I sighed with relief. A war was coming; that was certain. If I was seated as the queen, Dashaanan would have defeated Rama and would reign for years ahead. My mind went back to his mention of truth. It was time now; I could not hide Sita’s identity any longer. Content with what I had heard, I thanked him and returned to my chambers.
Later that day, a vanara was presented at court as ‘a messenger of peace’ sent by Rama and Lakshmana. Our soldiers surrounded him. Seeing another vanara at court, the council ministers were attentively anxious. He was dressed like Hanuman, only he appeared younger. He was smiling when he was escorted in front of Dashaanan by ten soldiers. It gave him the impression that we were scared of him and his vanara army.
Dashaanan was informed about him. He dispersed the soldiers at once, furious that so many had collected against a sole vanara.
‘I hear you have come with a message of peace,’ said Dashaanan.
‘You heard it right. We have an army waiting to crash the gates of your city. But Rama makes this last effort to prevent the war. He has sent me to convey his message of peace,’ said the vanara.
‘Tell us then . . . what is it that you propose?’ asked Nanashri.
The vanara looked around. ‘This is strange behaviour. Isn’t there a code of conduct in Lanka to seat their guests? Instead, you have had me escorted by ten soldiers. Are you so threatened that you forget your manners?
‘Get him a seat!’ shouted Dashaanan. ‘I admire your courage, vanara. You look quite young. And for a young man like you, it takes immense courage to walk inside the enemy’s gates so boldly. Who are you? What is your name?’
The vanara sat down and introduced himself. ‘I am Angad, son of the late king Vali of Kiskinda. My mother is Tara.’
Dashaanan smiled warmly, ‘Angad! I wonder what you are doing in Rama’s army . . . your father Vali was my friend. I saw you when you were a child.’
I could see that Dashaanan was delighted to know that Angad was Vali’s son. He welcomed him warmly. It is my pleasure to have you here. Not as Rama’s messenger, but as Vali’s son. I invite you as my guest to stay with me here.’
Angad interrupted, ‘I have come here for a specific purpose. I am a general in Rama’s army. Sugreeva is my king now, and I follow his commands. I know you were my father’s friend, but he is not alive any more. I also know that you challenged him to a duel once and he scared you to death!’
Dashaanan’s smile faded. I spoke up for his honour, ‘You talk about conduct, vanara. Have you no reverent conduct to talk respectfully in front of an emperor who was once your father’s friend?’
‘Today, he is not my father’s friend but a guilty coward who abducted Rama’s wife!’
‘Enough, vanara, or else we will forget the diplomatic immunity you hold right now as a messenger and incarcerate you for contempt,’ said Nanashri.
Angad grinned. ‘Take me to prison? You can’t. I bet no one in this court can even move a single limb of my body.’ He stood up firmly and challenged: ‘Come forward, try and move my leg off the ground!’
Everyone present hesitated to challenge another vanara. Dashaanan ignored his conceit. ‘Remember that you have come as a messenger of peace, hence, do not instigate anyone from this court to some kind of a match. Tell us what you are here for . . . announce your proposal,’ said Dashaanan.
‘Well, Lankapati Ravana, Rama does not wish for a war. You abducted his wife through deceit, but he still extends his hand in peace. A war will cost lives. Hence, he suggests a way that can help us all live in peace. He suggests you release his wife Sita and apologize for your behaviour. Rama is merciful; he will forgive you for your actions,’ announced Angad.
Dashaanan looked irritated. He replied sternly, ‘Tell Rama that I agree to release Sita in exchange for his own custody. I want Rama and his brother Lakshmana captive in my court, and then I shall immediately release Sita. For I abducted his wife to drag him here; he and his brother owe my sister an apology too. They murdered asuras but I will forgive him for his actions!’
The council ministers burst into applause. They started cheering, ‘Long live Ravana . . . long live his reign!’
Angad concluded that his proposal had been rejected. His voice boomed over the cheer. ‘That will never happen . . . and your people are foolish to believe that they can detain Rama and Lakshmana like prisoners. I suggest you consider my proposal instead! Think once again, Ravana . . .’
Dashaanan laughed out loud, ‘Oh, young Angad, they sent you here as a messenger . . . it is a pity that you take orders from them. Don’t you realize that you are the rightful heir to Vali’s throne? Sugreeva reigns only because Rama killed your father.’ Angad looked uncomfortable and ready to leave. ‘Were you not told why Rama killed your father? Didn’t they tell you that Rama killed your father to crown Sugreeva as the king of Kiskinda? Go then and ask Hanuman about it. And convey what I have proposed to them. Or else I will wait for them to start a war tomorrow!’ said Dashaanan. I was amazed at his confidence. Angad, the messenger of peace, left in dejection.
Asura warriors from different regions gathered at Trikota to wage war alongside Dashaanan. He and I welcomed some of the mightiest rakshasa warriors of that era—Dhumaraksha, Vajradamstra, Akampana, Mahodara, Jambumali, Makaraksha and Virupaksha. They came along with their armies to support us. Each section of the army was aligned with another division brought in by these warrior leaders. It was understood that a war would be signaled the following day. We all knew that Rama would not agree to Dashaanan’s treaty and hence we were certain that the vanaras would signal us for war the next day.
Dashaanan was occupied with the army generals. He arranged a grand feast to feed his soldiers and warriors exuberantly before they set out to face the enemy the next morning. I had been restless since Angad’s departure. We were the hosts, defenders and avengers. The war promised to be momentous for us. I saw Sita from the corridor. She sat under the ashoka tree; her eyes shut in prayer. My own daughter, so similar to me yet so differently destined. I went inside the garden to meet her. This was the first time I had entered Ashokavanam since Hanuman had invaded it. Barely any trees were left. Sita saw me and stepped forward.
‘I have a lot to say. I am meeting you after very a long time. I am sorry for your son Akshayakumara’s loss . . .’
‘He was my youngest son, barely eighteen. He was protecting his land, he did not deserve to die,’ I replied. She remained silent, thinking what to say next.
‘It was not Hanuman’s intention to cause harm.’
‘If his intention was not to hurt, then why did he kill our people, including my son? You could not see the condition of our city when it was burning because we kept you here, out of danger.’
‘You have kept me hostage; I am in danger all the time,’ she argued.
I smiled at her innocence. She was so blinded by her love for her husband that she did not realize what a miserable life she had led with him for years.
‘What about the years you spent with Rama in exile? You lived like vagabonds, wandering from one forest to another, through wilderness. Was your life not at risk then? Rama took the lives of so many, always endangering both of you.’
‘How can you compare my freedom then with the helplessness your husband has shackled me to now? I never thought you could be so unfair. I have been nothing but a living corpse since the day that monster Ravana laid eyes on me . . . he is an immoral brute driven only by lust.’
‘Careful what you say when you speak about him, Sita. You know nothing about him. He might have separated you from your husband but what harm has he done to you since the day he brought you here? You were in a more wretched condition with your husband than you are here. You say he is full of lust but has he ever even come close to you?’
Tears spilled from her eyes but she looked at me unwaveringly. ‘Tell me Ravana does not want to marry me. The rakshasi women gossip. They say that Ravana is waiting to kill my husband and then he will drag me to his antapura
. You love him too much to see that. But let me tell you this, Rani Mandodari, each breath I take is in the name of my husband. I will take my life the very moment Ravana touches me again.’
The truth in what she had said shattered my wilful delusion. She spoke the harsh reality that I had ignored for months. I was living in denial. She was right, Dashaanan did plan on marrying her eventually. He thought he could because I had kept the truth from him. When did I think I would tell him, when he was dragging our daughter to the antapura? Was it too late to tell him now? There was too much at stake. This would probably be the greatest war of Dashaanan’s life since he defeated Indra years ago. I thought back; moral or immoral, my husband had never kept secrets from me. I decided to do the same and tell Dashaanan the truth about Sita.
It was almost midnight when I walked into Dashaanan’s chambers. He was engrossed in playing the veena. I stood at the threshold, entranced. His fingers plucked out a soft tune. I was seeing him play a peaceful tune after a very long time. As a matter of fact, I was seeing him play the veena after years. Dashaanan liked to play music in solitude. He paused when he saw me standing at the door.
‘Ah, what brings you here, Mandodari, how are you still awake? Come inside, shall I play something for you?’
‘I wonder, my lord, how can you be so composed when a war is imminent tomorrow?’ I asked him.
‘Well then that is also a reason to stay composed now. What starts tomorrow, starts tomorrow. Why let it ruin this beautiful dark night? As for the war, I have fought many.’
‘My lord, you don’t seem convinced about commencing this war,’ I whispered to him.
He looked into my eyes and said, ‘I will be honest with you, Mandodari. I do not wish to go into any battle or war. I have ruled this kingdom for decades; nobody has ever challenged me on my land before. The revenge I seek is not worth a battle this massive. I have lost my son, my people, but I am too far gone to turn back now. My pride will not let me, my arrogance . . . you had once told me once that my arrogance made me who I was and I’d much rather sustain it than give it up now.’
We inched closer. He took my hand and kissed it.’ Then why haven’t you slept, my lord?’
‘Like I said, of all the wars I have fought, none has ever come to me like this. My land, my own brother against me. They are right outside the gates of my city. I am bound by the laws of war or else I would have finished them off before they could have landed.’
‘My lord, how long do you think this war will last?’
He smiled at my question. ‘Not very long. You rest assured.’
My secret tugged at my heartstrings. I knew this was the moment to tell him. ‘I want to tell you something. I know it is too late, but trust me, my lord, I have not known this very long.’
‘What is it, Mandodari?
I did not know how to begin. My lips trembled in fear. It was now or never for me. ‘I kept a secret from you. But before I tell you, please remember that I never meant to hide it from you. Dire circumstances and shifting priorities always made it difficult for me to tell you everything at the earliest. I’m not sure if you can forgive me for what I am going to tell you, but I have to tell you tonight, for tomorrow will be too late.’
‘I have trusted you more than I trust myself. You are the only person who knows me completely, Mandodari. So go ahead and tell me what you need to. I do not question why you kept it from me. I know you would have had the right purpose for hiding it from me.’
‘It happened after your marriage to Nayanadini, during the time Rishi Gritsamada was staying here. I conceived a child from you, my lord. Only I found out about it after recovering from the effects of the poison I had consumed when we had quarrelled about Gritsamada’s death.’ I continued, unable to look at him. ‘I consulted a physician about my weakness and unusual symptoms. He told me I was with child, but it would have been affected by the poison I had consumed and the antidotes given to me. I called Mai to help me. I kept my pregnancy a secret because I knew you wouldn’t allow me to keep the child. Then I asked your permission to go on a pilgrimage, and I left for Badarikasrama as soon as you allowed.
‘While I travelled and offered my prayers at each tirtha, I felt the child growing stronger inside me. My body did not oppose it. There were no repulsive symptoms in my body. I observed it for seven months. Then, one night, in a secluded region of Bharatvarsh, I gave birth to our daughter.’
‘You delivered a daughter! Our first child and you kept it a secret?’ asked Dashaanan and I felt my heart pounding fiercely in my chest.
‘Hear me out, my lord. She could not breathe, her heart was giving up. We waited till dawn to see if she would live but she did not move in my hands. With a heavy heart, I buried her inside a pot and covered her body with soil from the fields. I cannot describe my bereavement or the guilt of hiding it from you. Before I returned, I concluded that our first child was not meant to live and, hence, I made a choice to bury the secret forever in my memory.’
‘How could you hide it from me, Mandodari? It was not just your child but mine too!’
‘I know, my lord. I was just hiding it from you because you would have asked me to terminate the child. I was confident that the child would not be disabled.’
Dashaanan grew impatient, ‘But then the child died! So after all these years, Mandodari, why are you telling me about it now?’
‘Because that child, our daughter, is still alive!’ I answered immediately. Dashaanan’s eyes, bloodshot with rage, were now rimmed with tears. ‘You lied to me, all this time . . .’
‘I knew only when I saw her again. She told me how she was found in a field near Mithila and was adopted. She is the reason for this war—Sita is our daughter.’
Both of us stood transfixed. Relief washed over me but I was terrified of what Dashaanan would say. He was shaking, his fists clenched, and his face flickering between anger and shock. Unable to control myself, I broke down. ‘Forgive me, my lord. I wanted to know our child and that was the only way. When you brought Sita here, I had no idea she was our daughter. Upon meeting her, I knew. She had the same birthmark as our daughter. I couldn’t believe she had miraculously survived. I wanted to tell you right away but I was scared. I waited for Rama to find her but he took too long. While she stayed, you grew interested in marrying her. I should have told you then, it haunted me every minute to keep it from you, but there never seemed to be a right time.’
Dashaanan had his back to me. He hadn’t said a word. ‘Lankeshwar,’ I begged. ‘Please say something.’
‘I have to fight a war tomorrow. I request you to leave, Mandodari.’
‘There was no better time to tell you, my lord. There is no right time for such things. It was destined to be this way. Destined to be a secret to the world. I leave her destiny in your hands.’
TWENTY
On the third day of their arrival, the vanara army assembled outside the gates of our city. A conch shell was blown to signal the commencement of the war. Our army lined the gates, facing the enemy, and with the sounding of the conch shell, formed the famous asura vyuha, a defensive war formation that makes configuration impenetrable. The three gates of Trikota were secured. The only direction viable for attack was north. From Lanka, Dhumaraksha, Nikumbh, Jambumali and Virupaksha initiated the first day. Our soldiers were on standby to fight but Rama’s army did not move. Instead of men, they sent monkeys to our city. Hundreds of monkeys swarmed through Lanka, tumbling over the iron barriers of asura vyuha. They were uncontrollable, in massive numbers, leaping over gates and racing across the city. We were soon besieged by monkeys. It was chaos. They carried no weapons nor attacked us but the racket they made left us at a loss.
They plundered the queen’s palace like thieves, terrified the women, climbing in from everywhere—doors, windows, corridors. Dhanyamalini and I were sent to a safe room; Nayanadini and others soon followed. Our soldiers chased the troop, seizing one monkey occupying three men.
While they were parrying t
he attack, we remained unaware of the situation outside the city gates. The queen’s palace was firmly safeguarded. Dashaanan watched from the topmost corridor of his palace. He used various magnifying devices to view all directions of the war field. The soldiers lit torches to scare the monkeys out of our buildings. Along with the other women of the palace, I waited impatiently for some news to reach us.
A guard finally reported to us.
‘Dhumaraksha and his army attacked the vanaras as soon as the war started. The number of casualties on both sides is equal.’
‘Nikumbh? Where is Nikumbh?’ asked a concerned Bajrajala.
‘He is guarding the western gate with his army. His unit may not fight today,’ answered the guard and left her in peace with the knowledge that her son wasn’t fighting. She told us she had noticed several bad omens around her and had wished that her sons delayed their entry in the war.
It was almost twilight when we heard from the guard again. ‘Hanuman broke Dhumaraksha’s chariot into pieces. Dhumaraksha fought valiantly but was sadly defeated and killed by Hanuman. Lankeshwar has sent the mighty Vajradamstra and his army next, towards Angad and his unit, who are proceeding towards the eastern gates.’
After sunset, the conch shell sounded again. Battle drums were beaten inside the city. The day’s war was over. The guard gave his final report.
‘Your majesty, the number of casualties on both sides remains equal. A fierce battle was fought between Vajradamstra and Angad. Sadly, Vajradamstra was killed in combat.’
We lost two great asura warriors on the first day. Their armies were almost ineffective without their leaders.
‘Where is Lankesh? I need to meet him,’ I asked the guard.
‘I am sorry, your majesty, but Lankeshwar is occupied with the generals in the stadium.’
Mandodari Page 18