“No. No, you’re not home. This is your home. I wish you would hurry up and realize that so that I could stop missing you.”
I smiled. I would love to jump on a plane and go spend a few days with him, but I couldn’t do that. I had already had sex with him on two different occasions while Dawson patiently waited on me to come back to him.
I liked the fact that he missed me. Why? I didn’t know. I was just weaving tangled webs for myself. I seemed to be an expert at that.
“I’m sure that Celeste is keeping you occupied,” I stated.
“It really bothers you to think that I am having sex with Celeste, doesn’t it? What bothers you Morgan? Is it the image of her bent over my knee or is it the thought of me giving it to her up the ass?”
“You’re a son of a bitch. Are you doing those things with her?” I had to ask.
He laughed. “Are you doing those things with Dawson?” he answered my question with a question.
I had to laugh at that. “Um…No. Dawson isn’t that type.”
“So you still just have a boring sex life. I thought for sure you would have taught him a thing or two by now. What do you do, just the plain old missionary position?”
“This baby doesn’t quite let us do that,” I stated. I didn’t want to talk about my sex life with Dawson. I wanted to know what he was doing with Celeste. “Answer my question.”
“No. I’m going to let you think whatever you want, and I will continue to think whatever I want about you having boring sex with Dawson, and don’t call me an ass or a son of a bitch either,” he added. He wasn’t going to tell me. That told me that he was doing it with Celeste. Bitch.
I stayed on the phone for over an hour with Drew. It soon became the norm. He would call every day around ten in the morning. I would email or text him when I knew that Dawson was off and would be at my house. Believe it or not, he didn’t call when he was there. This went on for almost a month until I couldn’t take it a second longer. I had to see him. I did feel bad for betraying Dawson, but in all honesty I had been illuminating him all along. He wouldn’t have liked my daily conversations with Drew.
My plan almost didn’t work. I told him that I was going to visit my mom for a few days. He wanted to come with me.
“I want you there,” I lied. “I just don’t think I should give that impression to Caroline. She has already met Drew, and she knows that he is my husband,” I explained.
“Are you ever going to divorce him, Ry?” he asked. I could tell that he was getting annoyed with the whole concept of me not filing for divorce yet. I was getting annoyed with him for constantly bringing it up.
I rolled my eyes and removed my legs strung across his on the sofa.
“I take that as a no,” he called to my back as I walked away.
“We have this same conversation over and over. I’ve told you that I intend to divorce him. I don’t see what the big deal is. I’m here with you, aren’t I?”
“The big deal is, I don’t want to continue to go to bed with someone that has another man’s name, and I sure as hell don’t want that son of bitch’s name on my son’s birth certificate.”
“You know, Daw, he might not be your son.” Shit. I didn’t want to say that out loud.
“Is that what you’re waiting on, Ry? Do you need to see if he comes out looking like him before you commit to me?”
“No. I didn’t mean it that way. Can we just go to bed?” I asked, not wanting to discuss this for the one hundredth time.
“Yeah, sure,” he unemotionally replied.
* * *
I was a nervous wreck waiting for Gary to pick me up. I didn’t want Dawson to run by my house, which he often did during the day, just to check on me. I was terrified that he was going to show up while Gary was picking me up. I had told him that Star was driving me to the airport. She agreed to go along with me if Dawson asked, but refused to listen to any of the details. She didn’t want to know what I was doing, but at least she didn’t judge me the way Lauren did. Lauren and I had an understanding. She didn’t like the fact that I kept Drew at arm’s length, and I didn’t give her any unneeded information. I would have loved to have been able to talk to her, but I knew how she felt. She felt the same way that everyone felt. I had no one to talk to about it, so I kept my little secret a secret.
I slept most of the flight. I was doing that quite a bit it seemed.
The warm weather was refreshing. I loved this time of year in Vegas. Unlike Maine, November in Las Vegas was comfortable. It had been forty one degrees when I got on the plane. The seventy four degree temperature when I got off felt like a breath of fresh air.
I was a little mad that Drew wasn’t there to pick me up himself, after begging me for a month to come and see him. Gary drove me to the house. I was even madder when he wasn’t at the house either. Marta had a snack waiting for me when I arrived. I ate about half of my sandwich and text him.
“Where the hell are you?”
“Calm down. I’m almost there. I had an unexpected meeting. Don’t go upstairs until I get there.”
“Why?”
“Because I said so.”
I couldn’t even finish my sandwich. For one thing I wanted to know why I couldn’t go upstairs, and I could hardly wait to see him. I walked out to the front and sat down on the concrete step. I know that I only waited for about five minutes, but it seemed like at least an hour.
Drew got out wearing the grin that I loved. He was wearing his customary expensive suit and tie, but damn did he ever look hot. We weren’t even supposed to be together. I was in a relationship with Dawson, and I presumed that he was doing Celeste. I didn’t care at that moment. I wanted in his arms.
“Hey gorgeous,” He said, taking me in his arms.
“Hi. Why can’t I go upstairs?”
Drew laughed. I lost my happy smile when I saw Celeste standing behind the car carrying a stack of folders. She smiled at me, and I gave her a fake smile back.
“Why is she here?” I quietly asked.
“She’s got work to do. Stop it,” he demanded, kissing me on my forehead. I grumbled a quiet throat noise.
Drew pulled me inside. We went into his office with Celeste first. I sat there with my arms crossed while he went over some numbers that were throwing a red flag or something. I was trying not to pay attention. I didn’t care. He was explaining what he wanted her to do when I got up to walk out. I didn’t come all that way to listen to him conduct business. Drew grabbed my arm before I had a chance to escape, giving me a look to be still. He stood behind Celeste and pointed to some sort of graph on the computer. His eyes were boring into me. I wanted her to leave so that I could get him naked. He was already driving me crazy, and I had just gotten there.
“I’ve got it. Go spend some time with your wife,” Celeste animatedly told him, waving him out.
“Okay. Show me what you bought me,” I demanded once he had shut the office door.
“I didn’t buy you anything,” he assured me as he turned me to the wall. He held my hands above my head and kissed me like he really did miss me.
“Damn. What was that for?” I panted.
“That was for making me miss you like crazy.”
He took my hand and I followed him upstairs. I didn’t quite know what to say when he opened the bedroom door that had hardly been used, not while I was there anyway. It was the room right beside mine, only my room wasn’t there anymore. The wall had been knocked out, and the massive room had been remodeled into a beautiful master suite. My private bath had been transformed into a beautiful retreat. The new tan stone flowed from the floor into the walk-in shower with six shower heads, a full size bench and a full length mirror.
The king size platform bed was sleek with black and gold satin bedding. I walked over and moved the matching curtains to a full walk out deck with comfortable chairs. It was absolutely gorgeous. I just wasn’t sure what he expected me to say. I had Dawson.
“Open the pocket doors,” he
excitedly told me.
I’m sure my face was blank. I was so confused. What the hell had he done? I opened the pocket doors to the most beautiful nursery that I had ever seen. The crib itself must have cost a fortune. It was custom made to look like a tree house. The branches came out for practical uses. One branch held the changing table to the right of the crib. one branch was full of newborn baby boy’s clothing. There was another branch that had an automatic baby swing. The last branch came over the top of the crib and held a mobile, which I was sure was also custom made. It held diamonds that sent a sparkle across the walls and ceiling when Drew wound it up. The whole room was decorated like an enchanted forest. The hand painted mural on one of the walls showed a vibrant forest with baby monkeys in a couple of the trees.
“Drew?” I quietly said. What did he want me to say?
“You love it, don’t you?” he smiled.
“I do. I’m just not sure what to say. You do remember that this baby may not be yours. Right?”
“No. I don’t believe that for a second,” he replied, taking me in his arms. “I believe one hundred percent that this is my son,” he said, placing his hand on my stomach. “And I believe that you are going to wake up and realize that I love you, and I want to wake up to the smell of your peach smelling hair every morning.”
Shit…
Drew led me back to what he believed would be our master bedroom and made slow passionate love to me. It was just what I needed. I needed the distraction. Something bad was going to happen. I could feel it. I had to hurt someone, and for the love of God, I didn’t know who that someone was going to be.
We lay naked, entwined in each other’s arms in the middle of the day. Drew told me about the construction going on for the past couple of months. He explained the hours that he spent picking out the bed and décor for the baby’s room. I thought it was the sweetest thing ever.
“Have you thought about what we’re going to call this little guy?” Drew asked.
“Not really. Dawson likes Brady.” Damnit. I didn’t want to say that. It just fell out of my mouth.
“Brady is a sissy name, and he doesn’t have a say in what my son’s name is going to be.” He said it with a little bit of attitude.
“Did you have something in mind?” I asked, trying to smooth over my idiotic statement.
“I kind of like Nicholas. Nicholas Andrew Kelley,” he replied.
“I like it, but why Nicholas?”
“I know I’m supposed to tell you some off the wall story about Nicholas being my hero or some shit, but I don’t have one. I just like the name.”
I smiled and rolled over to my side so that I could kiss him.
“Tell me that you love me,” he said to my lips.
“I do love you, Drew,” I said to his.
“Then come home. I’m begging you.”
I wanted to tell him yes that I would, but I just couldn’t do it. I had Dawson who was under the assumption that I was visiting my mother on the other side of the United States. Maybe coming here wasn’t such a good idea after all. All it did was confuse me even more.
“I’m working on it, but I can’t just say yes right this second,” I replied with the best answer that I could come up with.
“You’re waiting to see who the father is, aren’t you?”
Was that what I was doing?
“You don’t have to answer that. I know you have a lot going on, and I want you to know that I am not pressuring you. I want you to do what you want, and what you think is best for you, but you remember one thing. I want you more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life making up for our first six years together.”
“They weren’t all bad,” I replied.
“Tell me when it was good,” he countered.
I couldn’t do that. Drew was a monster then. He never treated me with any dignity or respect. He loved to humiliate me and treat me like a piece of meat. What the hell was I doing in bed with this maniac? I should be at home getting ready to have supper with Dawson. I had to get up. I wanted away from Drew at that moment. I needed to stop remembering the past or this trip was going to turn into remorse and guilt, more than it already was.
“I’m going to take a shower,” I said not answering his question.
He let me go. I stood in front of the mirror looking shamefully at my reflection. I wondered if there were cameras in the newly remodeled shower. What the hell was I doing? What in the world was I thinking? I stayed in the hot shower for as long as I could, trying to wash away my shame. It didn’t work.
Drew was gone when I came out. I walked around the beautiful transformed room and then back to the baby’s room. I took in every little detail. He had really gone above and beyond. The room was a mother’s dream room. I sat in the gliding rocking chair and imagined myself holding my son as I rocked back and forth. I hadn’t even realized that I had fallen asleep until Drew woke me for supper.
I opened my eyes to sweet kisses on my eyelids and then my lips. I smiled. One minute I hated this man and the next, I couldn’t get enough of him. I wished there was a magic pill, a pill that would miraculously guide me in the right direction.
“You’re the most beautiful mother to be on earth,” he whispered.
“I fell asleep, didn’t I?”
“You did. I like the idea of you falling asleep rocking my son.”
“I was rocking him, wasn’t I?” I smiled, realizing that I was indeed rocking my son. I couldn’t say our son. I didn’t know whose son I was rocking. I didn’t know if I was rocking Brady Aaron Bade or Nicholas Andrew Kelly. I wasn’t sure that I could keep this up for three more months. I wished I knew.
“Are you hungry,” Drew asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
“I’m always hungry,” I assured him.
* * *
I spent four days being in total love with my husband. We laughed, went for walks, watched a football game at the nearby high school, made love countless times, and fell asleep naked in each other’s arms. I talked to Dawson every day and he never suspected a thing. I was supposed to stay for two more days, but Drew had to fly to New York. He begged me to go with him, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to be stuck in a hotel while he was out taking care of business. We made plans to meet at my mother’s in two weeks.
I spent the last night wrapped in his arms, dreading the thought of leaving him. Two weeks seemed like so far away. I drifted off to sleep after making love for the last time. I slept so soundly. I didn’t even know that I was dreaming. When I finally realized what was going on Drew had me in his arms, trying to wake me.
“Shhhh, you’re okay, I’ve got you,” he said, brushing my damp hair from my forehead.
“Dawson?” I whimpered, still incoherent. I felt him stiffen and then move off the bed.
Shit. It wasn’t Dawson.
“Drew?” I said to his dark silhouette.
He sat on the side of the bed and placed his head in his hands. I touched his arm, and he took my hand and brought it to his lips.
“You feel protected with him, don’t you?”
What? What the hell did I say?
“I feel protected with you too,” I tried.
“No, you don’t. You have no idea how it makes me feel when you wake up like that.”
“What did I say?”
He shook his head and breathed a deep breath.
“Tell me, Drew,” I demanded.
“You were begging me not to hit you again. You were promising not to be a bad girl and telling me that you would do what I wanted” he confessed.
Shit. Stupid nightmares.
“Drew, don’t, it’s okay.”
He jumped up. “It’s not okay, Morgan! I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve this baby. You don’t deserve me. You deserve someone like Dawson, someone that is going to respect and take care of you.”
“You know what, Drew? You are absolutely right,” I was getting angry with him. I didn’t want him to ac
t like this when I knew that he was leaving me in a couple of hours. His head snapped toward me. “You don’t want me to bring up the past, then you’re not allowed to either. I love you, damnit. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
“Why?”
“I have no idea why. I have asked myself that same question a million times. I love you and I don’t want to lose you.”
“But you don’t want to lose Dawson either, right?” he asked, coming back to me. I didn’t want to lose Dawson. I loved him too. He was my safety net.
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t know what to say. Nothing I could have said would have made any sense, not to him and not to me. I needed them both.
“You need to decide, Morgan. If you don’t want me, then tell me. Stop keeping me at bay. Either be with me or don’t. I can’t wait any longer. I have tried my best to give you time. I’ve given you almost six months. You have to choose, Morgan.”
I knew I had to choose. I didn’t want to choose. I wanted to keep them both in my life until I figured out who this baby’s dad was. Drew would never understand that. Dawson would never understand that. No matter what I decided, someone was going to get hurt. Why didn’t I just do the stupid paternity test?
“I can’t give you an answer right this second, Drew,” I said. I couldn’t. I knew that as soon as I was back in Dawson’s arms, I would be right back to thinking I needed him as much as I was feeling like I needed Drew when I was with him.
Drew lay back down and pulled me in his arms with a heavy sigh.
“I love you, Morgan,” he whispered.
“I love you too, Drew. I really do.”
Drew was gone when I woke. I knew he had to leave before daylight. I didn’t like it. I felt alone, sad, hurt, confused. I wanted him back. I wanted to be everywhere he was. I wanted Drew. I decided right that moment that I wanted Drew.
I walked up to our new master bedroom again before showering and getting ready to head back home to Maine, to Dawson. I smiled when I opened the baby’s room. I thumbed through the tiny infant clothing and wondered if Drew had picked them out. There was no way that he would ever wear all of them. There were at least twenty little sleepers. I picked up the tiny little tuxedo and smiled at the embroidery that read ‘Daddy’s little assistant.’
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