by J. H. Croix
They talked a little more and somewhere along the way it slipped out that she’d seen Trey again last night.
“Wait a minute, you saw Trey last night too?” Susie asked.
Hannah chuckled, throwing a sympathetic glance toward Emma. “You didn’t think she’d let that one by, did you?”
“Um…I saw him the last two nights actually,” Emma replied, a blush warming her face.
“Well, damn,” Susie said, setting her coffee down with a thud.
***
That afternoon, Stella sat in Emma’s office, shoved as far into the corner of the small sofa as she could possibly be. Janie sat beside her and threw a soft smile in Emma’s direction. Though they were entirely unrelated, biologically speaking, Stella bore a strong resemblance to Janie. Janie also had dark brown hair with porcelain skin. Rather than brown eyes, hers were a soft hazel. Janie definitely did not share the goth look favored by Stella. Today, Janie wore jeans with hiking boots and a bright red tank top with a loose flannel shirt. While she tended to dress with practicality, she had an air of femininity with lush curves and a warm mothering energy touched with a glint of mischief.
As a foster mother, she was rock solid. She was consistent, had clear expectations and was flexible. She was also nearly impossible to rattle. When Stella had first been placed in her care, according to Janie, it had been weeks of silence interrupted by explosions when Stella rubbed against an expectation she didn’t like. Having come from a childhood that had close to no structure and no expectations, Stella fought against them. After getting through that patch, Stella gradually settled in, and she and Janie had become close. Not long after Stella started therapy with Emma, Janie shared with Emma she had been willing to adopt Stella for a while, but even though her child services worker tried to talk her into it, Stella thought it was ‘stupid.’
Today was the planned day for Emma to try to facilitate a discussion between Stella and Janie about this. As with most plans for therapy sessions, that one was already out the window so far. Stella had shown up cranky and skittish. After barely speaking for the first few minutes, she blurted out that she wanted to stop going to recital practice. Janie had enough sense to wait her out. Without a word passing between them, Emma was in complete agreement on the waiting part, so the three of them had been sitting in silence for several minutes. Aside from Stella’s poor hair nearly being twirled off in one spot, the silence was rather uneventful.
Stella shifted on the couch. Emma glanced over. A tear slid down Stella’s cheek, and Emma’s heart clenched for her. She had to swallow the urge to comfort Stella. Janie caught Emma’s eyes and carefully reached over to snag the box of tissues on the coffee table, handing them to Stella without a word.
“I don’t really want to quit recital…” Stella started and paused with a sob. She straightened her shoulders and swiped at her tears with a tissue. “It’s just I don’t have any friends there and all the other kids know each other. They’ve been in music class together forever. I only moved to Diamond Creek when my dad went to jail. All the kids I grew up with are in Kenai. It’s not like I had a lot of friends there, but at least I knew some people. It sucks moving somewhere new.”
Stella grabbed another tissue and noisily blew her nose. She finally looked up, her eyes swerving immediately to Janie. Though Stella probably didn’t even realize it and wouldn’t dare admit it if she did, it was obvious she was seeking reassurance.
Janie calmly looked back at Stella, her lips quirking in a soft smile. She shrugged. “And so what? Lots of kids didn’t grow up here. For example, that kid Parker who you’re so convinced is horrible because he was friends with Byron, well he only moved to Diamond Creek the same year you did.”
Stella’s eyes widened. “How do you know?” she asked, her tone incredulous and annoyed at once.
“Okay, you don’t have to think I know everything, but maybe you could give me a little credit for knowing who’s who around town. Whether I like it or not, I grew up here, and I know just about everyone. The scoop on Parker is his family moved here from out of state when his dad got a job on the North Slope. And while we’re on the subject of what I know, even if most kids won’t admit it to save their lives, it’s usually not cool to have been in Diamond Creek your whole life. Most of those kids can’t wait to move away and think all the new kids are cool and mysterious.”
Stella rolled her eyes at that. “Um, I’m pretty sure no one thinks I’m cool and mysterious.” A giggle followed.
Emma gave her a wry smile. “Did you miss the part where Janie said most kids wouldn’t admit that part?”
Janie laughed and Stella threw a tissue at Emma before sitting back again with a sigh. “I don’t think they think that, but I know they wouldn’t admit it if they did. I just wish it wasn’t so hard. I really like piano, and Mrs. Cooper’s my favorite teacher. Then I get there and I get all nervous and think everyone’s staring at me.”
The logjam broken on Stella’s silence, she tolerated Janie’s reassurance with only a few pushes against it. Though Emma had let go of trying to talk about the possibility of adoption in today’s session, she was surprised at how easily it came up. Stella, as usual, abruptly changed topic.
“Okay, so we’re here for a reason. I promised you we’d talk about this adoption thing,” Stella said, her eyes guarded at once.
Janie didn’t miss a beat. “You know how I feel. You’re my daughter to me in every way that matters…” she tapped her heart, “…so I just want to make it official. That’s about all I have to say. But I don’t want you to think anything will change if you decide not to. I just wanted to make sure we actually tried to talk about it. When Emma said you were willing to talk, I didn’t want to miss the chance.”
Emma looked to Stella, gauging her reaction. Stella was so naturally defensive that any softening in those defenses was a sign of massive progress. Watching her now, Emma saw Stella’s face go blank for a moment, all emotion shielded. That quickly morphed into a flash of irritation, followed by sadness and a flicker of hope. Emma waited, eventually electing to nudge her a little before Stella drifted into silence again, her go to defensive mode.
“Stella?” she asked.
Stella’s eyes flicked to her. She gave a small nod.
“You told me you wanted to try to talk about this, so that’s why we’re here. There’s no ‘have to’ though. We could start talking today and try again later,” Emma said, once again holding herself back. Though this was her job, she did it because she cared. Stella had burrowed into her heart and she simply wanted her to be okay. That meant letting her get there at her own pace.
Stella looked away and twirled her hair. “I know. I just…thought maybe we could go for it.” She paused and looked to Janie. “That’s all I wanted to say.”
Janie’s eyes held tears. “You had me all ready to talk talk. And that’s it. You want to maybe go for it? There’s still a maybe in there, so maybe you should think about it a little more. Maybe talk to Emma when I’m not here. I really, really don’t want you to do this because you think you need to. It needs to be for you.” Janie glanced to Emma, a question in her eyes.
“I caught the maybe in there, but I think we need Stella to clarify that one,” Emma said.
Stella rolled her eyes and sighed, though a smile lurked at the corners of her mouth. “Maybe is maybe, but maybe what I mean is that we should find out what needs to happen. Last time my worker talked to me, she said all kinds of stuff about court paperwork and a home study. By now, I probably have another worker who won’t know what to do.”
Janie chuckled. “You’ve had a few workers, but I just talked to Diana Reynolds the other day. She’s still your worker and she hasn’t forgotten what you two talked about. So if maybe means we need to talk to Diana, how about I call her tomorrow? She’ll set up a time to come see you.”
At Stella’s agreement, Janie wisely changed the subject, circling back to recital. After some more hemming and hawing, Stella agreed s
he’d keep going to practices for now. Emma watched them leave, Janie tucking her hand through Stella’s arm on the way down the hall. When Emma closed the door to her office, she gave the jump of joy she couldn’t show to Stella, sitting down to type her notes with a wide smile.
As Emma got ready to leave the office, she wished she could borrow some of Stella’s courage. Though Stella had wrestled with feeling accepted by Janie and Janie’s family, she faced it head on once she decided to do it. If only Emma could find a way to do that with Trey. Oh she knew she was to an extent, as she felt powerless against the tow of her feelings for him. What she didn’t know was how put words to what was happening. The faster it happened, the more potent the rush of passion between them, the more vulnerable she felt and the more she worried about what it all meant and where it was going. And for now, she didn’t know how to say any of that to Trey.
He had called her today to invite her to dinner to meet his sister. She was barreling towards something she hadn’t anticipated. The idea of meeting his sister terrified her so much she ended up texting him later to cancel, only to regret the text about a minute after she sent it.
Chapter 11
Later that night, Emma started getting call upon call from the dreaded ‘Private’ number. She put the phone on silent, but found it more disconcerting to notice the screen flashing without any sound. Sula became enamored with the phone vibrating on the coffee table and batted at it with her paws. The calls came at regular intervals for roughly an hour. A familiar feeling descended upon her. By the time she was a few months into her marriage to Greg, she’d become accustomed to the feeling that washed over her and settled—knots of tension in her center that radiated outward, cold anxiety clamping down on her chest making her muscles tight and a weariness that weighed on her.
She knew she shouldn’t have let Trey answer the call the other night. It would infuriate Greg to know that she spoke to anyone about him. He would be white-hot that anyone showed any interest in her. Not that Trey had indicated as such in the brief call, but just to have a man answer her phone would incense Greg.
Sula finally batted her phone to the floor. It landed with a thud. A few seconds later, it buzzed again. Emma closed her eyes and took a slow breath. All the mantras she chanted since she walked out that night over three years ago felt flimsy and insubstantial. If Greg could keep finding her number, he could find her. She tried to tell herself he wouldn’t bother, that he didn’t have that much motivation. Even if he knew she was in Alaska, she was a long, long way from where she’d last known him to be in Connecticut. She desperately wanted to turn her phone off entirely. But another toll from those years of explosive rages was she always needed a working phone available—always. Because the option to call for help was about the only thing that kept her sane on bad days.
In a moment between those calls, Emma grabbed her phone off the floor and called Hannah only to get her voice mail. She impulsively called Trey next, desperate to link with someone outside of her own mind and the spiral of worry building inside. As she waited for Trey to answer, her phone bleeped in her ear, indicating another call coming in.
“Hey there,” Trey said. “Didn’t expect you to call this late.” His tone was light and casual. She heard a woman laugh in the background and Trey call out that he was on the phone.
“Sorry about that. Risa’s getting Stuart ready for a bath, and he’s trying to talk her into letting Tootsie join him. No matter how many times I tell him cats don’t like baths, he thinks it’s a good idea. Maybe I’ll just let him try one of these days, and that’ll be the end of that,” Trey said with a chuckle.
Emma managed a laugh, but had to choke back a sob that rose against her will.
Somehow, Trey cued in to her. “You okay?” he asked, his tone sharp and probing.
She nodded, even though he wasn’t there to see, as if by nodding she could persuade herself she was okay. She tried to answer him, but all that came out was another sob.
“Emma, tell me what’s going on,” Trey said softly, but firmly.
“He keeps calling. It won’t stop…” Her words tumbled out, another bleep in her ear at the same time.
Trey noticed the break in the call. “You’re getting another call now. Why don’t you come over here? I don’t want you sitting there all alone.”
By this point, Emma wasn’t feeling rational. All the fears she shoved away each time she got these waves of calls were smothering her now. By giving voice to what was happening, she couldn’t avoid it anymore. She was terrified Greg might know where she was and might have bothered to make his way here.
Sula leapt on the sofa and sidled up to her, curling against her arm and purring. “I don’t know. I can’t leave Sula here.” Of all the reasons to worry, that was the one she focused on for now. Leaving her cat for one night.
Trey didn’t hesitate. “Well, Stuart wanted Tootsie to meet Sula. I think it’s a fine time to bring her over.”
There was a long pause. Her phone bleeped again. Trey swore softly.
She could feel him thinking through the phone.
“Emma…” he paused when the connection was interrupted by another bleep. “Just come over. If you don’t come here, I’m coming over there,” he said flatly.
“What are we going to tell Stuart?” she asked, desperately wanting to go, but conflicted about how much she wanted the comfort of Trey’s solid presence.
“That you wanted to come over. I’ll be the first to say I hadn’t planned to have you spend the night here quite this fast, but I don’t like that you’re getting these calls, and I can tell you’re scared. Do the calls usually happen this fast?”
Emma sighed. “It depends. Sometimes there are no calls for weeks or months, then they just happen. Sometimes I get a few at a time. This is more than usual.”
Trey was silent for a long moment. He started to speak and stopped. “So what’ll it be? My place or yours? And if you’re worried about meeting Risa, it’ll be fine. Okay if I fill her in a little, so she isn’t wondering why the sudden change in plans?”
Emma hesitated, not wanting Trey’s sister to know this part of her history before she even met her.
“Emma, Risa will understand,” Trey said softly, leaving her to wonder if he was telepathic.
She shifted restlessly on the couch tilting in the direction of staying home. Her phone bleeped in her ear again. She held it away briefly to see ‘Private’ flash on the screen. “I’ll be there in a few. I just need to get my stuff for work tomorrow.”
***
Emma sat on Trey’s couch, Risa sitting on the other part of the sectional. Trey was in the kitchen putting dishes in the dishwasher. Emma had arrived with Sula in her carrier. She’d almost convinced herself it was perfectly fine to leave Sula for the night, but the stopper on her fears had broken free and she couldn’t talk herself out of her worry. Stuart was overjoyed to meet Sula. The introduction to Tootsie had involved some hissing, hair raising and a few swipes. Alas, they’d settled their differences quickly. Tootsie was as easy going with Sula as he was with kids. Once Sula had expressed herself, he settled down for a nap and let her be.
Stuart was tucked in bed now after quickly wearing out with the excitement of both Risa and Emma being there. He fell asleep mid-sentence, and Trey carted him off to bed.
Emma glanced at Risa, wondering what to say. Risa was a combination of comforting and intimidating. Emma thought perhaps the comfort came from how much her energy resembled Susie’s—a forceful burst softened with warmth. It was intriguing to observe Trey with her. They were clearly close, teasing each other in turn. The more she got to know him, the more she realized that her first impression of him had been deceptive. The man she’d thought to be reserved and too good for her was funny, charming and warm with those who knew him well.
Emma knew Risa was sizing her up and felt sorely inadequate. Of all the nights to meet her, it had to be tonight when she felt exposed, anxious and stupid.
Just being in the presence of others had abated her fears, and she now felt rather silly.
Risa had a strong beauty. Dark brown hair and matching eyes with the same sharp, angular features and full lips that Trey had. She was dressed in a bright blue jersey skirt with a loose white blouse and clogs. Risa captured Emma’s eyes and tilted her head. “Don’t worry about me. I’m sure you think you should, but trust me, we’re good. I can tell you’re good for Trey and Stuart and that’s all that matters to me. I won’t pretend I’m not protective as hell. Trey may be my older brother, but I’ve got his back. If I thought there was a problem, you’d hear about it. And if you’re worried about what I think about why you showed up tonight—don’t. I don’t expect you to tell me all about it. But it might help if you knew that one of my closest friends showed up on my doorstep one night with two black eyes. She’d been dating the guy for years by that point, and I had no idea what had been going on. That’s how well she covered it up. No judgment from me.”
Emma was so startled she sat in silence for a long moment. Finally gathering herself, she met Risa’s dark brown gaze. “Thank you. I can’t tell you how much that helps,” she paused, tears pressing at her eyes.
Risa calmly snagged a box of tissues on a small table beside the couch and handed them over. Emma accepted them with a small smile and quickly wiped her eyes.
Taking a deep breath, she continued. “I was so nervous about meeting you and now I just feel silly. You must think I’m crazy.”
Risa’s eyes were steady. “I know you’re not crazy. We don’t need to spend all night talking about it—unless you want to—but I watched my friend avoid calls, avoid places and more. Guys like that, they’re the ones who are crazy. And they know it works. All it took was one call, and my friend would be worked up for days. Trey told me about your ex. He’s just another guy with the same tired moves. And don’t forget, you got away. You left. If there’s one thing I know, that takes strength.”