“No, this is good for now. Thank you, Colin.” He handed me the snacks, and I patted him on the arm. Ugh. This was hard. I wanted to know what he was thinking.
The wave came around again and when it reached us, Colin grabbed my hand and stood, pulling me to my feet. He lifted our joined hands in the air and yelled, “Woohoo!”
We fell back into our seats, laughing. We each held a popcorn in our free hand, and we’d dropped the bags of peanuts at our feet.
“I can’t believe you did the wave,” I said.
“You said it would make your day so…”
“Thank you for humoring me.”
“Was it everything you hoped for?” He winked, and I felt like I might melt into a pile of goo.
“You’re teasing me, aren’t you?”
“Just a little.”
The game started, and we stopped talking for a while and turned our attention to the players. Both teams brought their A-games, and it seemed they were evenly matched. After we finished eating our peanuts and popcorn, I took two Tootsie Pops out of my purse and handed one to Colin. “Savory snacks are the best, but I love a little sugar as well.”
“Where did you get this?” he asked. “I haven’t had one of these since I was a kid.”
“You can find them at the grocery store.” I bumped my shoulder into his. “Got to live a little. Have a Tootsie Pop now and then.” I took the wrapper off and licked the pop. “I wonder how many licks it takes to reach the Tootsie roll in the center? It’s one of those mysteries that will probably go unsolved unless I actually count.”
He chuckled. “You always have something amusing to say. That’s one thing I like about you.”
I turned to face him. “Oh, really? Is that the only thing?” I waited for him to answer, but he laughed instead. Whatever I’d said seemed to tickle him because he started laughing even harder. “What is so funny?” I demanded.
“You. You’re funny.”
“How am I funny?”
“Were you just fishing for compliments?”
“Um…” I guess I had been. Maybe I wanted to feel more secure about how he felt about me.
He laid his hand lightly on my shoulder. “I’m laughing because there isn’t just one thing I like about you, Abby.” He said it like I should know this already. “I like everything about you.”
My eyes widened. “Didn’t know that.”
“Well, now you do.” His eyes found mine, and a lump formed in my throat.
How had I brushed this man off after our first date? What an idiot I’d been. “I like everything about you too.”
“You don’t have to say that just because I said it.” He turned to face the field. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same.”
“I stand by what I said—meant every word.”
He didn’t speak after that, but he took my hand and squeezed it. Time flew by, and before we knew it, we were nearly halfway through the game. A man with green paint on his face stood to his feet and began hooting and hollering like a crazy lunatic. Colin and I looked at each other and burst into laughter.
“This is the best part about being here,” I said. “I love watching all the characters.”
Colin brought his lips to my ear. “Shhh. Don’t let anyone hear you say that. There are serious fans here today.” He inspected me for a moment. “You cold?”
I had my arms draped around my waist to hold in my warmth because the evening air had grown chilly, and my sweatshirt just wasn’t cutting it anymore. “A little.”
He took off his jacket and wrapped it over my shoulders.
“Thank you. I’ll give it back in a few minutes.”
“Keep it.” He put his arm around me and pulled me closer. “Does that help?”
“Yes, that definitely helps.”
I allowed myself to snuggle into him a little and enjoy the warmth and comfort it brought me. I wasn’t paying attention to the game or the people or even the commentary over the loudspeaker, so when the crowd erupted in laughter, I didn’t pay attention to that either. Colin had his arm around me, and that was the only thing I was aware of at the moment. I wasn’t even looking at the field. My eyes were probably on the people in front of us, but I wasn’t actually looking at them.
All of a sudden, the couple in front turned, and the woman said, “Come on you two! Kiss!”
Her declaration startled me, and I looked up to see the kiss cam had caught us on camera and was waiting for us to pucker up. Heat filled my cheeks when I turned to glance at Colin. It felt like everyone was watching us—probably because they were watching us. Colin stared at me with an unreadable expression on his face, and for one solitary moment, I wasn’t sure what the man was going to do.
The crowd started chanting, “Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.”
If he didn’t kiss me, what did that mean? With all this pressure…I wouldn’t allow myself to go there.
I didn’t have to wonder long because he sat up straighter and put his hands on both sides of my face. He leaned in and brought his lips so close I could feel his warm breath on my face. “If you don’t want me to do this,” he said, “now is the time to say something.”
“Do it.”
He leaned in even closer and his lips brushed mine, soft, tentative. A spark of electricity shot through me, unlike anything I had ever experienced. His mouth moved over mine while he rubbed light circles on my face with his thumbs. When he pulled away, the kiss cam had already zoomed in on another couple but neither of us seemed to care. We both just stared at each other like we were in a daze. And then he drew me in further, kissing me again and again, this time with more vigor. His lips were warm and soft and the intensity of the moment spiked my pulse up a notch.
I felt popcorn being thrown on my head, and we broke apart. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw a man grinning at us. He didn’t even say anything, just snickered like he was enjoying the show. That snapped me out of my stupor, and I blinked a few times before turning back around.
It took me a second to get a hold of myself. One moment Colin had his arm around me, and I was thinking about that, and the next we were on the main screen in front of thousands of people—kissing.
No one had ever kissed me like that before. Or maybe it was that I’d never reacted so strongly. Whatever it was: that was some kiss.
Colin lifted my hand and brushed his lips against it lightly. “Excuse me for a minute. I need to…” He rose from his seat, appearing a little rattled. “I have to go…do something.”
“Okay.” I watched him leave, his feet carrying him up the aisle like he couldn’t get away fast enough. He probably just needed to use the restroom or perhaps he was thirsty and wanted a drink.
Twenty minutes later, I started to worry that something must have happened to him. I checked my phone, but there were no text messages. Where was he?
Chapter 14
Colin
I strode up the aisle taking large steps, my shoulders stiff and my breath coming out in quick spurts. Everywhere I looked, people lingered, taking a break from the game to purchase a snack, or they waited in line to use the restroom. I found an empty space and leaned against the wall, allowing my head to fall back.
I’d kissed her. I’d kissed Abby—and she’d kissed me back. Closing my eyes, I took a moment. There was definitely something between us. I hadn’t been certain how she felt about me, but now I knew she felt something. The way she’d kissed me, the way she’d responded…
We were on the precipice of moving on to the next step, but was I ready for that? My chest was moving up and down like I’d just ran a mile, and I shoved a hand into my pocket. Could I take this kind of risk? Subject myself to the kind of pain that could rip a man apart?
With Genevieve, things had progressed slowly, almost methodically. My feelings for her had taken time to build, but once I knew I loved her, I was all in. When she left me, her words split me in two. You don’t have that special something, Colin. Yes, I’ve always been attracted to you, but after all this ti
me, I should feel more. To be perfectly honest, when I’m with you…I’m just bored. It’s time to move on. She might as well have said: You don’t have what it takes to make a woman happy.
My father certainly didn’t. All three wives could testify to that. The fact that he’d kept trying was evidence of his tenacity…or stupidity, take your pick. He died not ever truly knowing the love of a woman, and I didn’t want to become him.
I refused to become him.
Wilhelmina’s words came back to me. I know this is hard for you, but change is uncomfortable. You have to persist through the discomfort to get what you want.
If only it were that easy.
I’d learned the hard way that people don’t change. Patterns of behavior were generally consistent, and even when one introduced a new variable, the outcome often wasn’t much different.
I wanted Abby. I wanted more with her even if she was still confused about her feelings for Nick. But what if months down the line, she decided I wasn’t enough? Perhaps Nick would wake up one day and realize what he was missing out on. Would she jump ship at that point and fall into his arms?
Persist through the discomfort. I swiped my hand across my forehead and breathed out. Fine, Wilhelmina, you win.
I pushed off the wall with every intention of finding Abby and telling her how I felt. Before I’d even taken a few steps, I stopped myself. A feeling of impending doom filled me with its bitter aftertaste, halted my steps like I had lead weights attached to my feet, and suddenly, I wasn’t in a hurry to go back. Lord, I need your help. Those were the only words I could find. Sometimes the pain from one’s past was so acute, there was nothing else to say.
I headed back to my seat. When Abby asked where I’d gone off to, I told her I’d just needed some fresh air. She looked at me strangely, since the fresh air was all around us in the stadium, and it was obvious I’d just given an excuse. But I didn’t know what else to say. It wasn’t like I could tell her I was conflicted because of my feelings for her. We were quiet throughout the rest of the game, and I wasn’t even sure which team won because I’d stopped paying attention.
As we walked back to the car, she kept glancing at me with worried eyes, and I knew I was being a jerk for acting like this, but I couldn’t seem to force myself out of my funk. Maybe I should say goodnight and let things be. We’d had one kiss—that’s all it was. It didn’t have to mean more if I didn’t want it to. Trouble was, I really wanted it to mean more.
The silence between us filled the space like fog on a treacherous day with low visibility, the danger of going out at an all-time high. Just like the danger of advancing this relationship was the highest it had ever been, in my opinion, and I wasn’t sure I had the guts to proceed forward. A lot depended on this moment, and I needed to make a decision fast. We found my car and got in, buckling up our seat belts.
“What’s going on?” Abby asked.
“What do you mean?” I knew what she meant, but I was too much of a coward to own up to it.
“We had this amazing kiss, and then you just took off. When you came back, you were different. You shut down.”
I gripped the steering wheel and tried to speak. “I… It was…”
“Colin, talk to me. What’s wrong?”
I shook my head. No matter what I said right now, it wouldn’t be enough. I couldn’t do this. Swallowing hard, I turned on the engine and backed out of the parking space. “I’m just tired.”
We drove in silence the entire way back, nausea sweeping over me in waves because I was ruining everything. My anger turned inward—I hated the feelings boiling under the surface. Why had I allowed Wilhelmina to set me up on a blind date in the first place? I should have stood my ground when I told her it wasn’t a good idea. Forget Dr. Mitchell and his supposed words of wisdom. Forget Wilhelmina’s insistence that I persist through the discomfort—she didn’t understand. No one had ever called her boring, least of all the people she loved the most. She’d never experienced that kind of rejection.
I pulled in front of Abby’s house and put the car in park, glancing at her. Her brows were drawn together, and she looked furious.
“You know, I never took you for the type of man who plays games,” she said. “I thought you were different. When you stood up to Nick, I actually respected you. But now—”
“I’m not playing games,” I said, raising my voice. “Do you think this is a game to me?”
“I don’t know what you’re thinking because you won’t tell me.”
“Look, Abby, you don’t want to be with me. I’m not going to make you happy.”
She stared at me with a stunned expression. “So, you’ve already decided this isn’t going anywhere?”
“Yeah, pretty much.” My voice sounded as bitter as I felt, but it was better to be honest so we could move past this.
“You’re a jerk!” She scrambled to unbuckle her seat belt and got out of the car. She leaned in before closing the door. “No wonder you didn’t respond to my text this morning. You didn’t bring your fedora because you’d already decided you didn’t want to be with me.”
“You turned me down after our first date. This was only supposed to be practice.”
“Practice?” She laughed under her breath. “If that’s all it was, then let me tell you something. This is a horrible way to treat a date after you kiss her.” She shook her head like she couldn’t believe this was happening. “The worst part is, I started to fall for you. I’ve never felt like this before, and you just crushed me.” Her voice broke. “I don’t ever want to see you again.” She slammed the door and jogged to her front porch.
NO. Things weren’t supposed to go like this. I pulled something out of the backseat and jumped out of the car. “Abby, wait!” I caught up to her and put my hand on her arm. “I’m sorry.”
She was at her front door, trying to unlock it, but her hand was shaking so hard she couldn’t hold the key steady. “It’s too late for that.” She was crying now, tears streaming down her face like lost chances, my lost chances with her.
I held up the fedora. “I did bring it. I saw your text just before it was time to leave, and I didn’t respond because I didn’t want to be late.”
“Whatever. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“I’m sorry, Abby,” I said again, feeling overcome with shame. “I let you down.”
“Why are you acting like this? Please, just tell me.”
“I’m not good with relationships.”
“Why?”
“Because…” I ran a hand through my hair and let out a breath. “Because I’m afraid of getting close to people.”
“Did someone hurt you? What happened to make you shut down like this?”
I stood there for several long moments trying to find the right words. My mouth opened and closed—I shifted and looked at her with what must have looked like desperation in my eyes. How was I supposed to talk about this right now?
She took a deep breath. “You don’t have to share if you’re not ready, but I’m trying to make sense of this.”
I put both of my hands on her shoulders. “I want to spend more time with you. I know that much.”
She studied my face warily. “To practice? To get more tips?”
I shook my head and laughed, despite myself. “No. Please, no more tips.”
“Then what do you want?”
“I want to date you, Abby. I want to date you because I really, really like you. A lot.”
Her eyes flickered with relief and then humor. “You like me, huh? You could have fooled me.”
“I am a fool, but please don’t write me off just yet.”
“I’m not writing you off, and I’m sorry I reacted like that. But, Colin, don’t do that to me again. I’ve never been a fan of hot and cold signals.”
I pulled her into my arms and hugged her close. “It won’t happen again. I promise.”
“How do I know you aren’t just saying that?”
I rested my chin on top
of her head, my arms wrapped snugly around her back. “Because I won’t risk losing you.”
“Not to be redundant, but you just risked it a moment ago.”
“I know, and it’s making me sick to my stomach.” I put my finger underneath her chin and tilted it up, so she had to look at me. “Please believe me. I choked, but I’m not going to do it again.”
She hesitated a moment. “Okay, I believe you.”
I pulled back to look at her. “I want to take you on a real date. Monday will be crazy with work, but what about Tuesday? Are you free for dinner?”
“Yes, I’m free, and I’d like that.”
We talked for a while longer on her front porch, and then I waved goodbye and headed back to my car. Once I was home, I reflected on my actions and spent time in prayer. I picked up my Bible and the workbook I’d been going through and looked at the next passage. It was Isaiah 53:3-5.
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.
For the longest time, I sat at my desk and thought about what that meant. I’d read this passage many times, and I’d heard my pastor preach on it, but it had new meaning as I considered each word and phrase. Jesus had been rejected in far worse circumstances than my own, and the impact had to have been much greater, yet, He was still able to carry the grief and sorrow of others. My grief. My sorrow. He was pierced on the cross, crushed, chastised, all because He wanted to pay the price for sin.
There had been a day when I prayed and asked Jesus to forgive me for my sin, asked Him to be the Lord of my life. It was as if this passage showed me something I already knew but had neglected to remember. As much as I felt broken, Jesus was the remedy to my healing.
I went to bed that night praying that God would help me to conquer my fear of relationships. The Lord would heal me, I knew that much. I just didn’t know how it was supposed to happen. That part was a mystery. Even so, I slept well that night, believing that God could move mountains.
Blind Date with a Billionaire Professor (Blind Date Disasters) Page 14