by A. M. Hudson
Reaching for the door, my fingers trembled; I had to focus to make myself turn the nob, unsure if it was fear or just cold. And David’s advice didn’t help me find the words I needed for my feelings. In my heart I wanted to say Gee, sorry I saw your completely naked-self, Emily, but keep your legs off my friend slash ex-fiancé. Or perhaps I should say; Emily, I’m so happy you and Mike like each other—but leave a sock on the door next time.
“Em? Mike?” I whispered into the darkness.
A warm grasp of skinny arms flung around my neck, stealing my footing for a second. “Ara! Oh-my-God, I’m so sorry.”
I pulled Emily’s arms away, one at a time, and stood back from her. “Where’s Mike?”
“He’s gone,” she sobbed. “He’s out looking for you.”
“How long’s he been gone?”
She wiped her eyes and looked at her watch. “Three hours.”
“And you’ve been here? All by yourself?”
She nodded, her lip quivering. “He loves you, Ara—not me. I made a mistake. I would never have done it if I didn’t believe it was love.”
“Em—” I let out a breath and bit my lip. “Really, you love him?”
“I...I’m not sure anymore.”
“Why, what happened?”
“I was wrong,” she said, bursting into tears again. “And I should have told you I was in love with him. I know that, and I’m so, so sorry, Ara. I just didn’t know how to say it.”
I considered slapping her for a second, finding it hard to muster one ounce of pity. I nodded instead. “You’re right. You should have told me. I shouldn’t have found out by seeing you two like that.”
“I—I just don’t know what to say. I’m so humiliated.”
I shook my head, staring forward. “Look. It was a shock—to see you two, okay. It was just so out of the blue—for me. I didn’t see the signs. I mean, I see them now, but...I didn’t know you were in love with him.”
“Do you hate me?”
Right now? I don’t know. I blinked a few times. “No. And I’m not mad either.” Liar. Liar.
Her lip folded down and a gust of air burst through them as she covered her mouth with the tissue, hunching her shoulders around her ears.
“Er,” I groaned. “All right, come here.” I hugged her, letting her cry tears for my Mike into my neck.
“He doesn’t love me, Ara,” she whimpered after a while. “He told me—he said it was a mistake. That he...that he was just lonely, and he should have—he should have—”
I felt a tiny twang of pity for her then. “He should have what?”
“He said he should never have let me think he had feelings for me.”
“Oh.” With a click of my tongue, the me inside that was hurt by Emily and Mike stepped aside for the friend, the one who’s always been there for Em with a boy crisis. “What an asshole. He better not have meant that.”
“He was lying.” We both looked up to a tall silhouette, shrouding the light coming in from the front door.
“Mike,” I said it more as a sigh. “What the hell?”
He stood with his arms folded, shaking his head at us, but as soon as Emily started crying again, his arms fell to his sides. “I’ve made a right mess here, haven’t I?” he said.
“Understatement of the century,” I said, and Emily laughed into my shoulder, wiping her mouth after.
“Emily,” Mike said, touching her arm. “I’m sorry. I’m a first class dick. I didn’t mean that. Not a word of it.”
She looked up, her tears ceasing. “Really?”
He gave her the look of apology he used to give me; the one that meant he just didn’t have the right words, but felt them.
When she sniffled, it made such a blobby, goobery sound that we all laughed. “I need another tissue.”
“I’ll get you one,” Mike said.
“No.” She held up a hand. “You stay. You probably need to talk to Ara anyway, right?”
“Thanks, Em.” He smiled at her, running his hand down her arm. There was a kinship between them then, which obviously formed while I wasn’t paying attention, and it almost made me feel like an outsider. Mike looked at me after Emily left. “Ara?”
Shaking my head, I wandered over and sunk down on the couch, my head in my hands.
“What can I say, Ar?” He sat beside me.
I wanted to say You don’t need to say anything, but flashes of them together just kept coming, and it hurt. It really hurt. “By rights, Mike—” I looked at him, “—you don’t have to say a word.”
“But it’s not that simple, is it? We both know that.”
“Nothing with us ever is.”
He folded his broad fingers around mine, a comforting, wordless apology.
“So, what’re you guys gonna do, then? Be together?”
He looked up and held a hand to Emily when she came back in, an invitation for her to sit with us. “Yeah. I guess so.”
She fell into his arms, resting her head in the hollow of his shoulder, and the bubble of exclusion widened.
“See, Em? I always told you you’d like him eventually.”
She laughed.
“What?” Mike looked a little perplexed. “She always liked me.”
“Uh—” I looked at Emily and we both laughed. “Not really.”
“I kind of hated you for a while,” she said.
Mike’s shoulders dropped. “Really? But I’m so likeable.”
“Apparently not,” I said.
“Fine. Right then—” He held an arm out to me. “Group hug.”
“You’re kidding me, right?” I said.
“Nope. No one’s going to bed until we’ve hugged this out.”
With a deep groan in the back of my throat, I rolled into their arms and let myself be a part of the friendship again, just for a moment. “Okay, are we done now?”
“All done.” Mike released me.
“Well—” I swiped the remainder of my wet hair from my forehead and let a little shiver in under my cold clothes. “I’m gonna get changed.”
“Why are you wet, anyway, what were you doing all night?” Emily stood up as I did.
“Went swimming.”
Mike frowned. “Why?”
“Needed to clear my head.”
I could tell my words made him ache, since he thought he clouded my head, but in truth, it was already cloudy because of the Eric, then the Jason thing.
But I had no intention of telling him that.
“You gonna be okay, baby?” he extended an arm again as he stood beside me.
“Yeah.” I gave a quick one-armed hug. “I mean, I’m sure I will. You guys...” I considered them for a moment. “You actually make a pretty cute couple.”
Emily looked at Mike, her eyes a little wide with hesitation. “It actually feels kinda wrong, though.”
“It’s not.” I let out a deep breath. “If you guys are happy, that’s all I want.”
“Aw, baby, but...this isn’t what I wanted for you. I don’t want you to be hurting.”
I grinned so widely my cheeks hurt. “Something tells me I’ll be fine.”
“Now, there’s a look I haven’t seen in a long time.” Emily took a step toward me, gazing with narrowed eyes into mine, before looking to the front door, still sitting open. “Where is he?”
“Who?” Mike stood taller, looking too. “Where’s who?”
The knight appeared, walking slowly, with his hands behind his back and a cheeky grin across his lips. Emily spun on her heel and flew into David’s arms before he had the chance to get inside, making his attempt to seem caught off-guard, stumbling back a few inches, look fake enough to make Mike roll his eyes.
You’re out of human practice, David.
“David! It’s so good to see you again,” she said.
He patted her back softly, smiling at me over her shoulder. “It’s good to be back.”
Em folded out from the hug and Mike stepped in, offering his hand. “David, nic
e to see you again.”
“And you.”
“Are you planning to stay?” He stood taller, lifting his chin slightly.
“Not for long.” David rocked on his heels, jamming his hands into his saturated pockets. It seemed there was more exchanging between the two in the language of their bodies, leaving Emily and I clueless to the true conversation.
I watched on, my gaze darting between them; Mike, with fists clenching and a look of fury clouding his focused eyes, allowed a moment of silence for everyone else, while, what I imagined were a thousand thoughts, were for David’s eyes only. I grabbed his arm. “Mike!”
“It’s okay.” David ducked his head. “I get it.”
“Mike, don’t be such an arse.”
He shrugged. “Sorry, Ara—he needs to know what he’s doing to you.”
“He knows.” Emily touched Mike’s arm and looked at David. “There’s no way he’s leaving again. Not now. Right, David?”
A small, sympathetic smile escaped onto his lips before he shook his head. “I can stay for a while.” He looked at Mike then. “But you know it can never be forever.”
I could sense the tension in Mike, knew that he knew what this was doing to me—so I avoided seeing that in his eyes.
“Why?” Emily said. “I don’t get it? Why not?”
Awkwardness filled the air. Two humans in the room knew the truth, I wondered if David would just let her in on it. “I have a wife,” he said instead, almost convincingly.
“What?” Emily shrieked.
“David!” Just tell her the truth.
“It’s true. I just popped in to check on everyone, but I’m leaving again in a few days.”
“I don’t believe you,” Emily said.
And why would she? There was a time when she knew David better than any of us. I don’t know why he thought she’d fall for that.
David shrugged. “Believe what you want. It doesn’t change facts, Emily.”
Emily looked at Mike and rested her hand on his chest. She knew a lie when she heard one, but she was obviously going to let it go—probably assuming Mike would tell her later.
But he wouldn’t. I was certain he wouldn’t.
I closed my bedroom door on the empty lounge room and spun around to look at my vampire, returned, in all his glory, and just as infuriating as before. “Why didn’t you just tell her the truth?”
“No need to slam the door.” That cheeky, cocky grin caught a hold of his eyes.
“I didn’t slam it.”
The smile spread into conceit as he sat on the edge of my bed, dumping his duffle bag at his feet. “Did you want me to tell her?”
“Is there any point in hiding it? We’re not in high school anymore, David. And Emily isn’t stupid.”
“I know.” He reached a hand out to me; I took it and sat beside him. “But she’s in an emotional state. Not the best time to break that kind of news. Just let her get over the bliss of love—then we’ll tell her.”
“Is that what you did with me, by not telling me straight away?”
He left my words hanging in the openness of our light moment. “Maybe. But you’re not over the bliss of love yet.”
“No, I’m damaged by it.” I rested my hands on my knees.
“You know, it hurts me when you say those things.”
“Sorry.”
He stole my hand. “It’s surreal—being here right now. I’m almost afraid this is just another dream, that I’ll wake up any moment and my world will fall apart.”
I looked sideways at him. “Then, if you wake up—come find me.”
He nodded. “Okay. I promise.”
In the silence he allowed then, my mind wandered over the night, but couldn’t get past Emily’s tears—more tears for another broken heart. It almost made me mad that my own best friend had put them there. “Why did Jason leave her?” I said out of the blue.
“Leave who?”
“Emily.”
He scratched the back of his neck, his words falling through open lips as nothing more than a sigh. “Really? You want to know this now?”
“Yes.”
“Ara, it’s late, we should—”
“Should what? Waste the few measly hours we get by going to sleep? No way. I want answers. Don’t you think I deserve—”
“Okay, okay.” He laughed, taking my hands. “I was going to tell you, I just wondered if you wanted to sleep first.”
I simmered down. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.”
“Sorry.”
“Ara.” He laughed.
Realising I’d just apologised for apologising, I said, “Sorry.” Then we both laughed softly, my whole face going hot with the sensation.
After a quiet moment, David said, “It was my fault.”
“What?”
“Jason and Em.”
“Why?”
“The laws you learned about—the ones that prevent humans and vampires being together long term—they’re out-dated and downright unfair. Jason wanted to change them instead of changing Emily. And I refused to help, even though, with my position on the council and my knowledge of the law, I had the power. I told him to get over her—that she was nothing but a human.”
I covered my mouth. “How could you?”
“She was just a human to me—not worthy of the rigmarole I’d have to endure to make that kind of change.”
“The same rigmarole your uncle is going through right now?”
He nodded thoughtfully, his eyes becoming dark with something I couldn’t distinguish. “It won’t work,” he said after a while. “The case between Jason and I has merely cemented their notion that humans and vampires cannot mix. They won’t change the laws now.”
“Is that what Jason intended by kidnapping me?”
David looked right into my face, gently curling a strand of hair around my ear. “How do you say his name that way? How can you speak of him so casually when, a few months ago, the mention of him saw you dark?”
I swallowed. “I don’t know.”
“Has he made a presence in your life?”
“No.” I doubled back. “You would’ve seen that if so.”
He nodded, leaving both hands in his lap. “I guess so.”
“Maybe I’ve been conditioned to tolerate terror now.”
David smiled. “From hanging out with Éric de la Rose?”
I smiled too, remembering the way his feet left the ground when Jason punched him. “Yeah, he’s pretty offensive.”
“He’s a typical vampire.”
“And a creep.”
“Yes.” David groaned, exhaling deep enough that his breath chilled my knee through my jeans. “But, despite his moronic behaviour, and as much as I hate to say this, he’s not the kind of guy who’d have taken you to Karnivale to kill you or let you get hurt.”
“I know.”
He nodded. “But, he’s also not really qualified to be watching out for you either. He’s lucky my brother was there to save you tonight, or this would’ve ended very badly for him.” I cringed a little, looking at David’s tight fists, thinking of what Jason said he’d do if Eric got me killed.
“Strangely, I’m glad Jason was there, too.”
The fists tightened.
“I’m sorry. I know that’s sick.”
“How do you feel—about what he said to you?”
“Who?”
“Jason. About his...his being in love with you.”
“I—” I rubbed my hand along my cold arm and let myself acknowledge the fact that, under me, my jeans were saturating my brand new mattress. “I haven’t had a chance to process it yet.”
David nodded and held his arm out. In my mind, as we laid back, wet on the soft bed, a song began to play; smooth, rhythmic, giving a kind of presence I remembered feeling when watching a film one day—set in the eighties; a boy and a girl, Bon Jovi posters on the wall, teased hair and childhood innocence. Homely, safe, comfortable, as though nothing
would ever change.
I rested my hand to his chest, my ear where his heart should be beating but sat silent, still, left behind in a life he no longer lived. It had become strange to me again, to feel the absence of heat, not so much that he was cold but just that he wasn’t warm. I listened to the whir of his quiet, comfortable breath—comfortable, finally, with me again.
And as the homely feeling spread out around me, occupying every space in my room, I finally acknowledge the pain I’d felt without him—like a hunger that won’t quit twisting in your gut, like an ache that refuses to numb. I felt as though I was tying a blindfold around my eyes, hiding myself, breath by breath, from the world outside—the world that, in a few days, would take him away from me again.
The cold of his wool jumper warmed, like tepid water, under my cheek, while the rest of his body, clothes and all, so wet, so chilly, felt like lying against a rain-soaked tree. It was even hard to slide my fingers over his skin, caught by the sticky remnants of the lake. So I walked them down the indents of his ribs, like stairs, until I finally came to rest on the sharp bones of his hip. He felt so different, as if he was someone new, unfamiliar to my touch.
“You haven’t been eating, have you?” I noted.
“No.” He rubbed my back, his distracted eyes on the roof, his other arm at an angle under his head.
“Does it make it hard then, to be here with me?”
After a lengthy pause “Yes” was all he whispered.
“David?”
“Yeah.”
“We need to get undressed. We’re making the bed wet. And I’m kinda cold.”
“Oh, damn.” He leaped to his feet. “Sorry. Didn’t think of that.”
“‘S’okay.” I shrugged one shoulder, staying where he left me. “Except…I might need some help—to get my clothes off.” I looked down at my body suggestively. “They’re all sticky and tight.”
David, with a shaky breath, knelt on the bed beside my hips, barely disturbing the covers, and leaned close to my face. “You’re asking too much of me, Ara.” But, despite his hesitating touch, he reached down and tampered with the button on my jeans as I rolled my spine, pressing my shoulder blades into the mattress to lift my shirt over my head, feeling cooler with my skin completely open to the air—the air in front of his gaze. He blinked a few times before shaking off whatever thought he just had, then forced his attention back to my jeans, smiling a moment later.