“Yeah, baby. This is all that you are good for. You need to learn that real fast. I own you. You do what I want, when I want,” I could hear the words. I knew what he was saying.
I felt him pull out and slide between my legs. He would pump in and out of me fast and hard and then slide back in and out of my mouth. I don’t know how many times he kept up the routine, but I knew. I could taste myself every time he did it.
“I brought your favorite toy, bad girl,” Drew said. I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t really see anything, and what I did see was distorted and distant. I could no doubt feel it. Whatever it was caused and instant orgasm, almost. Whatever he was touching me with would send some sort of current through my female parts, bring me to the peak of an orgasm, and stop. If I would have been able to speak, I would have been begging to come. It was that intense.
I don’t know how long Drew played with the toy before he had me flipped over. I felt him drag my legs so that they hung over the bed. He split me open and I felt something being inserted into my ass. I didn’t think it was him, but I wasn’t sure and then I knew it wasn’t when I felt the vibration. He moved it in and out, making lustful noises and saying perverted things as he did. I felt him smack my naked bottom more than once. I knew it was him shortly after, and he pounded hard and fast into my ass for I don’t know how long. I knew it was over when I heard him moan loudly and steady himself deep inside of me.
I woke in the morning fully clothed in what I went to bed in. Did I dream all of that? Was it all just a nightmare? I tried to notice how I felt down below, but I couldn’t assuredly tell. It felt a little off, but I didn’t know if that was just me being paranoid or not. I grabbed the bottle of pills to see if they had been switched. They hadn’t. It was the same little blue pills that I had been taking for over a month, the ones that Dr. Tharp had prescribed when he released me.
I showered and pulled on a pair of jeans and a knit shirt. I went into the kitchen, and Marta had eggs and toast ready for me sitting on the table in the kitchen.
Drew came in shortly after wearing a smile, dressed in his expensive suite.
“Good morning,” he said, kissing the top of my head.
“Good morning,” I replied. I didn’t want to be a bitch if I had imagined the nightmare that I was almost sure took place the night before. I was trying like hell to convince myself that the incident in the car was just a fight, and not dwell on that either.
Drew ate with me and then disappeared to his office. I needed out of that house. I needed to go someplace where I could think.
I walked right into his office, purposely not knocking. I got the same dirty look for barging in.
“Could you leave us please,” I asked Derik, standing in the same stuffy clothes as Drew.
He blew out a puff of air as if he was saying, in your dreams.
“Go, Derik,” Drew demanded.
He left, but gave me a look that I wasn’t sure of. It was somewhere between a warning and a vengeful expression. I didn’t care.
“I need a car today,” I spit out. I thought Drew was going to fall off of his chair.
“You need a car?”
“Yes. I have to get out of this house for a while before I go crazy. I did drive before, didn’t I?”
“Not really. You were driven to where you wanted to go. Don’t you remember what happened the last time you drove?”
“No, Drew. I don’t. I don’t remember any fucking thing,” I smartly replied. How dare him.
“Where do you want to go? I will have Derik drive you.”
“I don’t even want to be in the same room with that man. I want to go alone. I do have a driver’s license,” I stated. I did have a license. My hair was blonde in them, and they were good until my next birthday.
“You don’t like Derik? You liked him before,” he reminded me. I rolled my eyes.
“Maybe I did, and maybe I didn’t. I have a feeling that my whole life before the accident was nothing but a lie.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, Drew. Can I take your car or not.”
“How long are you going to be gone? Where are you going?”
“I have no idea, but I am not twelve. I think I will be fine.”
“Why don’t you go to Lennox Park?” He suggested and stood to take his keys from his pocket.
I knew where that was. I don’t know how I knew, but I did.
Chapter 15
I knew I was being followed. I could see not only Derik but also Drew in the rearview mirror. I didn’t care. They could follow me all they wanted. I had nowhere to go. I did take Drew’s advice and went to the park. I walked the red brick path around the park and sat at a bench. I watched the kids play and run around. It felt good. I smiled at their innocent happiness as they ran and yelled happily.
I knew Drew and Derik were somewhere close, but I wasn’t going to even look around for them. I didn’t care. I needed to figure out what I was doing. I couldn’t stay with him. Maybe I could talk to Mr. Callaway. He seemed to be amiably concerned about me. That would be fine had I known where to find him or how to call him. My cellphone had one number in it, Drew’s. Why did I not have other friends? Why didn’t I know anyone else? Why hadn’t anyone come by to check on me?
“Dawson,” I whispered out loud. Who was Dawson and why did I feel lost without him? I wasn’t sure about anything, and sitting there amongst a bunch of strangers was doing nothing for my memory. I may as well give up and live with the cards that I have been dealt. I got up and started walking through the park again. I didn’t look up and kept my head down. The red brick went into a big circle around the park, and I walked, following it back to where I started. If I could only follow the path back to where I remembered who the hell I was I would be a happy camper or would I. Something told me that I didn’t want to know who I was before.
I stopped and looked up at the building across the road. ‘Lennox Library,’ I knew that building. Well maybe not knew, but it did seem to be ambiguously familiar. I walked off the path and into the drought infested grass. I could hear the crunch underneath my sneakers as I walked across the dry grass.
I pushed the crosswalk button and waited for the sign to tell me that it was my turn to cross. I went into the building, and for some reason I knew to go to the second floor of the massive library. I didn’t know what was on the second floor, but I knew I had been there.
“Can I help you find something?” a lady asked from behind a desk after I just stood there.
“Do you know who I am?” I asked. It was a dumb question but worth a shot.
“Excuse me?” she asked as if she hadn’t heard me.
“Never mind,” I said and walked to the nonfiction section. I had read so many of those books, and I knew that I had gotten them from right there in that library.
Why does it even matter Morgan? It’s not like you’re going to remember anything of any importance anyway. Who cares if you used to check out books there? Wait…I had an e-reader. I remembered Drew taking it away from me. Why would I come to the library if I had access to millions of books right at my fingertips? I took a deep breath and ran my hands over my face and pinched the bridge of my nose. I had a horrible headache that seemed to be getting worse the more I tried to figure out my life.
I was just exiting the building when my cellphone rang.
“Are you okay?” Drew asked. Who else would it be? I only had one number.
“Yes. I’m fine. I’m heading back now.”
“Did you have a nice time?”
“Yeah. I’ll see you in a little bit,” I replied, agitated as hell.
Drew must have believed me and knew that I was coming home. The car that I was sure they had followed me in was parked in front of the house.
Once again I barged right into his office. I tossed his keys and left without a word. I pretended not to notice the screen on his computer and walked in and right back out. I had a headache from hell, and couldn’t proce
ss what I had seen just yet. I went right to my bed and lay across it holding my head. I wasn’t about to touch the bottle of pills again. I would deal with the pain.
The sound of the white phone on the nightstand was deafening and echoed through my head. I was annoyed that I had to move to answer it.
“What?” I answered. I didn’t know who it was. I didn’t care.
“Are you okay?” Drew asked.
“Fine, I just have a horrible headache and want to rest a while.”
“Why don’t you take a pain pill and sleep a little.”
“I am never taking those pills again,” I assured him and myself.
“Why?” he asked. I didn’t know if I had imagined the whole thing the night before or not. I really didn’t know, but I wasn’t taking the chance.
“Because they make me have horrible nightmares,” I retorted, hung up and lay my head back into my hands.
When I woke a couple hours later, my head did feel better. It wasn’t entirely gone, but at least it wasn’t pounding like it had before I had fallen asleep. I didn’t move. I lay in the same position that I had for the past couple of hours with my face buried in my hands.
I knew that I had to revisit what I had seen in Drew’s office. I knew that there were cameras in this room. I didn’t get a close look, but I knew this room was on that screen. I wondered if my bathroom was under surveillance as well. I had a good feeling that it was. That was how he knew that I couldn’t get out of the tub that first day that I was home. That was how he knew to come and take the e-reader from me, but why? What was on it that he didn’t want me to see? That was how he knew that I was pleasing myself the other night. Why was I on constant surveillance? Were there always cameras in here or was it just since my accident and he wanted to be able to see that I was okay?
For some reason, and I wasn’t sure what that reason was. I knew that this had always been my room and Drew, and I never had slept together. What the hell was going on? Why couldn’t I just remember? Damnit, I wanted to remember. I needed to remember.
I pretended to stay asleep when Drew opened the door and sat on the side of my bed. He ran his hand up my arm and shoulder.
“Morgan,” he softly spoke.
I moaned and removed my hands from my head.
“Feel better?” he asked. His hand brushed across my breast and my stomach as I rolled over. I ignored it.
“Yeah, I think so. Sorry I was a little testy earlier. It wasn’t you. I just had a horrible headache, probably too much sun.” I had no idea what my plan was, but I knew I had to keep Drew at bay, at least until I knew whether my fears were real or not.
“It’s okay. You’ve been sleeping for quite a while. Why don’t you come down and get something to eat.”
I smiled and sat up. I wrapped my arms around his neck and his wrapped around my waist. I could tell he was taken aback. That was what I was going for.
“Do you love me, Drew?” I asked, running my fingers through the back of his hair and along his neck.
“What kind of question is that? Of course, I love you. You’re my wife.”
“You never tell me,” I said, pulling away and touching his bottom lip with my finger. That took him by surprise too.
“I guess we’ve just never had that kind of relationship. You have never been one to say it either, but we both know.”
He moved my finger away from his lip. He didn’t like the intimacy with me. Hmm… I pondered.
I kissed him next. I mean, I seriously kissed him, holding the sides of his face and shoving my tongue into his mouth. I pulled myself up to my knees, forcing my body closer to his. He pushed me away and looked at me totally stunned. I had just knocked the wind out of him, rendering him speechless. I couldn’t let it stop me. I didn’t know what I was doing. I had no plan, but I knew something wasn’t right. I didn’t belong with him. Something was missing. I knew that he didn’t operate this way. I could feel it.
I brought my bare feet to the floor and stood directly in front of him. He still didn’t speak. I don’t think he was able to. I wrapped my arms around his neck once again, and his stayed on the knees of his dress pants. I softly kissed his lips and moved down his neck. I didn’t really mean to become aroused. I was only trying to take charge, something that I was sure I never did before. I don’t know how I knew that. I just did. I was, however, becoming aroused. His expensive cologne and sexy physique was undoubtedly causing me to become instantly wet.
I moved my hands to the top button of his dress shirt and slowly worked my way down while my tongue and lips teased his neck and occasionally his lips. By the time I got to the third button his hands were on mine.
“What are you doing, Morgan?” he asked, trying to regain the control. I wasn’t having it.
I pulled my hands out of his, not taking my eyes from his. I liked being over him. I felt like I had a little more power with him having to look up to me. My heart and nerves would have argued. There was such a rush of epinephrine pumping through my veins, I was having a hard time hiding it. I moved my hands to my jeans, ignoring his question. He watched my hands unbutton my jeans and slide down the zipper. I lifted my shirt over my head and slowly and seductively removed my bra. I moved my hands back to the buttons on his shirt, and he didn’t stop me. He took my breast into his mouth, and I moaned. Damnit. I didn’t want to do that.
I ran my hands over his strong chest, and he flipped me over so that he was now towering over me. I didn’t want that either. I needed to stay in control. Think Riley. Think. I froze. Who the hell was Riley? The question remained, but I did manage to move it to the back of my mind while I figured out how to seduce my husband. I raised my hips and slid out of my jeans and panties. I could feel the protrusion grind into my hip as he kissed me. He pulled his lips away from mine and looked down my body, hungrily. Yes. That was what I wanted.
What I did next not only took him by surprise, but myself as well.
“Go down on my, Drew,” I whispered in a pant. His eyes shot back to mine. I didn’t let it phase me and tilted my bent knee, exposing myself for him. I moved his hand from my bare hip to the wet folds between my legs. I moaned as I felt his fingers slide up me. I did mean to do it that time.
“Taste me,” I whispered again. He wasn’t moving. He was stoned stupid. I moved up to the pillow so that his head was at a level playing field with my throbbing sex.
“Morgan?” he muttered. I had totally dumbfounded him, and he didn’t know how to react. I was sure that I was never the one to give the orders, but I was, and he wasn’t sure how to respond.
I bucked my hips and ran my own fingers between my folds, beckoning him to do as he was told. He moved in and licked me once, almost like he wasn’t sure what to do. I took his hair in my hand and kept his head there while he stroked me with his tongue.
“Hmm, yes Drew,” I moaned. It must have been turning him on, and my plan, whatever that was, was working. I came as soon as he inserted two fingers into me. I came hard and clinched his hair in my fist. As soon as I was coherent enough to regulate my breathing I moved him to his back and released his erection into my hand. He still couldn’t speak. I bent to his lips and moaned as I inserted my tongue into his mouth, tasting myself on his lips. He raised his hips and helped me slide him out of his clothes. I ran my hands up his strong pecks as I slid him into me. I rode him hard, as fast and hard as I could. As soon as I called out in agonizing pleasure, he thrust deep, holding my hips into him. He came just as hard. I could feel him convulsing beneath me.
I smiled down to him as he dropped back to the bed. I moved his hand from my hip and kissed his fingertips before removing myself.
“I’m going to shower. I’ll be down to eat with you in a little bit.” I left him lying on my bed staring after me I was sure. I knew, had I turned around he would have been wearing that dazed, confused look that he had when I demanded that he go down on me.
I showered, and while I was rinsing the soap from my hair, I knew that I could see
the camera lens around the ring of the shower head. I didn’t stare at it and pretended not to see it. I showered as normal, wrapped myself in a towel and walked out to my room to dress. I opened the closet and pulled a pair of jeans and a knit shirt from the closet. I knew Drew hated me not wearing the designer clothes right at my fingertips. I loved to defy his wishes. I even went a step further and omitted the socks.
I walked down to where he was waiting and smiled with narrowed eyes in a flirtatious manner. I brushed my hands across his broad shoulders and let my fingers dance in the back of his hair before taking my seat beside him.
“What’s gotten into you, and where are your socks?” he asked from the head of the table.
“I didn’t want socks, and what do you mean, what has gotten into me? I don’t remember so if I am acting in a different way than I normally did, you have to tell me what I am doing wrong. I’m just trying to make sense of everything and be your wife. Did I do something wrong?” I asked, feeding him right out of my hand.
“No, you’ve just never been the um,” he stopped, trying to think of the word, “aggressive, you have never been the aggressive type before.”
I leaned in for a kiss. He hesitated but leaned in and kissed me. “I think I might like being aggressive,” I smiled as Marta brought our food. I wanted to keep him talking. I just didn’t know what to talk about. I didn’t want to ask about anything that would throw up any of his defenses. I was determined to bring him down a few levels. Why? I wasn’t sure yet, but I was working on it.
We ate our salads in silence, looking at each other every now and then. I decided to go for the pity party.
“Drew,” I quietly said his name.
“Hmm?” he replied with food in his mouth, looking over to me.
“What if I never remember? What if I never remember the day we met, or our wedding day, what if I never remember how much we mean to each other?”
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