by Tara Brown
If we did all of this right, we could be free of everything, and I might even find my way back to Boston. I hurried, which was still a snail’s pace, down the hall to find Coop. I needed to know if he had spoken to the boss man in a while. We hadn’t had much of CI on our side in ages. They had been keeping it low key with us. The brothel bust had been too loud and in the face of the public.
I tapped on a door and opened it, smiling the moment I saw Mitch lying back with his headphones on. His eyes were closed so I snuck in, about to scare him, when I saw a book on his iPad. My jaw dropped and my head started to shake, and I didn't know how to cope with the fact that my tween son was listening to Fifty Shades of Grey. The world halted and I found myself dragging my eyes from his chest where the iPad sat to the pillow over his groin. My nose wrinkled and I gagged a bit, stepping back slowly.
He popped open one eye, jumping when he saw me. “Mom, jeesh. What are you doing sneaking around?” He sat up, losing the pillow. My eyes shot to the ceiling as I stumbled over my words. “Oh, you know. I was—uhm—coming to see if you wanted something like hot cocoa.”
“Sure. You okay?” He gave me another weird look.
“Why are you reading that? It’s for adults and not all adults!” The words jumped from my mouth.
He scowled. “What? I’m not reading. I was listening to music.” His eyes lowered to the iPad as a big grin crossed his lips. “Oh that. I wasn't reading it, I swear. It’s downloaded from the cloud at the house. That's just the last book that was read I guess.”
My jaw dropped. I had enjoyed the book, certain aspects of it. Did I want my tween son to know that? No, no I did not. I licked my lips. “Delete it.”
His cheeks flushed. “Gross, Mom! You read that?”
I trembled but forced a nod. “I did.”
“Is it weird like Bran said it was?”
“Yup.” Sweet baby Jesus, save me. “Why did your friends read it?”
He shrugged. “Their moms were talking about it all the time and so they read it and said it was all people muttering and mumbling and then weird sex and then the guy was kinda mean. I don't know.”
I couldn't actually stop nodding. My head wouldn’t stop. “Right, well. It’s—uhm—yes. It’s weird. Some people like weird books.”
“Did you like it?”
I wrinkled my nose. “No.” It was a bold-faced lie, but I was not having this discussion.
The door opened behind me and the voice that spoke made my spine straighten. “Hey, what are you guys doing?”
Everything moved in slow motion as Mitch lifted his iPad, revealing the naughty book cover as his screen saver. Even his voice was deeper and slower. “Hey, Coop! Mom was just telling me about this book and how she didn't like it. Did you read it?” Mitch grinned, knowing he was being a little shit.
“Uh, no. No, I can’t say I read that one. I’m more of a Tom Clancy man myself, Mitch. I leave the girlie books for the girls. You should check out some Clancy or even a Koontz novel. Dean Koontz. Funny guy with scary books,” Coop answered with a totally awkward tone as he reached forward, gripping my arm. “Can I talk to you for a second?”
“Yup, be right there.” I nodded at Coop but pointed at Mitch. “Delete it.” He flinched at the way I growled.
“Okay, I don't like girlie crap anyway.” His cheeks were bright red and his mood soured, but I could still see a little humor toying with his lips as I left the room and closed the door.
I covered my face and moaned. “He had the book and a pillow over his—I thought he was—oh God!”
Coop wrapped himself around me, hugging me tightly. “Yeah, wow. Mommy porn on the iPad. That's a new screw-you form of technology, literally.”
“What is the cloud?” I asked desperately.
He shook his head. “I don't think anyone understands the cloud. Well, I guess Jack does. I don't. Luce for sure doesn't. It’s handy when it comes to music.”
I groaned. “Oh my God. He’s getting to that age, isn’t he? The one where I have to knock and wait for him to answer.”
He pulled me back, giving me a grave look. “Uh, yeah. Dude. You can’t just walk in. He might be yanking his own chain; he’s old enough. I did it when I was his age.”
“Oh my God.” My heart broke and my stomach sank. The impact of it all made my broken ribs hurt more.
“What? It’s fun. Boys discover it and then it’s like years of entertainment.” Coop chuckled, making his handsome face light up. “Calm down. He’s a good kid. Trust me. I can tell when kids are assholes. I am very good with them.”
My broken heart didn't recover from that. Coop was very good with kids. It made me see that he needed to have his own one day. “I have a plan for Janice,” I blurted out, maybe too loud. I just desperately needed a new subject.
He gave me a look. “So you are coming out of the haze of foolishness?”
“Yeah. But we need Servario.”
He gave me a long sigh and an even longer blink.
“I need to talk to him. I need him to get me something.”
“Really?”
“Yup.” I nodded. “It will fix the whole thing.”
“The whole thing?” He didn't believe me.
“The whole thing with Janice. The rest is going to involve terrorism and violence. But I believe we can solve it without hurting her.”
He cocked an eyebrow and pursed his lips. “One condition.”
“Whatever you want.” I nodded.
He bent down and lifted me over his shoulder, carrying me down the hallway. I didn't squirm. I couldn't breathe with the broken rib digging into my side. I tried to gasp and tell him that he had to put me down, but he didn't hear me. He walked me to a room and laid me down on the bed. I coughed, clutching to my side and fighting the tears threatening to spurt from my eyes.
“What?” He winced. “Oh shit, the rib! I totally forgot!” He dropped to his knees and buried his face in his hands. “I am so sorry, Evie.” He ran his hands through his hair.
“I’m okay.” I rasped like I was dying.
He crawled up onto the bed and wrapped himself gingerly around me. “The one thing I want you to promise is that you will be straightforward with me. I don't want to be second fiddle. Deal?”
“Okay,” I nodded and answered breathlessly.
He leaned forward, brushing his lips softly on mine. “Let me get some painkillers and we can alleviate some of that pain for you while you tell me about this brilliant plan of yours.”
I lifted a thumb, really not wanting to speak again.
“You really are a hot mess.” He shook his head and left to get meds. When he was gone I tried really hard not to rehearse the breakup speech I had planned.
Chapter Nineteen
Don't shit where you eat
I paced back and forth in front of the shops staring at my phone, wondering if Servario had gotten the message. It wasn't exactly the subtlest of my attempts at being needy in the newspaper.
Thankfully, it was easy to walk about the small town of Gernsbach. Tourists lined the streets and everyone looked the same as I did. It was like being at an upper-middle-class convention. My sunglasses and sun hat allowed me to blend in with about twenty-five other dark-haired women who were frequenting the little stores around us.
I crossed in front of the alley between the old brick clothing store and the adorable vintage bookstore, hoping to see him in the gap.
When I turned around I saw him standing under a tree, sunglasses and a smug look. He made my heart beat faster and my mouth go dry.
Forcing myself to take a second glance at the map on my phone, I walked across the footbridge that led to the park where Servario was standing in the midday sun.
It wasn’t too warm, being in the mountains and the forest, but it was pleasant. I blended in with a crowd of tourists, each of them looking at their phones and cameras, taking photos of the quaint theme running through the town. It looked like the Grimm Brothers had only been there the we
ek before.
We walked as a group, the tourists and I. As we passed him, I separated from the herd, heading up the hill toward the small forest. It was fantasy come to life. Me and a beautiful man in a picturesque European village.
What wasn't picturesque was my reason for being there, which involved killing a man while avoiding killing a girl.
As I walked up the grass, I could hear his footsteps behind me. The sound and scent of him in the air around me made my stomach tighten. We hadn’t discussed the fact that I remembered everything from Dubai and Belgium. Things like him telling me he wanted to change the world for me or that I was with Coop because he allowed it.
Most of those things sat awkwardly in my head. I hadn’t even had the courage to try to call him. Instead, I had posted an ad:
Scarlet searching for the man of her dreams, a Rhett of her very own. For long walks through the black forest and enchanting hours spent, contact her about her love of books.
I had counted on several things. Firstly, that he knew Jack was rich and had a castle house in Gernsbach. Secondly, that he knew the town well enough to know where the bookstore, Bücherstube S. Katz, was downtown and that there was a park near it. Thirdly, I assumed he was aware of the fact that I recalled everything now and his little drugging hadn’t worked.
“You look very relaxed here in the countryside. It suits you. I have a house in the country. We should go there.”
“Of course you do.” It was likely that he had far more than one.
“Did you miss me?”
“No.” It was a lie, but while I was barely hobbling when I walked, my rib still ached enough that forgiving him for the entire affair was going to be difficult. I strolled to a large tree and stood under it, running my fingers along the bark and walking around its base so I knew it hid us from the view of town.
“I missed you.” He strolled up behind me, flashing that dimply grin when he turned and faced me.
“Well, you're close enough now that it shouldn’t be a problem.”
His grin widened. “You’ve heard this joke then?”
“Everyone has heard this joke.”
“Guess I am behind in the times.” He walked until he was so close I could taste him in the air. “Are you sorry for trying to kill me?”
I shook my head.
“That's my good girl.” He chuckled. “I would hate to see a weak display of femininity after such a display of bravado.”
“That wasn't bravado, Servario. You forced sex on me, dragged me down a hallway, and tried to beat me. That was me saying no. You should get used to that word.”
He wrinkled his nose. “I have never been a fan of it.”
“I remember Belgium. And Dubai.”
“I assumed as much when young Cooper contacted me and demanded proof of his sister’s actions and whereabouts.”
And here I had thought Coop trusted my instincts and word on the matter.
“So you remember everything. Where does it leave us?”
“How could you say all those things and then drug me so I would forget them?” The thought of it ached still. “Did you say them and then regret it?”
“No. I never say things to you I regret. I just wanted you to be safe.”
“From what?” I was getting annoyed.
“Me.” He glanced at me from over his sunglasses. His eyes burned with untold secrets and emotions. “What do you want today, Evie?”
A slow grin crossed my lips. The things I could list off, but wasn't going to, were varied to say the least:
· I wanted an orgasm, not just any orgasm either. I wanted a really dirty one. The kind where I almost peed and definitely lost control of my limbs.
· I wanted out of the Burrow. I wanted my father delivered to me.
· I wanted a commitment from him that when this was over we would walk hand in hand and never look back, and he would try to be the man I needed.
It was a long list and entirely based on selfish things. All but the one thing I actually asked for, “I want something to make memories go away, permanently.”
He pulled his sunglasses off as his brow grew heavy over his hazel eyes, making them dark. “You want something to give someone amnesia?”
“And I never want those memories back.”
He swallowed hard. “You want to forget everything?”
“Everything.”
He stepped in closer. “You want this because of me?”
“Partly.”
“What about your kids, Evie?” He ran a hand down my cheek, brushing my hair back.
“What about them?” I loved that I was playing with him and he was a little unsure of the game.
His hand ran down the front of my dress, rubbing once over one of my nipples and then down to my waist. I inhaled as he lowered his hand to the bottom of my stomach. “Do you think I am an idiot?” he whispered and brushed his lips along my cheek.
“Yes.” I nodded. “Sometimes.”
He chuckled again. “You want to take away Dr. Saunders’ memories so you don't have to kill her?”
He was smarter than I gave him credit for. “My mom tortured her brutally. She needs to forget everything.”
“Kill her, Evie. It’s one person.”
“No.” I shoved him back. “How many times have you said those words? How many times was it just one or two or ten? The numbers add up fast. She is one more in a giant pile of lives I have taken. And she is innocent. She isn’t one of us.”
“So you want to save her by taking her memories and leaving her an unfulfilled blank slate? This is better?” His eyes twinkled with something, something good. I just couldn't place the emotion. It wasn't desire and it wasn't mocking. Was it joy? Did he feel that emotion? Out of the bedroom?
“I don't want to give her to the Burrow. They’re corrupt and you know it.”
“I do.” It wasn't a question; he agreed. He stepped closer again. “Are we being watched?”
“Of course.”
“Meet me in two hours at the castle across the valley from you. It’s an inn called Schloss Eberstein. I am staying there. Do not go to the front desk. Come in the back. My room is a suite. Wear your hat and glasses—they have cameras. I will give you what you want, but you have to come alone.” He leaned in and brushed his lips gently upon my cheek as he slipped a massive key into my hand.
Before I could argue or even try to convince either of us this wasn't what we both wanted it to be, he turned and walked away. I watched, enjoying the view. A man in dress pants was a beautiful sight. A man with a firm ass in dress pants was even better.
His words rang in my head again. His words telling me that I was with Coop because he allowed it, because it kept me safe. It didn't even bother me. I didn't care that he had decided my fate. It was so closely tied with his that I couldn’t stop being manipulated by him. I didn't want to stop. He was right. I was with Coop because being with him wasn't an option.
Everything was a double-edged sword filled with contradictions.
I wanted my life to be peaceful, but I was madly in love and lust with the most dangerous man in the world.
I wanted to be a mom and drive my kids to soccer and hockey. I wanted the only thing I wrestled over to be the decision of what to make for dinner, but I loved my job as an international spy. Here I was, standing on the hillside overlooking a beautiful town in the mountains of Germany, watching the most beautiful man in the world walk away from me, leaving breadcrumbs like Hansel and Gretel had once done, leading me back to his room. And why? Because I was an adrenaline junky and a huge slut when it came to being a spy and loving Servario.
On one side of the road was Coop, offering the quiet contemplation of an easy life with a man who was easy to love and easy to live with. We shared all the same interests, and he made everything peaceful and safe. My heart was safe.
On the other side of the road was Servario, offering me none of those things. All he had was his heart in his hands and even that wasn't always availab
le. He was the wrong choice in every way, and I was tired just from thinking about the work it took to be with him, but at the same time, he was the only choice I ever made.
My determination to make the choice of no one and be single never lasted. The resolve faded away the moment Servario was there. Where as I had lived with Coop for months doing nothing but pining after him, I had lost all control the moment I was with Servario. That was not a possibility with him.
Watching him cross the field, completely confident I would show up in his room in two hours, killed me. I hated being predictable, and with him I was always predictable.
Fuck two hours, I would be early and we both knew that.
I turned and walked down the hill to the footbridge, again blending into the crowd. I gave Coop a look and pushed my sunglasses on again.
He walked to the car, starting it and circling the block. I cut through an alleyway and jumped in when he stopped.
“So I take it he isn’t interested in helping?”
“He is. I have to meet him in two hours.”
He turned his head. “What did he say?”
“He’s going to help. He said he was going to give me what I wanted.”
“What did you ask for?” His tone was back.
“Something to wipe her memory. Really? You think I asked him for something else?” I shook my head.
“I can’t do this anymore.” His words were the ones sitting on my tongue.
I gave him a look. “Which part?” For me it was everything. I was about to resign and go into hiding with my kids and mom, the very act she had begged me to do in the beginning.
“All of it. I can’t watch you be a spy. I can’t watch you pretend anything. I can’t watch you be in danger or be scared or hurt. I hate that you fought Servario. I hate that you ran two miles barefoot. I hate that he even sees your face. My sister is dead. This world killed her, and I can’t do this with you.”
I fought the urge to shout in his face by speaking while facing forward as he drove us back to Jack’s. “Your sister is dead because she was a soulless asshole. She sold secrets. She was a liar and a traitor. After everything your father did for our country, she betrayed him and you and me and everyone. She wasn't part of our world. She wasn't even part of her own world. She was a spoiled, selfish little bitch who got what she deserved. I have no time for traitors, and I do not want to be compared to one.”