The phone rang in her hand and she jumped. “Hello?”
“Holly, it’s Matthew.”
“No way. I was just thinking of calling you.”
Matthew chuckled. “I was afraid I’d miss you—glad I took a chance and called anyway. When are you leaving for your parents’?”
“Actually, their plans changed, and I’m on my own tonight.” She tried to sound cheerful, but failed. It stank to be alone on a holiday, especially one meant to be shared with friends and family.
“In that case, would you mind meeting me?”
“Sure. Where?”
He suggested his bakery, and she jumped at the idea. “Sounds perfect. I’ll be there, in say, twenty minutes. Does that work for you?”
“Yep. See you then.”
Holly hung up. Her heart thundered and she pursed her lips. Her mind was a mix of confusion and nerves. She’d never kissed anyone like that. It’d been so long since she allowed herself to feel anything for a guy, and what she was beginning to feel for Matthew scared the stuffing out of her. For so long she’d been focused on redeeming herself, but now everything was topsy-turvy.
She’d shut herself off to serious romantic relationships ever since her sophomore year in high school. Why had she punished herself for so long? There was no undoing that horrible afternoon when the baby she was watching died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Everyone said it wasn’t her fault, but to this day she couldn’t forgive herself for paying more attention to her boyfriend than baby Sean sleeping in his crib.
That day changed her life forever. Made her want to become a nurse—more important, made her realize that distractions were dangerous. But she was not fifteen anymore, and no one had died on her watch since. At least, not yet.
With sudden resolve, she stood and quickly changed into jeans and a white sweater, then slipped on wool socks and boots.
Fifteen minutes later she knocked on Matthew’s bakery door. The light flipped on and a moment later he pulled it open with a grin. “Glad you came.”
“Was there any doubt?” She shed her coat.
“Yes.”
Her chin dipped. “I guess that’s fair. I’ve been fickle.” She blew into her freezing hands. “Don’t you heat this place?”
“When we’re open the ovens do a pretty good job of that. How about some hot chocolate?”
“Yes, please.” She followed him behind the counter and watched him pour milk into mugs, then steam the milk. He turned to finish, and though she tried she couldn’t see around his shoulders to watch how he created the delectable cocoa.
When he pivoted back around a smile lit his face. “Here you go.” He squeezed past her and moved to a table and sat. “So...”
Holly sat across the small table from him and stared into her mug. This was going to be more difficult than she expected. She had spent so many years avoiding relationships that being open about her feelings was foreign. She drew the mug to her lips and took several long sips of the rich drink. “How was your Thanksgiving?”
“I think we covered that earlier.” His soft voice soothed her taut nerves.
“Right. Umm, when I kissed you I was caught up in the moment.” Could she really put the past behind her? She wanted to tell Matthew how much she admired him. How being with him felt so right and good, yet the words lodged in her throat. Fear zipped her heart closed.
“I’m confused. So you don’t have feelings for me?” Disappointment mixed with hurt clouded Matthew’s eyes.
“It’s not that.” She shook her head, but still the words wouldn’t come.
“What then, Holly? You’ve got to help me out here, because I don’t read minds.”
She rubbed her lips together. “Okay. Here it is. I like you—a lot. But for a very long time I’ve avoided relationships. Did you ever notice that I didn’t date in high school?”
“That’s not true. You had a boyfriend.”
“Right, but after him I never dated.”
His brows furrowed. “What are you trying to say?”
“Something happened.” Her heart hammered in her chest. She couldn’t say out loud that a baby died because she was busy kissing her boyfriend and not listening to the baby monitor.
“Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. It won’t change anything between us.”
She swallowed the rest of her hot chocolate. “I think better when I’m moving. Mind if we go for a walk?”
“Okay.” He stood and shrugged into his jacket then helped Holly with hers and led the way to the door.
Holly followed him and waited for him to lock up. “Something happened when I was in high school that changed everything.”
“Did someone hurt you?” His brows shot up and his voice raised a notch.
“No. Nothing like that.” She bit her lip. This was harder than she realized.
A dog charged in their direction and a dark-haired woman chased after it. “Heel, Bud. Heel!”
Holly squatted and clapped her hands. “Here, boy.”
The dog trotted to her and lunged into her arms. She held tight to the runaway, which licked her chin. “Whoa, there.” Keeping a hold on the animal’s collar, she looked up at Matthew, who frowned. She stood.
The woman reached for the dog and clipped on his leash. “Thanks. The little stinker slipped out the door as fast as a bobsled on ice.” She held out her hand. “I’m Meghan. I work at the vet clinic up the way.”
“Sure. I know you.”
Meghan frowned. “I’m sorry?”
Holly thrust out her hand. “I’m Holly Miller. We have mutual friends.”
Meghan looked at her blankly and shook her hand.
Holly stuffed her hands into her jacket pocket. “You’re Keira’s husband’s assistant. I work in their candy shop now and then, and they’re my landlords.”
Meghan’s face lit. “Small world.” She looked from Holly to Matthew. “I imagine you two lovebirds want to be alone.” She took a step back. “Thanks for catching Bud for me.”
Holly waited until Meghan and Bud ran off, the dog dragging her about as fast as she could move. “So that’s the infamous Meghan. Somehow I pictured her differently.”
“What about her?” Matthew turned toward the duo running along the nearly empty sidewalk.
“Nothing, really. I’ve just heard that she considers herself a matchmaker. I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t correct her when she assumed we’re a couple. I didn’t want her to get any ideas if she thought we were unattached.”
Matthew chuckled. “She’s like a mini tornado and blew off before I could correct her.”
Holly grinned, her earlier awkwardness returning.
“You were telling me about high school.”
“Right.” Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. “I don’t think I’m ready to go there, Matthew. You’re a great guy, and like I said, I like you, but...” She sighed. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m sorry.”
“So that’s it?” He rubbed his hands over his face. “Somehow I thought... Never mind.” His shoulders straightened. “I’m not sorry, and I don’t believe for a second you have no feelings for me. No one can kiss like that and feel nothing.”
Holly’s face heated. She toed a ball of snow-covered ice. He was right, but she wasn’t ready. “I’m sorry, Matthew. I can’t do this. I have to go.” She turned and felt a hand on her arm.
“Wait. It’s okay. I knew all along you were a career-minded woman and that the chance of anything beyond friendship was slim. I enjoy your company. But like you said earlier, kissing complicates things, so let’s avoid it. Unless, of course, you want complicated.”
Holly smiled. “No. I don’t want complicated. Thanks. I really appreciate your understanding. Since you were so upfront and honest, I will be, too. I have feelin
gs for you, but I’m not sure I’m capable of doing my job and having a boyfriend at the same time.”
“You’re selling yourself short, but I will respect your decision. Are we still on for skiing next weekend?”
“You still want to, even after all my drama?”
He grinned. “I have a sister and a niece. I’m used to drama. Besides, as much as I like you and would like to see what we have between us develop into something more, I don’t have time for a relationship, either. Not with my sister and niece around and a new business that needs my attention.”
She gave him a half smile. “Okay, then. I’ll see you next Saturday.” She waved and walked toward home with her stomach in a whirl. She’d almost told him her deepest, darkest secret. Would he still want to spend time with her if he knew? Or more important—could she spend time with him without falling for him?
Chapter 15
Matthew stood at his kitchen counter and handed a mug of steaming coffee to his sister. He couldn’t shake Holly’s words, or rather, the words she didn’t say. “April, do you know why Holly is dead set against having a relationship?”
April blew on her coffee. “I thought it was because she wants to focus on her job.”
He shook his head. “I did, too, but there’s more to it than that.”
“What?”
“I wish I knew. All I can figure out is that it has something to do with high school.”
April frowned. “Seriously? That’s odd.” She shook her head. “Sorry, I can’t help.”
“Jessica never mentioned anything?”
“Not that I can recall. But we grew apart after graduation.” She took a sip and wrinkled her nose. “This is awful.” She dumped the brew into the sink. “Did you pour the whole bag of grounds into the filter?”
He looked at the empty coffee bag on the counter and sighed. “Yep. Sorry. I think there’s an unopened bag in the pantry.” He looked around the sparkling kitchen. “In case I failed to mention it, you did a great job with the Thanksgiving meal.”
“Thanks. Next year it’s your turn to cook.”
He chuckled and stood. “Fair enough. Think I’ll find John. I can’t believe he leaves in the morning.”
“Yes, but he said something about returning for Christmas.”
Brows raised, he sauntered to the living room, where John lay sprawled on the couch. He pushed at his brother’s legs. “Make room.”
John scrunched his legs up. “Can’t a guy sleep?”
“Nope. April says you’ll be here for Christmas.”
“That all right?”
“More than.” Matthew stared into the crackling fire. John sat up and pulled a fake-fur blanket up to his chin. “I overheard you talking about Holly, and I might be able to help.”
“But you never knew Holly.”
He nodded. “A friend of mine was adopted as an older child. Anyway, he used to complain about his parents hovering. They were terrified he’d have an accident and die because their first child died from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.”
“That’s sad, but what does it have to do with Holly?”
“I only remember this because I knew you had a thing for her. Holly was babysitting my friend’s brother when the baby died. Even years later, his parents blamed her, but the police investigation determined she wasn’t at fault.”
Matthew let out his breath in a whoosh. “Whoa. Why didn’t I hear about this?” Little things Holly said began to make sense in context. His stomach knotted, and his heart hurt for the teen that she once was. Had she carried this burden alone all this time?
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe it wasn’t in the papers or they kept it quiet since she was a minor.”
“You heard about it.”
“Yeah, but that was years after the fact and from a family member.” John sat up and rested his feet on the floor. “Is there anything going on between the two of you?”
“No. Not that I would mind. She’s interested, but she’s holding back. She’s convinced herself that she must focus on her job and that alone.” He’d been telling the truth when he told Holly he didn’t have time for a relationship, but he’d make the time for her. He wanted to be a permanent fixture in her life if only she’d allow it.
“Makes sense.”
Matthew jerked his head to face his brother. “What do you mean?”
“There’s more to the story. Apparently she had her boyfriend at the house while she was sitting. He wasn’t supposed to be there.”
“I think I see what you’re getting at, but it’s kind of a reach.”
“Not to a fifteen-year-old.”
“Looks like all those psychology classes are sinking in.” Matthew pushed up. “Thanks for the info.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Not sure. I think she may have been trying to tell me about this earlier today, but ultimately she didn’t.” His brows furrowed. “’Night, John. Remember, the train leaves early. Be ready to leave by five forty-five.” He went to his room and readied for bed. What could he do to help Holly? Obviously she didn’t want him to know about what happened—or did she? After all, she’d begun to tell him. Maybe if he told her he knew, she’d relax around him. Maybe having everything out in the open would finally break the chains that bound her to her past. Then again, it could push her further away from him than ever.
* * *
Holly dropped her bag onto the bed of the hotel room she was sharing with her mom and sister then pulled her ringing cell from her purse. “Hello?”
“Hi, Holly, it’s Elsa.”
A grin stretched across her face. “It’s great to hear from you. How was your trip home?”
“Fine.”
“How are things going?”
“Better. The job isn’t as bad as I expected. In fact, I rather like it. My son-in-law apologized as if his life depended on it.”
Holly grinned. “I’m glad things have improved.”
“Thanks for the money. You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know.”
“I want to repay you.”
“No way. That was a gift. Don’t spoil it for me.”
Silence greeted her declaration, then sniffles.
“You are too good to this old woman. May God bless you for your kindness. How are things going with your mother?”
“Better, I think. I’m in Seattle, Christmas shopping with my mom and sister. Not that I have much to buy, but it’s fun nonetheless.”
“Wonderful! I’m so pleased things have improved. I told my daughter about Leavenworth, and she wants to go there sometime with me. Just the two of us. Isn’t that something?”
Tears pricked Holly’s eyes. “Be sure to call when you’re in town. I’d love to see you again and meet your daughter.”
“She wants to meet you, too. Well, I should go. Bye, Holly.”
Before she could reply the line went dead. She brushed a lone tear from her cheek and put the phone into her purse. The door to the hotel room burst open and her mom and sister stumbled in, holding each other and laughing uproariously.
She looked from her mom to her sister. “What did I miss?”
Mom waved a hand. “You had to be there.”
The duo giggled a moment longer then each caught their breath.
She’d heard that before. Seemed she was always missing out on the funny stuff. Holly tried to ignore the slight and focus on the positive. If Elsa could reconcile with her daughter, then she could forgive her mother for not including her in the private jokes she shared with Jessica. They were in a fabulous city for the weekend with tons of restaurants and shopping to keep them busy. “Wasn’t it great that our room was already available?”
Jessica nodded. “And it’s such a posh place, too. Mom,
you really went all out.”
Holly took in the dark cherry bed frames and plush carpeting. Everything about this room said money. “Yes, it’s very spalike.”
Mom’s face shone. “I’m glad you girls like it. Your dad and I thought we needed a little pampering after everything...”
Jessica’s eyes clouded.
Holly cleared her throat. “That was very nice of both of you. Are you ready to shop till we drop?” She tried to add enthusiasm to the question, hoping to pull Jessica from the sad reminder their mother had brought up.
“Lead the way,” Jessica said with a watery smile.
Holly draped her purse across her body and slipped an arm around her sister. “Happy thoughts, Jessie,” she said softly.
“I know. My doctor sees no reason why we can’t try again, but we thought we’d wait a little bit.”
“Good idea. You need time to heal.”
Their mother was several steps ahead of them and appeared to be oblivious to the private conversation.
They set out on foot in downtown Seattle. A boutique kitchen store grabbed Holly’s attention and brought Matthew to the front of her mind. What was he doing on his day off? She’d talked briefly with his brother on the train, but John was the quiet one. “I’d like to check this place out.” She turned to her mom. “Do you mind?”
“Not at all. We can begin our shopping here. Everyone needs a little something for their kitchen.”
They went inside.
Fifteen minutes later Jessica sidled up to her. “You ready to move on?”
Holly nodded even though she hadn’t picked out any gifts. “Where’s Mom?”
“In line.”
“Do you think she minded that I came this weekend?”
“Of course not. Just the opposite. In fact, she was pleased.”
“How do you know?” Her mother hadn’t given Holly that impression at all when they’d stopped at her apartment early this morning to pick her up.
A Holiday Proposal Page 13