by Alex Banayan
After the service in the chapel, six pallbearers carried my dad’s casket out to the hearse. My mom, sisters, and I filed into another car and followed the hearse up to the gravesite. When we got out of the car, for some reason, the six pallbearers who carried my dad out of the chapel weren’t by the hearse to carry the casket to the grave.
I began to worry, but I didn’t have much time to think because a rabbi came over to talk to my family. I couldn’t see what happened next, but I did hear the trunk of the hearse open and my dad’s casket being taken out.
When I finally stepped onto the grass and looked out toward the processional, I saw my dad’s casket being carried by my best friends.
My tears turned to wails as I lifted my head and looked up to the heavens. Again, I wasn’t crying out of sadness, but at the beauty of it. It was as if my dad wanted to tell me, just a minute before he was set into the ground, that in life, there are friends, there are best friends—and then there are the best friends who carry your dad’s casket.
Thank you to Kevin Hekmat, Andre Herd, Jojo Hakim, Ryan Nehoray, Brandon Hakim, and Corwin Garber, who’ve redefined the meaning of friendship, and who’ve proved that it truly is the most powerful force in the world.
I love you guys like family. Because you are family.
And I’m grateful my chosen family doesn’t end there.
More than anyone else I’ve met, Cal Fussman is proof to me that God exists. The way Cal and I met feels like a miracle, and what Cal gave me was a miracle. On top of teaching me how to interview, Cal also taught me how to write, spending two hours a night with me, two or three times a week, for the past four years. He reviewed sentence after sentence and never lost patience. We edited some chapters together up to 134 times. And Cal’s generosity didn’t stop there. He adopted me into his family—obrigado, Gloria, Dylan, Keilah, and Bridgette—and his youngest daughter, Bridgette, is now my goddaughter, which is one of the greatest honors of my life. Cal, to say I’m incredibly grateful would be an understatement.
Thank you to the entire Bisnow family: Austin, IN-Q, Nicole, Deena, Mark, and Margot. Every time I’m with you all, no matter where in the world we are, I feel at home.
I’m grateful for my closest friends, from childhood to college to present day, who’ve brought more meaning, love, and fun into every part of life. Your collective energies are seeped into the lines of this book: Andrew Horn, Arturo Nuñez, Ben Nemtin, Brad Delson, Cody Rapp, Danny Lall, Jake Strom, Jason Bellet, Jesse Stollak, Jon Rosenblum, Kyla Siedband, Max Stossel, Maya Watson, Mike Posner, Miki Agrawal, Nia Batts, Noa Tishby, Olivia Diamond, Penni Thow, Radha Agrawal, Ramy Youssef, Ross Bernstein, Ross Hinkle, Sean Khalifian, Sophia Zukoski, and Tamara Skootsky.
And to my beloved friend Mallory Smith, who was a light in our lives and inspired my passion for reading since we were kids: you are missed and forever in our hearts.
There’s a quote by Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel that particularly speaks to me.
“When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.”
When I first met Stefan Weitz, I was drawn to his intellect and ability to find ten solutions to every problem. Now as I reflect back, what blows me away most is his generosity and selflessness. Stefan, you put the full force of your reputation behind the mission when it was nothing more than an eighteen-year-old’s pipe dream. People like you are who truly change the world. I’ll be grateful to you for the rest of my life.
Thank you to Matt Michelsen, who not only put me in the game, but also brought me into his world and took care of me when I needed him most. Matt, you live the Third Door. I’m tremendously grateful for you, Jenny, and the three G’s for the unwavering support and for always welcoming me into your home with open arms.
A special thanks to my earliest mentors, from high school to the initial days of the mission, who believed in me before I fully believed in myself. You all stoked the flame within me and I couldn’t be more grateful: Calvin Berman, César Bocanegra, Dan Lack, Indra Mukhopadhyay, John Ullmen, Keith Ferrazzi, Kristin Borella, Michelle Halimi, and Richard Waters.
I want to give a special thank-you to Stewart Alsop, Gilman Louie, Ernestine Fu, and the whole team at Alsop Louie Partners. Not only did you bring me into the world of venture investing, but you also encouraged the writing of this book the whole way through.
I’m eternally grateful to my literary agent, Bonnie Solow, who thankfully didn’t think I was crazy when I sent that “my 3 a.m. stream of consciousness” email. Bonnie, you have understood the heart of the mission since our first phone call. You masterfully guided this dream from idea to publishing deal to the book that’s in our hands today.
Thank you to my editor, Roger Scholl, and my publisher, Tina Constable, for reasons that make me emotional just thinking about. Roger and Tina, as my dad was dying, you two treated me with a level of compassion and kindness that was almost unfathomable. Thank you for giving me time to feel my feelings, get some rest, and be there for my mom and sisters. It’s well known that you both are masters at book publishing, but I want the world to know that it’s your hearts that make you so remarkable.
Thank you both, and to the whole team at the Crown Publishing Group—Campbell Wharton, Megan Perritt, Ayelet Gruenspecht, Nicole McArdle, Owen Haney, Erin Little, Nicole Ramirez, Mary Reynics, Norman Watkins, Andrea Lau, and many more—for all you’ve done to make this book shine. A special thanks to Rick Horgan, who brought me into the Crown family and helped shape the vision of this book from the beginning. I’m grateful to Adam Penenberg for his meticulous edits, which kept the manuscript tight and clean. And I want to thank Kevin McDonnell for his masterful fact-checking and Ben Hannani for helping sift through early interview transcripts.
As I neared the end of the writing process, some of my dearest friends provided remarkable feedback and edits: Breegan Harper, Casey Rotter, Chaplain Kevin, Claire Schmidt, Dani Van De Sande, Julie Pilat, Michelle Zauzig, and Sam Hannani. Not only did you guys help refine the book, but you also reminded me why I wrote it in the first place.
I want to say—no, I want to shout—a giant, hallelujah-level thank-you to David Creech for working his magic on the book cover. And major thanks to my brother, Arturo Nuñez, for making it possible.
Thank you to the following authors, some of whom I know well and some of whom I’ve only exchanged emails with, who so generously guided me through the publishing process. You all are proof of the saying that there truly are good people in the world: Adam Braun, Adam Penenberg, Baratunde Thurston, Ben Casnocha, Ben Nemtin, Brendon Burchard, Cal Fussman, Craig Mullaney, Dan Pink, Dave Lingwood, Dave Logan, David Eagleman, Diane Shader Smith, Emerson Spartz, Esther Perel, Gary Vaynerchuk, Gina Rudan, Guy Kawasaki, Jake Strom, James Marshall Reilly, Janet Switzer, John Ullmen, Josh Linkner, Julien Smith, Keith Ferrazzi, Kent Healy, Lewis Howes, Malcolm Gladwell, Mastin Kipp, Neil Strauss, Rich Roll, Ruma Bose, Sam Horn, Seth Godin, Simon Sinek, Stanley Tang, Tim Ferriss, Tim Sanders, Tony Hsieh, and Wes Moore.
For years, I’ve imagined what it would feel like to write the following words.
Below is a list of everyone who was interviewed for the mission, coordinated an interview, or tried to secure an interview. The massive size of this list is beautiful to me. It is the ultimate testament to what it took to make this book possible.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank each and every one of you:
Adrianna Allen
Ali Dalloul
Allie Dominguez
Allison Wu
Aman Bhandari
Amelia Billinger
Amy Hogg
Andrea Lake
Arturo Nuñez
Asher Jay
Barry Johnson
Ben Maddahi
Ben Schwerin
Bettie Clay
Bill Gates
Blake
Mycoskie
Bobby Campbell
Brenna Israel Mast
Bruce Rosenblum
Cal Fussman
César Bocanegra
Cesar Francia
Charles Best
Charles Chavez
Chelsea Hettrick
Cheri Tschannel
Corey McGuire
Courtney Merfeld
Dan Lack
Daphne Wayans
Darnell Strom
Dean Kamen
Debbie Bosanek
Debborah Foreman
Drew Houston
Dylan Conroy
Elise Wagner
Elizabeth Gregersen
Elliott Bisnow
Franck Nouyrigat
Fred Mossler
Gerry Erasme
Gilman Louie
Hannah Richert
Howard Buffett
Jacob Petersen
James Andrews
James Ellis
Jane Goodall
Jason Von Sick
Jason Zone Fisher
Jennifer Rosenberg
Jesse Berger
Jesse Stollak
Jessi Hempel
Jessica Alba
Joe Huff
Joey Levine
Johnny Steindorff
Jon Rosenblum
Jonathan Hawley
Jordan Brown
Juan Espinoza
Julia Lam
Julie Hovsepian
Justin Falvey
Karla Ballard
Katie Curtis
Keith Ferrazzi
Kelly Fogel
Kevin Watson
Kristin Borella
Lady Gaga
Larry Cohen
Larry King
Lee Fisher
Lisa Hurt-Clark
Marie Dolittle
Mastin Kipp
Matt Michelsen
Max Stossel
Maya Angelou
Maya Watson
Michael Kives
Michelle Rhee
Miki Agrawal
Penni Thow
Peter Guber
Phillip Leeds
Pippa Biddle
Pitbull
QD3
Qi Lu
Quddus Philippe
Quincy Jones
Radha Ramachandran
Rebecca Kantar
Rick Armbrust
Robert Farfan
Romi Kadri
Ruma Bose
Ryan Bethea
Ryan Junee
Samantha Couch
Scott Cendrowski
Scott McGuire
Seth London
Shira Lazar
Simmi Singh
Soledad O’Brien
Sonja Durham
Stefan Weitz
Steve Case
Steve Wozniak
Stewart Alsop
Sugar Ray Leonard
Suzi LeVine
Tim Ferriss
Tom Muzquiz
Tony DeNiro
Tony Hsieh
Tracy Britt
Tracy Hall
Van Scott
Vivian Graubard
Warren Bennis
Wendy Woska
Will McDonough
Zak Miller
Perhaps the final question that needs to be answered is: Where do we go from here?
After my dad’s death, I became even more drawn to Quincy Jones’ advice to travel to the far corners of the world, soaking up the wisdom and beauty of different cultures. Over the past year, my best friends and I traveled to Argentina, Brazil, Kenya, India, Japan, South Africa, and now I’m writing this from Australia, where Kevin and I are scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef. The interview with Quincy Jones changed my life because it changed what I wanted out of life. And I couldn’t be more grateful.
Traveling has given me space to look back at the past few years with fresh eyes. The more I reflect on my journey, the more I can see what the soul of the mission is truly about.
When I started, my focus was on gathering the wisdom of the greats so their hindsight could be my generation’s foresight. And while that aspect remains, I’ve realized that the mission goes deeper. This book, and the mindset of the Third Door, is really about possibility.
I’ve learned that while you can give someone all the best knowledge and tools in the world, sometimes their life can still feel stuck. But if you can change what someone believes is possible, their life will never be the same.
I dream of a future where more and more people are given that gift of possibility, no matter who they are or where they were born. I’m committed to doing whatever I can, and playing whatever role I can, to make this dream a reality. If you find yourself just as passionate about this idea as I am, if you want to help bring the Third Door mindset to the world, I want to hear from you. Call me, email me. Together, we can make a difference.
So, here’s to the future.
Although my days of chasing interviews may be coming to an end, I feel like the larger mission is just getting started.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
The day before his freshman-year final exams, ALEX BANAYAN hacked The Price Is Right, won a sailboat, sold it, and used the prize money to fund his quest to learn from the world’s most successful people. Since then, Banayan has been named to Forbes’ 30 Under 30 list and Business Insider’s Most Powerful People Under 30. He has contributed to Fast Company, the Washington Post, Entrepreneur, and TechCrunch and has been featured in major media, including Fortune, Forbes, Businessweek, Bloomberg TV, Fox News, and CBS News. An acclaimed keynote speaker, Banayan has presented the Third Door framework to business conferences and corporate leadership teams around the world, including Apple, Nike, IBM, Dell, MTV, Harvard, and countless others.
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