Chapter 18
Saturday, February 24
Feeling pleased with herself, Alice took a moment to admire the pan of blueberry muffins that she’d just pulled out of the oven. Oh, they did indeed look fine! They were packed with berries, and the crumb topping had browned nicely.
Why, they might even be the best muffins she’d ever made.
After waking up earlier than usual, she’d decided to make something for Waneta and Mark and take it over. She’d spotted a plastic container of blueberries in the back of the refrigerator and decided to put them to good use.
She wasn’t a particularly good cook, but she could make a handful of things and was proud of them. Blueberry muffins were in that select group.
Still feeling pleased—and perhaps a bit too prideful of her small accomplishment—Alice placed the warm muffins in one of Bethy’s pretty baskets, covered them with a clean dishcloth, then headed across the street.
And stopped right in the middle of the road.
She saw that Calvin’s truck had returned. Not sure if her pulse was racing because she was anxious to see him or because she was worried how he would act when he saw her, Alice changed her plans. Instead of going inside and chatting with Waneta for a few minutes, she was going to drop off the muffins and leave.
Yes, that was the right thing to do, anyway. Mark might be home from the hospital, but he was still under the weather.
Glad to have a new plan, she trotted up the steps and rapped her knuckles twice on the door.
When it opened, Alice smiled, ready to greet Waneta or maybe even Calvin.
However, it wasn’t either of them. Instead, it was Mark Fisher himself.
And that? Well, that left her dumbfounded.
“Why are you out of bed?” she blurted before she thought the better of it.
Mark blinked, as if he needed a minute to process her words. Then he grinned. “Hiya, Alice. It’s gut to see ya, too. Come on in.”
“I’m sorry I was so rude,” she said, feeling clumsy. “I have a bad habit of saying what is on my mind. I need to learn to hold my tongue.”
“Do you think so? Huh.”
Before she knew it, she had walked right in and he had closed the door behind her. “I brought you some blueberry muffins,” she said awkwardly as she thrust the basket at him. “They’re still warm.” When he didn’t reach for them, she began to feel awkward. More tongue-tied. “They’re real good. I mean, I ate one of them already. I mean, I make real gut muffins.” Oh, for heaven’s sakes! Had she just said that?
He smiled. “That’s good to know. Danke.” At last, he took the basket and set it on the kitchen counter.
It was all she could do not to roll her eyes. No doubt Mark was real glad to know that she made good muffins. He was also probably glad he had found out that she had terrible manners. Now he could warn Waneta away from her.
Alice wasn’t sure how to salvage this awkward, one-sided conversation, but she reckoned she had better try.
“Um, I came over to see if I could help you or Waneta with anything. And, of course, bring you muffins.” Yes, she’d just mentioned them yet again.
The corners of his lips twitched. “I’ll tell her you came by.”
“Danke.” After looking down the hall, half hoping to spy Calvin but seeing no one, she edged toward the door. Coming over had been a bad idea.
“You leaving so soon?”
She felt kind of sick. “I think it would be best.”
Mark nodded. “I think you are right,” he said slowly, “especially if you came over here to see my brother.”
“Calvin?” Oh, did she really make that sound like a question? Was she really going to act as if she didn’t know that Mark Fisher had only one brother and it absolutely was Calvin?
And then, just as if her subconscious had conjured him, there he was.
“Hey, Alice,” Calvin said as he walked into the room. “What are you doing here?”
That seemed to be the question of the morning. “I brought over muffins.”
“They’re blueberry. I heard they’re real gut, too,” Mark murmured.
“Yeah?” Calvin crossed the room, pulled one out of the basket, and took a bite of it. A few crumbs fell onto his white T-shirt before drifting to the floor. “You’re right. This is tasty. Did you make them?”
“I did.” Feeling the men’s silence practically swallow her, she added, “Muffins are one of my specialties.”
Calvin’s smile expanded into a full-fledged grin. “We are truly blessed then. Danke.”
She was fairly certain he was teasing her. She didn’t blame him, either. How could she sound perfectly calm and poised with a group of four-year-olds but like a ditsy girl in front of these two men? Feeling even more awkward, she glanced around the room. She didn’t know whether to smile, get down on her knees and clean up the crumbs, or scoot out the door before Mark started studying her again.
Calvin turned to his brother. “What’s going on? Did you offer Alice a cup of coffee? And how come you aren’t sitting down? Does Waneta even know you are up and wandering around the house?”
Mark’s expression tightened. “I’m feeling well enough to answer the door and haven’t had a chance to offer her a cup yet. I don’t feel like sitting, and Waneta is asleep.”
“Sounds like I got ho— I mean, back here just in time.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Mark snapped.
Looking between the two men and their bickering made Alice feel uneasy. Growing up with two brothers, and witnessing their jokes and jabs at each other all the time, she’d thought nothing could surprise her. Males were rough with each other. But this interaction between them was different.
Actually, it seemed as if there was something missing between Mark and Calvin. Oh, she didn’t think love was missing. But maybe it was trust?
Or perhaps it was something that had always lain between them that she was ignorant about. No matter what, it was obvious that it was time to go. “You know, I think I’ll go ahead and leave you two,” she said nervously. “I’m sorry I barged over here the way I did.”
Calvin whipped his head around to her. “No. Wait, Alice. You don’t need to leave.”
She eyed Mark nervously. “I don’t want to be in the way.”
“You aren’t in the way at all.” Calvin held out a hand. “Come on, let’s go sit down in the living room. I want to hear what you’ve been doing. Don’t worry about my brother’s sour disposition. He doesn’t mean anything.”
She ignored his hand but nodded.
He smiled in obvious relief. “Good. Go have a seat. You want a cup of coffee? I really need one.”
“Nee. I don’t want a cup.”
“I’ll be right back.” He held out a hand, almost as if he was trying to mentally push her into the other room.
Alice went into the living room and sat down. As Calvin returned to the kitchen and prepared a cup, she looked around the room. It was pleasing. She vaguely recalled Edward mentioning that when Mark returned to Horse Cave, he tore out most of the old floors and cabinets and replaced them all with fresh new items.
She guessed that when he married Waneta, she did some additional decorating. A bookshelf made of fine cherry filled half of one wall; on another was a blue and yellow quilted wall hanging. Also in the room were two comfortable easy chairs, a cherry rocker, and a game table, too. She liked how functional each piece was, like it had been chosen for its use and not just its looks.
“Sorry about that,” Calvin said as he sat down in the chair across from her, a large mug in his hands. “Now, how are you?”
“I think that is what I should be asking you. After all, you’re the one who has been gone. I hope your trip was gut?”
He rubbed one of his shoulders with a hand. “It was fine. Busy.”
“What did you do?”
“Do?” He rubbed his shoulder again. “Nothing special. Just my job.”
“Ah.” Feeling foolish, asking questions that re
ceived no answers, she was starting to wish she’d accepted his offer of coffee. At least then she’d have something to do with her hands.
“What Calvin is trying not to say is that his work wasn’t anything to be proud of,” Mark interrupted as he approached. “When Calvin left our way of life, he turned the corner and never looked back.”
Mark’s voice was so caustic, Alice was taken aback. “I don’t know what that means.”
“It means he doesn’t like who I’ve become,” Calvin said.
“Who have you become?” she repeated, still feeling like she was missing an important piece to their relationship puzzle.
Calvin leaned toward her. “All you need to know is that I would never hurt you,” he said quietly. “I like our friendship. I value it.”
She wanted to relax and take his words at face value, but doing so made her feel uneasy. It was obvious that he was lying to her, telling her things he wanted her to believe so that she would not ask him anything else.
Although . . . perhaps she was asking too much of him? After all, they didn’t know each other. Not really. Who was she to expect so much? “I like our friendship, too.” She heard her words, but they felt hollow—and maybe they were. They seemed to be five simple words that yearned to convey so much, but ultimately fell short.
Just as Calvin opened his mouth, obviously ready to tell her something else, Mark interrupted again. “I canna do this. I can’t stand here and watch you manipulate her, Calvin.” His voice turned hoarse. “Or worse, make her think that you are someone she should be spending any time with.”
While she gaped, Calvin got to his feet. They were now standing face to face, both over six foot tall. Glaring at each other. The tension and hurt that flowed between them was tangible and more than a little frightening.
“Alice ain’t your business,” Calvin said.
“Alice is a nice girl. If you continue this game of yours, you’re going to hurt her.”
“I’m not playing a game.”
“If you aren’t, that’s even worse. Are you really going to let her imagine that she could one day have a future with you?”
“We might have one,” Calvin countered.
“You better not.”
She definitely did not care to be talked about like she couldn’t speak for herself. And what was all of this about her and relationships?
Standing up, Alice pushed her way in between the two men. “Mark, as much as I don’t want to take a side, I have to agree with Calvin. I don’t think it’s your place to tell me who I should be friends with.”
Looking stunned, Mark’s expression faltered. “I’m sorry, Alice. I know it seems like I am overstepping. But I don’t want to see you hurt. And if you continue to persist in this relationship, you will be.”
Puzzled, Alice gazed at Calvin.
He closed his eyes briefly before looking like he had come to a conclusion. “Leave us alone, Mark. Or, if you can’t do that, let me know and I’ll speak to Alice outside.”
“What are you going to talk about? Are you going to tell her the truth about who you are?”
“I’m going to tell her what you believe to be true.”
Mark shook his head. “The day you speak like a normal person is going to be a gut one.” He threw up his hands. “You know what? Do whatever you want, I don’t care. Plan a future that ain’t never going to happen, if that’s what you want.”
After taking a step away, Mark turned to her. “Just don’t say no one warned ya.”
Neither she nor Calvin said a word as Mark trudged back to bed. Alice closed her eyes. What had happened? And just as importantly, why had it happened? It seemed as if the devil himself had gotten into her day’s agenda and took pleasure in turning it on its ear.
Becoming even more uneasy, Alice glanced at Calvin, not daring to say a word. Though, what else could she say?
Calvin must have sensed that, because he guided her to the couch, sat down close to her, and sighed. “I bet you’re wondering how your good deed turned out like this.”
Alice wanted to laugh off the conversation, to tell him that she was sure that his brother was just saying things he didn’t mean because he was feeling badly. But she hadn’t missed the flinch in Calvin’s expression when Mark accused him of keeping secrets.
He was keeping something from her. Something important that she obviously needed to know. “You might as well tell me what Mark was talking about. It’s going to always be in between us until you do.”
His mouth opened, then shut before he caught himself. “All right.” He stared at the quilted wall hanging. Exhaled. Then looked at her directly in the eye. “I am in a gang, Alice.”
She had heard of the word, of course. She might be Amish, but she didn’t live in a cave. But that said, what he was saying didn’t make a bit of sense. “I don’t understand.”
“I’m sure you don’t,” he said derisively. “My work . . . well, it’s with some men who don’t always function on the right side of the law.”
“You break the law?”
“Sometimes. When I have to.”
When he had to? What kind of man did such things? Gazing at him carefully, she realized that he was holding himself in a stiff manner. He was waiting for her to put him down. Or maybe even walk away?
That vulnerability she spied gave her the strength to carefully weigh her words, and maybe have more patience with him. “Calvin, I’m not trying to be difficult. But you need to be more clear. Just tell me.”
“I could try to sugarcoat it and tell you I belong because the gang is all about brotherhood, but it ain’t. It’s a business.” After looking at her again, he looked away. “We supply weapons to various other groups in the state. It’s all illegal.”
“So you are a dangerous man.”
He nodded. “I am. I’m a dangerous man who does a great many things I shouldn’t because I get paid well to do them.”
She felt goose bumps form on her arms as everything he told her sank in. Mark had been right. She needed to stay far away from him. Calvin Fisher represented the opposite of everything she believed in. Everything her family did. Why, what would her brothers or parents say if they knew she’d been alone with him? They’d have been scared, and terribly disappointed in her, too.
She got to her feet. “I think I had better go home now.”
Calvin didn’t move. Kept his eyes averted, like he could hardly bear to look at her. “I understand.”
She walked to the door, half listening for Calvin to call her name and beg her to stay. To say that he needed her friendship. To tell her that he wanted to change.
But he didn’t do any of that.
Only silence met her back as she walked out of the house.
It suited her fine. She was in a daze.
Until she realized that Sheriff Brewer was parked outside her house.
Chapter 19
Saturday, February 24
Calvin was torn between throwing his coffee mug across the living room and breaking down into tears. Neither was an option. He hadn’t been accidentally violent or done any crying in years. He’d learned over time to hold in his emotions, expect little from anyone, and never to plan for the future.
Heck, he’d learned all that from the time he was eight or nine years old. His father loved to dispense lessons through his fists while their mother had excelled in neglect. He’d learned from watching his older brother that no good came from letting his guard down. Things only got worse when you expected something better than was happening.
The only way to survive was to hold his emotions tight inside, pretend nothing mattered and bide his time. Those lessons had enabled him to go undercover in the Kings organization. He’d actually begun to feel pretty proud of himself for learning to hide his emotions so well.
Until now.
Seeing the horror on Alice’s face was excruciating. Almost as hard as hearing the loathing in Mark’s voice when he talked about his choices and decisions.
&
nbsp; And just like that, every doubt he’d ever had about himself came back. Tenfold. What was he trying to accomplish, anyway? It wasn’t like he could betray an illegal organization and then suddenly become a man who was worthy.
He cradled his face in his hands and tried to get his bearings. Since he was alone, he let himself relax enough to face his insecurities. Allowed himself to feel scared and disappointed. Allowed himself to admit that he had hoped Mark was finally coming to see him as someone worthwhile.
Admit that he had hoped he could be the kind of man that Alice would want to depend on.
The truths were difficult to face and harder to admit. They felt crushing. But perhaps they were cleansing, too. After all, it was so rare that he could be himself, even if for just a few minutes.
“Calvin, why are you sitting like this?” Waneta asked as she walked into the living room.
He popped up. “Hey, Neeta.”
She stopped directly in front of him, her face a wreath of concern. “Calvin, Mark just stomped into our bedroom and glared at me when I tried to help him lie down. What happened?”
“Nothing happened that hasn’t happened before. Your husband is annoyed with me.”
“That may be true, but I’d rather hear the truth,” she said as she sat down.
For a moment, Calvin considered simply assuring her that everything was fine. After all, she had more than enough to deal with. But he just wasn’t up to it. He felt alone and almost scared. Not for himself, but for the damage he was doing to his brother and to Alice. Even to Waneta. And Andrew, to whom he owed so much
If he didn’t get himself together, he was going to hurt himself and put everyone he cared about in danger.
“I feel like I’m drowning, Waneta,” he said frankly. “I can’t tell you all the details, but I’m in a pretty rough spot. No, a really rough spot. If I do something wrong I could hurt a lot of people.”
Her eyes widened. “Even Mark?”
“Yes. And you, too.”
“And Alice?”
With reluctance, he nodded.
After gazing at him for a long moment, she spoke. “Calvin, when I first started working with Mark, I was a little afraid of him.”
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