abigail could see the deep creases in it and the stain of what looked like tears. “But I could hear Jesus’ voice as though He was standing right there in front of me. His blood cleanses each and every spot. What could I say except, ‘O Lamb of God, I come, I come.’”
Tears stung at her eyes, and Abigail reached for her reticule. That’s when she realized Nathan was no longer sitting next to her. He had fallen to his knees in front of the bench, his hands clasped in front of him. His head was bowed, his lips were moving. He might be a preacher, but tonight he was meeting the Lord as though for the first time.
Her breath caught and a tear escaped to roll down her cheek. It was not a tear of remorse, but one of joy. What an inspiring thing to see Nathan crossing the line between a man of character to a man of abiding faith.
The preacher ended his sermon with an invitation to everyone to go to the creek for baptisms. Nathan was one of the first ones to meet him in the center of the creek where the water was nearly waist deep, eager to renew his dedication to the Lord with another baptism.
Abigail clasped her hands together under her chin and watched as he submitted to the preacher. Watched as his blond head went under the water. Applauded with the others when he was raised up again, the water sluicing off of him in rivulets. She was standing right at the edge of the water as he waded out, the first to congratulate him.
“Abigail…I suppose you’re wondering�
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She quieted him with a glance. “Isn’t it wonderful to be sure of your place in heaven?”
“Yes.” A broad smile creased his face, making him more handsome than ever. “Yes, it is.”
Her parents came over then, taking their turns talking to him and congratulating him on renewing his faith. What a wonderful day it had turned out to be, and the perfect way to end a week of revival.
Chapter 18
Nathan accepted Mr. LeGrand’s offer to tie his horse to the rear of the wagon and ride back with the family. Even though Abigail had already heard about his change of heart, she listened with attention as he shared the story of Abram and Leah with her parents. He hesitated once when trying to describe the emotions he’d experienced, and she slipped her hand in his.
The squeeze of her fingers almost took his breath away, but he recovered his equilibrium after a moment and continued. “I was arrogant and ignorant, a dangerous combination. Now I want to do something to make up for my wrongheadedness.”
“I told him he was to be commended for seeing the truth when he did.” Abigail’s dark gaze fluttered over him like the gentle touch of a butterfly’s wing. She pulled her hand away from his as her father slowed the wagon.
Her mother glanced over her shoulder and smiled at both of them. “She’s right. Of course we know that God does not ask us to make reparations, only to do better now that we have been made into new creatures.”
As Mr. LeGrand brought the wagon to a full stop, Nathan considered Mrs. LeGrand’s statement. He was beginning to realize the truth of her words, and it gave him a feeling of freedom, as though a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders. If he held out his arms, he might fly right off the back of the wagon.
“Why are we stopping, Papa?”
Mr. LeGrand pointed toward a glade a few feet away. “This looks like a good place to have our lunch.”
Nathan jumped down from the wagon and turned to help Abigail. Then he and Mr. LeGrand spread a blanket on the ground under the shade of an oak tree and waited while the ladies laid out their food. Fried chicken, pickles, and carrots were passed around, followed by a selection of fresh fruits.
As soon as they finished eating, he broached the subject that he felt must be discussed. “I know all of you must wonder about a preacher needing to be baptized.”
“Alexandra and I discussed that subject last night after we retired, but we didn’t think it was our place to ask about such things.” Mr. LeGrand crossed his legs at the ankle and leaned back on one elbow. “Your relationship with the Lord is a private matter.”
“I’ve heard of people who have been baptized several times.” Mrs. LeGrand shrugged. “I told Jeremiah you were probably carried away by the sermon and decided to reaffirm your faith in a public way.”
“I suppose that was part of it.” Nathan stood and brushed a crumb off his shirtsleeve. “But I have also been guilty of deceit—to myself and to you good people.”
“What do you mean?” Abigail shaded her eyes with one hand.
“I am a murderer.”
Abigail and her mother gasped. Mr. LeGrand sat up straight. “What are you talking about?”
“The reason I became a preacher was to make amends for killing someone. I was trying to protect a friend of mine and things got ugly. The attacker and I struggled, and he pulled a knife, but he slipped and fell on the blade.” Nathan flexed his hand. “I can still feel the horror of that moment.”
Shocked silence greeted him.
Nathan turned away and walked up a slight rise. He wanted to give the LeGrands time to absorb his story and decide whether or not they should continue to offer him their hospitality.
A pond on the other side of the hill reflected the blue, cloudless sky. He meandered toward it, wondering if the LeGrands would forgive him. He could understand if they did not. It had taken him a long time to forgive himself.
He picked up a rock and tossed it in the water. Ripples broke up the smooth surface of the water much like his words had disturbed the peace of his hosts. He sighed and glanced upward. At least he still had the comfort of his Savior. He would lend Nathan the fortitude to saddle his horse and ride back alone. Perhaps he could even be packed up by the time Abigail’s family made it home.
A hand touched the small of his back and Nathan whirled around. “Abigail.”
“I think you’re the bravest man I’ve ever met.” The admiration in her dark gaze warmed him through.
Nathan cleared his throat. “You amaze me, Abigail LeGrand. You have an infinite ability to surprise me. Being around you makes me feel like the most fortunate man alive. I cannot believe you and your family have forgiven me.”
“Why not?” She smiled at him. “We can see what kind of man you are. You didn’t have to tell us, you know. The very fact that you did proves how honorable you are.”
Humility swept through him. This woman believed in him. She was a treasure to him, a miracle. He knew beyond a doubt that she was the only woman he would ever love.
Nathan bent down on one knee and took her hand in his. “Abigail, I once thought I loved a woman, but the feelings I had toward her are nothing but a wisp of smoke when compared to what I feel when I’m around you.”
“Get up, Nathan.” Abigail tried to pull her hand away. “I don’t want to embarrass you, but there’s no way I can let you go any further.”
When he was a young boy, he’d once strayed into a neighbor’s field and been discovered by the man’s bull. The aggressive animal had charged him and butted him in the stomach. The pain of that day returned to him in full force as she spoke.
But then he looked up into Abigail’s face and saw the sheen of tears in her eyes. Her expression was saying the exact opposite of her words. She cared for him.
“I have to go further, Abigail. This is too important. I have to find out why you’re not being honest with me.” When he realized how hard she was pulling on her hand, he released it.
She staggered back but caught her balance. “I…it’s just that I have been raised different from other women.” She wiped at the tears that tracked down her cheeks. “I cannot imagine trying to submit to you the way a good wife should.”
If she hadn’t been crying, he would have laughed out loud. Instead he stood up and closed the distance between them. He put a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Do you think I’m stupid?”
“What?” Her mouth fell open and her tears stopped falling. “Oh…of course not.”
Nathan let his hand trail from her shoulder to her cheek. “Abigail LeGrand, you are the least submissive woman I’ve ever met. I love you because of who you are. Your intelligence, your honesty, your unflagging spirit—those are the things I admire about you. The way you always seek to help others. The way you give yourself, heart and soul, to whatever cause inspires you. I don’t need some dull, drab female to clean my house and follow my orders. I need a helpmeet. I need you.”
Abigail’s breath caught, and a look of wonder filled her face. For a moment he thought he’d convinced her, but then the light in her eyes dimmed. She shook her head slowly.
He knew she was about to turn him down. Nathan also knew he could not let her say the words. Once they were spoken, it would be hard for his hardheaded love to retract them. So he put a finger on her lips. “Shhh. I know I’ve surprised you, but I want you to think about what I’ve said. Abigail, I want you to pray about it. Take your time. You’ll find I am a patient man.”
Chapter 19
I’m ready.” Abigail’s pink skirt swirled around her feet as she descended the stairs. She swung her matching parasol from one gloved finger and wondered why she didn’t feel more excited about the day ahead. She always enjoyed the town’s Fourth of July celebration. But this year she found herself pensive about what the day would bring.
It had been nearly two weeks since Nathan had proposed, and she still didn’t know what answer to give him. The question had been uppermost in her mind no matter what she was doing. The
children at the orphanage hadn’t noticed her preoccupation, but Deborah had teased her mercilessly when she pulled a rose from a vase and tried to write a note with it.
She saw Nathan in the pulpit on Sunday, but he had not been over to visit her or her parents since they’d gotten back from the revival meeting. Was he regretting his impulsive proposal? Or giving her time to be certain of whatever answer she decided to give him?
Nathan’s words of love and devotion had awakened a longing in her, and she was beginning to think the only solution was to accept his proposal. The idea of submitting to his will had even begun to seem less abhorrent. Perhaps the bishop’s wife had been speaking the truth all those weeks ago in Jackson when she said it would be easy to submit to a man who loved her as much as Christ loved the Church.
Mama was waiting at the foot of the stairs. The look she bent on her daughter made Abigail check with a nervous hand to make sure her coiffure was straight. “Is something wrong?”
“Why don’t you tell me?”
Mama’s smile sent color rushing to Abigail’s cheeks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She walked outside to find her father talking to none other than the man who had been uppermost on her mind for two whole weeks. He wore freshly creased trousers, a black coat, and a crisp white shirt. His blond hair was brushed back from his face, but one lock had rebelled and fallen across his forehead, giving him a dashing look. His blue eyes shone as though lit from within, and a warm smile turned his lips up. Odd how a simple glance at him made her heart speed up. “Nathan…I didn’t expect to see you.”
Papa laughed out loud at her social gaffe as Nathan swept a bow. “Your father asked me to drive one of the wagons. Would you like to ride with me to the orphanage?”
Without a glance for permission from either of her parents, Abigail put out her hand. “I would enjoy that immensely.”
Mississippi Brides Page 29