I bowed my head and thought about the intense emotions Jesus must have felt in that garden, and I began to comprehend, just a little more, how much He loved. How much He’d been willing to sacrifice and endure unjust treatment.
I put the workbook away and stood, leaning against the porch railing, looking out at the view. Lord, I don’t know what I’m doing, but I need you now more than ever. Help me to feel secure in Your love and to be the kind of man you want me to be.
Chapter 9
Abby
“Hey, Sharon, it’s Abby.”
My stepmother quickly inhaled a breath. “Abby…good to hear from you.” Her tone said otherwise, but I’d learned to overlook it.
“I’ve been trying to reach my dad for a long time, but he hasn’t gotten back to me. I was hoping he’d be home.”
“No, he’s at work. He’s been showing Rayna the ropes—she works as an intern at his office now. Did you know that?” She wasn’t able to conceal the pride in her voice over her daughter’s success, not that she would have tried.
“No, I didn’t. I thought Rayna still lived in Boston.”
“She had some great job offers out there but your father convinced her to work for him. She has a lot of potential—I’m proud of my girl.”
“Congratulate her for me.” I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy. She spent all day with my father while I wasn’t even able to get him on the phone.
“I will.”
“Let Dad know I’d like to talk to him.”
“I will when I get the chance. Talk to you later.”
After that conversation, I wandered through my house feeling lost. It was kind of like when you knew you were supposed to do something, but you couldn’t remember what it was. I finally directed myself to eat breakfast and take a shower.
Today was session two of the dating/conversation skills lessons with Colin. A little over a week had flown by since I’d last seen him, and I’d decided to invite him over for a personal lesson with Nick. Out of everyone I knew, Nick seemed to have a knack for talking to women, so he was the best guy to turn to for help.
It was a Friday evening, and it had taken some serious arm twisting to get Nick to give up a prime date night, but he owed me more than one favor, and I let him know I was not letting him out of it this time.
There was a knock at the door and I opened it, smiling to see Colin standing there. Not only had he gotten his hair cut, but he’d shaved, and, wow, he looked amazing.
“Come in. You look great, by the way. That haircut looks so good on you.”
His dark brown hair was thick and luxurious, cut close on the sides with the top remaining fuller. He had an attractive widow’s peak, and I almost lifted a hand to touch it but thought better of it at the last second.
“Thanks.”
He walked in, shoulders back, hands in his pockets, and I gestured for him to take a seat on the couch, but instead of sitting down, he stopped in front of one of my paintings, hanging on the wall. His long-sleeved white shirt contrasted against his golden-brown skin, and he had on a pair of dark blue jeans. He was looking at a picture of my house at dusk when it was mostly dark outside, but a slice of the sun’s brilliance remained. The windows were lit up and the porch light was on. I loved Thomas Kinkade’s work, and I’d attempted to duplicate the way he used light in many of his paintings.
“This is your house,” Colin said.
“It is.”
He glanced at me over his shoulder. “Did you paint this? Or did someone else?”
I smiled self-consciously and a ran a hand over my ponytail. “It was all me.”
“It’s very good,” he said, as if he really meant it, not like he was giving praise because it was the polite thing to do. He turned back to the painting and looked closer at it this time, his eyes sweeping across every inch of the frame. “I like the way you used Rembrandt’s technique.” His brows pinched together as if he were trying to remember something. “It’s called chiaroso. No. That’s not right.” He tried again. “Chiarosco.” He shook his head. “I can’t recall the technical name, but it’s a technique to contrast light and dark.”
Something odd happened. My heart did a little flip, and I looked at him as if seeing him for the first time. He was breaking out of the mold I’d constructed for him, and I didn’t know what to think. “It’s chiaroscuro, and I’m surprised you know that. Not many do unless they’ve studied art.”
“I’ve taken a few classes.”
I perked up at that information, and I wanted to know more, but there was a knock, and I knew it had to be Nick. Hurrying to open the door, I grinned at the sight of him. He was dressed casually in a light blue t-shirt that matched his eyes, and his windblown sandy brown hair fell in just the right places. He had on a pair of grungy jeans that looked like they’d been through a lot, but the look was more stylistic than anything, and he probably paid a pretty penny for them. “Hey, Abbs.”
“Glad you made it.”
He strolled in like he was a king and this was his castle, his eyes roaming over the room and falling on Colin. He stopped short. “You’re Colin?”
Colin nodded. “You must be Nick.”
Colin was a couple inches taller, and his shoulders were broader. Nick was tall, but he had more of a slender, athletic build, much like a long-distance runner.
“Nice to meet you.” Nick extended his hand and Colin shook it. Their eyes collided and, for a second, I held my breath because it was like two bulls locking horns. Neither of them said anything, but they eyed each other warily.
“You’re not what I expected,” Nick said, glancing back at me as if I’d misled him in some way. “I pictured a skinny, nerdy guy.” He chuckled. “Well, you do have the glasses but other than that…”
“I never said he was a nerd,” I interjected, feeling the need to defend myself. I didn’t want Colin to think I’d spoken negatively about him. We were here to help him, not make him feel bad about himself.
“No, you didn’t,” Nick said, scratching the side of his face. He said it more to himself than to us. He turned to me. “Well, do I get a hug?”
I smiled at that. “Of course.”
He wrapped me in his arms, and I rested my head on his shoulder. I started to pull away after a few seconds, but he held on tight. Snickering, I tightened my hold as well, but when a moment passed and he still hadn’t let go, the hug seemed weird. He wasn’t touching me inappropriately or anything like that, but it was starting to feel contrived. I glanced over at Colin, and he was watching us with the most intense expression I’d ever seen. Actually, to be more precise, I’d have to say he looked ticked.
It was then that I realized that Nick was staking his claim on me, hugging me extra long to let Colin know he had one up on him, and that bugged me because there was no such commitment between us. Of course, I wanted Nick to embrace me, but only if it was heartfelt. I had a distinct feeling he was only doing it to show Colin he could have whatever he wanted. I pushed against Nick’s chest in order to pull away. “That’s enough of that.”
Nick laughed, but there was a level of tension in his voice. Suddenly, the room felt charged and awkward. What had I been thinking when I decided to bring these two together? It seemed like a good idea at the time, but these men were very different from one another. I broke the ice. “Why don’t we all have a seat.”
Once we sat down, I cleared my throat. “So, Colin, I wanted you to meet with Nick because he has excellent conversation skills. Hopefully, he can give you a few pointers that will help.”
“Sure, no problem,” Nick interjected, leaning forward. “I’m only able to stay a little while because I have something else going on, but I’ll try to make every second count.”
Colin nodded, and by the look on his face, one would think Nick just told him he had to eat liver and onions, assuming he hated that dish.
Nick clapped his hands together. “Let’s get down to business. When you walk up to a woman, it’s completely
normal to have approach anxiety. The best pickup artists in the world have some level of apprehension—I don’t—but I know many do.”
“Hold on,” I said. “Did you just say pickup artists?”
“Yeah,” he said casually. “Where do you think I got my technique?”
“Uh… I never thought of it as a technique. You’re usually pretty relaxed, so I thought it was just something you were good at.”
He snapped his fingers. “And that’s exactly what I want women to think.” He glanced at Colin. “Have you ever taken acting classes?”
“No.”
“You might want to consider it. Some of those classes teach you how to put on a certain persona. They show you how to stand, how to carry yourself. If you’re interested, I can recommend a few.”
“Not now,” Colin said, tight-lipped. “Why don’t we stick to a few tips while I’m here.”
Nick nodded, clasping his hands in front of him. “Whatever. I was only trying to help. Back to what I was saying. We know approach anxiety is real, but sometimes you’ve got to dive head first into the pool. Just take that initial step. Get yourself into a talkative mode and be ready to schmooze because that’s how you win the game.”
“I didn’t realize we were playing a game here,” Colin said, resting a hand on his thigh.
“Oh, it’s very much a game, and I’m going to teach you how to succeed.”
Last week, Colin had appeared shy when we conversed, but, today, he seemed more relaxed, more sure of himself though his body language said he wasn’t invested in what Nick had to say. That surprised me a little. I would have thought he’d be more interested.
“You want to come across as non-threatening,” Nick said, “and one way to do that is to introduce a false time constraint.”
“What’s that?” Colin asked suspiciously.
Nick stood and sauntered around the room with a finger at his chin. “Here’s an example. I walk up to a woman at a park and say something like, ‘I only have a few minutes, but I’d like to ask your opinion on’…and then I fill in the blank. It could be about my outfit, about a current event…anything. It doesn’t really matter.” He stopped pacing and grinned. “See how I did that? By telling her I only have a few minutes, I set her at ease because she thinks I’m in a hurry and won’t be long.”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of,” I said, laughing. I couldn’t believe what he was suggesting.
Colin didn’t appear like he was buying into it either. “Why not just be honest?”
“The idea is to be non-threatening, so you fib a tiny bit to put her at ease.”
“I’m not comfortable with that,” Colin said. “Honesty is important to me.”
“Fine.” Nick took a seat on the couch and sighed, regrouping. “Here’s something else to remember. Keep your body angled to the side so your shoulder is perpendicular to her. If you face her head on, that’s a threatening stance and it will make her uncomfortable. She might even walk away.”
Colin had his notepad and pen in front of him, but he wasn’t taking notes. He nodded. “Okay.” He had this look on his face like he’d lost respect for Nick and wasn’t interested in anything else he had to say.
It was time to step in. “Nick, I don’t think Colin is trying to pick up women off the street. He just wants to know how to communicate with a date.” I glanced at Colin for confirmation. “Am I right?”
“You are correct.” His jaw tightened, and I could feel the tension sliding off him in waves.
I was sitting next to him, so I put a hand on his arm and leaned in. “Are you okay?”
He nodded ever so slightly but didn’t look at me.
Nick directed his gaze to me. “Abby, maybe your presence here is making him uncomfortable. Why don’t you go to the other room and let us talk man-to-man.”
It wasn’t a question. It was more like a directive, and I wasn’t about to let him dictate what I did, especially if Colin needed me here. Crossing my arms, I leaned back on the couch. “I think not. I’m here for Colin—for moral support.”
“It’s okay, Abby.” Colin softened his voice. “I appreciate it, but I’m fine. We won’t be long.”
I nodded. “All right, well, maybe I’ll call Tammy then.”
“You do that,” Nick said.
I frowned at him to let him know I wasn’t pleased. He didn’t usually get on my nerves, but something about his demeanor and the way he was acting this evening was rubbing me the wrong way. I stood and left without another word. Once I got to my bedroom, I dialed Tammy.
She answered after a couple of rings. “Hey, what’s up?”
I laid on my bed, stretching out. “You aren’t going to believe who’s here.”
“Let me guess…Nick.”
“How did you know?”
“Because everything with you always seems to revolve around that guy.”
The statement irritated me because I didn’t think it was true. Yeah, I liked him, but my life didn’t revolve around him. “That’s not the case.”
“It’s at least partially true.”
“Am I that bad?” I asked, feeling a little vulnerable and uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be so blunt. It’s just that I’m not a big fan of Nick. We’ve already had this discussion, so I won’t rehash things.”
My chest deflated. “Fine. To be honest, Nick is frustrating me right now.”
“What’s he doing?”
I sat up in bed and grasped the blanket underneath. “Well, he came over to give Colin a few tips on interacting with women, and the stuff he’s saying is ridiculous.” She already knew about Colin and how I’d agreed to meet with him to help with conversation skills.
“And…how is Colin responding?”
“Not well.”
“Let me guess, Nick is dishing out pickup artist lines.”
“He mentioned something about that earlier. How did you know about his pickup artist stuff?”
She scoffed. “How do you not know?”
“I just thought it came naturally to him.”
“Abby, I’m telling you, the guy has been trained. One night a bunch of us went out to dinner, and he told us how he does it. It’s like a challenge to him. When a woman says yes to a date, it boosts his ego or something. He doesn’t actually care about any of them.”
“I can’t believe you never told me this.”
“I’m sorry, but I thought you knew. You’ve known him a lot longer than me.”
“He’s never brought up any of this around me before.”
“Hmmm.”
“Hmmm? What does that mean?”
She let out a long breath. “Maybe he’s using his pickup stuff on you—stringing you along.”
“What? He wouldn’t do that.” I said it a little too loudly in a panicked tone. I stood and walked to my window, peering out. Lowering my voice, I said, “Do you think that’s what he’s doing?”
“I have no idea, but you should be on your guard.”
I put a hand on my forehead and stared at the floor. “Wait a second here. Nick is not the terrible guy you’re making him out to be. He’s a genuinely nice person and a friend.” I said the last part adamantly and with a little venom.
“I’m sorry. Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s just me and I’m being overly hard on him, but you have to admit this pickup stuff is slimy.”
I nodded. “Yes, yes, it is. I don’t like it.”
“I’m going to say something, and I don’t want you to respond. Just think about it.”
“All right.”
“Is Nick the kind of man God wants you to be with? Don’t tell me,” she said quickly. “I want you to think about it before you say anything. And one other thing, I know you don’t want to hear it, but it needs to be said. The fact that you asked Nick to give advice to Colin is indicative of your flawed belief system. You think Nick has the answer when he’s the last person anyone should consult when it comes to relationships.�
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My stomach soured because her words had some truth to them. Tears sprung to my eyes because a part of me felt ashamed that I hadn’t been discerning enough.
“You’re choosing men for the wrong reasons, Abbs. I care about you—that’s why I’m telling you this.”
I was silent for so long she spoke up again. “Abby, are you still there?”
Breathing out, I ran a hand over my face. “Yeah.”
“You’re mad at me, aren’t you?”
I couldn’t respond because I wasn’t sure. “Maybe. I don’t know.”
“You’re my best friend, and I love you.”
“I love you too.” It seemed like a good place to finish the conversation, so I told her I would think about what she said and told her I had to go.
After I hung up, I sat back down on my bed and was quiet for a long time as I attempted to process our discussion. What if she was right? What if Nick had been stringing me along all these years because…because why? Why would he do that? The answer left a horrible, queasy feeling in my stomach. Because I helped him out anytime he asked…such as when his garage needed organizing. Was that what was going on?
My gut told me no. He was not my friend just so he could get something from me. I didn’t believe that. I wasn’t even sure he knew I liked him. He’d been there for me plenty of times, though I probably helped him more than he helped me. I wiped my eyes again and let out a long breath. Tammy’s words rang true to some degree, but she didn’t know Nick the way I did. He was here, helping me out, helping Colin because he cared. I stood, not wanting to think about this anymore. It was time to go back to the living room.
I walked out of my room and was walking down the hallway when I heard Nick say, “Another tool I use is something referred to as negging.”
Curious, I stopped and listened at the doorway leading to the living room.
“Negging is a way to build attraction,” Nick said. “It’s a compliment mixed with a disqualifier.”
“What do you mean?” Colin asked.
Blind Date with a Billionaire Professor (Blind Date Disasters) Page 9