Skulduggery Pleasant: Kingdom of the Wicked

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Skulduggery Pleasant: Kingdom of the Wicked Page 35

by Derek Landy


  He did as she told him, and a moment later, the door opened and Skulduggery and Serpine climbed in. When they were moving again, she looked at Serpine. “Why couldn’t you use the Well to find out where he is?”

  “I’d be detected immediately,” he said. “Things like the World Well, everyone thinks it’s about sharing information, but it’s just another tool for Mevolent to keep track of you.”

  “The Well?” asked Skulduggery.

  “Magical Internet,” said Valkyrie.

  “Ah.”

  They got to 18 Mount Temple Place. It was a two-storey house on a rising hill, its architecture identical to the buildings around it. They did a quick sweep of the area.

  “D’Essai’s security system is a good deal more elaborate than any of his neighbours’,” Skulduggery said. “We’d need a few hours to break in, but if he’s on his way home with everyone else, we probably only have minutes.”

  “It will deactivate when he enters,” said Serpine. “If one of us distracts him immediately upon opening this door, the other two can use the opportunity to sneak in through the back. Seeing as how I have a recognisable face, it can’t be me.”

  “I’ll do it,” Valkyrie said.

  They went round the back and Valkyrie hung around on the street, doing her best to look inconspicuous. No one gave her a second look. She saw Walden D’Essai coming up the hill, and gave the signal to get ready by running a hand through her hair. Walden passed her, opened his front door and Valkyrie said, “Mr D’Essai?”

  He turned. “Yes, hello. Can I help you?”

  “I hope so,” she said, and smiled. “My name is Valkyrie Cain. Could I speak with you for a moment?”

  “Regarding?”

  “Your work.”

  He smiled. “And why would a young lady like yourself be interested in Sewage Maintenance?”

  “Honestly? The glamour.”

  The smile turned to a laugh. “Do you mind telling me what you really want to talk about?”

  “It’s of... a personal nature.”

  He looked at her, and took a moment. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I can help you.”

  “You’re the only one who can.”

  “Then you have me mixed up with someone else. I’m sorry.”

  He stepped inside and closed the door. Valkyrie stayed where she was. A few seconds later, the door opened, and Serpine beckoned her inside.

  It was a tastefully decorated interior, and would probably have been neat and tidy were it not filled with books and notepads. Walden sat stiffly in what looked like his favourite armchair. He looked around, scared. “Take what you want. It’s not worth much but I won’t call the authorities, you have my word.”

  “We’re not here to rob you,” Skulduggery said, and the face he was wearing smiled gently.

  Valkyrie picked up a few of the books, flicked through them. “Heavy reading for a Sewage Maintenance Engineer,” she said. “Realms of Magic. The Existence Equation. Philosophy and Sorcery. Between Gods and Man: The Next Stages of Human Evolution.”

  “It looks like you have an interesting hobby,” said Skulduggery. “So how does someone who clearly wants to explore magic, and where magic comes from, find himself working in the sewers?”

  “It’s nothing,” Walden said. “Just a few books. It means nothing. Please. If you don’t want to rob me, why are you here? What do you want with me?”

  “I’ve been asking them the same question,” Serpine said.

  “Walden,” said Skulduggery, sitting on the couch opposite him, “we’re not from here.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, we’re not from this world.”

  “I don’t... I don’t understand...”

  Serpine shrugged. “It’s true. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. They’re not from here.”

  Walden blinked at Skulduggery. “Then... then you’re... you’re aliens?”

  Before Skulduggery could reply, words spilled from Walden’s mouth. “Oh, I knew it! I knew it! I knew we couldn’t be alone in the universe! When I was a kid, they laughed at me but I knew there was something more to life, more than this world and this level of magic and the day-to-day grind of living, and here you are, sitting across from me, a real-live alien being! Do you have a flying saucer? Could you take me up in it?”

  Skulduggery didn’t answer right away. “Uh...” he said.

  Valkyrie stepped forward. “We’re not aliens. We’re from a parallel dimension.”

  Walden’s face fell. “Oh.”

  “But look,” Skulduggery said. He tapped his collarbones and his face flowed away. “I’m a skeleton.”

  Walden nodded, unimpressed. “Right. So why are you here, then? I have a lot of work to do.”

  “We need your help.”

  “Why?”

  “We can’t tell you.”

  “Well, that’s just wonderful.”

  “Will you help us?”

  “If I help you, will you leave?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then I would really like to help you. But I won’t if it’s going to get me into trouble.”

  “There’ll be no trouble.”

  “But you answer me a question first. Who is that?”

  Serpine arched an eyebrow. “Me?”

  Walden nodded. “I know you from somewhere. I know your face. But I’m not good with faces. Who are you?”

  “They’ve called me a great many things over the years, but my name is Nefarian Serpine.”

  Walden’s face went slack. “The traitor.”

  “Yep, that’s one of the things they called me.”

  Walden stood up so quickly he knocked his chair over. His voice rose in volume. “I can’t talk to you. I can’t talk to him. I can’t associate with him. Do you know what would happen to me if the Sense-Wardens found this moment in my mind? I’d be arrested. I’d be tortured!”

  “That’s not going to happen,” Skulduggery said calmly.

  “You don’t know that!” Walden said, panicking. “I’m doomed. I’m dead. They’re going to arrest me!”

  “Walden,” Skulduggery said, “sit down. Take a deep breath.”

  “I can’t! I can’t breathe!”

  “There’s no need to panic. The sooner you help us, the sooner we’ll be out of here.”

  “Go!” he shouted. “Leave! Leave before I call the City Mages!”

  “First we need to talk.”

  Walden covered his face with his hands. “Please,” he said. “Please leave me alone.”

  “In a minute. Walden, we have an emergency back in our dimension, and you’re the only one who can help us.”

  “Why me?”

  “I’ll be honest with you – it would probably be best if you didn’t know. We’re trying to minimise the effect this will have on you.”

  “What do you want me to do?”

  “Just remember. We need you to remember a moment in your life. It’s not a happy memory, Walden. It was the day your mother was killed.”

  “What? What has that got to do with anything?”

  “It would take too long to explain. The man who killed her, he said something to you, didn’t he? After he’d done it?”

  Walden stared. “How did you know?”

  “You need to tell us what he said.”

  “But I don’t understand what—”

  There was a loud knocking on the door. “Walden D’Essai,” came the voice. “Open up immediately. Open up in the name of Mevolent.”

  Walden went pale. “Oh, no,” he whispered.

  alkyrie pressed her back to the wall. She took slow, quiet breaths. Shadows coiled round her right hand. Serpine was on the other side of the room, crouching behind a chair. She peered out, watched Walden walk to the door. Skulduggery went with him, gun in hand. He nodded, and stood behind the door as Walden opened it. Two Redhoods stood on the step behind a City Mage.

  “Hello,” Walden said. “Is something wrong?”

  “
Reports of a disturbance,” the City Mage said. “Shouts, and whatnot.”

  “Coming from here? Really? I... I’m sorry, Mage, I don’t know what to say. I haven’t heard anything.”

  “A man shouting,” the City Mage said. He looked bored. “Were you shouting, sir?”

  “Shouting?”

  “Shouting. Did you raise your voice, sir? Did you cry out in alarm? Were you shouting?”

  “Shouting,” Walden said, considering the word. “No, I’m sorry. It wasn’t me. It might have been the wind.”

  “You’re saying the wind was shouting, sir? Why would the wind shout? What would it have to shout about?”

  “I’m not really sure...”

  “Me neither, sir, but it was your suggestion. Up until you suggested it, the thought had never entered my mind that it might have been the wind that was shouting instead of a person. Instead of a person like you, sir.”

  “Well, I just meant the wind may have sounded like it was shouting.”

  “Oh, I see, sir. Well, that is infinitely more plausible, I’ll admit. Do you have anyone in the house with you? Maybe someone who can corroborate what you’re saying?”

  “No, I’m sorry. I live alone.”

  “So do I, sir, but you don’t hear me shouting about it, now do you?”

  “No, City Mage.”

  The conversation lulled. Behind the door, Skulduggery adjusted his position slightly.

  “Sir,” the City Mage said, “I could call in the Sense-Wardens and I could get them to rummage around in your brain to find out if you were shouting or if it was, as you say, the wind. Do you think I should do that?”

  “It... It’s up to you, City Mage.”

  “That’s right. It is indeed up to me, thank you very much. I could call them in, go through official channels, follow the rulebook to the letter... or I could let this one slide. If you were to give me your word, say, that there wouldn’t be any more shouting coming from this particular area, I could continue on with my patrol, and trust that you, or the wind, won’t be disturbing your neighbours any further. You have quiet neighbours. They notice things like loud noises.”

  “I... I’ll not be shouting, City Mage. You have my word on that.”

  “And the wind?”

  “I don’t think it’ll be shouting, either.”

  The City Mage examined him for a long time. “Have a good evening, sir,” he said, and moved down off the step.

  “Thank you,” Walden said as he was closing the door. “Thank you very much.”

  Skulduggery accompanied him back to the living room. He put away his gun as Serpine stood.

  “Why didn’t you turn us in?” Valkyrie asked.

  Walden looked at her. He was pale, but his gaze was strong. “What do you mean? Why would I turn you in? Quickly now, we don’t have much time. What do you need?”

  “I told you what we need,” Skulduggery said.

  “That’s it? You just want to know what the man said when he killed my mother? He said he was sorry, and then he ran off.”

  “That’s all?”

  “Yes. He said, I’m sorry, and then off he went.”

  “You don’t seem particularly traumatised by the words.”

  “People say I’m sorry every day. The words had no effect on me. Him killing my mother, on the other hand...”

  “Maybe it’s different,” Skulduggery said. “Maybe the killer in our reality said something else.”

  “Listen, I don’t understand any of this, but I was assured that no one from the Resistance would ever contact me. You could get me killed.”

  “You work with the Resistance?” Valkyrie asked. “Doing what?”

  “I don’t understand. Did China Sorrows send you or didn’t she?”

  “She helped us get into the City,” Skulduggery said, “but she didn’t know we were coming to see you. What do you do for them?”

  “Does it matter? You break in here, you get the Redhoods and a City Mage knocking on my door, you ask me ridiculous questions about my mother’s murder... Isn’t it time you left?”

  “You sneak people out,” Serpine said. “That’s it, isn’t it? You sneak people out through the sewer pipes. I’ve been wondering about that for years. I tried it once myself, got lost down there for days. Also it didn’t smell that great.”

  “Please,” Walden said stiffly. “You have to leave, all of you. Before you ruin everything.”

  When they left him, he was trembling. They let Serpine walk on ahead, but Skulduggery kept the slate in his hand.

  “I’m sorry,” Skulduggery said, and shook his head. “That’s not it. Lament said it was a phrase that stopped Argeddion in his tracks.”

  “I don’t want to point out the obvious,” Valkyrie said, “but Lament was under Argeddion’s control when he said that. He was probably lying to us.”

  Skulduggery murmured something, then said, “Is that all it is?”

  “What do you mean?”

  He moved closer, his voice dipping. “The fact is, thirty years ago they trapped Argeddion. Lament, under Argeddion’s control, told us that it was this traumatic phrase that allowed them to do so. The key words there being under Argeddion’s control.”

  “So he lied,” said Valkyrie slowly, “which means they trapped him some other way.”

  “And obviously Argeddion didn’t want us knowing what that other way was...”

  “You still don’t sound convinced.”

  The eyebrows on Skulduggery’s face furrowed. “It’s a bit much, that’s all. A phrase from his childhood that triggers a complete emotional shutdown? Why so elaborate? What did it achieve?”

  Valkyrie didn’t say anything. She’d found it best to let Skulduggery continue on his own at times like these.

  Skulduggery looked around. “It achieved this. Right here, right now. It achieved this.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “We are here, in this City, in this dimension, walking down this road, because of what Lament told us.”

  “No,” Valkyrie said. “We are walking down this road because Nadir did that shunt thing, and I brought you with me.”

  “Nadir reached for me, too. In the prison. He tried to shunt the both of us.”

  “So?”

  “Mien had Nadir hooked up to the prison for fifteen years – for Nadir, that was fifteen years of being asleep.”

  Valkyrie blinked. “And Argeddion was communicating through people’s dreams.”

  “Nadir said he didn’t know what we were talking about when we charged him with assault. I thought he was lying. Now I don’t think he was. I don’t think he was even aware he’d done it.”

  “So Argeddion got to Nadir in his dreams, talked to his subconscious, and told him to shunt the both of us over here? But how would Argeddion know we’d even want to talk to Nadir in the first place?” She frowned. “Wait. Of course he knew. Greta fed us enough information to lead us to Nadir, and from Nadir we found Argeddion. He’s been controlling Greta, too.”

  “Maybe,” Skulduggery said, “or maybe she just shares his optimism about the human race. Either way, he wanted us to come here. This has been his plan all along.”

  “But why? So we can get the Sceptre? He wants us to kill him?”

  Skulduggery shook his head. “He may not have known about the Sceptre. He probably never even considered it. No, he sent us here for the one thing he didn’t have over there.”

  “Which is...?”

  “Walden. He wanted us to find Walden.”

  “He wanted us to find himself? And do what?”

  “He told us, even with the Accelerator he’s still not powerful enough to spread magic to every single mortal on the planet. But with two Argeddions, working together...”

  Her eyes widened. “Walden is his surprise guest?”

  “And we’ve found him for him. He couldn’t send one of his drones – the further away they are from him, the weaker his control becomes. He needed independent people to come over he
re with their own agenda.”

  “So... so what do we do?”

  “What do you think we should do?”

  Valkyrie looked back. “The most logical thing would be to... to kill Walden.”

  “Agreed.”

  “But we can’t.”

  “It’s not that we can’t...”

  “We won’t, then. We can hide him. You can hide him, and not tell me, so Argeddion wouldn’t be able to find out where he is.”

  “That’d only slow him down,” Skulduggery said. He nodded. “OK. Now that we know what Argeddion wants, we can work to make sure it doesn’t happen. The best way to do that is to take advantage of his oversight.”

  “We get the Sceptre.”

  “We get the Sceptre and we use it on him before he gets his hands on Walden.”

  “Easy as that,” said Valkyrie.

  “Indeed. So we’re back to our main objective.”

  “What about Serpine?” Valkyrie whispered. “Can we trust him?”

  “Of course not,” said Skulduggery. “But we don’t know the City, and we need him to help us get into the Palace. And anyway we’ve got the regulator.”

  Serpine stopped walking and turned, waiting for them to catch up. “If you’ve quite finished plotting and planning, we have a Palace to break into, don’t we?”

  Valkyrie frowned at him. “We’re miles away.”

  “You don’t break into a palace through the back door, Valkyrie, especially not one like this. It is unlike any palace or castle ever built.”

  “So how do we get in?”

  “We exploit a strength,” he said, “and make it a weakness.” He led them over a wall between two buildings, and they hurried to a narrow door. Skulduggery snapped his palm against the air and the door flew open. Serpine went first, and Valkyrie heard a scream and a crash. By the time she ran in, Serpine had his hand over the mouth of Eliza Scorn and he was dragging her down to the cellar.

  “Baron Vengeous,” Serpine said, “is a man who likes things done a certain way. He likes his meals served on time, he likes his uniforms pressed just so, and he likes his houses built with secret passageways. Isn’t that right, Eliza?”

 

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