William felt the easy smile die on his lips. Jason Heigl? What is he doing here?
“Jason Heigl?” he repeated as though in a trance.
“Yep.” She laid a hand on his arm. “Just one dance, pretty please?” she coaxed.
William barely noticed the touch or the question. “Where’d you say they were?”
Conchita gave up. It was impossible. “Reception area,” she sighed.
“Excuse me,” William muttered.
Maybe if Conchita had mentioned anyone else in the world William would have explained it away, shrugged it off. But Jason Heigl? The handsome actor who had held the enviable position of Barbara’s constant companion for almost six months on a remote, exotic land play-acting as her romantic partner? That Jason Heigl? He thought he had put his jealousy to bed months ago. It seemed to have resurfaced with a vengeance.
He made his way resolutely to the reception area, ignoring any greetings he received along the way.
He didn’t know what he had expected to see but the sight that greeted him did not warm the cockles of his heart. There was Barbara – his Barbara – locked in the arms of Jason Heigl in an embrace that seemed to go on forever.
The rage within him was so vicious, so real, it took every ounce of self-control to prevent him from rushing over to them and tearing Jason Heigl to pieces.
He turned away. Was this why Barbara had continued to insist that they just be friends. Was she involved with this man?
He stomped back to the dance area. He walked straight over to the bar and ordered a scotch, neat. He threw back the hard liquor in one gulp and was rewarded with a sharp burning in his throat. The pain from the drink felt good because it distracted him from the pain in his heart. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
“A tequila please,” said the satin smooth Spanish-accented voice that had been begging him to dance not five minutes earlier. He now looked at Conchita with interest. He wanted to forget Barbara and she seemed just the woman to help him do that. She glanced at him in surprise when he took her hand and, without taking his eyes off her, said to the bartender, “Hold on that drink, will you. We’re going to dance.”
Conchita raised an eyebrow at William the same time her little mouth curled upward into a smile. “We are?”
He nodded, still holding her hand gently in his. “Can you do the Argentine tango?”
She laughed. “Did I ever tell you that my mother is Argentinian? Of course I can do the Argentine tango.”
He led her over to the DJ where he requested a song for tango dancing. A minute later he and Conchita were clearing the dance floor as they sensuously twisted and turned to the beat of Santa Maria (Del Buen Ayre).
~*~*~*~
Barbara walked quickly to the grand foyer anticipating a comment from William about how long she had taken. She was ready to explain Jason’s conversation with her when she heard the Latin song playing. That was a surprise. The DJ had certainly switched gears from the disco music he’d been playing when she’d left. She shrugged mentally. That was fine. Latin music was also fun to dance to.
The sight that greeted her was even more surprising. A small crowd had gathered, blocking her view of the dance floor. It looked like they were watching a performance.
To her recollection no entertainment had been planned for this part of the evening so maybe it was one of the couples on the dance floor creating a stir. She recalled how she and William had also created a stir at Prudence’s wedding with that foxtrot. A smile played around the corners of her lips. Maybe they could do another foxtrot tonight.
She contemplated taking a seat on one of the lounge chairs but she decided to search for William, maybe he too was watching the performance. In which case, knowing William, he’d be at the front. She made her way through the guests.
It took a moment for Barbara to digest the scene before her. She saw the couple on the dance floor but it was a full minute before she realized that the man was William. In that instant, she felt searing heat radiate from her toes up through her body and culminate at her face.
William – her William – was dancing the most sensual dance in the world with a beautiful, dark-haired woman. His jacket and tie were gone, she noted, and his shirt sleeves had been rolled up to his elbows. He looked like a matador in his all black ensemble taking confidante strides across the dance floor with his equally skilled partner.
She now recognized her as the woman from Riches Magazine who had come over to their table that night to reintroduce herself and thank Barbara again for the interview she had granted her in May.
Barbara tried to play it cool – tried to look like she was enjoying the performance like everyone else. She was not. How could she? They had their hands all over each other for heaven’s sake, a necessity for performing the tango, of course, but did they have to look so happy doing it?
Barbara felt her stomach somersault as she surveyed the scene. Wasn’t this just what she was afraid of? Losing her heart to William and then giving him the power to hurt her. If just seeing him dancing with another woman was affecting her like this what would happen if she married him and he left her for whatever reason.
Barbara didn’t wait for the performance to end. She made her way through the crowd once more, this time in the opposite direction. As she reached the grand ballroom she heard a smattering of applause as the song ended. The DJ began to play another Latin song as she glanced at her watch briefly. It was 11:45 p.m. The bar would close and the DJ would stop playing at 1:00 a.m. and that would signal the end of the evening. She wouldn’t stick around that long though.
Barbara saw Dana sitting at one of the tables chatting with two friends from L.A. to whom she’d sold gala tickets.
Barbara walked over to them. “Dana, I’m really tired. I’m going upstairs.”
She saw the questioning look in Dana’s eyes but her sister simply smiled and said, “Okay. I’ll be up a little later.”
~*~*~*~
Contrite. That was how he felt. He’d danced the tango and then, after another drink at the bar, the rumba with Conchita. He had ignored the Holy Spirit until now, but the discomfort he felt at his actions had finally taken hold of him.
He looked down at the pretty, petite woman and he felt ashamed. It wasn’t that dancing with her was wrong, per se. It was the fact that he knew he was leading her on. He had no interest in her, or any other woman besides Barbara for that matter. He had reacted out of pure emotion. He had danced with her for the wrong reason – a selfish, prideful reason – to forget Barbara and to remind himself that other women found him desirable even if she didn’t. This was the same thoughtless behavior that had led to him getting involved with women in the years ensuing their break up. He was not going to let the devil lead him into that trap again. He decided to rectify things as gently as he could.
“Conchita, thank you for dancing with me. You made a fine dance partner, but now I have to go. Thank you for coming and supporting the work of the Foundation.”
He saw a brief look of disappointment flicker in her chocolate colored eyes. Then she mustered up a smile. “It was my pleasure, William. You made my evening. Barbara’s lucky to have a man like you. Tell her I say so.”
William’s lips thinned. He nodded but didn’t say anything. He retrieved his jacket and tie from the chair where he had slung them earlier. As he shrugged on the jacket he searched for Barbara with his eyes. He didn’t see her and wondered if she was still with Heigl. He left the foyer and entered the ballroom. He spotted Dana sitting at one of the tables. He was about to approach her and ask for Barbara when he realized that he still felt anger at having seen her with Heigl. He needed to sort through those feelings before he spoke with her. He walked out of the room, unseen, and headed for the reception area.
He greeted a few people absently and took a seat in the area adjacent to where he had seen Barbara earlier with Heigl. He replayed the scene in his mind a few times and finally came to the conclusion that his jealous rage
had been much ado about nothing. Sure, the two had been hugging, but so what? It wasn’t as though they had been kissing.
He didn’t know Heigl’s character, but he did know Barbara’s. She was honest and sincere and he felt strongly that if something was going on between her and Heigl she would have told him. He knew now as he searched his motives that the reason for his jealousy was insecurity. He felt insecure in his relationship with Barbara because he didn’t yet know where he stood with her.
He sighed and leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “God, forgive me for being quick to anger and acting rashly and foolishly. I need to trust you. Please continue to guide me in my relationship with Barbara. Amen.”
When he returned to the ballroom Dana was no longer there. He walked back to the grand foyer and found her chatting with a few other people. He excused himself and leaned towards her. “Where’s Barbara?”
“She went up to her room,” she said in his ear. “Said she was tired.”
William nodded and headed for the elevators. On his way up to Barbara’s room he wondered why she would have left so abruptly without so much as a ‘by your leave’ to him. Had he upset her in some way? It was definitely time for that talk.
William had to ring the doorbell twice before Barbara came to the door. When she opened he leaned against the door frame and attempted light hearted humor. “Hey there, beautiful. I understand that you’re knackered.”
He was taken aback when she said coldly, “If anyone should be knackered it would be you, gyrating every which way with that woman.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
He pushed against the door frame and straightened up. “Are you angry with me for dancing with Conchita?”
“I actually don’t care what you do. Furthermore, it’s late and I’m going to bed.”
“We need to talk. You have an answer for me tonight about where our relationship is going and I’m not going away,” he said with quiet force.
“Fine.” She turned away from the door and headed for the living room.
They sat on separate couches facing each other.
“So, you’re mad because I was dancing with Conchita.”
She glared at him. “Dancing? Hah! More like dirty dancing. I disappear for a few minutes and when I return you’re off dancing with someone else. How do you think that made me feel?”
“I’m not sure,” he said carefully, “Why don’t you tell me.”
“Hurt and humiliated, that’s what.”
“Why?”
She sat up, incredulous. “What do you mean ‘why’?”
“I don’t understand why you would be hurt or humiliated to see me dancing with another woman. For months you’ve been telling me and everyone else that we’re just friends. In which case I can dance with whomever I want. I’ve got no ties to you. Or is there something you have to tell me tonight that will change all that?”
“I need some water,” Barbara said and was about to get up but William was out of his chair and beside her so fast it made her head spin. He held her upper arms and turned her to face him.
“No. You’re going to answer me. The only way for me to promise you that I won’t ever dance with or even look at another woman is if you agree to marry me.”
“Let me go,” she whispered.
He ignored her. They were inches apart, their eyes locked. “I love you. It’s time for you to tell me how you feel.”
Tears trickled down Barbara’s cheeks. “Let me go.” She pushed against his chest.
“No, I won’t. Not until you tell me how you feel,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. His face was so near to hers that he could see the green and gold specks in her eyes and feel her warm breath on his face.
A sob escaped from Barbara’s lips and she squeezed her eyes close. Then she spoke the words he’d been waiting to hear for months. “I love you.” Before she could finish the last word his mouth covered hers. The kiss was rough. He crushed her to him and her hands went around his neck and held on for dear life.
The kiss deepened and when Barbara moaned and pressed her body closer William almost lost control. His hands ran over her back and down her bare arms. He began releasing her hair from the bun. Pulling out pins until her silky strands were cascading through his eager fingers. He kissed her face and then her neck and then his mouth covered her lips again.
William felt such a searing passion for Barbara he knew that he should leave before things escalated.
He broke away from her and got up abruptly. He put some distance between them and left Barbara half lying on the couch to go over to the window. Unseeing, he stared out at the Manhattan skyline as he fought for control. He squeezed his eyes close and ran a shaky hand through his hair. Lord help me!
There was more that had to be said. This confession of Barbara’s was a start, and while it buoyed his heart to finally hear her admit her feelings for him it was not enough. The acid test was how far she was willing to go with him.
He took several deep breaths and then turned to her as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.
“Sorry,” he apologized.
She nodded. Their eyes met and he almost sprang over to the couch. She looked so alluring, her hair a disheveled mess thanks to his eager fingers, her face flushed, her eyes shining with amber fire, her lips tender and swollen, her breathing still shallow.
She stood. “I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be back in a minute.”
William didn’t disagree. They both needed time to cool off.
~*~*~*~
In the bathroom, Barbara looked at her face and gulped. To say that she looked disheveled was an understatement. She took up her hair brush and ran it over her hair so that it looked tidier. She washed off her makeup and dried her face. She looked better. More in control. But she wasn’t in control. Not of this situation with William. Her emotions were a jumbled up mess. She prayed silently. Lord help me!
When she returned to the living room ten minutes later, William was sitting there sipping a cup of tea. He also looked in control. His jacket was draped across the sofa and his tie had been loosened.
He patted the seat next to him. “Come sit. We need to talk.”
She obeyed. He didn’t touch her this time, he placed the cup and saucer on the coffee table and then turned slightly so that she could look into his face.
“Marry me,” he said simply.
“I…” She couldn’t go on. She didn’t know what to say. She loved William – she had never stopped loving him. Sometime during that six weeks distance from him she had made up her mind that she would move beyond friendship with him. She had been planning to tell him that tonight but that incident with Conchita had brought back all those feelings, all that pain and anger from nine years earlier and now all she felt was fear – fear of William leaving her again. It suddenly seemed too good to be true. There was no way she and William would just walk off into the sunset.
Before her eyes she could see William’s expression shift from anticipation to concern.
He now reached for her hands. “What is it, sweetheart?” he asked with unusual patience and gentleness, as though speaking to a child who has had a bad fright. “Please tell me.”
“I feel as though if I marry you something terrible is going to happen to tear us apart.”
“Something terrible like what?”
Barbara pulled her hands from his. She couldn’t think straight with him touching her. “I don’t know. We’re doing fine. We’re going along so well. Why can’t things just remain as they are?”
William’s expression morphed into outrage. “Things are going along so well? Well for whom?! Most assuredly not for me. Barbara, do you honestly think that I want to be in a platonic relationship with you for the rest of my life. You know how much I love you. I’ve told you it again and again. I want to marry you. I want to have children with you. I cannot continue in this state of limbo indefinitely. Frankly, it is becoming unbearable. I
know that God has done a work in me, that He’s really helped me to be patient. God knows that over the last few months I’ve been more patient than I have been in my entire life. But that’s asking way too much. I’m happy to be your friend, sweetheart, but I also want to be your lover and father of your children, and we can’t do that unless you marry me.”
Barbara gulped. Everything William was saying made sense. It was completely sane. She knew that what she was saying was illogical. Yet…Yet... “I love you so much William that I know that if I married you and we had to be separated again I couldn’t take it. It would kill me.”
William watched her slack-jawed. “What? Are you saying that you love me too much to marry me?”
She nodded.
“That is completely absurd. I know that I hurt you the first time around. But that’s in the past. I can think of nothing and no one in the world that could prevent me from marrying you now. Barbara, you need to trust God with our relationship.”
“Trusting God doesn’t mean I should continuously open myself to heartache. I’m not going to place myself in the position to get hurt again,” she said quietly as she looked down at her hands.
“That’s the most foolish thing I’ve ever heard!” he exploded. “The only way to avoid getting hurt is to either live a life of complete apathy, where you cease to care about everyone and everything around you or go live in a cave. If you wanted a life like what I just described you wouldn’t be concerning yourself about at risk kids and working so hard to raise money to help them. Can’t you see how irrational you’re being!?”
Barbara met William’s gaze with her own. “You can’t bully me into marrying you. I told you from the beginning that I could only offer you friendship. You should have accepted that,” she said softly.
He shook his head and watched her. His eyes were still intense but now he looked weary, unhappy, yet resigned and resolved. He said quietly, “Barbara, I love you, but I cannot settle for this anymore. Maybe someday we can be friends in the way you want. Right now, though, it’s too painful. I can’t do it any longer.”
The Royal Couple: A Christian Romance (Royals Book 1) Page 34