“Is my dad coming home this week?” he asks Miss Klein. “He didn't mention this delivery.”
The Senior Mr. Savor (né Savorsky) buys things without trying them. Devices fill the factory's back room: lolly engines, vacuum kettles, twist-makers and chocolate smashers. Chet's dad travels by ship and train, posting confection innovations home for Chet to suffer. He appears in person every few months, unannounced, stouter and happier than before, his waistcoat and cases stuffed with saffron taffy, suets made of sesame seeds, chewy lumps of lemon zest pulverized with maple sap, tiny blue eggs filled with candied yolk presented together with a repulsive jar of Chinese bird's nest jelly made from the filthy nest of a swiftlet. Chet shudders at the memory of the texture, the gloppy sweetness, the knowledge that he was eating something wrested from the interior of a cave.
Miss Klein clicks away from the crate, her black hips twitching. He can see the lumpy buttons of her garters through the dress. There's something insect about her. The pinched waist, the long fingers. She's too tall, and he's not a small man. He's had to invest in a new pair of shoes, with discreet lifts in their soles.
When Miss Klein types, she clacks and pings so quickly he feels his heart trying to align with her staccato. She's his age, but seems a thousand. She could be a pretty girl if she'd smile, but she never does. She could be anything but this. She doesn't even like candy. She doesn't paint her face. She's knife-boned, her eyebrows like licorice whips.
“Where are you going, Miss Klein?” he asks. He clears his throat. He's been alone in the upper office too long, speaking the obscure rhythms of wrappers.
“To get a hammer,” she says, and clicks her tongue. “You're just as useless as your dad said you'd be, Young Mr. Savor.”
“Will you please just call me Mr. Savor?” he asks for the hundredth time.
“That's your father's name. And you know he's not coming in this week. He's visiting the nougatiers.”
Nougatiers. His father speaks a dictionary set's worth of invented terms for candy-making. Cherrinators for the people who make the marinated filling of the Red Rose bars. Pollinificators for the honey-suppliers.
He fiddles at one of the boards, pinching a finger beneath it. He thinks he hears something moving inside. Surely not. His father wouldn't arrange delivery of a cow or goat, would he? And if he had, it'd be marked with caution tapes. The crate is large enough to contain a piano. He indulges thoughts of a rhinoceros or yak.
“Now, then,” Miss Klein says, flipping the hammer to the claw side, and prying a nail free. “Let's get you open.”
The sound again, a scratching.
“Do you hear that?” Chet is suddenly nauseous. It'll be bugs. There'll be an infestation. They'll pour out into the candy factory, a million roaches and tarantulas, and Miss Klein will wriggle her fingers and make the swarm obey. He feels an exquisitely painful poem rising inside him. A villanelle on the skyscraping height of Miss Klein, a few lines regarding spiders soaked in caramel. He finds a stub in his pocket, licks a pencil tip.
Miss Klein wrests a plank from the end of the crate.
“I hear it, of course I do. I'm not deaf, am I? Something's in there. Open the letter and make yourself useful, why don't you?”
Chet sees the envelope pushed beneath that plank, the gaudy monogrammed stationary, his father's distinctive hand.
CHET!!! Always the double underlines and strings of exclamation points. He sighs and breaks the seal.
Chet — Met this in Cairo and found it terrifically interesting. BE WARY when you open!!!! Happy Returns, Your Dad.
Unbearable man. Chet sucks his tooth. Soon he'll be nothing but an absence.
Miss Klein has managed to remove another five boards in the time it took him to read the letter. She pushes hair off her face, bends at the waist, and buries her top half in the crate. Chet assesses her from behind, and sighs. No manners. Any proper woman would ask for help. She's nearly somersaulted into the crate. She flings out handfuls of excelsior. They drift down around Chet, and he sneezes.
“Well? What's it say?”
“It says: Be wary when you open it,” Chet says, and sighs. “Maybe he's sent us a tiger. He says he got it in Egypt.”
“There aren't any tigers in Egypt,” Miss Klein says, her voice muffled. Chet looks around, making sure there are escape routes. Last time his father sent a package, it contained some arcane artificial sweetener that burst into flames, and scalded off Chet's eyebrows, just after he'd stupidly put a spoonful of it in his mouth and swallowed. He was doomed to days of quelling internal explosions with Dover's Powder.
That scratching again. And a knocking. Knocking in a rhythm. The sound reminds Chet of his mother, the way she'd knock when they were paying a call to someone's house. A knock with an accusation of bad directions included in it. A knock to say: “Where is the butler, then, and how have you failed me?” And Chet, always skulking beside her, trying in vain to convince her to join the modern world. Of course, now she has. She's been in India for three years, and he's heard nothing from her. Nor has his father. “Your mother,” his father says fondly, and that is all he's ever said about it. Chet's mother is having his Bohemia.
“Maybe we should wait for my dad to get back into town,” Chet says. “I'm not sure what this is. I don't trust him. It might explode again.”
Miss Klein pops up, one whole cinnamon bun of hair now unpinned, her glasses askew.
“For heaven's sake, Young Mr. Savor,” she says. “If I didn't know better, I'd think you were scared.”
Her eyes are the color of the butterscotch candies his father makes to trick Prohibition-pained consumers into thinking they're getting a sip of something better than syrup. Her hair trickles down from its pins like dipping chocolate drizzling onto a slab. He must be delirious, but suddenly he thinks Miss Klein is more than meets the eye. A chocolate-covered ant. That's the vision he has. The crunch of a carapace, just beneath a melting richness. The ooze of caramel beneath that crunch. Oh, what is he inventing? What horrible confection?
He gags again, and Miss Klein looks sharply up at him. Oh, dear. He's coming down with something. Likely, he needs a tonic.
He takes off his jacket, rolls up his shirtsleeves, and bends into the crate to avoid looking at her. There's a smell there, as he digs in the shavings, a deep and earthy sweetness, something quite different from the rest of the factory's sweet smells, and at last, his fingertips graze something hard.
Scratches from the inside, as he scratches at the outside.
A sharper scent now, and he inhales it in a delirium before he realizes it's her. Miss Klein, her own perfume, sweat, warm woollen stockings, secrets. He breathes through his mouth, trying to forget he ever smelled it.
The ground in the delivery bay is covered in wood shavings and planks. Before him, in the rubble, is something he hadn't at all expected, though he should have.
“Oh dear,” he says. Should he send the workers home? Stop the dipping and the wrapping? Unfondant the crèmes?
“Hello,” says the sarcophagus. It's a quiet voice, a polite one.
“Miss Klein,” Chet says, not looking at her.
“Chet,” she replies. It's the first time she's called him by his Christian name.
“Hello,” repeats the something inside the sarcophagus, and then knocks more forcefully at the inside. “Have I arrived in Chicago? The train was very uncomfortable, and before that, the ship. They kept me in the hold, though I was promised First class passage. I shouldn't be asked to endure rough seas. I'm not used to travel.”
Of course! A prank. His dad must be here somewhere, watching, shaking with laughter.
“What is it?” he asks Miss Klein. Who knows what his father might have put inside that case. A tiny crank-powered Peter Pan record player? “A parrot? A phonograph?”
His dad can only have stolen the sarcophagus. The gilded face, the smooth contours, the perfect and brilliantly painted beetles and animals. The n
ews has been all Tutankhamen for two years now. Chet runs a finger over the carved face, the high cheekbones, the pursed lips. The sleek eyelids over wide black eyes. He can't tell whether the face is male or female.
“It's very cold in Chicago,” says the sarcophagus, conversationally. “I wasn't expecting such cold, but I can feel it even in here. It's better for me to be warmer. I'd like something boiling hot to drink.”
The claxon of the lunch alarm, and a surge of girls emerge from their stations, each with her waxed-paper provisions. Chet's sweating through his shirt. The wind is coming in off the lake, and he sees the ice storm beginning. He tugs down the rolling door between the delivery bay and the factory, and as he does it, he wonders at his urgency. He wishes, not for the first time today, for a drink. What kind of prank is this? His father's normal methods are itching powders and coiled paper snakes.
He hears the clicking of Miss Klein's heels. When he turns his head, she's on her knees before the abomination, hammer in hand. He wonders at how he hesitates to look.
“Well,” says Miss Klein, standing up, wiping her hands, one, then the other, on her skirt. “Well.”
She giggles, and startles at the sound, but then the noise of her own laughter sets her off into peals. After a moment, Chet laughs too, though he controls his mirth. It doesn't do to laugh with a secretary. Miss Klein is nearly levitating. He takes another stop toward the sarcophagus, toward whatever hilarity she's uncovered, and then stops.
Something is sitting up from inside it, slowly, as though unused to moving.
Someone wrapped entirely in bandages, and filling the air with the scent of honey. It's as though they've been transported out of the city's ice and into summer. The smell is overpowering, and Chet's mouth waters. He grew up surrounded by sugar. He's immune to it. This is more than sugar. This is ambrosial, desert flowers, white petals and spice, and when he inhales, he feels dizzy.
The someone's head turns toward him. Bandaged hands testing fingers on the sides of the case. One bandaged leg extends gracefully into the air and stretches its toes.
Chet sits abruptly on the floor.
“Hello,” says the mummy. He can see eyes, black and gleaming, through an opening in the wrappings.
Miss Klein is still gasping with laughter, laughing and crying at once.
“Hello,” says Miss Klein. “I'm Shira.” She lifts the thing from its case.
“Thank you,” says the mummy, its voice soft and sweet. “It was close in there.”
Chet feels his temples throbbing, his neck pinched at the base of the skull. Starving for nothing he's ever tasted before. “What is this?”
“I met your father in Cairo. He said I'd be welcome here, and that he'd send a letter of introduction,” says the mummy. The bandages are old and crackling.
Miss Klein is cradling the mummy in her arms like it's a bandaged bride. Her hair is now unpinned and falls to her knees. She is panting, slightly. Miss Klein's dress is hitched up, and he can see, yes, a cameo of jet on the garter button, which spontaneously unbuttons, and flips down onto the floor, a tiny child's spinning top, catching the stormlight for a moment. Miss Klein seems neither to notice nor care that her stocking slips down, showing her long, white thigh. He measures it in his mind. He measures the mummy too. The mummy is petite, unless Miss Klein has gotten larger.
“I'm going to get our guest a hot drink,” says Miss Klein. “It's freezing here, and our visitor isn't used to the cold like we are.” Her tone shifts into the usual peremptory. “Give me your jacket.”
Chet tucks it around the mummy's shoulders. The mummy gazes at him, its lashes long as spider legs — no, why would he think that? — and he's broken by the scent of heavenly honeycomb. Chet can see a damp place in the bandages where its mouth must be. He wonders about its mouth.
“Why did my father send you here?” he says. “Did he buy you? Did he steal you? What are you? Who are you?”
“He sent me to be of use,” says the mummy, looking over Miss Klein's shoulder. It wiggles its fingers. “I was alone in the dark. He found me there, and I came out. I was lonely. I'd been listening to the living a long time. I'm seeking employment now, in the light.”
Employment?
Chet staggers back into the factory, feeling his blood freezing in his veins. He sends everyone home and by the time he's done, Miss Klein is gone too, and with her, the mummy. The sarcophagus sits empty in the delivery bay. Chet considers reclining in it, but it's too small. He runs his finger along the edge, and then puts his finger in his mouth. He can't taste anything but dust.
He marches up the stairs, and into the office files. He flicks until he finds a card with Miss Klein's address neatly typed, the first version care of her father, that one crossed out, and the new one typed below it, a rooming house for unmarried, respectable women. He stares at the card for a long time. He opens a book kept in the shelf beside his father's desk, takes out a bottle resting in a carved cave in its bindings, and drinks a slug of Canadian whiskey.
He wipes his mouth, stows the contraband back in its safe, and goes out into the freezing wilds of Chicago to search for hothouse flowers.
***
Miss Klein is in her room, unwrapping the mummy, gently. It's dripped a little, where it's warmed against her body. She's marched back down the stairs to the kitchen and fetched a pot of boiling water for tea, and now the mummy has had some through a small opening in the bandages, lapping like a kitten fed with a dropper.
“Sanctuary,” Miss Klein keeps repeating to herself. She's not at all sure what she's done. “Respect for the dead.”
But that is not quite what this is. Dead isn't this. She considers feeling anxious, then decides that anxious is beside the point. Her heart pounds. Her skin feels prickled. Her mouth waters. Her fingers are sticky.
The mummy's skin, crystallized in the cold, warms nearer to the radiator, and becomes pliant. The mummy is like a grape, or a balloon full of syrup. There is something brittle about it, but it's the sort of brittle that anyone would know needs sucking.
“I was swimming in honey,” says the mummy. “I ate only honey, until I was made of it. My heart was with me, kept in a jar of honey. But that, I gave away long ago.”
“To whom did you give it?” Miss Klein asks, but the mummy will not say. “Is it in a museum, or is it still underground?”
The mummy is half-unwrapped now, parts of its flesh visible, smooth and glowing, seeping with sweetness.
“I was lonely,” says the mummy. “I came to be of use.”
It beckons Miss Klein. “Unwrap yourself,” it says.
Shira Klein flushes. She's never taken off her clothing in front of anyone but her sisters. A drop of honey runs down her throat, left from where the mummy was resting.
Miss Klein unbuttons the same long black dress she wore to her father's funeral. She stands barefoot, dressed in her only concession to modernity, a set of the thinnest triangles of black silk, each of them embroidered with flowers. They were a trousseau at one point, and she hand stitched their borders in preparation for a marriage.
The mummy is recumbent and careless.
The mummy offers itself to the tip of Miss Klein's tongue.
Five flights below, Chet Savor waits, clutching a bundle of funereal lilies.
“To be of use,” he murmurs to himself. “Seeking employment.”
But Miss Klein refuses to come down. She does not respond to the bell. Chet is forced to leave the lilies as a delivery. He scrawls a note in his lovely pen. It bleeds brown ink onto the paper.
“Dearest,” the note says. Chet stalls. “Dearest.”
He underlines it twice, Dearest, and adds three exclamation points. The pinched woman at the desk looks at him.
“I hope you don't imagine Miss Klein to be that sort.”
“Of course not,” he says. There's something odd in him, something he doesn't understand. He feels shaky. “They're not for Miss Klein. They
're for her friend. The one staying with her.”
The woman looks harder at him, and sniffs the air. “This is not that sort of establishment,” she says. “Single ladies only. You, sir, would do well to rinse your mouth of whiskey, before you encounter anyone else who might report you for public disorder. You might also do well to button the top of your shirt.”
Chet feels for the buttons, but they're gone.
The rooming house woman smashes the lilies and the love note into a wastebin.
He flees into the street, and as he stands, trying to imagine which of the windows might belong to Miss Klein, he hears a cry of rapture coming from the building, a singing spiral of bliss. He can't tell which window it comes from. He stands helpless in the ice storm, looking up, hearing again and again, the cry, the moan, the gasping delight of someone in the thrall of someone else.
***
“What in heaven's name did you think I meant, Chet?” his father says in exasperation. He's just off the train, scarcely taken off his coat, not even unloaded his cases full of candies, and he's already demanded to see the mummy. “What've you done with my mummy? I told you to be wary when you opened it.”
“Miss Klein took it,” Chet says, and bites his inner cheeks savagely. He tastes blood. It helps, a little. “She's been out sick for a week, and I've been to her rooming house over and over again, with no success.”
“Well, you'll have to fetch it back. The mummy's a volunteer, you know. It came to be of use.”
Chet wants to strangle his father. “Of use,” he says. “What use can you mean? Did you hire it to be my secretary? It didn't care to be. Miss Klein's absconded with it and taken it off to her den of sin.”
“Miss Klein is incapable of sin,” says Chet's father calmly. “As for the mummy, it's mellified man. Old technique. Not usually found in Egypt, but the mummy tells me this is the ticket. It drank honey, ate honey, nothing but honey for a year before it died. It's body mellified. It became honey, bones and blood and all.”
Chet thinks woefully of the sounds he's heard coming out of Miss Klein's window.
The Girlfriend's Guide to Gods Page 12