Patrick didn’t deserve to be forgotten no matter how painful his memory was.
And she wanted her children to remember their father, always.
If only it would hurt a little less. If only she could tolerate the pain from the hole in her heart.
“I should remember him, shouldn’t I?”
“Yes.” She answered him without hesitation, another sad smile playing on her lips. “But there are probably other things, more important things, you wish you could remember, huh?”
“I’m not so sure about that. I don’t really know what’s important to me anymore.” He dropped his head and sighed. “Did he hate me, too?”
“Not everyone hated you, Devin. It’s just...it’s complicated. You weren’t exactly up for ‘most popular’, you know?”
“I shouldn’t have been up for anything.” His eyes met hers and he frowned. “If you only knew the horror stories I’ve heard...the things I’ve done...”
Oh, damn it. Now I feel guilty again.
“Hey,”—her hand touched his arm gently—“we all make mistakes. But try to look on the bright side, hm? You get a chance to make it right. You can do better this time around...if you want, I mean.”
“I do. I want that more than you know, but it’s been difficult trying to get the ball rolling.” There was anguish in his eyes—so much of it. She could see the inner battle he was fighting and it plucked at her heartstrings something fierce. Why? “I know there are people that will never forgive me and I think that bothers me most of all.”
“Jeb.” She nodded in understanding. “But you have to realize why he is the way he is. I know you don’t want to hear it, Devin, and I know I must sound like a broken record to you, but you’ve done so much to him and his family. He’s only reacting as any good brother would.”
“My brothers aren’t very good.”
His statement caused her to lift an eyebrow. Had he already learned the truth about his family?
The Roses weren’t necessarily very popular either. They had a reputation for bullying and cheating their way to top, no matter what that may pertain to. Mr. Rose, Devin’s father, was one of the dirtiest, most crooked men in town.
Patrick had despised that man with every fiber of his being.
“Do you...want to talk about it?” She hoped she wouldn’t regret offering him an ear, but someone had to do it and obviously no one had offered yet.
Nosey Rosy – that’s me!
“I wouldn’t want to dampen your evening, Miss Kelly.” His voice was so soft, something she’d never really gotten used to. The Devin she remembered was loud and obnoxious, always the center of attention.
He’s not that Devin anymore.
“You aren’t dampening anything. Don’t be silly. I tell you what,”—she switched Jamie over to her other hip once more and gave him a sincere, welcoming smile—“why don’t you go take the measurements you need for Nick and then when you come back, we can talk about whatever you want, while I finish up dinner. Deal?”
“Are...are you sure?” He seemed surprised by her offer—she was, too. “I mean, quite frankly, it’s not your place to have to deal with this, Kelly. We weren’t even close.”
“No. But again, you weren’t really close to anybody aside from Laney McIntosh.”
“Right.” His expression became solemn then, and he released a frustrated chuckle as his fingers raked through his dark hair. “I pretty much sucked at everything. I was a terrible boyfriend, a terrible son, and I really don’t know why I survived that crash. I should have just died.”
“Whoa, hey now.” Anger surged through her as her eyebrows pinched together and she frowned. “There will be no such talk in this house.” Oh God, her mom voice was in full swing. “Don’t you ever say anything like that again, do you hear me?”
Devin stared at her, surprised and possibly a little scared. He opened his mouth and then closed it again, resembling a fish as he struggled to find the words he wanted to say.
“I...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean t—”
“Damn right you’re sorry.” Where was her sudden anger coming from? “There are loads, and I mean loads, of people who get into car accidents and they don’t make it home.” Tears pricked at her eyes, and she quickly turned away from him while simultaneously trying to keep her face out of Jamie’s view as well.
His words stung her heart in a way she’d never really experienced before. She didn’t mean to get so upset with him—she really didn’t. But he said the most foul, heartless thing imaginable and oh, God, she lost control.
Moving back to the oven and pulling it open carefully, she tried to see the pan of garlic bread through the blur of tears threatening to fall from her eyes. Rage silently flowed through her as she sniffled and closed the oven door.
“They don’t make it home.” Her voice cracked with sorrow, and she knuckled away a tear before facing him again. “I would have given anything for Patrick to come home that night, Devin. Be grateful you survived. No matter how shitty you think things are or how horrible you think you were, you obviously survived for a reason. I don’t know that reason,”—she shrugged—“but there you have it. You’re alive. You better start acting a little more grateful to be here.”
Devin’s face was pale and his eyes were watery as he stared at her, dumbfounded. Perhaps he’d never seen a woman get hysterical before.
Thank God he wasn’t around me the night Patrick died.
There was a hole in her wall conveniently hidden by a large painting of polar bears—Patrick’s favorite animal. She’d punched the wall until her knuckles bled, and then she punched it some more. Thank God Mrs. Harrington had been available to take Jamie and Justin away for the night because she surely didn’t want her children to have that memory of her.
The night she lost her heart and took it out on a poor, harmless wall; the night she broke into a million pieces and some of those pieces remained unfound.
Hearing Devin say he wished he’d died sliced open a wound that hadn’t had a chance to heal.
And now it was bleeding again. Terribly so.
“Kelly, I—”
“Please just go take your measurements.” Her voice trembled as she turned away from him and busied herself by washing a few dishes. It was amazing how good she’d gotten at doing chores with a baby on her hip.
She heard his quiet ‘okay’ and listened as his footsteps descended the stairs. Once it was quiet and she knew she was alone, well, mostly alone, she bowed her head and let her pain fall into the soapy water.
It’s not fair. It’s not fair! Her mind screamed as she clung to her daughter and sobbed. Patrick didn’t deserve to die. He should still be here. Why did Devin get a second chance, but my husband didn’t?
That was a question no one would ever be able to answer.
Chapter 6
Nick
If he’d known it was going to take Devin so long to get a few measurements, he would have gone to Kelly’s to do it himself. Patience was not his strong suit, that was certain, so as the minutes passed by and the time Kelly had specified for dinner got closer, he decided to say ‘fuck it’ and ventured over unannounced.
It was still raining cats and dogs in the tiny town of Prairie Town. His boots came in handy when the weather decided to be so nasty. Every yard seemed to flood and he hated the thought of getting his socks wet. Of all the things he could possibly worry about, it had to be his damn socks.
And Devin, now.
I hope he didn’t get lost.
He probably should have given it more thought before he sent the poor kid out into the streets. Devin had amnesia for fuck’s sake; he had only been to Kelly’s once. What if he was terrible at remembering directions?
“Real smart thinking, Nicky Boy.” He muttered beneath his breath as he picked up the pace and hurried up the driveway to Kelly’s home.
I really need to think these things through.
Having a roommate was one thing; having a roommate with amnesia w
as an entirely different ballgame altogether.
Devin would require a lot of supervision, wouldn’t he?
Of course he would.
Nick didn’t know everything about Devin’s family, but he knew enough to know the guy didn’t want to stay in the same house with them. He’d rather live with a complete stranger than the people who gave birth to him—there was more to it, he was sure.
That’s even more reason as to why he needs me.
And that was precisely Nick’s downfall; he liked being needed. He had to be needed.
He was totally content with getting closer to Kelly and hopefully becoming something more in her life, eventually, but then Devin came along at just the right moment and made it even better.
Sometimes I worry myself.
He lifted his hand and knocked on the door, listening as thunder rumbled in the distance.
I hope it won’t be a bad storm.
He enjoyed rainy weather just as much as the next guy, but eating dinner in the dark didn’t sound like much fun.
I wouldn’t mind being in the dark with Kelly and Devin though.
A grin of amusement slid across his lips as the door opened and Kelly stood there, Jamie upon her hip.
He’d never quite been attracted to single moms until just then.
“Hey, Nick. Come on in.” Her greeting lacked enthusiasm and he immediately wondered what was wrong.
Maybe sending Devin over was a bad idea.
“Hey, Kelly. I’m sorry I’m early, but I was getting a little worried about Dev-o. Is he here or do I need to send out a search party?”
“He’s in the basement.” She headed into the kitchen and he followed her, allowing the mouth-watering aroma of spaghetti sauce to tease his nostrils.
“That smells amazing. Store-bought or homemade?”
“Excuse me?” Kelly rather quickly began setting the table, all while keeping a strong hold on her daughter.
“The sauce, I mean; is it homemade or did you buy it from the store?” He flashed her his best smile and winked in Jamie’s direction. The adorable toddler gave him a toothy grin and hid her face. “She’s adorable.”
“It’s store bought.” Kelly ignored his compliment to her daughter. “I wouldn’t have had time, or the patience, to make it from scratch. Devin’s in the basement if you want to check on him. He’s been down there for a while.”
Ouch.
She didn’t seem to be in the best mood and he wondered briefly if having dinner was a good idea. Furthermore, he worried Devin had done something to upset her.
Way to go, you dick. You screwed up any possible chance of this working out.
But what, exactly, did he want to work out? He’d only known Kelly and Devin for two weeks—what could he possibly hope to achieve with them?
A guy can dream.
“Sure, I’ll go check on him.” He cleared his throat and nodded, offering her another smile. “Be back in a few?”
“Take your time.” Kelly turned her back to him, draining the noodles while Jamie peered at him over her shoulder.
He winked at the little girl before turning on his heels and heading down into the basement.
“Dev-o?” He called out as he was enveloped by darkness. “Did you get lost?”
“No.” Devin grunted.
“Then why are you still down here? I was getting worried.” He chuckled. “I only needed you to measure a few things. Do you need some help?”
“No, I got it done. It wasn’t hard.”
He really didn’t like the sadness in Devin’s voice. Even though they hadn’t been roommates for very long, he was already getting a little attached. It was probably too soon and a really dumb move on his behalf, but he couldn’t help it. There was something about Devin that drew him in, hopeless like a moth to a flame.
He hopped off the bottom step and looked around the dimly lit basement. There really wasn’t enough light in the place; Kelly needed to let him fix that.
He waited for his eyes to adjust and then he saw Devin sitting on the floor not too far away, his knees hugged to his chest.
The poor guy looked like he’d just lost his best friend.
“Hey. Everything okay?”
“Not really.”
Carefully approaching him, he crossed his arms over his chest and gazed down at him. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I screwed up.”
Easing down beside him, Nick scratched at the stubble on his chin—damn fast hair growth—and turned his head to look at him. “Care to elaborate on this said ‘screwing up’?”
“Not really, no,” Devin murmured, his gaze remaining on the concrete floor. “I just have a big mouth.”
“Ah.” He’d keep the dirty thoughts to himself. “So I’m taking it you might have said something you maybe didn’t mean to say?”
“Something like that.” Finally turning his head to meet his gaze, Devin frowned. “Remember how we were talking about her husband the other night?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I may have said something about wishing I’d died in that car accident.”
“You didn’t.”
“I did, and it was stupid. She got so angry with me and then I got angry with myself. I don’t know why I’d say something like that. I mean, I do know why I’d say it, but I shouldn’t have said it in front of her.” He bowed his head and groaned. “I’m an idiot.”
“Hey now, I don’t think you’re an idiot.” His hand fell against Devin’s knee and he squeezed it gently before pulling away. The last thing he wanted to do was make the kid uncomfortable. They’d made great progress in the two weeks they’d been roommates; he didn’t want to jeopardize it now. “You’re the furthest thing from an idiot, Dev-o. Tell me you at least apologized to her.”
“I did. Of course I did.” He stared at him as if he’d suddenly grown a third eye or something. “But I could tell she was mad at me.”
“Understandable, but why have you been down here for so long?” And then it struck him, and he couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped. “Is it because you’re afraid to face her?”
“Maybe,” Devin mumbled, avoiding his gaze.
“Oh man, we really need to work on your social skills. I have to educate you.” He stood from the floor and offered him a hand. “First things first; when you make a woman mad, you do something to make up for it.”
Devin grasped his hand and pulled himself up. “That’s the thing though; I don’t exactly know how to make up for it. How do you make up to a woman after insulting the memory of her deceased husband?”
“That’s a good question, but flowers are usually a great start. And,”—Nick grinned smugly—“luckily for you it just so happens I got some really pretty ones to give to Kelly tonight, for the dinner.”
Devin squinted his eyes and wrinkled his nose—and damn it, it was the cutest thing Nick had ever seen. “You want me to give her the flowers that you bought for her? Isn’t that cheating?”
“You think too much. I don’t mind letting you give her the flowers – especially if this is going to bother you so much. I understand that you want to start off on the right foot with her. I do, too.”
“Yeah, but she’s not known you her whole life. My situation is different.” There was that sadness in his voice again. “I really can’t afford to disappoint people anymore. This is the only shot I get at changing her opinion of me.”
“Devin.” He gripped his upper arms gently and stared him straight in the eyes. “I swear to you, Kelly isn’t one of those people. She understands what you’ve been through and she isn’t going to hang anything over your head. She’s a good woman.”
“But I wasn’t a good man.” Devin’s voice cracked and he dropped his gaze again. “Sometimes...sometimes I feel like I’m pretending to be something I’m not.”
“And I get that, too.” Nick’s voice became lower, filled with compassion. “But have you ever thought that maybe you used to pretend to be something you weren
’t? Maybe this is the real you?”
Devin’s eyes snapped back to his and it seemed like at that exact moment, that very precise second in time, a realization came over him. Perhaps he’d never actually thought about it before. Maybe the person he used to be had never been the person he actually was.
“Think about it.” Nick winked and then turned to head back up the stairs. “Now, hurry. I’ll distract her while you go back to the house for the flowers.”
“Nick?”
He paused on the third step up and turned to look at him. “Yeah?”
“Thank you.” Devin peered up at him with those beautiful eyes of his, and smiled. “For having so much faith in me.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that, Dev-o. That’s what friends are supposed to do.”
With that, he turned and continued up the stairs, more than ready for their special night with Kelly to get underway.
—————
Devin
He really was grateful to have a friend like Nick. Even though his memories were gone and he felt like he was an astronaut on a strange new planet, he was pretty sure he hadn’t had many good friends before everything went dark.
Devin considered himself lucky now, and he was hopeful he could mend things with Kelly before they were beyond repair.
Clutching the fresh carnations in one hand and holding an umbrella in the other, he made his way back towards her house about thirty minutes later.
Tonight will be a good night.
That was something else his doctor had drilled into his head; he was supposed to claim good things so they would actually happen, not bad things, and Devin definitely knew he could be on the pessimistic side—as proven with the situation he was in at the moment.
“Claiming good things means they will happen if you set your mind to it, just like if you claim bad things. You’ve got to be optimistic, Devin, or you’ll live the rest of your life in negativity and that’s not a life you want.”
Of course, it wasn’t a life he wanted! While he didn’t know what kind of life he wanted at the moment, he knew damn well it didn’t involve being miserable.
The Lost Days (Prairie Town Book 3) Page 8