by Dee Ellis
“I love you, Levi. I love Amelia. I love us. I love you so much it scares the shit out of me. I don't make the right choices. Last night, I should have...” Levi is kissing me, soft and sweet, effectively shutting me up.
“Fuck, I love you too, honey. Didn't know I could find something like this, that feels this good, this big. You and Amelia are my fucking world, Brynn. I will get it right this time, even if we both make bad choices. I love you so much. I will do whatever it takes to give my girls a fucking fairytale, like I promised. We can tear this entire fucking castle down and start again if you need it. I didn't think about.... what this place looked like to you. Like another woman's home,”
“Whatever paint is on the walls or chair I sit in or photos on the wall, it’s only ever been our home. Tell me if I need to move us to a new place, or fuck, a new city. You girls, you're my fucking world, Brynn. Anything it takes.” I dropped my lips over his, sealing that promise with fire and heat.
Between us, Amelia fussed and we both laughed, breaking away. She reached for me and I bent to cuddle her too, the ache in my heart from a full day apart easing. The three of us cuddled on the couch, Levi soothing us both until Amelia and I passed out. I remember the bouncy music from Moana and then nothing.
I woke sometime later, a tangle of man and baby limbs trapping me. I twisted into them, and in the darkness, I promised I would make the right choices. For them. For Levi and for Amelia. For my family.
Starting with finding a way to keep Bernie away without Levi or Amelia getting hurt.
11
LEVI
I am in love. For the first time in my life, I am truly, deeply, madly in love. Drives me fucking crazy how much I love her. How much it kills me that even now, after going all in, she lies to me. Every. Single. Fucking. Day.
For the most part, I think I am a sane, rational man. Despite my issues with Isabel, I never went crazy with jealousy or made accusations. Even when the proof of her indiscretions came out, I didn't respond with wild emotion. I went to the courthouse, filed for divorce, and packed her shit. Nursed my wounded ego and lonely heart for a few months. End of story.
Brynn....she makes me less than sane and anything but rational.
Foolishly demanding she change her home, her city, her entire life had almost cost me everything. Had almost cost me her. I couldn't even consider losing her now. Didn't mean I didn't wonder about the lies. About how bad it could be that after everything, she couldn't tell me. And yet; I would let her lie to me if she needed to. Because I loved her beyond reason.
“What are we doing today?” It started like any other Monday before.
I woke up, changed, fed and cuddled with my daughter. I promised again that I'd keep Brynn for her. Because Amelia loved her and needed her, more than even I did. Brynn was her mother, and nothing could change that. Not even a few lies. Because, I knew those lies could never be as big as what she meant to me, to Amelia. Never.
Setting my daughter up for some tummy time, I headed back to the bedroom to get some mommy and daddy time.
Because, this Monday, Brynn loved me.
Pretty sure she loved me all the Mondays before, too. But this one, she told me so. I crawled up the new bed, which was amazing and I loved seeing her snuggled in, shoving her thighs open. Brynn was a Goddess in the morning; all creamy skin and swollen lips and messy hair. I loved it. I woke her up with a dirty, wet, hot kiss to her pussy, making her come two times with my tongue and fingers before I asked about our day.
But, not before she told me again.
“I love you.” It was breathy and gravelly this time, her skin flushed from her orgasm.
“Mmm, I love you, my queen.” I licked her sweetness once more, moaning at her sweet, salty taste before I asked again.
“What are we doing today?” My eyes darted to the phone on the bedside table the same moment she looked.
It rang four times. We said nothing. Brynn ignored more calls than she took, and the numbers were always the same. Boston area code. Four rings, then a voicemail that she listened to in private. Prickly jealousy heated my flesh when she started to reach for the phone.
“Whatever you want to do, baby. It's your day.” Her hand instead came up to lace in my hair, tugging me down for a kiss.
A kiss that washed away my jealousy, cleared the air of her lies and had me climbing over her. I tore her shirt off, hands going to her tits, rough against the peaked nipples as I thrust against her.
“First, I remind you who you belong to,” My eyes darted towards the phone, “Then we take our Princess shopping. Maybe you too, if you behave.” Beneath me, Brynn was bucking her hips, her head thrown back as she watched me.
With a rip of her panties and a frantic shove of my boxers, I thrust into her. Brynn hissed out, but I didn't care. I needed the connection, needed to remind her it was never going away. One hand pinned her arms above her head, the other dropping between us.
“Watch me while I fuck you.” I ordered, nothing sweet or gentle about the demand.
“Baby...” The hand between us began strumming her swollen clit, spreading her wetness over her soft pink folds.
“Mmm, hush. Watch me take what's mine. Look at how fucking beautiful that is, honey. Your pussy gets so greedy for my cock. It needs me. Needs what only I can give. You need me. Tell me you love me.” I was pounding hard, fast, almost savagely now.
Brynn whimpered, arching her back, taking it like a champ. I felt her tighten, my fingers tugging and flicking at her clit. I pulled out, shoving my dick between her folds, rubbing her sensitive clit with the swollen head.
“Tell me.” Aiming my hips, I pressed to her heat, just the tip, waiting.
“I love you, Levi. Please...I need you.” I nodded, surging forward to the hilt in one savage thrust.
“That's right. Tell me it’s mine.” I pumped a few times then pulled out.
“Levi...please...I am yours.” I shook my head, rubbing the head against her throbbing bundle of nerves again.
“Tell. Me. This. Pussy. Is. Mine.” I growled, slamming inside her then all the way out.
“It’s...it’s yours. It's all yours.” A growl ripped from my chest, bouncing off the freshly painted walls.
“Fucking right. All mine. All of you is all mine. It's sticking, honey. You hear me. We're sticking.” Again, I thrummed my thumb against her hot, wet flesh, watching her shudder beneath me.
I could barely focus, I was so fucking jealous. So fucking scared. I pounded into her again and again, feeling her come before I even slowed. Her tightness pulsed and shuddered around me as she moaned my name, told me she loved me, reminded me she was mine. But, I was terrified that maybe she wasn't.
“Turn over. Bring that ass back here.” I commanded, slapping her thigh as she turned.
I knew Amelia was fine with her playset, knew we had some time. I think I might not have cared if we didn't, I needed this. Needed to feel her submit to me. Give me everything. Like I wanted to give her. Brynn obeyed, though, twisting on the bed, arching her back, her top half flat on the bed.
“Levi....” My name on her lips made me harder still, and I buried myself deep inside her.
I bucked against her harder and deeper, slapping big, pink handprints into each cheek. A thrust in, a swat to her ass. Thrust out, swat to her ass again. I brought her elbows back, wrapping my arm around them as I used her body to fuck her harder. To punish her. And to punish myself. Because hurting her like this, it hurt me too.
“That's it. Fuck, you're so hot and wet for me, honey. Always so fucking greedy for my cock. This cunt loves my cock. Tell me you love it, baby. Tell me how much you need it.” I didn't even know what I was saying, but Brynn obeyed every demand.
When I sunk two fingers into her ass, scissoring them, she took it. Sweat coated us both, the bed thudded against the wall and the room reeked of sex and still, I pounded into her. Pumped my fingers into her, told her how much I fucking loved her. Needed her. Would never let her go.
“I fucking love you. Need you. Need you so much, honey. You're all fucking mine. My queen. My fucking queen.” I growled this into her shoulder, my teeth sinking into her flesh as I came inside her, marking her as carnally as I could.
“My king.” Brynn moaned beneath me as I rolled off her.
We took a moment, staring at each other as we settled back to earth. No words were said, but questions were asked. Are we ok? Will we be ok? Why can't you tell me everything? Would you stay if I told you everything? I didn't know the answers, not really. But I knew this was sticking with me, even if we weren't okay, and if she did tell me everything and I didn't let her stay. I was never shaking what this woman did to me.
That Monday did not end like the others before it.
It was when my crazy started to show itself. I fucked Brynn every chance I got, anywhere she let me, in any way she would let me. In the shower every morning, in the kitchen between lunches or during dinner.
At the park during a movie outing with the others, our daughter cooing over baby Ford. Every time, it was more intense, more full of need and desperation than the last. And every time, she told me nothing but how much she loved me. Loved Amelia. Loved us. Promised she was staying.
“I love you Levi,” Brynn moaned one night while I fucked her hard and fast in the back seat of our brand-new SUV,”I love you, baby. Please...please.” It wasn't enough, the truth in her eyes, in the way she said it, it wasn't enough.
Afterwards, her phone rang and she gave me that look then walked away to listen to someone else tell her something that mattered more than the truth.
BRYNN
Levi thought I had someone else waiting for me somewhere. Oh, he never accused me of seeing someone else. Or checked my phone—despite my many mysterious calls—or even talked about other men. It was what he did not say that let me know his fears. It lit him with a fire I'd never seen before. A fire lit by my fucking lies.
“Tell me it’s mine. Tell me.” Levi growled into my ear as he bent me over the counter, taking me hard and fast.
“Everything is yours, baby. I'm yours. I love you, Levi.” I took his punishing thrusts as I gripped the granite, my body aching from the force.
Aches I could take. Constant fucking, dirty and rough most times, sweet and slow others, but always tinged with a bit of desperation, I could take. Hell, I welcomed it. Getting lost in what he did to me, the way he touched me, the way his weight felt on my body, pinning me down, claiming me again and again. I could take that every day. And lately, I did. Several times a day.
What I could not take was the questions in his eyes.
Because he deserved the truth. Levi deserved my everything. I knew he did, and I knew I was a fucking coward for not giving it when he asked. When he begged me, without making either of us hurt with the questions. Every single day for weeks, he begged me to tell him. To give the final bricks that could make this castle of ours solid. I couldn't. I was too scared it would crumble around us.
“Tell me you love me.” That was no lie; I could tell him that a thousand times.
“Tell me it's mine.” Again, not a lie; my body, soul, my heart was his. My lady parts? No doubt his.
“Tell me you will stay.” This one, whispered just last night as we snuggled in bed, I could say. It was not a lie; I never wanted to leave.
Bernie had taken the choice to stay away from me, however.
While making eggs and waffles for us, after the early morning before-breakfast fuck Levi seemed to need lately, I got another message. With too many details to let me breathe right. What Amelia was wearing at the park the day before. Where Levi worked. The new car we had purchased. Details that meant Bernie was within reach. I had no choice but to leave, even if just to lead him away from my family.
“I love you, Princess.” I whispered to her while scooping her up, after serving Levi his breakfast.
“Love the king too, right?” Levi tugged me into his lap, kissing us both between bites of bacon.
“Mmm, yes, baby. I definitely love the king.” I knew he wouldn't let me go, not after he saw me listen to that message.
I settled into his lap and fed Amelia, while he talked about his day. Asked me what I planned to do with mine. Another thing I could take? Possessive Levi. In fact, it kind of turned me on. Okay, not kind of. Once I secured Amelia into her high chair and grabbed a can of pureed sweet potatoes, he pulled me back into his lap.
“Mmm, king loves his queen too. Fuck, you smell good. Like us. I love that. I love your tits in this shirt.” Levi murmured this all against the back of my neck as I tried to feed Amelia.
“I'd hope you loved my tits in all my shirts.” I giggled when he bit at my neck, sinking his teeth in deep. Marking me.
“Mmm, I do. This one though,' His hands skimmed beneath the midriff sweater, “I can get to the goods fast. Fuck, your tits are perfect. Pretty pink nipples, that love to be touched. So soft, honey. Fuck, I love you. Love your perfect tits and your perfect pussy and your perfect ass.” His hips ground up into said ass, igniting the fire that never seemed to cool lately.
Levi pinched my nipples hard, making me moan even as I tried to feed the baby. I glanced over my shoulder to see his eyes on my phone. Guilt and shame mixed with the desire he kept bubbling over the top of everything else. As if it was his only tool to keep me. And that, the truth of that, was something that I could not take.
I could not take the idea that he loved me so freely and easily, so completely and I was ruining it. Because I couldn't trust him with my mistakes. With the choices that shamed me and threatened everything I loved. I don't even know if he believed I loved him. If he could see how easy he had made it.
Jealous, demanding Levi, I could take. A Levi I broke because of my choices, I couldn't.
LEVI
I was a patient man. Or, had been once. I had a rough life for a long time, and I fought my way to something better. Found a place with the guys, with the fire station, with a home and a good life. I was patient during my mistake of a marriage, all the way to the end. Then I found a woman who I thought was worth a second chance, and I waited for her.
I was running out of patience now, though.
Every day, it got worse. Those calls went from a few times a day to almost every other hour. Message after message. Voicemail after voicemail. Brynn ignored them all, shut her phone off and pretended that was good enough. Until I saw her after she checked them later, thinking I didn't see her sneaking off to read or listen to whatever they were.
Today, after a grueling shift with three rescues and a small fire at a school, my patience snapped. If you did not know me, like I knew Brynn did, you might not have even realized it. Might not have seen it go from frayed to splintered to obliterated. She did know me though, because I saw it in her eyes when she realized she had pushed me too far.
“Made your favorite, baby. Rough day?” Brynn asked as I sank into my usual spot at the head of the table, Amelia seated beside me with dinner waiting.
“Shit day. You look good, honey.” My words were cold and empty and I felt her tense behind me.
“Do I? I mean...I didn't....” Brynn came up to rub at my shoulders and I shrunk away from her touch.
Today had been complete shit, that wasn't a lie. But coming home to her, it always made it better. Seeing her with our daughter, in our home, it centered me. But today, I'd had enough. I'd texted her no less than fifteen times. Brynn responded quickly, and just as she should, I suppose. And somehow, that had sent me off the deep end.
“You do. Is it for me?” It was the first time I'd voiced any jealousy out loud.
Although in the last few weeks I had all but pissed on her in
my attempts to stake my claim.
“Baby,” Brynn cooed, that broken sadness I hated in her voice, “It would be for you if I was trying to look good. I'm not though, Levi.” Brynn came to sit beside me, glancing at what she had on.
Maybe she wasn't trying. She always looked good to me. She wore a lavender V-neck top that showed off her perfect tits, her nipples going hard as I stared. A loose pair of jeans with rips in the thighs and knees. Casual, messy even. That wavy crimson hair was piled on top her head in a messy bun. I thought she looked good enough to eat, though. But the taste in my mouth was sour, bitter with betrayal
“You do it for me? What else do you do for me?” Brynn's eyes widened, darting around as if she thought she might find the answer I was looking for.
“Levi, I don't know what you mean. Talk to me, tell me...” I slammed two boxes on the table and she jumped.
“Do this for me. I hate that fucking phone. I won't ask who you take calls from. Who you rush off to text back or whose voicemails you hide to listen to. Throw that fucking thing out right now.” I shoved the new phones towards her, my voice barely a growl now.
“You can't get me a phone, Levi. It's too much.” She bit her lip and I laughed bitterly.
“Watching you with that phone, that's too much Brynn. I am asking you to do this. Take this fucking phone as another brick for us. Please.” My voice cracked on the final word and her eyes snapped up to mine.
“You thinking I am just like her?” I looked away with a shake of my head before my eyes blazed into hers.
“No, honey. I know you are nothing like her. Nothing about you is anything like her. Nothing about us is anything like we were. I fucking love you. I would die for you. Would die if I lost you. Whatever you hide from me, it fucking guts me. Doesn't change how I feel. Even as it is killing me, I love you, Brynn. If you were like her, and did what she did, I wouldn't do what I did then. You'd have to be the one to walk away, Brynn. No matter how it hurts, what I feel for you is more important to me than some lies. I can't walk away, Brynn. It would have to be you.” Two lone tears slip down her face and that kills me too.