by Jamie Howard
“Shh.” I stroked the pad of my thumb over her cheek. “Everything’s all right. Elle told me what happened, why you changed your number.”
“I missed you every single day.”
A knock sounded on the door, and I silently cursed under my breath. My time was up. These few minutes hadn’t been enough. It’d never be enough.
“I’ve gotta go. You need your rest.”
Her hand fumbled for mine. “Don’t. Please don’t go.”
“Hey.” I gently held her hand between both of mine. “Don’t worry. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
“You promise?” Her mouth tipped up at one corner.
“I promise.” I leaned closer so only she could hear me. “I plan on making you a lot of promises.”
Chapter 39: Juliet
Slings made everything incredibly inconvenient—getting dressed, wearing clothes, texting, eating. Literally everything became a challenge. I slumped back against the cold brick wall of my apartment building and nudged my lone suitcase with my foot. Even getting that down here had been a struggle.
A car door slammed. “Seriously, that’s all you’ve got?” Gavin tipped his sunglasses on top of his head. “I was expecting a whole parade of suitcases, garment racks, heavy-duty boxes. I ate my Wheaties and everything.”
“Nope, this is it.” I reached down to grab the handle, but Gavin beat me to it. I shook my head as he wheeled it toward his Jeep. “I got rid of everything else, donated it. I couldn’t”—I gritted my teeth together—“I couldn’t look at any of it without thinking of her.”
He slammed the trunk closed. “Getting rid of the apartment too?”
“Just as soon as the cleaning service has made their way through.”
“Buying a new one?”
“Eventually.” I shrugged and then immediately winced as a slicing pain ripped through my shoulder. “I’m just really looking forward to getting home right now and seeing Felix later tonight.” Today was the first day in the week I’d been out of the hospital that I hadn’t seen him at all. Having him by my side constantly made an entire morning without him incredibly odd. But as soon as he finished whatever new interview Ben had roped him into, he’d be following in our footsteps, heading to my house to finally meet my parents. He was nervous, but I knew there was nothing for him to be nervous about.
I glanced at Gavin and couldn’t stop the frown taking shape on my face. “Are you sure you don’t mind giving me a ride? Because I can always just call a car and—”
“Is it the car? Not fancy enough for you?”
“What? Of course not, I just—”
“Me then? Don’t really trust my driving skills?”
“No, it’s not that, but—”
He shoved the passenger door open. “Then how about you let me do a solid for my friend.” He pointed a finger at me. “And by that I’m talking about you and Felix. I mean, we are friends, right?” He hooked an elbow around my neck and tugged me a little closer. “And friends do these kinda things for each other, in case you weren’t aware.”
“Do friends also thank each other by repaying them for favors? Let’s say with pie?”
His eyes darted to my hands and then back to his trunk. “You don’t have pie.”
“No, but there might be one waiting for you at my parents’ house.” I quirked a brow at him.
Gavin grinned. “Be careful, Jules. You’re dangerously close to edging Felix out for BFF status.”
I meant to stay awake for the entire drive, but sometime between leaving the city and setting out on the highway, my eyelids won the war and collapsed on me. By the time I managed to pry them back open, hours had passed, the urban scenery replaced with a more rural one.
Beside me, Gavin sang along to a tune that existed only in his head. I listened a little harder, trying to place which one of their songs he was singing, but as far as I could tell it wasn’t anything I’d heard from The Downfall before. Unlike most of their other songs, this one was slower, something that might only need a piano to accompany it or an acoustic guitar.
I wriggled up in my seat, arching my back. “That something new you’re working on?”
Gavin jumped, the whole car jerking left before he managed to pull it back into our lane. “Jesus Christ.” He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “How long have you been awake?”
“A minute or two?”
He stared straight ahead, his fingers tightening around the steering wheel like he was using it as his own personal stress ball. “It’s not new, it’s old.”
I tilted my head at him. “Really? I don’t think I’ve ever heard it before.”
“You wouldn’t have.” The squeezing continued. “Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.”
“Do you happen to remember the name of the catering company you used for the gala?”
I sawed on my bottom lip. “Not off the top of my head, but it’s something I could easily look up. Why, planning on throwing a party?”
For a full minute there was nothing but the drone of the tires between us. He sucked in a deep breath. “There was this girl working the gala. Dark red hair—”
The memory instantly clicked. “Short, right? Really intense blue eyes?”
He glanced sharply at me. “You know her?”
“We ran into each other, literally, chatted for a second.” I tapped a finger against my lips. “I wanna say her name was . . . Danielle?”
“Dani.” His words were barely a whisper.
“Do you know her?” My curiosity was getting the best of me, and a little memory, one I’d almost forgotten, tickled the back of my brain. “Hold on. She’s not the redhead, is she? I mean Felix mentioned there was this girl that—”
“Oh look at that, we’re here.” Gavin pasted on a strained smile as we pulled into my driveway, his headlights cutting through the early dimness of the night.
I snapped my mouth shut, resisting the urge to pry, to pepper him with questions. Clearly this wasn’t something he wanted to talk about. Maybe he just wasn’t ready. Hell, there were plenty of things these days that I’d give anything to avoid talking about. Like the hundreds of questions the reporters rained down on me after they found out everything that transpired, after they circulated pictures of Ally’s sheet-covered body on the stretcher, after they caught wind of the fact that her parents had tried repeatedly to contact me after her death.
I laid a hand on Gavin’s arm, not surprised at all when it tensed beneath my fingers. “I’ll get the name of that catering company for you, and if there’s anything I can do, even if it’s just to listen, you let me know, okay?”
He nodded, not quite looking at me. In the next instant he bounced back, that contagious smile taking up the lower half of his face. “You know what would really help right now?”
I rolled my eyes. “Pie.”
“Pie,” he agreed with a nod.
Grabbing my suitcase from the back, Gavin trailed me up the walkway to the front door. I hurried through it without a knock. “Hello,” I called, kicking off my shoes in the foyer. “Anybody home?”
Elle lifted a hand in a wave as I peeked into the living room, the navy blanket slipping from around her shoulders. “W-welcome home.”
With my arm, hugging her was awkward, but I managed anyway. “Where’s Mom and Dad?”
She canted her head to the side. “Out back.”
“I’m gonna go say hi.” I hooked a thumb behind me. “While I do that, do you think you can help Gavin get some of the pie you guys baked? I know you probably can’t tell from looking at him, but he’s seconds from wasting away.”
He clapped a hand to his lean stomach and grinned at Elle. “It’s true.”
I left the room to Elle’s giggles, my heels clicking across the kitchen floor as I made my way to the sliding glass doors that led to the deck. Awkwardly, I tugged it open with my good arm, huffing out a breath by the time I managed to get it closed behind me again.
When I
turned around, it took me a good thirty seconds to really absorb what I was seeing. The deck was empty, but at the bottom of the stairs, a thin white runner took off through the grass, flanked on either side by small decorative trees wrapped in white lights. I crept forward slowly, my feet still not quite believing the thought that was running through my head.
It only took a few feet for me to see him and when I did, my heart leapt up into my throat and refused to leave. I clapped a hand over my mouth as I took him in, all six plus feet of him as he stood in front of me. I stopped in front of him, tilting my head back to meet his playful blue eyes, the easy grin that curved his lips.
My brain short-circuited. “You’re so tall.”
His eyebrows shot up.
“I mean”—I shook my head—“you’re wearing a tux, and you’re standing, and oh my God what are you doing here?”
“Well, you did say you were excited to see me in a tux. I didn’t want to disappoint.” He shifted slightly in front of me, using his crutches to move forward toward me.
Tears gathered in my eyes and I tried to blink them away. “You could never disappoint me.” I swiped at my cheek as I lost the battle and a few tears tracked down it.
“Jules.” His eyes searched mine. “Ever since my accident, a part of me felt like my life was over. That no matter what I did, all the things I’d dreamed about would always be out of reach.” His mouth curved up at one corner. “But then I met you and I realized that my life was just beginning.”
My heart raced like it was running for its life and it was only when my chest started to burn that I remembered I needed to breathe. But even with all the cool night air I managed to suck down, it wasn’t quite enough.
“I want all of my beginnings to be with you. Every first I’ve got left, every single last. And this feeling—the way I feel every time I look at you—I want it to be that way forever.” He shifted his weight so he could fish through his jacket pocket, his fingers reappearing seconds later with a little black velvet box held between them. “I love you and no matter what comes our way, I’m never going to stop. So I need to ask you, will you—”
“Yes.” I laid my hand against his chest, felt the hammering of his heart beneath my palm.
He rolled his eyes. “You didn’t let me finish.”
“The answer’s still yes.”
“And you haven’t even seen the ring.”
I rocked up onto my toes, my lips finding his, each kiss another answer—yes, yes, yes. I finally floated back to Earth and said it one more time, out loud, “Yes.”
Acknowledgments
It’s surreal that I get to do this again, and I am so, so thankful that I have the opportunity to do so. I have so many amazing people in my corner. There will never be enough thanks to express how much you all mean to me.
First and foremost, I’d like to thank every single reader, reviewer, and blogger who picked up this story. Thank you for taking a chance on me, on this book, and on this story. Hearing from you all is always the highlight of my day.
To my amazing, fantastic, don’t-know-what-I’d-do-without-you agent, Jessica Watterson—thank you for everything that you do. I couldn’t imagine having found a better match than you. Your support and unwavering enthusiasm is everything.
A huge thank-you to the entire team at St. Martin’s. Especially to my fabulous editor, Eileen Rothschild, and my publicist extraordinaire, Titi Oluwo.
To Meredith Tate, CP extraordinaire, for her insightful feedback, unending enthusiasm, and general awesomeness. You keep me sane, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for being such an unstoppable cheerleader.
To Kelly Siskind for being an absolute rock star. This story wouldn’t be what it is without you.
To the NAC—I’m so grateful to have all of you.
To the lovely ladies of The Hookup—you make me laugh, smile, and swoon. There’s a reason you’re my favorite corner of the internet.
Much love to my entire family—you know who you are.
To Aidan, for always keeping me on my toes.
And lastly, to Steve—you already know why.
About the Author
Author photograph © Jamie Howard
Jamie Howard is a legal and compliance specialist by day, author by night, and holds a Bachelor’s degree in Art. When she’s not tapping away at the keyboard or capturing the world through her trusty Canon, you can find her binge-watching TV shows, devouring books, and perfecting her gaming skills. She lives with her husband, son, and three dogs in New Jersey, and is almost always awake early enough to see the sun rise, even on the weekends.
Jamie is the author of Until We Break, Until It’s Right, and the Love Unplugged series. She is represented by Jessica Watterson of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.
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Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Chapter 1: Juliet
Chapter 2: Felix
Chapter 3: Juliet
Chapter 4: Felix
Chapter 5: Felix
Chapter 6: Juliet
Chapter 7: Felix
Chapter 8: Felix
Chapter 9: Juliet
Chapter 10: Felix
Chapter 11: Juliet
Chapter 12: Juliet
Chapter 13: Juliet
Chapter 14: Felix
Chapter 15: Juliet
Chapter 16: Felix
Chapter 17: Juliet
Chapter 18: Juliet
Chapter 19: Felix
Chapter 20: Juliet
Chapter 21: Felix
Chapter 22: Juliet
Chapter 23: Felix
Chapter 24: Juliet
Chapter 25: Juliet
Chapter 26: Juliet
Chapter 27: Felix
Chapter 28: Juliet
Chapter 29: Felix
Chapter 30: Juliet
Chapter 31: Felix
Chapter 32: Juliet
Chapter 33: Felix
Chapter 34: Juliet
Chapter 35: Felix
Chapter 36: Felix
Chapter 37: Juliet
Chapter 38: Felix
Chapter 39: Juliet
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright Page
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
THE FEELING OF FOREVER. Copyright © 2017 by Jamie Howard. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.
www.stmartins.com
Cover photograph: couple © People Images/iStock
ISBN 978-1-250-11993-3 (e-book)
First Edition: February 2017
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