Apparently, the Donavans felt the same.
“Well, Hillary, I have to say this is definitely more comfy than a park. It’s generous of you to host us overnight.”
The thought of being alone with Stone tonight was starting to sink in. Her skin tingled at the notion.
Hillary’s gaze scanned the low rolling hills around their home. “We bought this place to give T.J. the kind of upbringing neither of us had.”
Johanna angled her head to the side. “Where did you grow up?”
“Here in Vermont actually, but much more scaled back and...well...not secure.” She looked back at Johanna. “I love my mom, but she was troubled. Actually, she was an alcoholic. It took us a long time to reconcile, but I’m glad we found a way to make peace before she passed.”
“Oh, um, I’m sorry you had to go through that,” she said, feeling totally inadequate. Sorry was such a lame, overused word. “Is the rest of your family still nearby?”
“My sister, yes. Troy and I have extended family, as well, the kinds of friends that are as close as relatives. We visit each other as often as we can, but we all bought vacation homes in Monte Carlo so our kids can have a sense of growing up together like cousins.”
Hillary’s shoulders lost much of their tension at the mention of her husband’s close friends, and she launched into a story about their most recent trip to Monaco for a Formula One racing event.
The baby boy squawked awake in his swing, stopping Hillary midstory. With already expert hands, she scooped up her newborn and declared, “He needs changing and I didn’t bring enough diapers out here. If you’ll excuse me for a few minutes, I’ll be right back.”
“Of course. Take your time. I’m enjoying the sunshine.” And trying so very hard not to be envious of Hillary’s glowing happiness.
As if to rub salt in the wound in her aching heart, Troy noticed his wife’s departure and took off after her in a slow jog, Gem loping alongside him having already transferred his doggy allegiance to the Donavans.
Stone peeled away and strode back toward her, so damn handsome he took her breath away. Yet she knew even if he turned gray and paunchy, the essence of the man would be the same.
Strong. Driven. Accomplished. Charismatic.
And still determined to deny himself—both of them—the family happiness she craved. As much as she wanted him, she couldn’t bring herself to settle for less than everything.
* * *
Taking a seat beside Johanna at the picnic table, Stone saw the wistfulness in her eyes as she watched the family tableau. He knew, without question, he’d put that pain there. Guilt threatened to drive him to his knees.
This whole afternoon of domestic bliss had been tough for him, as well, reminding him of all the times he’d seen his cousins with their parents while he sat on the periphery. He’d moved past wanting that for himself and realized he was better off not inflicting the same disappointment on offspring of his own. He knew his limitations. He didn’t have the emotional capacity to be a parent, and he refused to let down a kid. A parent had to be 100 percent in. Otherwise it wasn’t fair to the child. Johanna would expect—and deserved—to have a spouse every bit as committed to home and hearth as she was, rather than some stonehearted guy with a crack baby past.
He didn’t want to think overlong about the man who would offer her that fairy-tale future, especially not with the feel and taste of Johanna still so fresh in his memory. The sun kissed her shoulders, which were bared in her sundress. He allowed himself at least a small indulgence and grazed his knuckles along the tanned skin, sweeping aside her golden French braid.
He cupped the back of her neck and massaged lightly. “Are you okay with the Donavans adopting Gem?”
“What do you think?” Her head lolled back into his touch. “I’m thrilled. Gem is going to a wonderful family. There’s nothing not to love about this.”
“I have to confess, it’s going even better than I’d hoped.” His thumb worked at a knotted muscle at the base of her skull. The silkiness of her skin and the light sigh passing her lips stirred him.
Her eyelids fluttered closed, her face a study in bliss. “Your grandmother will be relieved to hear the news.”
“I already texted her.” He waggled his cell phone before tucking it away again.
“You what?” Her emerald-green eyes snapped open, surprise and a hint of something else sparking. “That was mighty confident of you. What if I’d disagreed? I am a part of this process, you know.”
“I could tell you were okay with this about thirty minutes in.” His thumb brushed along her cheek before returning to the back of her neck again. “I may not be the right man for you, but I know you well.”
She swatted at his chest lightly. “Then why did you bother asking when you sat down with me a few minutes ago?”
“It was an excuse to talk to you, and God knows, I wasn’t going to pass up an opportunity to touch you.” His voice went gravelly. His self-control was shot around her these days.
Her chest rose and fell faster in a tangible mirror of his arousal. “Why are you torturing us both this way?”
Hell if he knew the answer. “How about we both just enjoy the outdoors and sunshine? We have red clover instead of bluebonnets, but the love of the land is still here. Nothing is going to happen between us out here in the open, especially not with the Donavans nearby. There’s no harm. Accept the neck massage and relax.”
Some of the anger melted from her kinked muscles and she sagged back into his touch. “You always did give the best neck rubs.”
“It’s been a stressful couple of days.” He hadn’t wanted to leave Texas and now he couldn’t envision what life would be like after they returned. “I sent my grandmother photos of Gem with the Donavans.”
“That was thoughtful of you.”
“She texted back that she’s happy and relieved.” And he had to confess knowing he’d eased that worry for her made him as happy as if he’d landed a big new contract. “So yes, our task is twenty-five percent complete.”
“I know those photos must have brought Mariah a lot of joy.” Angling toward him, Johanna stroked along his eyebrows before cupping his face. Her fingertips were callused from work, but gentle, soothing, the hands of a healer. “We may not be meant to be married, but there was—is—so much about you that’s special. Otherwise I never could have fallen for you.”
“Yet, here we are.”
Silence settled between them, highlighting nature’s sounds of branches rustling in the wind and birds chirping.
Johanna’s eyes went sad, unshed tears glistening. “I wish things could be different for us, I truly do.”
He agreed 100 percent. But where did that leave them? “We haven’t talked about what happened between us earlier on the airplane.”
“What almost happened,” she amended.
“Right.” That sure put him in his place. Still, he couldn’t stop the urge to indulge in a week of no-strings sex, to make the most of one last chance to be with Johanna. “Do you still feel like I was trying to manipulate you?”
She eased back, her hand falling from his face, and she ducked her head to avoid his touch. “Nothing’s changed. We both know an affair can’t lead anywhere.”
“Not even a temporary fling,” he said in a joke, though he was more than half-serious.
She didn’t laugh. But she didn’t say no, either. She simply sat in silence as the wind sent a couple of stray maple leaves skittering across the picnic table.
Hope surged through him along with a pulse of heat in his veins. He knew they couldn’t have a long-term relationship, but he could feel her giving in to this week together. He pressed ahead. He just had to figure out what was holding her back. “Is there someone else?”
She choked on a laugh. “Are you serious? I live on you
r land, and I work at your family’s ranch. There aren’t any secrets.”
No secrets? She was wrong there. He’d been clueless about Alex’s feelings for her. “My cousin has a thing for you, and I didn’t know about that.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, plumping the gentle curves of her breasts along the neckline of her yellow sundress. “I told you there’s nothing between Alex and me.”
“But he wants there to be more.” Stone’s jaw clenched at the thought of her with someone else. The possibility that someone could be his cousin, and that Stone would have to watch them together every day for the rest of his life, was still more than he could wrap his brain around without blowing a gasket. “That’s clear to me now. Although why I didn’t see it earlier is a mystery.”
“I can’t control what your cousin feels, but I can assure you those feelings are not returned.” She touched his wrist lightly, tentatively. “This isn’t Alex’s fault. People don’t always make wise choices about who to...be drawn to.”
“Are you talking about us now?”
Chuckling wryly, she squeezed his hand. “You truly are clueless if you even have to ask. No wonder you didn’t notice how Alex feels.”
Even though she insisted she didn’t want Alex, Stone still had to know more. “How far did things go with Alex before you realized you weren’t interested in him that way?”
For a moment, he thought she would refuse to answer his question, but then her shoulders lowered, defensiveness melting from her. Her answer was important to him, too important. His heart pounded in his ears.
“Alex asked me out once. I said no, because I’m not into rebound relationships. I also didn’t want to cause trouble between the two of you.”
“You care about both of us,” he realized. How much did she care about Alex? Was she holding back?
“Of course I care about you both.” Her hand stayed on his. Did she know her thumb stroked along his wrist? “I practically grew up on the ranch with both of you. In fact, I played more with Alex and Amie since they’re younger than you. Of course I spent a lot more time studying you because of my monster crush. Sometimes it amazes me how I can know so much about you in some ways and so little in others.”
He flipped his hand over to grip hers. “We saw what we wanted to see.”
“I know you and Alex are as close as brothers. The last thing I want to do is cause trouble between you.”
“We don’t always see eye to eye on everything, but we’re close. We’ll get through this, too.” The thought of losing any more of his family was beyond considering. “We grew up like brothers.”
Except they weren’t, in spite of all the times he’d wished they could be.
“You guys definitely had troublemaker moments.” She grinned, lightening the mood and taking them back to safer ground. “Remember when the two of you put Kool-Aid in Amie’s showerhead right before the Miss Stampede Queen pageant? I didn’t think she would ever forgive either of you for turning her hair pink.”
“That was Alex’s idea.”
“Um, I don’t think so. And if it was, that’s probably because you whispered the idea in his ear when he was sleeping.”
Or because he’d left a gag book open to a particular page right on Alex’s desk. Stone grinned. “I may have instigated some—okay, most of the pranks.” He recognized her attempt to get off the subject and he didn’t intend to lose sight of what he needed to know.
“Both of you were fantasy material for all my school friends—rich, sexy cowboys. What’s not to drool over?” Mischief sparkled in her eyes. “But as you know, my crush was firmly placed on you.”
“What about now?”
The pool filter kicked on, the fountain spewing higher. He looked over his shoulder and found staff clearing away the dishes discreetly. Once they left, Johanna leaned toward him again.
“You and I are not engaged anymore, and our core reason for the breakup hasn’t changed. You know that,” she said gently but firmly.
“Yet, we were kissing a few hours ago.” Kissing and more.
She pulled her hand back. “This kind of conversation is exactly what I wanted to avoid.”
“If I weren’t in the picture, would you and Alex be together?” He hated the way this discussion made him feel, the jealousy, the doubts. But damn it, he couldn’t let it go.
Her lips went tight with frustration for an instant. “I’ve already told you I’m not seeing Alex.”
“I heard you.” He remembered everything she’d ever said to him. “I’m asking if you have romantic feelings for him. That’s different.”
She shoved to her feet, walking absently toward the trunk of the maple tree before glancing back over her shoulder. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
“You broke up with me, not the other way around.” And the days following that breakup had been some of the darkest in his life.
“Your cousin and I are very much alike.” She sagged against the trunk. “Too much so to be a couple.”
His shoulders dropped with relief. “I’m glad to hear that....” He stood and walked to her, grabbing a branch just over her head. “Even though I know I have no rights, the thought of you being with him drives me crazy.”
“Is that why you made a move on me at my place, in your office—on the plane?”
“I kissed you because I wanted to.” Like now.
“And that’s the first time you’ve wanted to in seven months?”
“Hell, no.” He thought about having her every day—and every night.
“Then something changed to make you act on the impulse. Is that ‘something’ jealousy?” Her eyes searched him with genuine confusion. “If you can’t have me, no one can?”
Put that way, he sounded like a jerk. “I don’t know how to explain it other than to say that since my grandmother dropped her bombshell news on us, it feels like the world is off-kilter.”
“So if your grandmother was healthy, you would still be keeping your distance, like before.”
Was she hinting that she’d wanted him to fight harder to get her back? One wrong move and he could wreck the moment. The only thing he knew to do was be honest.
“Hell, I don’t even really know what I mean except that we are here, together. And the thought of never being with you again is tearing me apart.”
She swallowed hard, chewing her bottom lip as she stared up at him.
Stone continued, “I also know I can’t just stand around and pretend to be unaffected. So either leave now or prepare to be fully, thoroughly kissed.”
“I, I just... I can’t.” She stuttered, shaking her head slowly, sidestepping away from the tree, then rushing past him.
She couldn’t be any clearer than that.
Disappointment delivered a kick to the gut even though he hadn’t expected anything different.
He gave her enough time to make it inside before he released the tree branch and started back toward the main house. He only had an afternoon and dinnertime to get his head together before they spent the night alone together in the guesthouse.
One afternoon didn’t sound like nearly long enough when even seven months hadn’t helped him get over Johanna.
* * *
Johanna had busied herself caring for the other three dogs, taking them on a hike, feeding them, hiking again, and still restless energy whirled inside her well into suppertime.
Their evening was coming to an end with coffee on the covered back porch, a lazy ceiling fan rustling the air. Soon, she wouldn’t be able to hide behind the Donavan family any longer. She would be spending the night alone with Stone.
Of course she could go to a hotel. Nothing in Mariah’s agreement said she had to sleep under the same roof as Stone. She just had to help him place the dogs. Except she didn’t want to
cause an embarrassing scene for him in front of the Donavans....
Oh, hell, who was she kidding? She wanted to finish their afternoon conversation and learn more about why he was pursuing her now. He’d said his grandmother’s terminal illness had flipped his world. If he was reevaluating, could he change his mind on things that had kept them apart before?
If so, could she trust her heart to him a second time?
Walking away the first time had nearly destroyed her with grief and loss. They were barely a day into this trip and her willpower was fading fast. She finished the last of her iced decaf coffee.
Stone set aside his empty mug and leaned toward Johanna. “We should say our good-nights. Do you have the gift from my grandmother?”
“Oh, right.” She jolted and reached into her woven satchel. “We have a present for your son, to thank you both for having us here and for giving Gem a good home.”
She pulled out a Diamonds in the Rough gift sack and passed it to Hillary. The bag glistened with the pattern of diamonds and spurs, the company’s bold, black logo scrolled at an angle.
“How thoughtful,” Troy said. “You didn’t have to do this, but thanks. Hillary, how about you do the honors.”
“I do love surprises.” She passed over the snoozing infant to Stone.
A momentary panic flashed in his eyes, quickly masked before he cradled the baby carefully in his arms. His broad hands cupped the tiny bottom and supported the head. His sun-bronzed skin contrasted with the newborn alabaster of the baby.
Johanna’s heart melted. How could it not? Her fondest dream in her heart of hearts was playing out in front of her. Stone rocked the baby in his arms as if by instinct. A lump lodged in her throat as big as the welling emotion filling her heart.
She vaguely registered the sound of rustling paper as Hillary unwrapped the gift they’d brought. Stone’s gaze flew to Johanna’s and held. The rawness in his eyes tore at her. She saw...pain. She saw a hurt so deep she ached to reach out and wrap her arms around him.
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