“Yeah, no kidding. But she’s fine. Remember that. Don’t go all crazy and try to be overprotective.”
“Easier said than done.”
“I know, man. Trust me, I know. All I want to do is wrap your sister in bubble wrap and lock her in a room where no one can get near her. The feeling is worse now that she’s pregnant. But I also know that it’s the exact opposite of what I should do if I actually want to keep her in my life. And I would give up every prized possession I own before I give her up.”
“Even your collection of football cards?” he asked with a sly smile on his face.
“Hell, yes, even that. I know you’re kidding, but all that’s just stuff. She’s what matters, and you know that.”
“You make her see that, and the rest will fall into place.”
“She’s got to be running out of hot water by now,” Ethan said, glancing at his watch.
“Just let her be. She’ll come out when she’s ready. Remember, it’s hard for her to do basic things with a broken arm. I assume she hasn’t really gotten to shower properly since she got hurt. Listen, I know you’re upset that she came here. Alone. I’m not all that thrilled that Kara drove her home, knowing someone is after her. But we both know how stubborn these women are.”
“Foolish is another word to describe them, but you’re right.” Ethan felt like a complete ass. Of course, she needed time alone to process what had happened.
They waited another five minutes before they heard the water turn off, and after fifteen minutes of pacing with pointed looks from Caleb to knock it the hell off, she came slowly into the room. She was dressed in her pajamas, and the sight was intoxicating. Which made him a complete shit, considering what she’d been through. Down, boy, he told himself.
“Sorry it took so long; I needed a moment.” Her voice was so quiet he had to strain to hear what she was saying. “I just, it took a bit to process what all had happened.”
“Quinn—” he began, but she cut him off.
“You can’t talk your way around this; it’s my fault that Officer Rodriguez was hurt. I know it, you know it, everyone knows it. And they wanted us to know it. And that sucks. But even though I know that, I can’t change it. I can only make damn sure it won’t happen again. So, let’s get this statement down so I can move on with my life.”
Move on with her life. He didn’t like the sound of that, because for some reason, he got this sneaky suspicion she was going to run, and he was terrified of that possibility. After the statement was taken, it was time for him to finally put it all on the table, because he was damned if he was going to let her walk away. Not now. Not ever.
23
Never in her life had Quinn felt so beaten down, but she wasn’t going to let whoever was behind the attempts on her life win. That wasn’t who Quinn was, at least not the adult she had grown into. After she was finished answering all their questions, Caleb said good-night and told Ethan that he would bring the statement in, telling him that he would handle the paperwork and that Ethan was off the hook. She wasn’t dumb. There was man code in there somewhere, but she was just too tired to care enough to decipher it.
“Quinn, we need to talk,” Ethan said as soon as the door closed behind Caleb. Definitely a set up.
“Ethan, I’m tired. Can we do this in the morning?” Suddenly everything was too much, all of it—the lies, the chaos, the macabre amount of bodies piling up around her. “I’m just so frustrated. I try to be strong, but I don’t know how much more I can take, and I hate that, I hate feeling inferior, weak. Like…like a useless person who can’t take care of herself, the exact opposite of who I am and who I want to be.”
“You aren’t any of those things, and you know it. You’re just in overdrive. The events of the last few days are a lot for even a seasoned cop to handle. I know I’m having a hard time rebounding from it all.”
“Except it isn’t happening to you!” she exclaimed, exasperated and the moment the words were out of her mouth, she hated herself for them.
Covering her face with her hands, she ran. Into the living room and out the door, spooking Cat, who chased after her. The hallway was still covered in bloody paw prints, and that alone was enough to make her want to laugh hysterically. She was losing it, completely losing it. Flying down the stairs, she stopped abruptly when she realized Cat had taken off. It gave her pause, and she suddenly wanted to slap herself. What was she thinking running outside when someone was clearly trying to make a point that she wasn’t safe, and when had it started raining? In the recesses of her mind, she knew how stupid she was being, but she just didn’t care. She spun in a circle in the rain and flung her arms out as if to say, you want me, come and get me, I’m done hiding.
“Quinn.” She jumped at Ethan’s voice; some tough girl she was. “Come back inside. Don’t let what happened tonight change things between us. I mean,” he ran his hands through his hair the way he often did when he was feeling particularly stressed out, “how things were before this all started.”
“It’s not just tonight, Ethan. Everything has just been a mess for so long, and I’m just fed up with shoring up and handling it all by myself. I have to, and I’ll manage, but I won’t hide—not anymore. If they want me, they can come and get me. As a matter of fact, I would prefer that to some other innocent child being harmed.”
“Don’t talk like that.”
“Like what?” she asked, blinking rain out of her eyes. The slow trickle had become a steady rain, and she was becoming more drenched by the second.
“You know that they’ll keep taking kids if they manage to get you. Also, stop with the whole you don’t matter crap and don’t act as if this isn’t affecting me as well because it is. Anything that affects you affects me, and a whole myriad of other people.”
“I’m not trying to be all melodramatic, ‘woe is me, nobody loves me.’ But let’s be real here. I don’t have a family. I barely have friends, and my life isn’t more important than Kimora Washington or Jasmine Browne.”
“Jasmine Browne?”
“Another missing girl, from the center. Father Romano was grooming her as well as Shawna and Kaylee. God, how did everything get so messed up so fast, or was it there all along and I just missed it all? Some therapist I turned out to be.”
“You’re a phenomenal therapist, the best we have.”
“Then I feel sorry for you because I missed so much. Too much. Hell, my own life is a mess. How am I supposed to help anyone else?”
“So much of what you’re saying is misguided and wrong. There are people who care about you—a lot of people. You might not have blood family, but you have family and friends, so many friends that you couldn’t count them all if you tried. There are people who rely on you who need you in their lives. There are people who try to reach out, and you push them away so effectively that you don’t notice they’re reaching out to you, begging you to let them in. I can understand if you regret that I kissed you if that somehow messed things up between us, but there is just, something about you. I can’t put my finger on it or explain it.”
Quinn heard the words and didn’t know what to say, what to do. She had reasons that he didn’t know about that made it impossible for them to be more than just friends. Didn’t she? Maybe there was something she could do, some way she could change things and then she could live her life the way she really wanted to.
“Ethan, my life is such a mess…”
“You said that already. Do you think my life has been all sunshine and roses? Come on, you know my back story. But I’m not shutting myself off from the world. I don’t know what your history is, and I don’t care, I just know that I don’t want you to shut me out.”
“I’m not shutting you out, I just can’t…”
“Can’t what? Can’t give me a chance? Can’t feel something for yourself for a change? There’s more between us than you want to admit. Tell me you feel it, too?” His voice sounded desperate, and she looked at him, chewing on her bottom lip.
“I consider myself a pretty straight shooter. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel it, too.” He let out a breath and took a tentative step toward her.
“I’m happy to hear you say that, because I’m a pretty straight shooter, too, and I need to get some things off my chest regarding you and me.”
Uh-oh. Quinn took a step back, but he countered her move. The rain had long ago soaked through her hair, dripping down her face. She swiped at the sodden mess, pulling it back from her face, but when she saw the look in his eyes, she was suddenly immobile.
“You see, like I said, I think there’s something about you that draws me to you, like a bee to honey. I need to be near you, with you. I can’t think straight if I’m worrying about you. Somehow you have become the center of my world, and I need you. No, I want you to take a chance on me. On us. I’m standing in front of you, getting soaked, asking you to see me. See me standing here, holding out my hand, hoping you will step forward and grab it and hold on for dear life.”
As if he were a magnet and she was drawn to his words, she took a step forward and reached toward the hand he had outstretched, but she hesitated, just a moment. The look on his face was enough to crush her under the weight of the expression. Quickly, she shook her head and looked at him, really looked at him, allowing him to see her. The truth that she needed him to see, that he was more important than she had intended him to be, and it crushed her that she couldn’t let him all the way in.
“I want to. Oh, how I want to just reach out and grab your hand. Let you shoulder the weight of the world with me.” Another step was taken toward her, and his fingers grazed hers for just a brief moment. “But I just can’t; I’m so sorry.” Tears streamed down her face, mixing with the rain. She only hoped that he couldn’t see them.
“Why? Tell me why. I deserve to know the reasons why you won’t give me a chance. I know you’re attracted to me.”
“It has nothing to do with chemistry or how I feel about you.” Her voice caught on the last word.
“If it has nothing to do with chemistry and nothing to do with how you feel about me, then what is it?”
“I can’t…”
“You owe me that.”
“I don’t owe you anything.” But that wasn’t true, was it. Didn’t she owe him her life? Hadn’t he been watching out for her? Not just the last couple days, but for weeks and even months. Hadn’t he checked in on her at the center nearly every other day? “No, you’re right, I do owe you an answer, but I’m not free to give you the answer you deserve. Just know that I can’t pursue things with you.”
“What do you mean, you’re not able to pursue things with me? You aren’t dating anyone. You’ve told me that again and again. Are you just saying this to let me down easy? Trust me when I say I want one hundred percent brutal honesty. Tell me why.” Another step toward her, and she could feel the heat emanating from him. “I thought you were a straight shooter, one that doesn’t hold back when it gets tough. A person who doesn’t back down to a challenge. I didn’t figure you for a coward.”
“I’m not a coward, but I’m also not a free woman.”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
His breath was coming hard and fast, and Quinn felt utterly lost and confused, not knowing what to do. Before she could change her mind, she blurted out the words that had been unspoken for too many years.
“I’m m-married,” she choked out on a sob.
“Married? What the hell are you talking about you’re married? You don’t wear a ring, and you don’t live with anyone.” She could see the anger and confusion battling each other. He paused and then seemed to really think about it. “Is he dead? Is that what it is? He died, and you can’t get over him?”
“He’s not dead.” She stumbled over the words, feeling like they were strangling her just by saying them.
Ethan stared at her. His eyes bored into her, and she could see the moment he figured it out. Without giving her a moment’s notice, he grabbed her hand and tugged her toward the front door, out of the rain and into the foyer of his beautifully renovated home, through the hallway to his front door and into his apartment, closing the door behind them quietly. Stoically, he removed his shoes and waited until she did the same. Squaring his shoulders, he looked up until he met her eyes and held them. She wanted to squirm but saw nothing but compassion and empathy in those crystal blue eyes.
“If he’s not dead, then the only other possible option is that you ran from him.” His voice wasn’t harsh or mean, but it wasn’t a question. “This conversation is long overdue, and I would prefer it in my apartment, not out on my front walk.”
The fact that he knew with certainty restored some of her strength, his knowing she wouldn’t lead him on, that she wasn’t an adulteress meant more than words could show. Even so, she stood mute. The words seemed to escape her. Standing in his foyer, dripping on his floor, her teeth chattering, she couldn’t make the words come. Instead, she just nodded her head up and down.
“How long have you been hiding from him?”
“F-fourteen years.” Between the cold she felt from the air-conditioned room chilling her skin and the fact that she’d kept the secret for so long, it was nearly impossible to say the words.
“Fourteen years? But you can’t be older than thirty?”
His shocked face was nearly too much, and when she didn’t say anything, his eyes became sad, so utterly devastated as he did the math in his head and realized something wasn’t quite adding up. That either she looked really good for her age, or she was entirely too young to have been married fourteen years ago.
“You’re right, I’m thirty. I w-was sixteen when I ran away.”
“How long had you been married?” he asked between gritted teeth.
“T-two years.” She was shivering hard and couldn’t seem to stop.
“Two years? You were married when you were fourteen-years-old? How old was he?”
“I…I don’t know. If I had to guess, the late twenties.”
“That’s criminal.” He was shaking, but Quinn realized it wasn’t because he was cold. It was unbridled rage.
“Ethan…” She reached out to him, but as her fingers grazed his skin, he flinched away, and she took a step back. Though her tears had dried, a sob jerked out of her. “I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. I knew you would look at me differently…”
The clouds that had been circling in his eyes seemed to clear as he focused on her, reigning in his anger, and when he seemed to actually see her, he shook his head as if to push out the dark thoughts that had been circling. With a savage breath, he took a step forward and grabbed her, crushing her still body to his. Quinn had no idea how long they stood there. She just knew that the warmth and strength of his body seemed to lessen the trembling of her own. He kissed her temple, her brow, her cheek, her eyes tenderly, wiping away the rain on her face as he did so.
“You just don’t get it, do you? I’m angry, but not at you. I’m angry at the son of a bitch you were supposedly married to, and I’m sorry I flinched. Quinn, honey, I need you to look at me. Open your eyes and really look at me.”
Begrudgingly, she listened to his words and opened her eyes to see him staring into her very soul so hard that she felt naked, stripped and bared to him by the intensity in his expression and she wanted to look away but found she couldn’t. A tear slipped down her face, and he brushed it away.
“There’s no part of me that is looking at you differently; there is no part of me that’s condemning you or judging you for your past; there is no part of me that is angry with you for keeping this secret. There’s understanding, so much understanding and compassion. I understand more now that I know and there is a large part of me that wants to hunt that piece of scum down and wipe him off the face of the Earth. A large, scary part of me wouldn’t even care one iota that I was killing him in cold blood. Do you see me, understand me?” She shook her head as he gave her body a little shake. “When I flinc
hed from your touch it was because I was angry at him and that anger was consuming me so much so that I was worried you would take the brunt of it.”
“You would never do that—” Her words were cut off when his lips brushed hers.
“You’re right, because I’m not him, and I’m not finished. If you think that I’m going to run with my tail between my legs after this big revelation, you have another thing coming. I’m here, in it for the long haul. I promise you that I will not stop until I figure out a way to nullify that marriage.”
“I…but, you can’t!”
Ethan was startled by the outburst. She had been almost emotionless, and then she looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Her eyes had gone wild, and she tried to back away from him. He stopped her from moving out of his arms, but he continued to hold her gently so she wouldn’t retreat into herself, and he could sense she was dangerously close to doing that very thing.
“What do you mean, I can’t?”
“Do you think I didn’t look into it? Do you think I didn’t research how to sever all ties with him? I did, but the only way I can without serving him papers is Divorce by Publication.”
“Well, then we’ll do that.”
“You don’t understand,” she said, shaking her head back and forth while trying to get away from him. But he still held her slight figure against his with little effort. He knew that she was well-trained in evasive maneuvers. Even banged up, she could get out of his grasp without a problem, which meant she wasn’t trying that hard to get away.
“Obviously, I don’t understand, but I’m desperately trying to understand what is going on. Please tell me what I need to know so I can grasp this.”
“Ethan, my husband is an evil man. It took me a long time to be brave and strong enough to escape him. And I did escape. He didn’t let me go out of the goodness of his heart. I ran in the middle of the night with barely more than the clothes on my back. I know he’s still looking for me, and if he finds me, he will kill me. He won’t let me go quietly into the night because even though I was barely sixteen, I outsmarted him. Hell, I don’t even know my real age because of him.” She swallowed hard and paused.
Breaking Shadows (Darkness Falls Book 2) Page 23