by C. M. Owens
“I’m not mad at you for that. Never really was,” I tell him as I hug myself and silently hope he’ll just leave me alone for a minute.
“Bullshit. You’ve thrown it in my face every opportunity—”
“I was working harder to convince myself I was mad at all of you so I didn’t have to face my own secret. But after last night, I’m no longer in denial.”
He looks confused, and I blink back tears.
“Just go for now, Chaz. My emotions are frazzled and a little messy right now. I need more blood, and I don’t want to talk about it.”
His frustration clear, he sits down on the bed, not willing to oblige me even this once.
“You used to tell me everything, and I really fucking miss my friend. What the hell is going on with you? Just tell me.”
I cut my eyes back toward him. “I can’t tell you.”
“Why?” he snaps, throwing his hands up in aggravation.
“Because you’ll hate me!” I shout before I can help myself.
It grows eerily silent, and I pant a little as the tears start leaking down my face. His eyes soften.
“This is about Slade,” he surmises. His jaw grinds when I nod slowly. “He tried killing Roslyn and Leah, Ella. Are you serious?” he growls.
Looking down at my hands as the teardrops splatter to them, and I take a deep breath. “I’m given one mate—another piece of my existence that all creatures like us seek without realizing we’re seeking it. I once lost pieces of myself to a different man who hated everything about me, because I was young and naïve.”
My eyes come up to meet his as he exhales harshly, a little sympathy etching his features.
“Now I’m destined to lose another piece of myself because my missing piece is a tortured soul who would rather see the world burn than to face any sort of future. And I’m not even allowed to be upset about it, because everyone hates him. I can’t even argue with their reasoning for hating him, but he’s never hurt me. He’s mine. I’m his. And he’d rather die than face a possible future. It’s like my fate was decided long ago, and nothing I do can change it.”
Another hot tear rolls down my cheek, and I look back down.
“Kane worried Slade was your mate,” Chaz states quietly. “He wanted to kill him at first, but he worried what it would do to you.”
Laughing humorlessly, I wipe away my tears. “Of course you all already knew. What was I thinking? I’m always the last to know anything.”
“Ella, I—”
“It’s fine. I get why everyone would be that way. Hey, do me a favor and ask Dad how many humans he shredded when he was still sired the next time you see him.”
“That’s a low blow, Ella. He didn’t have control during that time, and you know it.”
Standing, I nod. “We’re all monsters, Chaz. But the definition of no control is being chained to a wall in a chamber of horrors as people find ways to scar unscarrable flesh with pain I’m sure neither of us can imagine,” I tell him.
My eyes meet his and hold there.
“I’m sure when he thinks of Roslyn pulling them back to those chambers, even though she had no control, he’s taken back to all the things done to him. Leah comes from the people who started that shit show. They made him the monster. He’s damaged, like all the rest of us. We just don’t understand his damage. Maybe you should talk to your girlfriend since she’s the one who pointed that out first.”
Before he can say anything, there’s a creak from the doorway, and I look up with Chaz to see my father standing there. I’m not sure how long he’s been there, but I can tell by the look in his eyes it’s been long enough.
Silence passes between us, even though it feels like we both want to say something at the same time.
“Sorry,” I say quietly, my voice cracking as I beat him to the words.
I dematerialize again, blood pack in hand as I drink it and go to the cave where Alton is.
His eyes come up and meet mine, almost like he’s surprised to see me.
“I know you expected me to forget your little revelation and the fact you’re squatting here, but go fuck yourself. You’re not stronger than me, so don’t try that again.”
He slowly stands to his feet, wearing something different than the last time I saw him, as his brow furrows.
“What happened to you?”
Ignoring his question, I tell him, “I’m going to drink more blood, and you’re going to train me. If you’re not stronger than me, then it’s likely that I’m not stronger than you. Which means I can’t kill you, and hopefully I can’t hurt you either.”
“Then let me set up an area where we can train without my brother finding me,” he says without hesitation, almost making me suspicious.
“That easy?” I ask dubiously.
“I have blood in the back. Drink all you need, and meet me when you’re ready. I’ll be just outside.”
Chapter 13
ELLA
Feeling so much better and a lot higher on the blood, I stroll out, ready to fight. Slade counters my magic well, so I’m sure Alton—being his identical twin—will be able to do the same.
“So if I go crazy girl, will you be able to stop me?” I ask him.
“I’ll be able to get away, and you’ll be trapped here, unable to do any harm to anyone until you come down from the trance,” he says, motioning to the large burning circle he’s standing in. “It’s designed to trap you unless you’re pulled out.”
I step in without hesitation, and he rolls his eyes. “You’re entirely too trusting.”
“If you wanted to kill me, you would have tried by now. Trapping yourself in with me when I’m not even sure what I’m capable of is stupid on your part.”
He gives me a tight smile. “I’ll be able to get out if I need to, but your powers won’t escape the ring.”
“Then let’s do this,” I say awkwardly, not sure how you just start risking the madness with someone you don’t particularly want to harm.
“Anything offensive you’ve been wanting to try, now’s the time,” he tells me.
Without overthinking it, I blast out my usual power, and he bats it away. “More, Ella. Don’t hold back.”
Gritting my teeth, I let it boil over me, feeling it already calling to me to use even more. It bursts free in silver streaks like never before, slamming into him.
His chest slices open as he fails to defend against all of it, and my vision dims as I try to stave back the monster inside me that enjoys the way the blood trickles from his chest. The pain in his eyes is so intoxicating. His scream of agony is so pretty.
I shake my head, trying to clear it.
“That darkness, Ella?” he bites out, his wound slowly healing on its own. “That’s your connection to your mate. That’s the centuries of torment and torture Slade suffered. He’s blocked it out. You have to do it too.”
My vision continues to go in and out, and when I blink, I realize I’ve crossed the ground to him without realizing it, and he’s shouting at me.
My eyes dart to see an orb in my hand, and I manage to extinguish it before slamming it into his head the way I think I was about to.
A shudder passes me, and I stumble back, blinking out of the beginnings of a trance.
“It’s not going to work. Clearly I can try to kill you, unlike Slade,” I say disappointedly, ignoring the chill of withdrawal.
“Don’t stop, Ella. You give up too soon,” he growls.
Rolling my eyes, I shake my head. “Just get me out of here. I hoped your connection to him would keep me from doing something like that.”
“It will. It did. You snapped out of it.”
“It’s too risky. You could be the reason we win this war,” I prattle on, basically talking myself out of it as my fingers curl into my palms, cutting them as I deny the power.
I really want to hear his screams. It’s worse than usual, because I feel like I’m owed his screams, for whatever reason.
“I lied to you
Ella,” he tells me, causing me to look back over at him. “The visionary didn’t find my mate on his own. I let him into my mind. I allowed him see her. I would have let him see you too, had Slade not sealed that off and kept you his secret.”
“Why would you do that? You’re just trying to provoke me because you’re clearly as suicidal as your stupid fucking brother,” I snap, wondering why I forgot his scars aren’t visible, but run just as deep.
“They promised the pain would stop. They told me I could have her if I guided them. They told me they’d set me free if I proved to them I would help. I was going to work for them, Ella. I was going to help them. I broke after two centuries, and I was willing to do anything, including sever my bond to my brother.”
“You’re lying,” I argue, even as I see the truth in the tears that fall from his eyes.
“That’s why he wants to punish me,” he goes on, gritting the words out. “I tried to show them you. I tried so hard, because they told me they’d spare my mate’s life. I was going to let them trick me again, because I was weak. Selfish. Desperate.”
A little anger stirs, but mostly just pity.
“You wouldn’t have even been born for centuries, and he still fought and used up his strength to hold those visions of you secret from their prying eyes. He might have escaped those chains if he’d just given in long enough for them to realize just how strong he was. But he would have rather lived in excruciating torment for all time than allow them to touch the sight of you. They’d have killed your mother or grandmother long before you were even a thought to them.”
My chest feels weighted down, and my stomach is soured as I fight with everything in me to stave off the piece of me that wants him dead. Because right now, if I kill him, there’s every chance I’ll kill Slade in the process.
“You really need to stop talking now,” I caution, though my voice sounds distant and eerie, causing his eyes to spark and his upper lip to curl back.
“I’m the reason he suffered, Ella.”
The crack of power that escapes me feels so good when it catches him off guard, blowing him back. The next two slice across him like whips, leaving behind the crisscrosses I’ve seen in a scarred pattern.
I’m not even completely gone yet, and already I’m trying to kill him, relishing his pained cries.
“Fight it, Ella,” he growls. “If you kill me, you kill him,” he reminds me. Then his eyes narrow. “But you can hurt me all you want, and he can’t feel a thing.”
I turn my head away, rocking as I take deep breaths, my vision again going in and out, leaving me to find myself in various places around the circle, fighting myself to stay away from him.
“Get out of the ring!” I bark, my hands shaking as my veins pulse black and settle down.
“All that darkness you struggle with isn’t because of that other man. Slade knows that. You know that.” He’s been spying on us. “It’s because of all he’s suffered, and he suffered that because of me. Because it hurt so badly when they were punishing him. They’d strike a blow to his body, and it would slash across mine. I’d bleed his blood with him, and I couldn’t take it any longer. I left him to suffer the consequences for my own selfish weakness, Ella.”
Some sound escapes me before I blow him back again, this time sending him sailing out of the ring and crashing through trees.
My vision dims for a long minute, and when I blink back, I’m staring into Alton’s eyes, my hands around his throat as his skin blisters under my touch, strangling and choking for air.
I release him, then scramble backwards as he hacks and gasps for air. We don’t need air to live, but his flesh is also charred, and I barely stop myself from retching.
His silver eyes cut to mine, glowing but not angrily. He almost seems appreciative.
“Please stop. I’m barely hanging on,” I grind out, a tear rolling down my cheek as my vision dims again.
When my sight returns, he’s across the circle, lifting himself up, and blood is dripping from my hands as his skin heals slower and slower, the gashes I’m leaving during my blinks matching Slade’s scars too closely.
He cracks his neck. “That’s it, Ella. I’m the one person you can come back from killing. I’m the one person you can lash out on and then find yourself again, because all your instincts scream to hurt me but don’t kill me. It’s safe. You can do this.”
“I want control. I don’t want to do this,” I grind out, a hot tear falling down my cheek.
“You do, Ella. Deep down, you do. Let that darkness free on me.” His own tear falls. “I beg you.”
I try to scramble away from him when he stalks toward me, determined to spur my harmful instincts into action.
“They drained him and raked him with lycan claws dipped in widow’s venom. Do you know what raking is?” he snaps.
I blink, and when my eyes open, I’ve opened him up more, fresh blood falling from his face with the same jagged marks on Slade’s.
“This won’t scar me, Ella,” he says as he spits out blood and hauls himself to his feet slower than before. “This will only heal back into flawless skin. Do you know how to scar an immortal?”
Another blink, and fresh gashes are once more on his body, as my breathing grows shakier and shakier, the drumming of my heartbeat thumping in my ears.
“They drain you until you’re barely conscious, then they rake you—which is basically disemboweling you over and over and over. Maybe he still should have healed, but he didn’t. They grew fascinated with his scars and started doing it to the rest of his body. Over and over and over—”
Another blink, and I’m jostled before staggering back. Alton is barely holding himself up when I come to. He laughs bitterly when he looks over, seeing I’m once again back.
“It’s so brutal to have your body ripped wide open, that even most immortals die. But not Slade. He survived to endure it all over again. All because of me.”
“Stop!” I scream, even as my vision dims.
Another blink, and my eyes open. But this time I stumble back, because there’s a second Alton, one with scars instead of fresh wounds as he punches Alton in the face over and over and over.
Then my heart breaks a little, because my senses snap back enough for me to realize it’s Slade.
Alton just lets Slade continue to punch him, never fighting back, and I watch through the flickering flames as the rage in Slade’s face turns to disgust.
He stands and shouts at Alton, dragging his brother back to his feet and shaking him, telling him to fight him. Begging him to fight back.
Alton merely sobs, his entire body shaking.
I was so wrong. They’re not damaged.
Alton is irrevocably broken.
So is Slade.
They didn’t really survive those rings.
Chapter 14
SLADE
“Feeling any better?” Kya asks me as she hands me a bottle of water, that I accept the second I step into the cabin.
“Did Ella return to them or is she off wandering around somewhere else she can get into trouble?” I ask instead of answering her question, putting my journal on the desk.
“She did, but then she and Chaz had an argument, so she left again.”
I groan, really hating how hard I’ve had to fight not to close my eyes while draining pack after pack of blood. Finally, I give in, and find…nothing.
Frowning, I concentrate, searching for her, which I’ve only recently had to ever do. My body turns to stone as that blankness continues.
“She’s with Alton,” I bite out, pulling on some clothes before walking out and taking a long sniff of the air.
Every muscle in my body starts twitching.
“You can see him?” Kya asks on a hushed whisper.
“I can’t see anything. Which is how I now know she’s with him.”
I inhale deeply, my other senses working on overdrive with my eyes closed. Just barely a hint of her scent finds me, but it’s so faint and muddled by eve
rything else that I can’t figure out if it’s left over from earlier or something new.
“Fuck,” I grind out, running a hand through my hair as I continue to keep my eyes closed, trying to pry into that connection.
“Will he hurt her?”
“I have no fucking idea what he’s capable of right now,” I snap.
Every muscle on my body continues to twitch with nervousness, then a flash through a blue filtered image comes into my mind, though it’s like I’m seeing through her eyes instead of seeing her.
At least I think I am, because I see my brother’s face damn close, and a feral growl escapes me, until I realize I see her hands also on his throat. And he seems to be gasping for air.
My brow furrows for a second before I realize she’s attacking him.
What the fuck is going on and where is she?
The image leaves, and I open my eyes to see I’m in a forest—and not the psychotic living forest. Fortunately.
Confused, I look around and then meet Kya’s equally baffled eyes.
“Why’d you go here?” she asks.
“I took us here?” I ask distractedly, closing my eyes again, straining to see again, even though it’s completely different than usual.
“Yes, you—”
Her words disappear when the blue-filtered image comes back into focus, only this time Ella has apparently put distance between them, because he’s on the other end of the circle, slashes appearing on him from an unseen force.
His shirt has been ripped to shreds, and blood is pouring from his body in lines I know too well. She’s creating lashes to mimic some of my scars.
He rips the rest of the shirt away, crying out when another strike hits him.
His body jerks when he crashes to the ground as several more marks appear, one after another.
A roar of rage bellows from somewhere, possibly from her, before the vision cuts off again.
When my eyes crack open, I realize I’m standing in a different place, and Kya appears right beside me.
She starts to speak, but I close my eyes, hearing only my breaths and my hammering heartbeat. That blue-light image pops back into frame, and I watch as Alton’s body writhes again, jerking with the unseen cracks of power.