“Are you okay?” The young girl was frowning now.
“Of course, I’m fine.”
“You look really nervous.”
“I always get like this before my students’ performances.”
“Well, you don’t need to worry ‘cause it’s going to be perfect. Even if it’s not.”
Anne tilted her head to the side in question.
“I mean, no matter what, it will be perfect,” Sara explained. “Even if it doesn’t look perfect.”
Anne could feel the confusion still reflected on her face.
Sara tried again. “It’s something my Uncle Chris says to me when I’m worried about doing well at something. I think what he means is that even if I mess up, it’s perfect because we have this idea in our head how something is supposed to be, but if we didn’t have that idea in our head, if we took it away, we wouldn’t know how something was supposed to be, and then we wouldn’t know if it was perfect or not. And then it would be perfect because however it turns out, is how it is, how it’s supposed to be. And that’s perfect!” The girl ended with a quick exhalation and then a deep inhalation of breath.
Anne stood there in amazement, realizing she had actually followed the girl’s explanation. She was in total awe of what Sara had said, and the fact that she apparently understood it.
Sara reached down to fluff her snowflake costume. “You should ask Uncle Chris. He’ll explain it a lot better than me.”
“I think that was perfect. And I doubt anyone could explain it better.”
Sara giggled, gave her one last squeeze, and ran off to get ready for the performance. Anne watched after her until she was out of sight. Wow. The little girl was amazing. And incredibly wise. And she reminded her of her uncle.
Anne’s eyes lifted and she focused in on the subject of her thoughts. He was in position backstage, watching her, smiling at her, loving her.
She shivered. She felt it as if he’d spoken the words. God, what was she supposed to do with this feeling? She inhaled a deep breath and released it slowly. The feeling was still there, and it was just as incredible as it had been initially. Was this what love felt like? she wondered. Safe and constant and secure and all-encompassing? She didn’t know from experience because she’d never been in love.
She loved people, of course. She loved every single member of her family and a whole lot of her friends. But she’d never experienced the overwhelming kind of love that she witnessed every time Nick gazed across the room at Skye or Skye curled up in his lap for a hug. Or when Cassie slowed her horse to a walk so she could reach out and hold Alex’s hand. Or when her mother was at the kitchen sink and her father walked up behind her and hugged her, savoring the moment of intimacy. Or her grandparents, when they sat together on their front porch swing, listening to the sounds of a summer day, knowing how fortunate they were that they still had each other to share it with after all these years.
Tears filled her eyes and she swallowed hard. Not the place and time, she told herself. But he was still watching her, walking toward her now. Damn. She was way too emotional right now. Hormonal, she rationalized.
He didn’t say a word. He just pulled her into his arms and held her, stroking her back, warming her body, soothing away her fears . . . and adding to them.
She pulled back. “I’m okay.”
“Are you?” That rough husky voice she adored.
She shrugged. “Of course. I just get weird before a performance.”
He nodded as if he believed her, but she knew he didn’t. He was too smart for that. He smiled and let her have her lie. Then he kissed her on the forehead and whispered,” Don’t worry, it will be perfect, even if it isn’t.”
She laughed. “Sara just said the same thing to me a minute ago.”
“Wise child,” he said as he turned and headed back to his post.
“Wise man,” Anne mumbled.
“And cute and sexy as hell.”
Anne whirled around at the sound of her cousin’s voice. “You’re lusting after my man?”
Skye chuckled. “Your man?”
Anne shook her head and made a discounting gesture with her hand. “You know what I mean.”
“Actually, I don’t.”
“I mean, what are you doing lusting after a man who isn’t Nick?”
“I wasn’t lusting. I was verbalizing your thoughts . . about your man.”
One slip of the tongue, and Skye would never let her hear the end of it. She grumbled at her cousin, “What are you doing here anyway? No one’s allowed backstage who isn’t performing or helping.”
Skye was enjoying this way too much. It wasn’t often she got to witness her cousin this flustered. She was always the picture of calm and self-assurance.
“Well?”
“I just wanted to tell you ‘break a leg’ . . . and that I saw your car parked in Chris’s driveway this morning when I came to work.”
Anne sighed, forgetting her annoyance with her cousin. “Yeah, well, I kind of spent the night.”
One of Skye’s eyebrows rose in response. It looked as if Alex and Matt had won the bet. She and Nick and Arielle and Cassie had more confidence in Chris than her cousins had. Apparently they were wrong.
“So, why aren’t you looking more serene and content right now, and a whole lot more pleased with yourself?”
Anne glowered. “Because nothing happened.”
Skye’s ears perked up. So maybe her two cousins hadn’t won the bet after all. “No?”
“No, things aren’t going quite as well as I’d like them to go.”
“He’s still holding out on you?”
“Yeah, he’s kicked me out of his bed once, and he tried for a second time last night.”
“What happened?”
“After a valiant attempt at seducing him, I put my clothes back on and pulled out a deck of cards and we played rummy.”
“Seriously?” Skye’s look was incredulous.
“Hey, rummy’s not so bad.”
“Yeah, when you don’t have other things you could be doing.”
“Well, he won’t do that now, will he?”
“I hate to say it, but you sound as if you’re falling for this guy.”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
She put her hands on her hips and gave her best friend her harshest glare. “I am not. I just . . . like him, that’s all. He’s sweet, kind, smart, talented, and, as you said, sexy as hell.”
“And?”
“And, damn, the man can dance!”
Skye remembered when Nick had learned to ride a horse. The moment she realized he had done that—for her—it had turned her world upside down. And she’d never tried to set it upright again. All she could hope was that her cousin had the same good fortune.
“Stop drooling.”
Chris whirled around, expecting to find Skye standing there behind him. Same blue eyes. Same long dark hair, only with bangs. Another McCullough cousin, Palmer and Emily’s daughter, Kelly.
“Hey.”
“Hey, yourself.”
“I thought you were the sweet one. At least that’s what Skye calls you.”
Kelly shrugged. “That’s because I’m the kindergarten teacher. But it doesn’t mean I can’t be honest.”
More like blunt. “Skye rubbing off on you?”
Kelly laughed. “It’s just hard not to notice when a guy’s salivating over my gorgeous graceful cousin.”
“I wasn’t drooling. I was just watching her. She’s really emotional tonight.”
“She always gets funny before a show.” She frowned. “Maybe not quite this funny.”
“It’s definitely more than that. She was actually crying a few minutes ago. Then she and Skye were having an intense conversation.”
“Must have been about you,” Kelly teased.
“I can only hope.”
“Ohh, flickering lights. We’re on. I’ll see you at intermission,” she said as she headed to her post across the stage to the
wing opposite Chris.
Chris forced his attention on his backstage job and away from the gorgeous dancer who was now standing beside him before entering the stage to welcome the audience and thank them for coming. He could feel Anne taking deep breaths to calm herself. He wanted to reach out to her, take her into his arms, hold her again, let her know she wasn’t alone. But there were forty pairs of eyes standing backstage watching them.
Instead he smiled at her and hoped she could feel his support. And then the curtains were opening, and Anne pranced onto the stage in her white leotard and tights with a silver wrap-around dance skirt on top. She was glowing now, as at home on stage as anyone he’d ever seen. She was smiling and nodding to the applause.
And then she was talking. “Thank you! Thank you all so much for your enduring support, your presence here tonight, and your enthusiastic anticipation of our new production of The Nutcracker. I hope we live up to your expectations, or even exceed them.” She laughed as the applause broke out again, telling her there was no doubt that they would definitely exceed them.
She explained a little about the production and how it was different from any of their past interpretations. Chris heard the words but he had stopped listening to their meaning and instead had tuned into the feeling behind them. She loved this, almost as much as she loved performing herself. She adored her students and thrived on the opportunity to inspire young bodies and souls to find their own passion for dance.
It was no wonder she was terrified of falling in love and losing herself. She didn’t want to give up one moment of this life she had created for herself. It would be like asking him to put down his camera just as the lion cub came bounding out from behind the tree or at the moment the sun lit up to its most brilliant. He got it. He loved her, all of her, and the last thing he wanted to do was take one moment of her dancing life away from her. She was safe, safe to love him back. He just had to convince her of that.
Chris whirled Sara around in his arms backstage. “Did I do okay?”
“You were amazing,” he assured him. “Not to be biased, but you were definitely the most creative snowflake.”
“You’re just saying that. Hey, Mom! What did you think?” She ran into Shelly’s arms who twirled her around just as Chris had.
“I think you were amazing. Definitely the most creative snowflake.”
Sara giggled and climbed out of her mother’s arms. “That’s just what Uncle Chris said. Hey, can we go for ice cream like you promised?”
“Absolutely. Go get changed first though.”
The brother and sister watched as the snowflake ran off to the dressing room.
“She’s beautiful,” Shelly said.
“She takes after her mom. You’ve done an amazing job with her, Shel.”
“I have, haven’t I? But she wasn’t the one I was talking about. I see why you fell so hard.”
“Hey, you came here to see your daughter dance, not to check out my love life.”
“Couldn’t help it. Ms. Jameson came on stage at the beginning and the end of the performance. What’d you want me to do, close my eyes?”
“That would have been good.”
Shelly punched him in the arm and he feigned immense pain. Before she could do it again, he wrapped his arms around her and held her still. When he let her go, he said softly, “So?”
“So? As in my big brother’s asking my opinion of the woman with whom he’s in love?”
“Don’t let it go to your head.”
“I think she’s wonderful. She radiates passion and vitality. She obviously loves dance and loves teaching. You picked the perfect subject for your article.”
“I know.” And not only for his article.
“Wow, you really are torn up over her, aren’t you? I’ve never seen you like this.”
“You said it yourself. I’m in love with her, Shel, and it’s just about killing me.”
“Because she’s not in love with you?”
“Because I don’t know if she’ll let herself fall in love with me.”
Shelly stood on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek. “Then she’s a fool.”
Chris laughed. “Maybe you could tell her that?”
Shelly glanced across the room at the subject of their conversation and said, “I would, except I think she’s wonderful.”
Anne smiled and held up her hand in a tentative wave. The woman talking to Chris had to be his sister, Sara’s mother. She was petite, much shorter than Chris, but she had the same light brown hair with flecks of gold. Anne struggled to make her way across the room to meet her, but was bombarded by appreciative parents at every turn.
She liked her already. And she was enjoying the brother-sister sparring that brought back good memories of her relationship with her big brother, Alex. The teasing, punching, laughing, hugging.
“Thank you so much,” she said to the parents of one of her dancers, “If you’ll excuse me.” She wriggled a path through the crowd and ducked for cover when she spotted several long-time supporters coming her way.
She extended her hand as soon as she reached the siblings. “You must be Shelly, Sara’s mom.”
“I am. And I know you’re Anne Jameson, amazing dancer and teacher and all my daughter ever talks about lately.”
Anne laughed self-consciously. “She’s a sweetheart. And a wonderful dancer.”
Shelly nodded. “I won’t even pretend to argue. She really loves taking your classes, and it was so kind of you to include her in your production at the last minute.”
“It wasn’t a problem at all, especially with such a willing and precocious student.”
Chris listened as his two favorite women conversed. The conversation flowed easily. Of course the main subject was their common interest, his niece.
“Anne, you’re needed over here.” Her Cousin Megan was calling her backstage.
Anne started to shake Shelly’s hand again, then changed her mind and hugged her briefly before excusing herself.
“Affectionate family,” Shelly said as they both watched her.
“Very.”
“I like that.”
“Yeah, me too.”
They looked at each other. “I suppose that’s because it’s so different from our family?” Shelly asked.
“I suppose so,” Chris said.
They were silent for a moment longer, both seemingly caught up in a daydream of what it would have been like if they had grown up in a family like the McCullough family.
Chris sighed as he wistfully pictured his own children growing up in that very family.
His sister broke the silence. “So, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
“I don’t?” Chris felt his confusion manifesting on his forehead. “Why not?”
Shelly shook her head as she stared up at her dense big brother. “The lovely Ms. Jameson is not such a fool after all. She’s already in love with you.”
Chapter 21
Chris pulled over beside the river, leaned his bike against some rocks and sat down beside it. He wasn’t feeling the cold anymore. Partially because of the hill he’d just cycled up. Partially because of his thoughts.
He had made it through a night without disruption, one disruption in particular. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed. But at least he’d slept for a change, that is, once he’d stopped fixating on Shelly’s words, trying to decide if she was right. She had claimed she could see the affection in Anne’s eyes, the glow when she looked at him, the magic when she smiled at him, and the longing when she stared at him from across the room. His question was, longing for what?
He wanted to believe his sister was right, but he was afraid to. Just before he’d drifted off to sleep he had realized that even if she was right, even if Anne was in love with him, she probably was completely unaware of it. And even if she were aware, she would fight those feelings with her usual determination. And she would win. She always did. At least most of the time.
He
was still amazed that he’d been able to resist her. He shivered against the cold breeze that had picked up, and he glanced down at his watch. He needed to head back in plenty of time to shower before the matinee performance. He wasn’t looking forward to it. For one reason only. It would put an end to his working side by side with her. It would put an end to his excuse to be around her. As soon as the performance was over, the studio would be closing for winter break. He wouldn’t even be bringing Sara in for classes.
And now that he’d finished his article, his only option was to take her out on dates. He just wasn’t sure she’d go out with him anymore if he didn’t put out. He laughed at that thought, wondering how many women had wondered the same thing about the men they were dating. Another thought struck him. Maybe he was doing penance for the male side of his family. Family karma or something of that sort. That didn’t really make sense considering that he was the only one of them who hadn’t spent his life mistreating and taking advantage of women. He blew out his breath which he could see against the cold December air as he realized that he was also the only one with a conscience.
He stood up, strapped his helmet in place, and straddled his bike. There was only one way to find out the limit of Anne’s patience. He would ask her out on a date tonight. A simple date. Burgers and a movie. And then he’d drop her off at home. And head back to his apartment. Alone. And lock the door and tuck a chair under the handle.
Anne stood in the center of the stage staring out at the theater seats. She loved this place. Her theater. The theater she’d grown up in. How did she get so lucky? Not only had she grown up in the most amazing family, but in the most beautiful countryside village she could ever imagine. And she’d been able to dance her heart out from the moment she had discovered dance. Her family had never failed to encourage her and support her. This was enough, she decided. This was more than enough. To dance and tour with an amazing troupe from San Francisco, to teach here in her home town, to be surrounded by family and friends. As far as she was concerned, she was just about the luckiest person on the planet.
She rubbed her arms as if there was a draft in the theater. If she was so lucky, and had everything she could ever imagine wanting, why did she feel as if something was missing? Her mind flashed on Chris and all she could think about was wanting him in her life. Wanting someone to come home to. Wanting someone to take her into his arms and ask her about her day and tell her about his. Wanting someone to always be there for her, to read her every mood, listen to her every word, and to love her unconditionally.
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