“You are one of the hottest pieces of meat I have ever seen!” He declared fervently. It was a declaration that did not mean much, since he made it to almost every woman he met, but Christine didn't know that. “Please let me rub my face between your wonderfully-tiny tatas!”
Christine stared at the boy for several seconds, gawking at him with an open mouth and wide eyes. Her mind went blank as she tried to comprehend his words. It took a while, because really, how many people were prepared to hear something like that? Not many. Despite this, she eventually managed to catch up with the lecher's comments, and react in an appropriate manner.
“FUCKING PERVERT!”
“GYA!”
Exactly one second later Eric was lying on the ground, his arms and legs twitching intermittently. There was a very large lump on his head where Christine had smashed her fist against him. Perhaps not so surprisingly, this bump—which looked like a miniature mountain rising out of his hair—was covered in a thin layer of ice, giving it a light, silvery sheen.
Standing over the now insensate boy was a blushing, shaking and very enraged Christine. She glared down at Eric with righteous anger—and humiliation, but mostly righteous anger. Her left was hand clenched into a fist near her face, and it shook with the after effects of her fury. It also had a layer of ice covering it, due in no small part to the pervert's audacity.
Strong emotions always affected the powers of yōkai.
“You… you… you perverted IDIOT!”
STOMP!
“Gya!”
“Die!” STOMP! “Die, die, die!” STOMP! “I'll kill you dead!” CRUNCH!
“GRAA!”
Lilian and a now-recovered Kevin stood on the sidelines, watching uncertainly as Christine proceeded to stomp a mudhole into the back of Eric's head, further increasing the size of the lump, and causing the tile underneath the licentious boy's face to crack.
“Maybe we should stop her before she kills him?” Kevin suggested, though it was clear that he did not want to get between Christine and the target of her vengeful wrath.
Lilian stared at the scene for a second longer, then slowly shook her head.
“No. Let's just let this run its course. Better him than you.”
Kevin took one look at Christine and Eric again. Slowly, he nodded his head in agreement.
“You know what, I think you're right. And besides, Eric did bring this on himself.” He adopted a sagely pose, arms crossed over his chest as he nodded his head and “mm-hmmed” several times. “I keep telling him that he shouldn't be so crass and to treat women with respect, but he never listens. I suppose this is his divine punishment.”
“Yeah, divine punishment. I suppose we could call it that.”
After all, a woman's wrath is very similar to divine punishment.
By now, Christine had kicked Eric onto his back, and was smashing her heel into his face.
“Ack! Not the face! Not the face! OH GOD!” His squealing cries went up several dozen octaves. “YES, THE FACE! YES, THE FACE!”
Kevin winced as Christine switched targets and proceeded to stomp on Eric's manly bits. All around them men covered their own groins, grimacing and wincing as if they could feel the phantom pain the teenage boy was suffering through. A few of them even keeled over, as if the agony that Eric felt had been transmitted to them.
Teenagers could be such drama queens sometimes.
“DIE, PEON!”
“GYAAAA!”
Though it might be warranted in this case. Maybe.
“DAMN PERVERT! HURRY UP AND DIE ALREADY!”
“NOOOOO!”
Okay, it was definitely warranted. Poor, poor Eric. You only have yourself to blame. That's what you get for being perverted when there's a tsundere in your vicinity.
“DIE! DIE, DIE, DIE!”
“MERCY!!!”
***
After Christine's anger had run its course, the trio left for the food court.
Eric, who'd made a miraculous recovery after having faced Christine's Righteous Female Fury, followed them. Of course, seeing how Christine was still pissed, he followed from a distance of several meters. Meanwhile, the other three did their utmost to ignore his existence.
Despite having his gonads pretty much ground into a fine mulch, and his face smashed into the walkway, Eric looked right as rain, except for the lump on his head… and the very pronounced limp. Other than that, it was almost as if the whole “Christine beating him into near catatonia” had never happened.
Kevin wondered if it was some kind of perverted Deus Ex Machina that allowed his friend to recover so quickly. Or, maybe he should call it a Deus Sex Machina? That sounded more appropriate.
Eric grumbled as he walked through crowds of mall goers, staring at the trio in front of him, tears of despair pouring out of his eyes and streaming down his cheeks like two giant waterfalls.
“I can't believe this! They're ignoring me! How could they ignore me like this?!” he shouted to no one in particular. A few people stopped walking to stare at the strange boy as he yelled out his displeasure, but the group he was following continued ignoring him. Eric's shoulders slumped as he trailed after them in silence, a literal cloud of despair hanging over his head.
The life of a perverted high school student sure was tough.
“Here we are.” Kevin gestured grandly as they finally reached their destination. “The food court.”
“Oh wow.” Lilian's eyes widened as she looked at the area before her. “It's so big.”
“That's what she said.”
“Die pervert!”
“Gya!”
Kevin sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He saw Lilian looking at him out of the corner of his eye, her head tilted quizzically. Shaking his own head, he gave her a “shall we?” gesture and said, “Let's get something to eat.”
Beaming at him, Lilian nodded.
“Okay!”
They walked into the food court, Christine hurrying to catch up, leaving behind a battered and broken Eric, who was forced to pick himself off the ground and trudge after them at his own pace. He did so, grumbling and crying in despondent discouragement all the while.
“I don't get it. Why am I always the one getting beaten up by girls? How come this crap only happens to me and not Kevin?”
He didn't expect anyone to answer, but Lilian apparently decided to throw the boy a bone.
“It's because you're a pervert,” her declaration, complete with shameless pointing, made Eric cry. “And also because you're the Butt Monkey.”
“The Butt Monkey?” Christine looked both confused and curious. “The hell is that?”
In response to Christine's question, Lilian reached into her Extra Dimensional Storage Space, and pulled out a book called TvTropes for Dummies. Then she began flipping through the pages.
“Let's see, I know it's in here somewhere... no... uh uh... nope! Nu uh. Ah-ha! Here it is!” Clearing her throat, Lilian proceeded to speak with a sort of lecturing tone of voice. “The Butt Monkey is a character who, to put it bluntly, is merely added into a story for comedy purposes. They are the butt end of every demeaning joke, are always the ones to suffer under physical abuse, and generally tend to end up in humiliating yet strangely hilarious situations. In some ways, it is almost like the Butt Monkey goes through life with a giant 'kick me' sign on their back, one they cannot see, but one that everyone else is more than aware of. For that reason, nothing ever goes right for the Butt Monkey. If something bad is going to happen, it is almost always guaranteed to happen to him. To make a long story short, it sucks to be the Butt Monkey.”
While Eric began crying even more, Christine just facepalmed.
“I already regret asking.”
The food court was a large, open space within the mall that contained numerous fast-food restaurants arranged in a line of booths. In the center of this space were several dozen long tables all lined in neat rows, surrounded by flat-screen TVs that cycled through a variety of musi
c videos to provide ambient background noise for the crowd.
There were a number of places for people to satiate their hunger; eateries like Sub Hub, Burger Queen and McDuffin's were a dime a dozen in malls like this. The sheer variety found there was such that everyone, regardless of their palate and eclectic tastes, could find something to enjoy—provided you were into eating fast food.
“I don't know about you two, but I'm going to get myself a burger.” With these parting words, Christine walked―or rather, stormed―over to Burger Queen. She had every intention of getting herself a Raging Whooper or two, or three, and gorging herself until she couldn't eat another bite.
For some reason, the act of shoving inordinate amounts of food down her gullet was very therapeutic. And she was angry.
Kevin and his red-haired housemate watched the girl stomp off with matching beads of sweat rolling down the sides of their heads. After a second or two, Kevin looked away from the sight of the angry goth and focused on the girl by his side.“What do you want to get, Lilian?”
“I don't really know.” Lilian looked unsure, her green eyes gazing at the fast-food restaurants. They hadn't gone to this area of the mall last time, having been more concerned with buying Lilian's clothes—not to mention how Kevin had fainted before they could get lunch. That kind of put a damper on things. “I've never eaten fast-food before. We only have a few cafés in the village, like, one or two, but most of our meals came from Kotohime or Ivy.”
“Is Ivy a relative of yours?”
“Yes. She's technically my cousin, the daughter of my grandmother's second eldest daughter, Daphne. In case you were wondering, Ivy has three tails.”
“Gotcha.” Kevin confirmed with a nod. He was tempted to ask about her family, but there were more pressing concerns, like filling his empty stomach. “Since you've never tried fast-food before, let's try something a little more, ah, refined than hamburgers.”
He pointed toward one of the many booths located in the food court. It was a small place like the others—built into the wall, and lined with a black marble countertop with a cash register on one end. Large, thick, transparent plastic panels blocked off a section of the counter, where several large pizzas sat. Behind the counter was a giant oven constructed from dark red bricks. The bright, glowing sign above the booth read Fat Fizoli's Pizza Parlor.
Turning to look at Kevin, Lilian tilted her head.
“Pizza?”
“Do you not like pizza?”
“No, I do.” Lilian shook her head, then smiled. It was a smile of nostalgia. “I only had it once, but I remember when Kotohime baked us pizza. She normally sticks to either Greek or Japanese cuisine.” Lilian chuckled at Kevin's “wtf?” look. “Don't ask. Anyway, my sister complained about how we never had any variety with our meals, so Kotohime decided to make something different.”
“And that something was pizza?”
“Yes.”
“Right, then I think that's what we'll get. I'm partial to pizza myself.”
A quick tug on Lilian's hand had the girl getting pulled along behind him.
An electric jolt surged through Lilian's body, starting from their conjoined hands and moving up her arm, across her shoulder to flow down her back and traveled all the way to her feet, making her entire body tingle pleasantly. It felt nice. Really nice. She wished this feeling would never end.
However, end it did. They eventually reached the counter, and Kevin let go of her hand, much to her disappointment. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, which he eventually noticed. Turning his head, Kevin met her stare.
He tilted his head in quizzical curiosity, causing Lilian to shake hers and smile at him. Kevin returned her smile easily enough, and then it was their turn to order.
“I want one slice of Sicilian pizza with all the toppings and a medium Coke, please.” Kevin was quick to place his order, knowing what he wanted before reaching the counter. While not one to indulge in unhealthy food often, when he did allow himself to eat something that wasn't necessarily good for him, he liked to go all out. He was a go big or go home kind of guy.
“All right, one Sicilian pizza with all the toppings,” the young man behind the booth said; a decently handsome male that stood head and shoulders over Kevin, and who was obviously not in high school anymore. After taking Kevin's order the man looked at Lilian, his eyes trailing up and down her body. Then he smirked. “And what would you like, gorgeous?”
Kevin's hands clenched into fists. This guy was just like all of the others. He stared at Lilian with lust filled eyes, stripping her bare without regard to her feelings, as if she was some kind of doll without any emotions to call her own. All he saw was a pair of tits and a nice ass. He probably didn't even notice Lilian's emerald eyes sparkling with unusual innocence, or her bedazzling smile that could brighten whole continents. Guys like this looked at a girl and only saw a quick screw; one and done and all that crap. People like this pissed him off so much.
Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Kevin tried to release the strange, pent up rage brewing within him like the roiling of a terrible tempest, and turned to the girl next to him.
“Lilian?”
“Um,” Lilian looked at the menu for several seconds, her nose scrunching cutely. She shook her head, then looked at him. “I don't know. What's good?”
“All of it's good, it just depends on your preferences.” Knowing that Lilian likely didn't have any preferences due to her lack of knowledge about anything outside of Greek (and Japanese, apparently) cuisine, Kevin began a very lengthy explanation about the wonders of pizza.
“So pizza comes in several different types, and you can get a number of different toppings?” A nod. “And you got a Sicilian pizza with all the toppings?” Another nod. Lilian made her decision. She turned back to the man behind the counter. “I would also like a Sicilian pizza with all the toppings.” She looked over at Kevin and gave him a beaming smile. “Since I don't know much about pizza, I'll follow your example.”
As Lilian's smiling face gazed upon him, Kevin found himself unable to look away from her gorgeous, emerald orbs. Those eyes, which could enchant men with just a glance, and yet were so innocent, so pure. For some reason that was beyond him at the moment but would come to him in time, he found himself incapable of thinking about anything other than how beautiful those eyes were.
Lilian seemed to be of like mind. She stared up at him, twin pools of bewitching green gazing into his with something akin to longing. She could see something in her mate's eyes, an intangible emotion that she could not place. The only thing she knew was that it had not been there before now, and it was sucking her into the depths of those clear blue irises.
If asked, neither would be able to explain what came over them. It could have been a spell or just simple hormones. Whatever the case was, neither could look away from the other.
Their faces began drawing closer together. Lilian's eyes fluttered shut while Kevin's mouth became strangely dry. His mind, which should have been screaming at him to stop, had fallen silent.
Their heads slowly inched closer and closer. Kevin leaned down at the same time that Lilian's head tilted up. Just a few more inches and their lips would meet.
“Kevin! Lilian!”
Naturally, someone would arrive to interrupt the two before they could actually kiss.
They jerked away from each other like they had been shocked, their cheeks flushing red and their hearts beating frantically, as the spell that had been cast over them shattered into a million, irreparable pieces.
As the strange feeling that had come over him dispelled, Kevin shook his head. What… what had happened just now? What was that? Why would he… he had been mere seconds away from kissing Lilian! What had possessed him to do that?
Kevin tried to calm his raging heart. He needed to calm down. He needed to be serene. Tranquil. He couldn't let this get the best of him.
Once he had calmed down, he found it much easier to think rationally. He dec
ided not to let himself be bothered by what had nearly happened, his almost-kiss with Lilian. Whatever strange spell had come over him was gone. Thankfully, they had been interrupted before he and Lilian could actually kiss—that would have been a mistake that he didn't want to make. After all, he didn't love Lilian… right?
Kevin would learn in due time that no spell had been cast over him, but that wouldn't come until later… after a certain kimono-clad, katana-carrying kitsune came into the picture.
“Hey, Kevin! Lilian! Over here!”
Two sets of eyes blinked as they saw the person who had broken them from their trance standing just a few feet away, a tray of food in her hands. Kevin was the first to respond.
“Lindsay?”
***
“It looks like everyone had the same idea to come to the mall,” Lindsay said as she sat down at the large table that a few of her soccer teammates were already sitting at. Kevin didn't know any of those girls personally, but he recognized them from when he went to watch Lindsay's soccer games. “I guess it's not that surprising that I would see you guys here.” She looked at the bags Kevin set down by their table. “And I see you've done some shopping.”
“While winter's still a ways off, I thought it would be a good idea to buy Lilian some clothes for when it gets colder,” was the answer that Kevin gave as he and the fox-girl sat down at the table with their plates of identical-looking pizza. All around them conversation flowed, some of it was about him and Lilian, but most of it seemed to be centered on the school shutting down. Which was actually kind of about them in an abstract they were responsible for the school shutting down sort of way.
“I see, getting clothes for your girlfriend.” Lindsay grinned at the duo. “That's really sweet of you.” Kevin and Lilian shared a look. One of them looked away uncomfortably, while the other gave a sad frown. The soccer-playing tomboy noticed their strange reaction and frowned as well. “Is something wrong?”
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