Breaking Masks

by Josh Aterovis

  First there was TJ, who was gorgeous...and totally unavailable since he was so far up Ian's ass you could see his nose coming out from between Ian's lips. Then there was Joseph, who had so much baggage I am sure Samsonite was jealous. Andy followed, a little blond haired angel with the devil's own way of telling you he wasn't interested. The list goes on, but it only gets more depressing and I only dredge it up in order to remind myself that it's okay to look, would be wonderful to touch but…I just have bad luck in matters of the heart. My latest was probably down at the local slut hangout having sex with at least five partners in the first half hour.

  Eight o'clock approached, and I decided to go down to the shop and get something to drink -- maybe a little snack as well. I pulled on my shoes and stepped into the hallway. The light must have burnt out `cause it was darker there than the inside of a elephant's asshole. I felt my way down the hall to the stairs and descended one by one until I made that awkward step at the bottom where you think there is one more step but there isn't.

  The evening was cool -- great walking weather -- and I strolled up the sidewalk lit with streetlights. People walked and milled about on the sidewalk, outside clubs, bars, and a video store called Deja View. I noticed a multi-colored gay pride flag in the window of the video store and decided I needed a membership there. I hummed to myself as I crossed the street and moved to the next block where the awning of the Morning Rush could be seen.

  I stepped into the glow from the interior lights and froze. There he was, drinking coffee in my store...with a chick. Not only that, she was shamelessly flirting! Leaning on one elbow, making her shirt go taut against her breasts. He was leaning back in his chair with his legs spread, baggy jeans giving away nothing. She gave him a saucy grin, and I could practically hear her asking him to go back to her place and screw her one remaining brain cell out.

  My appetite soured, I turned and began heading back to my apartment. I should have quit, I told myself. You know this shit never works out. But do you listen? No. Now you are disappointed again and now you're bummed. I hate that little voice. If it had a neck I'd strangle it.

  * * *

  “If I have to deal with another customer, I'll scream,” Marla snarled as she looked at me. Her previous customer had complained the coffee was too hot, and when Marla cheerfully put an ice cube in it to make it more palatable, the customer bitched that she was watering down the coffee. Was he for real? I merely nodded at her and took her place at the register while she stepped out back to pollute her lungs. She only smoked name brand cigarettes, and I told her if she would smoke the cheaper stuff she could take the difference and save for an iron lung. She flipped me off before stepping out the back door.

  I filled what seemed like an endless line of orders for coffee, bagels, and muffins. Someone didn't like the cream cheese and another one said his bagel had been heated too much. Jesus, talk about spoiled people! Max showed up about nine thirty and began working out next week's schedule.

  “I have this application, but listen to this,” she said during a quiet moment. “This lady comes in to fill this out, and she says to me that she wants to be honest. She says she was arrested for assault, but only because the guy was more hurt than she was, but that she's all straightened out now as she is a Jehovah's Witness. She wants to know if that will affect her ability to get a job, and I had to look her in the face and say no, of course it won't!” She giggled, and I joined her.

  “About as good as the champion spellers you get in here,” I said.

  “Tell me about it! We work in a college neighborhood and these people can't spell the name of the last place they worked.”

  “Max, are you going to hire Tricia?” Mike asked as he returned from wiping down tables.

  “I don't work well with women,” she thought for a moment before adding, “Marla doesn't count.”

  “Why not?” Mike asked with a little petulance.

  “Because, if I hire that bimbo you won't do anything except try and get in her pants. I can't fire her for not sleeping with you, and I can't fire her cause you want me to just so I can hire someone else for you to sleep with!” she told him, all the while trying to sound stern but failing with her grin in place.

  “Allison was a one time thing, a total mistake,” he grumbled and Marla laughed at him.

  Mike left about twenty minutes later, and Max took Marla a few doors down to the Chinese place for lunch. I swept up the place and took care of a few odds and ends before pulling a coffee, light and sweet, for myself. I sat on the chair in the manager's vestibule, the counter clearly visible to me.

  I heard the bell go off as someone entered the store, and I stood to go to the counter. I intended to put my coffee on the side of the cash register. I say intended because it never made it. Blue eyes were approaching, clear but unfocused as they tried to adjust from the glare of the bright afternoon to the relative darkness of the store. I dropped my coffee cup as he approached the counter. I cussed under my breath as I jumped back in an attempt to avoid the coffee that would fountain out of the top of the cup. That little plastic top is never quite enough to stand up to the tidal wave of coffee if you drop the cup.

  “Excuse me,” I said quickly. I grabbed the mop from the small closet door that was just inside the manager's office. After mopping up my mess, I returned to the counter all flustered. Now I had to face my cheerleader-screwing champion. Of all the coffee places in the city for him to go to, he had to come here? Was this some kind of punishment?

  “So, ah, do I place my order with you?” he asked with a small smile. Oh jeez, look at that, he has such cute dimples! His voice was nice too -- a little scratchy maybe, but nice. Why do I care? He's straight! Oh shit, he means me!

  “Um, yeah,” I responded after what must have been a delay of about a millennia. He ordered a double cappuccino with whipped cream, telling me it had been recommended to him. I don't think I can bear to see him with a whipped cream moustache! I tried to move efficiently behind the counter, but I had turned into a klutz in mere seconds. First I dropped the cup, but thankfully it didn't break. Then I aimed three times -- three freaking times -- for the button to dispense the highly caffeinated drink before finally hitting the mark.

  Straight boys just shouldn't be allowed to be hot, it just wasn't fair. Even knowing that he had probably bopped that bimbo last night didn't change the enjoyment I took from his presence for a moment. I felt a momentary twinge of sadness at the reminder that he was straight, and felt a bit more lethargic than I had a moment ago.

  I was afraid as I approached the machine that dispensed the whipped cream that it would explode when I got near it, coating me with whipped cream and completing my foolish appearance. I managed the cream with out incident and moved carefully back to the counter where he stood with a bemused expression on his face. I'll bet he thinks most people are idiots `cause they act like this around him.

  “Um, you ok?” he asked.

  “Yeah, um, sure, everything's Jake,” I said while I withdrew my hands from the cup before they could do any more damage.

  “Cute,” he said as he handed me a five for which I made change.

  He took his drink and sat at a corner table, sipping quietly while observing the street. He had a sad expression and, inexplicably, I suddenly felt sorry for him. I don't know why I cared, but I screwed up my courage and walked around the counter towards his table...then retreated behind the counter. Coffee first, I can act like I am taking a break. Be cool and nonchalant. I grabbed a cup and filled it with Columbian, add sugar and cream, of course, and headed towards his table again. He had a far away expression on his face, and I was loathe to interrupt his silence.

  So I chickened out. I went back behind the counter and tried to forget he was there. I hid in the manager's office praying the bell didn't ring because if I had to go out there and attempt to be graceful I just knew it would end in someone's death! Of course, the bell did ring and I looked out to see Max and Marla back from lunch.

&nbs
p; “Kody with a `K', you can go. We're back,” Max called out as she walked in the front door. She always said that after I corrected her for misspelling my nametag.

  I didn't want to walk past him. I'd probably fall on my ass right in front of him. I could hang out and talk, but they'd know something was wrong. Not because I don't ever stay to chat, but because I knew I must look like a moron right about then. Matter of fact, I feel like that was tattooed on my forehead.

  “Kody, go on! Get out of here!” Max said with a giggle as she walked behind the counter. Marla merely smiled as I reluctantly took off my apron.

  “Sure you don't need anything else done?” I asked.

  “I'm married and you aren't her type,” Marla quipped. Max slapped her and they laughed while I looked at them both as if they were insane.

  “I'll take a little piece of that guy out there though,” Max commented. They were talking about my guy! Well, Max had a better chance than I did anyway.

  “We still need someone, Max. Tell him to fill out an application,” Marla said.

  “That would be way too obvious,” Max scoffed. “Kody, go give him an application.”

  “What?” I gaped at her.

  “Give him an application. You know, for a job?” Max said slowly, as if I were an idiot.

  “Why me?” I croaked. I should have just taken my chances and left when she said it the first time. Max just laughed and retreated into her office. I cautiously slipped out from behind the counter and walked towards this guy that fascinated me so. He was still looking off into some far away place with that air of sadness about him that suddenly made him less an object and more of a person. I sighed, sucker that I am, and walked over to him.

  “Did it live up to the recommendation?” I asked.

  “Sorry?” he asked as my words pulled him from that daze.

  “Your coffee, is it ok?” I asked, pointing to his glass mug.

  “Oh, yeah, it's great. Much better than that other place on campus. Bitter, bitter stuff over there,” he gave a small shiver for emphasis.

  “Ok, good, well, see you,” I said as I moved to the door.

  “Kody!” Max hissed then deteriorated into a giggle. I turned red and knew what she wanted. I slowly walked to the kiosk with applications, mouthed to her that she owed me, and walked back to his table.

  “Um, they are hiring here, if you're interested,” I mumbled.

  “Excuse me?” he said with a bemused expression. I felt my face flush and I heard Max and Marla laughing in the back as he suddenly understood.

  “Job, huh? Thanks,” he said taking the blank form from me. I blushed even deeper and practically bolted out the door.

  * * *

  I climbed the stairs two at a time and entered my apartment, closing the door and leaning my back against it. Jesus, this was so not fair! The guy was straight, and I still acted like I was some star-struck little groupie. I should have gotten an autograph!

  I pulled off my tee shirt with the college logo on it and threw it across the room in frustration. Sometimes I could just kick my ass! I headed into the kitchenette and started to look around for something easy to make, and then decided against it. I was full of nervous energy and it was entirely depressing. I decided that of my limited options in coping, I would do what I did best -- whine to dad.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Dad, it's Kody.”

  “Goose, how're things going?”

  I sighed.

  “Uh oh, what's his name?” Dad said in a knowing tone of voice.

  “I don't even know,” I replied.

  “Goose, that is just so wrong. Why do you do this to yourself?”

  “I don't know!” I walked around the room restlessly with the phone, “He's just so cute, and I did just like you said, I told myself no, I really did.”

  “So what part of no didn't you make clear to yourself?”

  “It's not that! I walked away, I really did! I went and played video games, and then went to the bookstore to get something to read.” I sat on my couch for emphasis.

  “So what happened then?”

  “There he was -- big as life and totally hot,” I said mournfully. My dad sighed.

  “Kody, please tell me you did not knock over a stack of books into a plate glass window or something?”

  “No!” I replied, mentally sticking my tongue out at him.

  “Well, what happened then?” he asked warily.

  “I started to walk towards him and he just left. Just like that he was gone.” I replied.

  “So why do I get the feeling there is more to the story?”

  “Well, I saw him last night when I went down to go get a cup of coffee, and he was with a girl,” I sighed.

  “You sure can pick `em, Kody. If he's a straight boy, don't think it'll be like some internet story where you turn him queer just for you, okay?” My father begged. Ever since I tried to get into the dating scene he had been there to bail out my broken heart.

  “I just act like a total nerd around him. I drop stuff and I can't seem to focus.” I replied softly.

  “Just take him off your list. He's like people on TV, pretty to look at and that's it. You can't live your life hoping that a straight boy is going to notice you, Goose.” His voice was soothing, a balm for my frazzled nerves.

  “I know. I guess I just needed my talk since you aren't here to give it to me,” I sighed.

  “It'll be ok, Goose, you'll find someone. Here's Charlie,” he said.

  Chapter 3

  Breaking Masks

  Josh Aterovis and Dave Dabeagle

  © 2003

  "Jake"

  I had decided not to get involved in any more of the juvenile activities the university had planned, but as I was walking across campus on my way back to my room, I was set upon by Erin and an absolute hunk. I barely spared a glance for Erin, except to see that she was wearing a pair of skimpy jogging shorts and a matching tank top, and that her freckles covered every exposed inch of skin...and probably the skin that wasn't exposed. I didn't waste my imagination envisioning it. It was much too busy picturing the hunk with her without his clothes.

  He was beautiful. About my height, maybe a little taller, which meant he was still dwarfed by Erin. He was broad shouldered and muscular, but not in the beefy way like Foster. This guy was much more toned and slender, the broadness of his shoulders narrowing to a small waist and long, shapely legs. He had the face of a model, all chiseled angles, golden skin and warm dark eyes that made me want to melt on the spot. His hair was a masterpiece of carefully disarranged chestnut curls with gorgeous golden highlights that I would stake my reputation as a gay boy were not the product of a salon, but real live natural highlights resulting from hours spent playing soccer in the sun. I could just picture him now, running around with his shirt off, chest glistening with a fine sheen of sweat, patting the other players on their pert little butts...

  I shook my head to clear it of the tantalizing images and realized that Erin had been talking the whole time. I caught the last few words which was enough to figure out that she was inviting me to play some sort of game with them.

  “...so we just need one more player from our building and we'll have a team,” she was saying with a highly amused expression on her so-homely-it's-cute face. “What do you say?”

  I didn't really want to play any stupid games, but if it meant I got to spend more time with this walking god I'd do just about anything. “Yeah, uh, sure,” I agreed, still not knowing exactly was I was agreeing to.

  “Great! It'll be fun. By the way, Jake, this is Carlos. Carlos, this is Jake. He's a resident in Mohawk.”

  Carlos held out a hand which I managed to shake without moaning out loud.

  “Let's go! The scavenger hunt is about to begin,” Erin said as jogged away. At least now I knew what it was we were playing. Carlos followed Erin, and I trotted along behind him, enjoying the view of his nicely shaped bottom moving under the silky material of his soccer shorts. I w
as so mesmerized by his bum I almost ran into him when he came to a stop. I looked up to see we had joined a group of four other kids. We all moved to form a circle.

  “Okay guys, this is our team and we're gonna kick ass!” Erin enthused. “Quick introduction. We all live in the same building so we need to get to know each other and learn how to work as a team.” I was beginning to see the point in this little exercise. She went around the circle introducing everyone. There was Courtney, the chubby blonde from my first day here; Alex, a long-haired hemp hippie sporting a tie-dyed T-shirt and sparse facial hair; Miranda, a gorgeous black girl with a well-trimmed afro and an athletic body; Toshi, the androgynous Asian whose name still didn't help me identify a gender; me and the beautiful Carlos. I was impressed that she already knew all our names.