I took a deep breath and stepped inside. “You really used to like that spot, but I don’t remember the drink being quite so orange.” My tone was playful as I attempted to lead with a joke.
Her head whipped up as I strolled toward her. She held her hand over her mouth and tried to fight back the tears. I had never seen my mother that vulnerable in my entire life. It was at that moment that I began to understand how much I had hurt her by staying away. As she dropped the magazine and stood, I saw the tears roll down her once-flawless face that had started to age with time. Exhaustion was written all over her expression, and I suddenly felt like a bratty child who’d only cared about my own needs. How could I have been so selfish?
With her tear-filled eyes, she opened her arms, and I took the last few steps to join her. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed her until that instant.
She sobbed into my chest as I let a few tears trickle down my cheeks. She wasn’t ready to let go any time soon, but neither was I.
“It’s been too long, son,” she whispered amidst her tears and sobbing as she pulled back to stare up at me. “Why would you do that to your mother?” She teasingly slapped my arm, but she wasn’t playing around.
I wasn’t an emotional guy by any stretch of the imagination, but hearing those words broke me. A sob set itself free, and my tears fell rapidly. I had nothing to say to her because I couldn’t think of a reason myself. All I could do was apologize. “I’m so sorry, Mom. I am so sorry. I love you.”
She reached up and held my face in her hands. “I love you, too, son. Always. Don’t ever stay away from home this long, ever again, please,” she begged.
“I won’t, Mom. You have my word.” I kissed her forehead.
She finally stepped back, and we sat down on the sofa. My mom put her hand over mine and pulled it into her lap, the way she used to do when I was a kid. I glanced over at her. I could see the worry and stress written in the lines of her aging skin. Although the anxiousness of seeing her for the first time in so long had faded, the guilt grew by the minute.
“Mom, I’m so sorry I left for so long.” I needed to try to give her some sort of explanation, and as much as I didn’t want it to be the truth, I had nothing else to offer her. “I just didn’t feel at home here after Dad died.” My head dropped as I spoke the realities of how I’d felt, knowing none of it would ease her pain. “I threw myself so deep into work that I didn’t come up for air. I shouldn’t have run away like that, but I needed time. And the next thing I knew, years were gone.”
She squeezed my hand. “I know, honey. I just wish it hadn’t taken you so long.” She smiled as she looked out the back window. “I’m sorry you ever felt uncomfortable here. You could have talked to me. I would’ve found a way to help you get through the grief. We could’ve gotten through it together.” She reached up and stroked my cheek.
“I know, but don’t worry, I’m here now—for you and grandma. How is she, by the way?” I couldn’t wait to see her, but on the other hand, I wasn’t looking forward to saying goodbye.
“She’s asleep right now; you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to see her.” Mom started to choke on emotion again as she swiped beneath her eyes to rid her face of more tears. “She’s been pretty ill for some time, but last week she took a turn for the worst, and the doctor said she’s in her final days. She might not make it through the holidays, and that’s when I knew you needed to come home. I should’ve told you sooner.”
“I’m glad you called, Mom. It really is nice to be home.” I pulled her into my side and held her close. It truly felt good to be here.
I stood and walked around the room, taking in all the details. “It’s been a while since I felt this kind of calm in my life.” I breathed a sigh of relief as I looked out over the back garden.
There was one small light on in the guest house but no other signs that anyone was there. Granny had moved in there; I remembered my mom had mentioned it years before.
“It’s a wonder why you ever ran away in the first place then,” she retorted with a snort.
I turned to see a smile on her lips; she looked so much younger than when I’d first walked into the room, like my coming home was a weight lifted off her shoulders—I knew it was from mine.
“As much as I’d love to sit and chat all night, I’m an old lady and I should get to bed. But we can chat over breakfast?”
I helped her off the sofa and pulled her in for another hug. “It really is great to be home, Mom.” I kissed her forehead, and we both headed up to our respective rooms.
I was completely wiped from the travel and the stress of everything. I couldn’t wait to get to sleep. The moment I hit the pillow, I was down for the count.
MELISSA
Waking before my alarm had become the norm years ago. I jumped out of bed without needing to wake up and smiled as I looked out the window. I’d always been a morning person, and with the holidays just around the corner, I had a little extra pep. I loved Christmas, but the season also brought with it some memories that were still as fresh as they were two years ago when I’d lost my family. I tried to think of all the good memories and not dwell on what was gone. I’d also gained the Moore’s, which I couldn’t have dreamed would turn out so great. I shook off the dread and smiled at the photos of my parents on my bedside table.
Although it had snowed the night before, I was still determined to head out for a run. I grabbed my older tennis shoes since I didn’t want to dirty the new ones and tip-toed out the front door, hoping not to wake Granny.
I leaned down and stretched out my morning knots and breathed in the beautiful smell of winter in the air.
I took off down the driveway and let my mind clear as I tore up the road. Jogging was always so freeing; the adrenaline was like nothing I’d ever felt. It was my day starter. Some people had caffeine; I had running. Although, I also drank coffee; I wasn’t crazy.
By the time I got back, my entire back was covered in mud, and I was drenched with slush, but it was worth it. I stepped inside, and the heat greeted me instantly. We had to keep it warmer in the guest house since Granny was so frail now and always cold.
I took off my shoes and carried them with me into the bathroom to rinse away the mud and then jumped into the shower. I let the heat envelope my body, the steam filling the bathroom. I always loved my showers hotter than most—nearly scalding. It had creeped my mom out when I was younger.
Turning off the water, I blindly reached for the hook, but my towel wasn’t there. I yanked open the shower curtain and looked around frantically. There wasn’t a towel in sight other than a small one on the rack used for decoration. It would be just enough to cover my front. I grabbed it off the bar and dried myself off as quickly as I could before holding it across my chest. It barely touched my sides, but at least my lady bits were covered.
I opened the door and tiptoed down the hall. I slowed in front of Granny’s room and froze the moment I locked my gaze with a set of piercing-green eyes. We stared at each other for a moment before his eyes drifted in a slow dance down my body, and his lips turned up into the most adorable smirk. His eyes met mine once again, and he cleared his throat.
I finally snapped out of my trance and ran down the hall to my bedroom, completely forgetting that the towel left nothing to the imagination. His deep chuckle sent goose bumps down my flesh as I closed the door behind me.
“Sullivan,” I breathed out his name as I flopped down onto my bed.
My face was on fire; I could feel the blush all over my body. I hadn’t seen him in so long, but I would recognize those eyes anywhere. It’d been nearly a decade since our last visit. The twelve-year-old girl inside of me was giddy with excitement, but my twenty-year-old self was nervous as hell.
I’d had the biggest crush on him back in the day. Our parents were best friends, so poor Sullivan had to take care of me all the time. I was sure he knew I’d had feelings for him, but to him—at eighteen—all I was, was an annoying little kid. The ala
rm on my phone chirped, alerting me that it was time for Granny’s meds. I wasn’t the slightest bit ready to walk out there, but I had a job to do.
Granny was Sullivan’s grandmother; she’d been sick for quite some time now. I’d been helping take care of her before I’d completed my nursing degree. When I’d lost my parents, I’d moved in permanently and have been caring for her ever since. The Moore’s were like family to me, and the least I could do was help out after how amazing they’d been to me over the years.
I glanced at the pictures on the wall in front of me. I had strategically placed them there to ensure I could see them from anywhere in the room. One was of my parents when they were younger, and the second one was a photo of my parents and me on my tenth birthday.
Even though I tried not to think about them, the holidays made me it more difficult. They had died in a plane crash on their way back home two Christmases ago. I was eighteen at the time, and in an instant, I was all alone. I had no siblings, and both sets of my grandparents had already passed. That was when the Moores took me in, and they have treated me like one of their own ever since. Susan had been like a mom, and we’d comforted each other through more loss than either of us should have experienced in such a short time.
I knew that one day I would need to leave the Moore mansion if I ever wanted to move on, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that just yet. It would cause too much grief, and Granny still needed me. At least those were the excuses I told myself to make me stay just one more year…every year.
A gentle knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts, and I cleared the tears from my cheeks to pull on a robe, knowing who was on the other side. Every morning, Susan came to the guest house to tell me what was on the day’s agenda—it wasn’t like I didn’t know since I was the one who set it. I thought it gave her a sense of ownership, control over the hand fate had dealt her. We all dealt with things in our own way, and this was Susan’s.
“Come in.” Thankfully, I was able to disguise the sadness I felt, and my voice didn’t give me away.
The door eased open, and then I was front and center with my surrogate mom. While I’d expected the seriousness, she greeted every morning with, I was met with her radiant grin. It was a smile I hadn’t seen in a long time, at least not since Sullivan had left for the city and her husband had died.
She took a seat on the corner of my bed and folded her hands on her lap, staring up at me with that same grin plastered to her face. “How are you doing this morning?” Even her dimples sunk in her cheeks effortlessly and gave her a more youthful look.
“I’m good, Susan.” I prayed to God Sullivan hadn’t told her he’d watched me streak back to my room with nothing but a hand towel covering my private parts. I figured the best way to get past that possibility was to avoid it altogether. “What’s got you so excited this morning? It’s pretty early for you to be up and about.”
Susan patted the mattress for me to take a seat next to her. I wasn’t sure being within striking distance was such a great idea since her son had just seen more of my naked body than all the men I’d dated in the last two years.
“So, I called Sullivan yesterday.” That statement alone was normally followed by tears or at the very least, a sour disposition. “And after I told him about Mother, he said he would come home. In fact, he got on a flight last night.” She clapped her hands and held them in front of her mouth, still smiling like the Cheshire cat. “He got in late last night.”
I sighed internally; clearly she didn’t know I’d seen him in Granny’s room. Somehow, I managed to feign excitement and ignorance for Susan’s sake. Maybe the excitement wasn’t all that put on, but I hid the embarrassment I’d felt only minutes ago. It was silly to be excited about seeing someone who likely wasn’t the same person they had been eight years ago. But secretly, the mere thought of seeing Sullivan again—with my clothes on—made my heart race.
“That’s great! How long is he staying?” I hoped she didn’t read more into that than I’d intended. I sucked at this. I was happy he was home for Susan and Granny’s sake, but I wasn’t sure how I’d handle the schoolgirl crush I’d had so many years ago…and clearly, I wasn’t completely over him. Maybe I could use this opportunity to finally get some sort of closure.
Her expression changed a little, and I could see the worry in her face. “Well, I don’t know. I didn’t talk to him about all that last night.” She took a deep breath and put on her practiced smile; it wasn’t the same as the one she’d worn a few minutes ago when she came in. “But at least he’ll be around, and I’ll get to see my son for the holidays.”
“I’m sure he’s excited, too.”
She turned away with a glint of tears in her eyes. “I wish he was coming home under different circumstances and not just because his grandmother is dying.” What she really meant was she wished Sullivan had come home to see her just because he’d missed her.
It was hard for her to think that her son didn’t love her enough to want to visit. But I knew there was more to the reason Sullivan hadn’t come back, and I was positive it had nothing to do with not loving his mother. “I’m sure he thinks about you every day.”
Susan got up with a smile and turned on her heel to leave. Stopping at the open door, she turned back to me. “You’re the best daughter any mother could hope to have. Your parents would be so proud of the woman you’re becoming.” She blew me a kiss. “Don’t forget to check up on Granny when you’re dressed.” And then she left.
I fell back onto my bed. A huge grin took over my face as my thoughts quickly shifted back to Sullivan. I should’ve been mortified by the encounter I’d just had with him, not be excited to see him. Even though Sullivan was six years older than me, that had never stopped me from having a massive crush on him. And now that we were both adults, I had a feeling my deluded mind would take that as a sign that he was now attainable.
Sullivan used to get stuck babysitting me whenever our parents went out, which as often. When it had finally occurred to him that I had a crush on him, he thought it was cute—for a while. But as time went on, he found it annoying, not that he had ever said so out loud. He just always made excuses to get out of spending time with me. Eventually, I wasn’t so little anymore and didn’t need constant supervision. Both of us avoided each other successfully. But regardless of how it had all turned out, Sullivan Moore was the first boy I’d ever loved. And not many had crossed my radar since.
I was still lost in my thoughts when I realized I had yet to get dressed, my hair was still wet, and Granny needed her morning medication.
I pushed myself off the mattress to quickly get dressed and do something with my hair. “Oh shit, shit, shit.” I glanced at the time and realized just how late I really was as I ran a brush through my locks and left them down to air dry. Then I threw on the first pair of jeans I came to and a Christmas sweater I normally wouldn’t be caught dead in and raced to Granny’s room down the hall.
I knocked softly on the door before pushing it completely open without receiving an answer. Then I peeked around it, hoping I’d find Granny awake since she mostly slept these days. I was in luck; her eyes were wide.
“Hey, Granny. I’m so sorry I’m late. I got distracted.” I was both relieved and a little dejected to see that she was alone, although that saved me the embarrassment of facing Sullivan so soon after my streaking episode.
Granny managed a weak smile, and I heard her lungs strain as she tried to breathe with the help of her oxygen mask. She pulled down the clear plastic covering her mouth and beckoned me to her side.
In nothing more than a couple quick steps, I was at her side with my face near hers to be able to hear her whispered words.
“I would be glad if you were late because there was a young gentleman somewhere that took your time.”
I flushed with embarrassment and wondered if Sullivan had told her about the towel incident. I’d be mortified. “No, Granny.” I smiled wide and looked directly into her brilliant-green e
yes—the same eyes Sullivan shared with many of the Moore family members. “Sorry to disappoint you, but there is no man anywhere to be found.”
I helped her ease back onto her pillows as she muttered to herself, thinking I couldn’t hear. “Children of this generation and their uptightness. When I was their age, I had three young men fighting for my affection. In the end, I ended up dating all of them.” She giggled to herself as she seemed to reminisce, completely oblivious to my hearing her thoughts.
“Oh my God, Granny.” I chuckled at her while her eyes danced with amusement. I’d miss this when she was gone. I pushed the thought away, trying not to dwell on what I knew was coming as I changed her IV and injected her meds into the line. It took me a minute to clean off her table and clear away the breakfast dishes that I was sure Bridget had brought in earlier.
Granny’s hand landed on my forearm, and I stared at her wrinkled fingers, the blue veins showing through her thin skin. “I don’t want you to go through life and regret never actually living, Missy.” She squeezed her fingers until I met her stare. “You’re a good girl, and any man would be lucky to call you the love of his life, but you need to put yourself out there.” She burst into a fit of short coughs as she talked.
“Careful, Granny.” I helped her sit up to clear her lungs. “If I leave, there won’t be anyone here to take care of you.”
She hissed with tears in her eyes. “Young lady, I’ve lived my life, and there are very few things I regret. Now, I’m just tired and want to go home. Your life is just beginning; go out there and find yourself.”
She was right.
If I ever had any hope of finding myself, I would need to leave my comfort zone, which was the Moore house and this town in general. I placed my hand over hers and whispered in her ear, “I promise to find myself, Granny. I promise.”
I wouldn’t usually run twice in a day, but Granny’s words this morning got me thinking so much that I had to get out of my room and clear my thoughts. As the sun had started to set, the temperatures had fallen rapidly, and the skies started to cloud over. While it was good weather to exercise, it also meant that a storm was brewing. Cold nights were not exactly kind to Granny.
Let It Snow Page 2