by Katie Knight
“Hey,” she called to him. “Can you come in here a minute, please?”
His footsteps sounded in the hallway as he returned. “Yeah?”
“You never answered my question,” she said, shoving Camille’s dirty diaper into the Diaper Genie, then yanking out a couple of wet wipes to clean her bottom. “Are you okay? That must’ve been quite a shock to see all that money in your account.”
He exhaled slow and hung his head. “I’m fine.”
“Nice try. You don’t seem fine. In fact, you seem pretty damned upset. I know I would be if that happened to me. Talk to me. Tell me what you’re feeling.”
He looked up at her then, a mix of sadness and anger in his eyes. “Why?”
“Why what?” She frowned at the edge in his tone.
“Why should I open up to you?” He leaned a shoulder against the doorjamb and scrubbed a hand over his face. “This.” He waved his hand around. “This isn’t real. This is just temporary. This shouldn’t be made into anything more than what it is, right?”
Maria froze at him throwing her words back at her. Was that what was bothering him? Did he want this to be more than a booty call experience? Hope flared like a supernova in her heart before she quickly tamped it down. She finished cleaning up Camille, then wrapped her in a blanket to carry her to the kitchen. “Don’t get your situations confused here, Trevor.”
He scowled down at her as she sidled past him out into the hallway. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to prevent. We need to talk about what happened with us this morning.”
Her heart pounded and her chest squeezed as she held the baby with one arm and ran a warm bath in the sink with the other. “I’m not sure there’s anything to talk about. We both know where we stand at this point.”
Those words killed her to say, but she said them anyway because she thought they were what he wanted to hear.
“Do we?” He crossed his arms and watched her from the hallway. “Because I sure as hell don’t.”
When the sink was full, she shut off the water, squirted in some soothing menthol baby wash gel, then gently placed Camille in the water, keeping a hand on her at all times to makes sure she didn’t accidentally get submerged. Bath times were Camille’s favorite. Her baby girl loved to kick and splash and gurgle bubbles in the water.
The whole bonding vibe of the experience tonight, however, was ruined by Trevor’s insistence on picking at the scab Maria had so carefully developed on her heart. She couldn’t let herself forget that he wasn’t looking for forever, he didn’t want to get married and settle down. He certainly didn’t intend to give up his whirlwind, mile-a-minute life as a SEAL to be a full-time dad to Camille. So what did they really have to talk about?
With a sigh, Maria picked up the soft sponge from the counter and plunged it into the warm, minty-smelling water, then squeezed it out, drizzling bubbles down Camille’s back. If he was looking for some kind of praise or validation of his performance in bed, fine. She’d give him that. “Look, the sex was amazing.” She shrugged. “Then again, we always did have strong chemistry going on.”
He took a step closer to the door, staring at Camille in the sink, his expression softening as she laughed, splashing water all over Maria and the counter. “Is that all it was, though?”
“What? Great sex and chemistry?” She bent to blow a raspberry on the baby’s pudgy little tummy, then grinned and kissed her forehead. “That’s mommy’s special angel. Yes, it is. Mommy loves her special little angel.”
When Trevor remained where he was, his gaze heavy on her, Maria finally answered. “What more do you want it to be, Trevor?”
Her words seemed to break him out of his spell.
Trevor stepped back and leaned against the wall. “I don’t know. I guess maybe spending the day together, with Camille…it made me see things in a different way.”
“A different way?” Maria swiped the hair out of her eyes with a damp hand, hurt at being forced to have this conversation, being forced to bare her heart to him, to admit that she’d gone ahead and fallen for him, despite knowing better. “Different how? Newsflash for you. This isn’t a different way for me. This is daily life. I’m a mom. Thanks to you. It’s what I asked for, what I always wanted. And I’m grateful for that. But I knew going into it that I’d be doing this alone.” On a roll now, she kept talking, even as she finished Camille’s bath, drained the sink, then took her infant daughter out to dry her with a towel. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you finally had some kind of epiphany that forced you to confront some things about yourself you’re not comfortable with, but don’t confuse that with whatever you think this is. Being a parent means long days and even longer nights. It means being responsible and steadfast and present. And while I think you have those first two qualities down pat, it’s the last one we both know isn’t in your wheelhouse. There’s a lot of wonderful things about you but staying in one place too long isn’t one of them.”
“Seriously?” He pushed away from the wall and moved to stand in the bathroom door again. “Being a SEAL is my job. Travel’s part of it. You’re going to hold that against me?”
“No.” She bundled Camille up like a little burrito and pushed past Trevor once more to head back toward the nursery. “I’m not holding that against you at all. It’s who you are. It’s what you do. And you love it. I get that. I do. But you also can’t have it both ways, Trevor.”
“Both ways?” The volume of Trevor’s voice had gone up a notch and Camille squeaked in response. He lowered it immediately. “I don’t want it both ways. I guess I’m just thinking now that maybe I’d like to have a little more involvement in my daughter’s life on an ongoing basis. With your consent, of course.”
“Uh-huh.” Maria put a fresh diaper on Camille, then dressed her in a soft cotton onesie before placing her into her crib. “Right. What kind of involvement?”
“I don’t know. Maybe see her when I’m home between missions, spend some time here with the two of you when I can.” He took a deep breath. “This is all new for me.”
“Sure. And I’m supposed to do what? Put my life and my daughter’s life on hold while you figure it out?” She tucked a blanket around Camille, who was already drifting off, then placed her favorite stuffed lion toy beside her before bending to kiss her sweet little head. “Sorry. That won’t work for me. And it won’t work for my daughter either. She deserves better. So do I.”
“I know you do,” he said, following her out into the kitchen. “Way better than me.”
“Don’t tell me what’s good enough for me and what’s not,” she said, confusion adding to the volatile mix inside her. This was exactly why she’d made him sign that contract last year. All this gray area between the black and white reality. He was in the Navy. She was a PI and a mom. They were too different, too opposite for this to ever work. Better never to have started. But they had, and now here they were, knee-deep in dysfunction. She inhaled deep, then turned to face him. “Today was great—all of it. Tomorrow, we’ll do more work on your investigation and soon, this will all be over. You’ll go back to your life and I’ll go back to mine and you’ll forget all about whatever it is you think you’re feeling right now. Camille is not a toy you can pick up to play with when you’re home and then put aside when you’re ready to leave again. So, unless you’re willing to make the sacrifices to be there for both of us, twenty-four seven, whenever and wherever we need you, leave this morning alone and move the hell on. I have.”
With that, she walked out of the room and down the hall, closing her bedroom door behind her, not turning around and not looking back because if she looked into his stricken face and he saw the emotion in her eyes, the feelings she couldn’t hide anymore, then he’d see her words for the lies they were. She hadn’t moved on at all.
But she would. Because she had to, if not for herself, then for Camille.
No matter how painful it would be or how long it would take.
She was a mom now and that was her
top priority. Nothing else mattered.
Not her heart, not her future and not Trevor.
21
By the time Monday morning rolled around, Trevor felt like he’d been run over by a Mac truck. Between the strained relationship with Maria, and Camille’s general crankiness due to a cold she’d caught on Saturday, life felt like one big ball of misery.
He was sleeping on the couch again—or, more accurately, tossing and turning on the couch while trying to fit his too tall frame onto it. In the end, he’d given up and taken to the floor. It was uncomfortable, but no worse than knowing in his heart that Maria had been right. He didn’t know squat about what her real daily life was like around here. A couple of days as her houseguest and a few hours playing babysitter to his daughter didn’t a dad make.
After another sleepless night, staring up at the living room ceiling while kicking his own ass mentally, Trevor was in a foul mood. He got up, got dressed, and tidied up the living room all before either Maria or Camille awakened. He thought about going out, maybe for a run or just to clear his head, but that wouldn’t solve anything. Frustrated, he stalked into the kitchen to start coffee.
Down the hall, the sounds of Maria getting up and getting ready echoed and he squelched the sudden urge to go to her, to beg her forgiveness, to tell her that she’d been right. He didn’t know how to be a permanent part of their lives, but man did he want to.
But he couldn’t. Because he’d have to leave again, when the next mission came up.
That wasn’t what she wanted, what she needed. She’d been clear on that.
He wasn’t the man for her, no matter how he might wish he was.
You’ll go back to your life and I’ll go back to mine and you’ll forget all about whatever it is you think you’re feeling right now.
Her words looped endlessly in his head, sucker punching his already battered heart.
The sounds of Maria in the nursery, talking to Camille, made his palms itch. He wanted to go in there and be with them. He wanted to walk out the front door and never return. He was torn and twisted up so badly at the moment, he wasn’t sure he’d ever get straightened out again.
He needed to get out of this house, away from this situation for a while, to clear his head.
“Morning,” Maria murmured as she walked into the kitchen, not looking at him. She was dressed for the office again today, in one of those drab pantsuits she seemed to like. Trevor could think of a lot of outfits that would be more flattering on her, but then it wasn’t his decision to make. She didn’t belong to him. He didn’t belong to her. Period. The end.
His temples throbbed in time with his pulse. He got out a mug and poured himself a cup of liquid cheer as he grumbled, “I’m going out this morning.”
Maria looked up at him from where she was bent over, getting Camille situated in her carrier seat. “I have to work today. I forgot to make arrangements at daycare and now they’re full. Any chance you could watch the baby? Can you take her with you?”
A small muscle ticked near his jaw. He’d planned to go talk to his dad about the mysterious money in his account. If anyone would know about shady ways to pass money around, it would be his old man. “Sorry. Can’t.”
He knew he wasn’t being helpful at all and he felt like an ass about it, but dammit. He was still stinging from that dressing down she’d given him the other night, true or not. Still, being a dick wasn’t his usual MO, so he swallowed his pride and tried to think of another solution. “How about asking my mom again?”
“Oh, good idea.” Maria straightened, and he did his best not to stare at the way the white top under her blazer hugged her curves in all the right places. If he closed his eyes, he could still feel her soft skin against his fingertips, could still taste her on his lips, could still hear her cries of ecstasy in his ears. Ugh. This was not helping at all. He walked over to sit at the table with Camille while Maria called his mom.
“Hi, Mrs. Daniels. It’s Maria Blanchard.” She smiled into the phone, even though his mom had no way of seeing her. “Sorry. Penelope. Yes. I’m fine. Camille’s great. Listen, I wondered if I might impose on you again. I’ve got to go into the office and Trevor needs to go out, so I wondered if you might want to watch Camille again for me today.”
Trevor picked up his daughter’s pet lion and teased her with it, trying to make her laugh again.
“Oh, well, that would be great. I mean, if that’s what you want. Or I could drop her off at your place on my way in to work.” Maria laughed, and the sound lilted around him like the notes of a familiar song. His chest ached before he shoved the feeling aside. “Sure, okay. No, trust me, I totally get needing to get away from a man for a while.” She shot Trevor a pointed stare before looking away again. “Fine. See you soon.”
Maria ended the call, then began heating up a bottle for Camille. “Your mom’s so sweet.”
“Yeah.” He straightened and took another gulp of coffee. “She’s gonna watch the baby then?”
“She’ll be over in half an hour. I offered to take her to your parents’ house, but she wanted to get out and away from your dad for a bit.”
Good. Trevor didn’t say that out loud, but it would make things a lot easier. He could talk frankly with his father without worrying about his mom overhearing.
“Cool.” He stood and swallowed down the rest of his coffee before grabbing his wallet and keys and heading for the front door. “See you later.”
“See you,” Maria said, not looking at him, her focus on their daughter instead.
The image of the two of them chased him all the way out to his car and down the road toward his parents’ house. He needed to get a grip if he was going to get this investigation done and clear his name. Then he could get back to work and get back to his life. Because that was the plan.
Plans change….
Trouble was, Trevor wasn’t sure anymore what he wanted for the future. He loved being a SEAL. But now he loved being with Maria and Camille just as much.
Shit. Just shit.
Twenty minutes later, he pulled up to the curb in front of his parents’ house and cut the engine. This conversation with his dad wouldn’t be easy. Then again, nothing in his life had been easy lately, so he shouldn’t be surprised. He got out, noted that his mom’s car was gone, then headed up on the porch to knock on the front door. His dad answered, still in his pajamas, with a maroon cardigan over the top of them, looking about as un-ex-convict as a guy could get.
“Son! What a nice surprise.” His dad held the door open for him. “Come in, come in.”
Trevor did so, then stood in the foyer, unsure where to go from here. The familiar niggle of dread that was present whenever he saw his dad was still there, now mixed with the hurt and anger and confusion from his fight with Maria earlier. It all stewed together into a toxic soup of regrets and recriminations.
“Have a seat,” his dad said, his forced cheerfulness making things feel even more awkward. Ever since he’d gotten out of prison, the guy had tried so hard to return to normal, maybe too hard. At least in Trevor’s opinion. “Can I get you something to drink? Coffee? Tea? Juice?”
“Nah, Dad. Sit down.” He pointed to the chair across from his in the living room. “Please. There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“Sure, son.” His dad frowned. “What’s wrong?”
Best to dive right in, Trevor supposed. “Maria and I are still working on the investigation into the captain’s death. Over the weekend, I discovered that there’s been some hinky stuff happening with my bank account.”
“Hinky how?” his dad asked.
“Like two million dollars mysteriously turning up in there, that’s how.”
“Ouch.” His dad’s eyes widened as he sat forward, placing in his mug on the coffee table. “That’s a lot of money, son. Any idea where it came from?”
“No. That’s why I wanted to talk to you.” Trevor gave a dismissive wave in his father’s direction. “We need to work ou
t how it got there, and I figured if anyone knows how to sneak money around, it’s you.”
Ouch, indeed.
And yeah, maybe Trevor was being hard on the guy, but dammit. His dad had ruined his life, committing fraud like that. It had been embarrassing, all the bad publicity and public attention, the sneers and jeers of people toward his mother and his siblings and himself when they’d go out to eat or to the grocery store or basically outside the house at all. If the guy felt a bit of pain now, then karma was a bitch, wasn’t it?
His dad sat back, the color draining from his face, leaving him looking far older than his sixty-four years. “You don’t pull any punches do you, son?”
“Not anymore.” Trevor pressed on, ignoring the niggle of sadness in his chest. His dad didn’t deserve his pity. The guy was a liar, a cheater, a fraud. And if there was one thing Trevor couldn’t stand, it was a cheater. “So, how would someone move that kind of money around without anyone knowing? I don’t mean the hacking into my account part. I’ve already got a tech guy working on that.”
“I don’t know, son.” His dad wiped a shaky hand over his forehead. At Trevor’s skeptical glare, he held up a hand as if he were giving an oath. “I swear. I only got involved that one time and it was limited to that one tax case. That was it.”
Surprise washed over Trevor like an icy shower. He’d never specifically asked for the details of the case or looked up the court records, but from what he’d read in the newspapers and from what he’d assumed, Trevor had always thought of his dad as a career criminal. A guy who’d returned to the honey pot of financial crimes again and again, only stopping once he’d gotten caught. He blinked at his dad now. “One time? That’s it?”
“Yeah.” His dad frowned. “I thought you knew that.”
“How would I know that? You never told me until now.”
His father cursed under his breath. “You’re right, son. I’m sorry. I guess maybe I thought your mom had talked to you kids about it while I was away in…in prison. But now, I can see she didn’t.” He sighed and slumped down in his seat. “It’s fine. At the time, your mom and I tried to keep you kids out of things as much as we could, to shield you from the worst of it. In retrospect, maybe that was a mistake, but back then, we thought we were doing the right thing.”