Always Rock Hard

by Melissa Devenport

  “Sarah!”

  The figure halted. She finally turned, slowly, reluctantly. Sean’s heart hammered wildly. His breath fogged out in front of him and swirled around his head before vanishing into the black night air. Overhead the stars, actually visible, looked down on them.

  He ran down the sidewalk, no longer caring how ridiculous he looked. For her, he was more than willing to humiliate himself. For her, he’d paid his dues and changed the world.

  If only she knew it.

  When he reached her he realized how hard she was breathing. White puffs of breath steamed upwards, vanishing towards the same stars as his.

  “Sarah,” he whispered. He was unable to say anything else. He waited while she stared back at him, wild eyed, like a caged animal. He thought she would bolt but she seemed to come to some inner decision. She squared her shoulders and turned to him.

  “Sean.”

  “You came.”

  She shrugged. “I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.”

  Liar. He could tell from the look in her eyes that it was more than that. “Well?”

  “Well what?”

  “What did you think?”

  Sarah hesitated. Her blue eyes sparked with fire before she blinked and the flames were snuffed out. “I thought that- well- there were an awful lot of women who wanted your autograph.”

  Sean stared at her hard for a second before he laughed. God, she was jealous. He noted that same fire roar to life in those blue depths. “Yes, well, that’s all they’ll get from me.”

  Sarah shook her head slowly. “It must be nice. Being famous. The women, the crowds, the free rides, the scene. You always craved all of it.”

  Sean shocked her by stepping closer, throwing her out of her comfort zone. She froze. Beside them on the street, a car whizzed by, its headlights temporarily illuminating them and the buildings that served as a backdrop to a conversation that he’d never imagined would one day be a reality. He never thought he’d see her again after she left him.

  “Not all of it. I wanted the world to hear my songs. I wanted to make a difference that way. I wanted to touch people’s lives the way that music has always touched mine.”

  Sarah shrugged. She pursed her lips like she was trying to decide whether or not to believe him. “How did it happen?” She finally asked.

  He knew exactly what she meant. “We got a new manager. Changed the band name. Wrote a couple new songs. One of them took off. People loved it. All of a sudden, almost overnight, we had a hit and people wanted to hear us. It all snowballed from there. The album sales, the concerts, the fame.”

  “You’re a rock star now. What you always wanted.”

  Sean touched her shoulder and she gasped, almost inaudibly. Her eyes flew to his hand as though it was viper that had just struck her. “It’s not all that I wanted. You were always supposed to be a part of it.”

  “Where would I fit in with all the groupies and the women? You clearly have enough adoring fans without adding me.” Her words were acrid and bitter.

  “You’re wrong,” Sean whispered. He didn’t take his hand from her shoulder. Even though the night was cold and she wore only a dress that was far more work appropriate attire than it was usual concert going fare, her skin burned into his palm.

  “You’re a different man now Sean. What we had, it’s best forgotten.”

  Sean’s eyes left her face and searched the street wildly. He had to remind her that some things truly never changed. That same fire that used to burn in her eyes was still there. He wanted to remind her of it but hell if he was going to do it out here in the middle of the street.

  He found what he was looking for. A gap between two buildings. A tall brick building and another smaller one right beside it.

  His hand left her shoulder and trailed down her arm. He gripped her fingers in his and pulled her towards the alley. She protested at first but after a few seconds, her strides matched his own.

  He ducked into the shadowed darkness where only a thin sliver of moonlight filtered down. The street lights didn’t even cut into the darkness. He could barely see Sarah’s face but he knew what expression was there.

  Desire. Raw hunger.

  He sensed it, latent, lying dormant below the surface. If she was willing to give in and let herself feel, it was there. It had never died. Not for him. Not for her.

  He bent his head and claimed her lips in a passionate kiss. Her mouth was warm and supple. The soft, delicate curve of her bottom lip was just as he remembered. He licked at it eagerly and her mouth parted for him. She whimpered as his tongue swept in and stroked hers. His insides cramped painfully and lower, his groin burned. His cock pulsed with need. He pressed into her, flattening her back against the brick wall and grinding his hard erection into the curve of her thigh. His leather pants left absolutely no doubt of his rock hard need.

  Sean pulled away and Sarah panted as he broke the kiss. His own breathing was ragged and uneven. “You see Sarah, some things never change.”

  His hand traveled up her warm thigh, up that chaste red dress and found the silk of her panties. She was so warm and wet he had to stifle a groan.

  Sarah froze. He didn’t move his hand away and she didn’t ask him to. Her breathing hitched but he could tell that she was as on fire as he was. He bent his head and nuzzled the soft, fragrant skin of her neck. He thought he smelled perfume before he remembered she didn’t wear any. It must be her shampoo. She’d switched from whatever floral scent she used to use to a lighter vanilla based soap.

  He imagined his breath tickled her neck when he whispered in her ear. “I have to go out of town for a couple weeks. Finish this tour. I’ll be back. I’ll be back for a week and we’ll catch up. I’m going to see you again Sarah.”

  “N-no,” she stammered.

  “We’ll see.”

  Sean removed his hand and stepped away. He was rewarded when her blue eyes flew to his face. He saw the scorching heat there, the longing, the desire.

  Some things really never did change.

  She spun wildly and stalked out of the alley. She never looked back but he knew that it took all her willpower not to.

  Chapter 5

  “He said he was coming back in a couple weeks? Jesus, you aren’t seriously thinking about seeing him again are you?” Annie wrinkled her nose like the thought left a bad taste in her mouth.

  Sarah shrugged. She sometimes wished her bff could just be a little less nosy. Ever since that night at Sally’s, Annie had been like a relentless hound with the smell of prey in its nose. Except her mission wasn’t to catch some poor rabbit, it was to keep Sarah away from Sean.

  “I don’t know okay. I left without giving him an answer.”

  “He knows your number though?”

  “I never changed it.”

  “Don’t answer then. I’m sure he’ll take the hint.”

  Sarah sighed and sipped at her latte. She’d agreed to meet Annie downtown on their lunch break since they worked fairly close together. Annie worked in a call center for a bank. She hated her job but it paid well. Sarah, on the other hand, enjoyed her job even though it paid little more than minimum wage. She assisted customers at an eye center, booking appointments and helping pick out glasses or contacts.

  Annie waited anxiously for Sarah to promise that she wasn’t going to see Sean. Sarah tried to form words. She wanted to say that she and Sean hadn’t been anything in a very long time. She wanted to deny the fact that she still felt anything but she couldn’t. She couldn’t even fool herself.

  “You aren’t seriously…” Annie trailed off indignantly. “Sarah! Come on! Are you actually telling me that you’re willing to forgive the years of having to support Sean’s ass, the partying, the drinking, the endless days where he just sat there trying to write a stupid song when he should have been working.”

  Sarah swallowed hard. “It obviously paid off.”

  “It broke you guys apart.
I remember how miserable you were. You moved out of that dump apartment with next to nothing. You were working three jobs to try and support Sean who would rather sit on his ass and pretend he was a rock star. You cried all the time.”

  “Yes and I moved in with you and we became better friends than ever. We had some good times!”

  Annie allowed a ghost of a smile. “I know that we did but don’t change the subject. Sean wasn’t any good for you then and he’s not any good now. Just because he has a song on the radio and people who actually want to see him perform now doesn’t mean that he’s a better person or that he still cares.”

  “I know. I know that Annie. You don’t have to tell me.” Sarah’s tone was soft to take the edge off her words. “I get that Sean and I weren’t in a good place before. I could never forget.” She lowered her eyes, almost ashamed to say the next words out loud. “I just- I always loved him. Even though to everyone else he seemed like a loser, I saw his heart and it was always good. He loved me and I loved him, even if no one understood us. He was a deadbeat and I was the desperate girlfriend trying to save him. That’s what everyone thought but it wasn’t like that for me. At least not all the time. Yes, I wished he could have got real half the time. Yes, I wanted him to get a job and contribute. I couldn’t handle living in a dumpy apartment going nowhere so I broke up with him. I thought maybe it would bring him to his senses and he’d give up on a dream that was just that- a dream. Instead he’d become more determined. He’d moved away and eventually found the success he always said would happen.”

  “I know. You don’t have to clue me in. I know how you felt about him and I know how he hurt you.”

  “It wasn’t him exactly. He never said or did anything but be the same Sean he always was. It was me who couldn’t take it anymore. I was the one who bailed. Maybe I shouldn’t have.”

  Annie shook her head. She sipped the last of her tea and set the cup down on the table. “I think you did the right thing. Who knows, maybe if you stayed, Sean never would have left and you’d still be killing yourself working shit jobs so he could afford a new amp or rent on that dive. Instead you forced him to get out there and support his ass. When you stopped working for him, he had to work for himself. Maybe your leaving was the trigger he needed to get real and get out there.”

  Sarah smiled at Annie’s twist on everything. Who knew, it might be the truth. She wasn’t sure. The only thing she really knew was that her heart had been wounded since the minute she walked out on Sean. It had never healed and now that she’d seen him again… the most absurd hope took root in her heart.

  She finished her latte and checked her phone. “I have to get back to work. Thanks for the coffee.”

  “I had to invite you out. I needed to make sure, as your best friend, that you weren’t going to do anything stupid. Now that I know the answer, I just have to tell you that I’ll be here, as always. You’re like a sister to me. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

  “I know.” Sarah stood up and pushed back her chair. She stepped into Annie’s arms. They wrapped around her and pulled her close. “I’ll be fine.”

  Sarah wasn’t sure who she was trying to assure. Annie or herself.

  Chapter 6

  A couple weeks felt like an eternity. It was such a vague timeframe. Part of Sarah dreaded seeing Sean again. He had the power to hurt her and the urge to protect her vulnerable heart was almost too great for her to deny. The other part of her knew that she was as powerless as ever to resist seeing Sean again. The hard truth was that he held her heart and he always had.

  Sarah was just getting ready for bed when someone rang her buzzer. She blinked. Her hand froze on the sheets she’d just peeled back.

  Her eyes flew to the clock on her nightstand. It was after eleven. Someone must have rang the wrong apartment. She shrugged and got into bed.

  The buzzer went off again.

  Her eyes flew open. Sean. She sensed it was him.

  She had no idea how he’d found out where she lived. Sarah rushed through her room, tugging on a pair of jeans and throwing on a blouse over the black tank she’d put on for bed. She flew out of her apartment and rushed down the stairs to the front entrance. Half way down she realized she’d forgotten to press the release to undo the lock on the door.

  As she neared the entrance, her heart leapt. Her pulse accelerated rapidly to the point where she could feel it jumping at the side of her neck. She took a deep breath before she slowed her pace. She forced herself to be casual when she opened the door.

  Sean looked as good as he always did. He wore a pair of faded jeans that looked sinfully good on him. His leather jacket and black t-shirt, pony tail and the devious glint in his eyes gave him a bad boy aura even though he’d never been one.

  “What- what are you doing here?” Sarah stammered.

  Sean leaned casually against the door jamb. “I told you I was coming back to town.”

  “I know. I just- how did you find out where I lived?” Sean shrugged maddeningly. “You aren’t going to tell me are you?”

  He shrugged again and smiled. “Do you want to join me for a walk? It’s not cold yet but it seems like soon it will be.”

  “I should get a jacket.”

  “You can use mine.” Sean shrugged out of his leather jacket before Sarah could protest.

  He handed it over and Sarah hesitated. Finally she reached out and took it. The leather was soft, creamy, like butter. She slipped it on. The weight of it on her shoulders was steady and reassuring. The heat of Sean’s body clung to the leather, warming Sarah. She inhaled and the jacket smelled like him, a deep, male scent that had nothing to do with the cologne he wore.

  “Thanks,” she whispered. She didn’t want to hesitate in the entrance way and try and make small talk. Instead she charged outside. Sean followed her and the door slammed shut. “Shit!” Sarah whirled.

  “What?”

  “I forgot my key! Damn it!”

  “You could maybe buzz someone else to let you in?”

  “It’s late. I think I would probably wake someone up.” Sarah hesitated. She cursed herself for her lack of foresight.

  “You could come to my hotel. Stay the night and call your landlord in the morning.”

  “What? No! I couldn’t!”

  Sean smiled slowly, knowingly. “I have two beds in my room. They didn’t have any singles left so you’re in luck. I promise I’ll act like a gentleman.”

  Sarah’s body lit up at the thought of spending a night with Sean. She shouldn’t. She knew that it was the worst thing in the world for her. She couldn’t trust herself even if she could trust him. Annie was right when she implied that she was pretty much hopeless.

  “Come on. What are you going to do? Stay out here all night? Freeze? It’s either my hotel or try and wake someone up with that buzzer list.” Sean stepped closer. “Let’s see. How about number 454?”

  “No!” Sarah quickly pulled his outstretched finger away just as he was going to press the buzzer. “I’ll come with you.”

  He nodded. “Good. We have a lot to catch up on.”

  Sarah turned so he couldn’t see her blush. She didn’t like the excitement that bloomed in the pit of her stomach or the way her heart leapt painfully at the feel of Sean’s hand on her back, guiding her to his rental car. She had a feeling that this night was going to change the course of her life. Even if she trusted Sean to be a gentleman, she didn’t trust herself or her traitorous heart.

  Chapter 7

  Holy shit, was this real? It was all Sean could think of as he cracked the door on his hotel room and waited for Sarah to enter ahead of him.

  She walked across the room and glanced at the two beds wildly, as though it was some kind of trick. Like she thought he’d been lying to her. Sarah’s blue eyes flashed with something else, something that seemed dangerously close to disappointment.

  Sean’s heart rate increased. To say it was racing would be an understatemen
t. It was absolutely pounding under his chest. He remembered the silk of her skin as his hand traveled up her thigh that night in the alley. He remembered how warm and damp she’d been when he touched her panties. Hell, he remembered the explosive way they used to have sex. Some people thought the passion faded with time but they’d spent four years together and it never had.

  Would it be like that again?

  Sarah frowned. He wondered if she was thinking the same thing. He saw the flames of passion flickering in her eyes and he dared to hope that maybe, against all odds, she would give him a second chance. Or at least a chance to make it right. One last night together. That’s all he could ask her for.

  “Sarah,” he said hoarsely. “Tell me that you don’t remember how it used to be between us. I’m not talking about the hard times, I’m talking about the way our bodies used to come together.”

  Desire flitted across her beautiful features. “That- uh- that was never our problem,” she stammered.

  “I know it wasn’t. Our problem was me. I know you worked way too hard not only to take care of me but you worked hard on me as well. You tried to make my life a good one and I never saw or appreciated any of it. Until you left. When you walked out on me I realized I had to get my shit together. I had to get serious about music in a way I hadn’t been before. I couldn’t just wait for an opportunity to come to me and I certainly couldn’t stay here. Moving to LA was the best thing we ever could have done as a band. I’ve always wanted to tell you how sorry I am for how I was.”

  “You didn’t treat me badly.”

  “No but I didn’t treat you like how you deserved. I had my head so far up my ass I-”

  “Sean,” Sarah said breathlessly.

  His name on her lips silenced him. His breath rushed out of his lungs in a long exhale. “Yes?” He whispered.

  “Shut up and kiss me.”

  She stalked across the room and he met her half way. Their bodies tangled as he crushed her against his chest. His arms came down, one wrapped around her shoulders, the other rested on her waist. He bent his head and she tilted hers.