by Trudy Stiles
“Yes, it was sudden. I was the one who found him, right here in this office.” He hangs his head, and I can tell he doesn’t want to relive the scene. I look around the large room, wondering where he fell. Did he know what was happening? Was he scared? Did he see my mother waiting for him as he took his last breaths? I try to imagine a beautiful scene where my mother comes down from Heaven to take his hand. I’ll keep that vision in my mind forever, hoping it’s true.
“Then how did you know what he wanted?”
“He had a plan. We talked extensively about what was to happen to all of his assets and what would happen in the event of his death. Everything was worked out and executed. But one of his wishes was that you would come home when he was gone, providing I felt that it was safe enough to do so. I think the time is now right, and you’re back where you belong.”
I’ve become comfortable in my quaint home in Chappy. I’ve enjoyed the privacy. The anonymity. The safety. While I’ve definitely looked over my shoulder on more than one occasion, like I did when I was in Boston, my life grew there. I planted roots. What am I going to tell the people that have come to know me? What will I tell my friends?
My closest friend, Dahlia, has never pried into my background. I work in her flower shop once or twice a week. She thinks that I came to the island to escape an abusive relationship. She assumed I was abused by a man, and I never corrected her. It keeps her off of my back about the lack of men in my life and defensive for me when she sees me in an uncomfortable exchange with anyone we don’t know. She comes from tons of money and never had to work a day in her life, but chose to start up a small flower shop to do what she loves doing. I’m most worried about explaining everything to her, but I’ll deal with that when I have to. Right now, it’s all about fulfilling the rest of my father’s wishes.
“This is going to be difficult, Uncle Ronny. I have a life back in Chappaquiddick. I have friends.”
“I can’t force you to do anything. Your legal name is Sawyer Duncan and if you’d like to keep it, that’s up to you.”
I never thought I’d be faced with this decision, and I shrug my shoulders. “I’m Noelle Durand. That’s the name my parents gave me. So I want it back.”
He nods and starts to open a folder in front of him. “We also have a lot of other paperwork to do, so if you’re fine, I’d like to have you sign as much of this as possible today.”
All of my father’s assets are transferred into my name, including the two houses, all of his cars, and various bank and brokerage accounts. I have no idea how much everything’s worth, and I don’t care. I’ve been living off of the interest that my mother’s estate is worth, my own fortune well over one hundred million dollars now.
“Is all of this necessary?” I ask. “Maybe we could just donate everything?”
“Your father was a tremendous philanthropist and has already designated a large portion of his estate to various charitable organizations.”
“Okay.”
After everything is signed, he sits back in his seat and furrows his eyebrows. “Your father has already been cremated,” he states.
“What?” I had no idea what to expect when I came home. Was there going to be a memorial service? A funeral? Was I going to have to get up on a podium and say some final words about my father?
“Your father wanted everything done before you came home. He didn’t want a large service, drawing attention to his death or to you. We’ll have a small, private service, just for you, at the house. Time for you to say goodbye.”
“You mean to say goodbye, again,” I stress. “I said goodbye to him already, twelve years ago.”
He nods reluctantly. “This time, it will be on your terms.”
“Really? This doesn’t feel like my terms at all. In fact, it feels like I have yet to make a decision throughout any of this,” I snap, immediately regretting taking my anger out on him. “I’m sorry.”
“You never need to apologize to me. Ever. Your father and I have put you through some trying things. We turned your life completely upside down. Not to mention what you had to put up with from that woman.”
“What happens when she finds out I’m alive?” I ask.
“If she finds out, there’s really nothing she can do. Trust me, we’ve taken precautions, and we know you’re the least of her family’s worries. Plus, she’s serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole. The head of the family is also behind bars, while other key kingpins are dead. I don’t believe you’ll ever have anything to worry about. But just lay low, if that’s okay. And please make sure your security is aware of everything.”
What I really want to do is visit her in prison. Show her how strong I’ve become, physically and mentally. I’ve gone through so much to build up my self-esteem and realize that I never did anything wrong to provoke her prolonged abuse. I shouldered too much as a child and teen. I tried to keep my father safe, and it wasn’t fair for me to have to do that. I’ve always regretted never speaking up and clueing my father into what was happening. So many things would be different today. But, I’m done blaming myself.
There’s only one person to blame, and she’s behind bars.
“I didn’t realize my father owned another house,” I admit, changing the subject.
“He bought a house in Point Pleasant about a year after you left.”
“Why?”
“He wanted to spend as much time near where you last were. Since his boat was at the marina there, he was able to spend a lot of time there, alone. Tonya was already in prison when he purchased that house.”
“Is there anything else I need to know?” I’m overwhelmed by the plethora of information I’ve been given in the past hour. I don’t know if I can handle any more.
“Yes, as a matter of fact. You know your father’s wishes were to be laid to rest where your mother is. His remains are at the funeral home, and I can pick them up tomorrow for you so you can spend some time with them before you begin your trip. Do you want to meet me at the house first thing in the morning? Father Baker can meet us there and can say a few prayers with you as well.”
“I’d like that,” I state. I know my dad respected Father Baker and regularly supported the church.
“It’s getting late. You should get going so you can get a good night’s sleep. Are you going back to the house tonight?”
Heath insisted that I stay at his place tonight and I think I may just do that. I don’t want to go back to an empty house, especially alone.
“I’m staying with Heath.”
My uncle knew how important it was for me to tell him everything.
“Please send him my regards. He’s a good man, Noelle.”
“I’m going to take off.” I stand up and kiss my uncle on the cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
As I drive back to Heath’s house, I feel strange. On one hand, I’m sad that my father is gone. I’ve yet to properly mourn his death, but I said goodbye to him so many years ago, and I don’t feel like saying goodbye is going to be the same.
I also feel strangely invigorated.
I’m in the process of reclaiming my life. A life that was, for so long, filled with fear.
I don’t know what the coming days and weeks are going to bring, but if they can bring me closer to my parents, then the long trip is going to be worth it.
When he has forgotten I will find a way to rescue you.
Heath
Present
I’M LYING IN BED, staring up at my ceiling, the moonlight shining through my window. I’ve been wide awake for hours, unable to sleep, my mind racing. Noelle’s return is nothing short of miraculous–and confusing. I can’t believe she’s alive after all she’s been through. I’m angry that I wasn’t in on the ‘secret’ of her disappearance, but given who my father is, I can understand their rationale for keeping me in the dark. I’m sure many laws were broken or overlooked while making sure she was able to hide without being found. They were able to keep her safe,
so I guess that’s what’s most important.
But I still missed out on over a decade of knowing her. Who is she now? What does she like? Is she in love with someone else?
So many questions without answers swirl in my head, and I have no chance of falling back to sleep tonight. Tomorrow is going to be another long day.
I gave Noelle keys to my house and told her to come back whenever she was done with her uncle. I heard her come in a little after midnight, but I didn’t get up to greet her. We have to get an early start tomorrow morning, so I figured it would be best to stay right here. We’ll have days to talk. Days to catch up. Days to get to know each other all over again.
But that was an hour ago, and I’m still lying here wide awake. Noelle’s in the guest room across the hall, and it feels so strange knowing she’s in my house, alive, sleeping in a separate room from me. We would spend almost every night together when we were younger. I used to sit outside her window as we talked about almost everything. The Wiffle ball game we played earlier that day, our plans for college, our mutual love of fireflies and everything they symbolize.
In those days, I yearned to take away the pain and darkness that surrounded her life. She hid so much behind her smile, always seeming to be on guard, especially around Tonya.
The hallway outside my room is silent, so I decide to run downstairs to get a glass of milk. Maybe that will help me fall asleep.
I quietly open my door and turn right to take the back set of stairs, avoiding walking past Noelle’s room. Once downstairs, I walk through the dark kitchen and open the refrigerator, the milk nestled on the shelf in the door. Without thinking, I remove the cap, putting the gallon carton to my lips, and begin to chug. The cold milk quenching a thirst and will hopefully aid my sleep.
“Do you always drink your milk like that?” Noelle’s voice startles me, and I practically choke on a mouthful. She’s sitting in the den, legs curled up to her chest.
I put the container away and close the door, wiping milk off of my bare chest with my hand. That’s when I realize I’m only in my boxer briefs and nothing else.
Her eyes quickly scan my body, then she smiles and says awkwardly, “I guess milk does a body good.”
I laugh out loud while looking around for a towel, or something, to help clean the rest of the milk off of me.
“Why are you still up?” I ask, uncomfortably.
“I could ask you the same question.”
“I heard you come back well over an hour ago, I figured you would be asleep by now.”
She shakes her head and stands up, walking toward me. “Too much going through my mind. It was an overwhelming day.”
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” I don’t mean to pry, but if she’s awake, I might as well try.
“I’ll spare you all of the sordid details, but I’m now the proud owner of two more houses, six cars, and a boatload of cash.”
“You can’t be surprised by all of that, right?” I ask. Her father was a successful businessman, and I know their house next door to my parents’ is worth at least four or five million. Maybe even more.
“None of that matters to me though,” she admits, her face sad. “I would give it all back–everything–to have my father here again.”
I nod in understanding.
“So, what’s the plan?” I ask. We haven’t yet discussed the long drive ahead of us.
“I figured we could map out our route from the road.”
I’ve been on tour buses countless times and have made cross country trips more than once. But I’ve never been the driver, and I’ve never had to figure out the best routes.
“Wing it?”
She smiles. “GPS will guide us.”
“Glad to see you’re prepared,” I say sarcastically.
Her smile falters as she lowers her eyes to the floor. “I haven’t been prepared for any of this to happen. I honestly thought the day I was able to come home, I’d be able to hug my father. Instead, I’ll be holding his urn.”
I take a step toward her, unsure of what to do. “I’m sorry.”
She covers her face with her hands. “None of this makes sense,” she cries. “I can’t even believe that I’m even here.”
I close the distance between us and pull her against my chest, her sobs muffled. I haven’t held her in years and having her in my arms feels like I’m re-learning how her body feels against mine. It feels right–but not yet comfortable.
“I’m glad you are,” I say, kissing the top of her head.
“You smell like milk,” she giggles into my chest, but doesn’t pull away. Instead, she wraps her arms tighter around me. “I’ve dreamed of this moment for so long, Heath. I’ve wanted to be back in your arms for years. I just wish–”
“You wish what?”
She tilts her head to look up at me. “I wish it wasn’t like this.”
She’s reading my mind. It’s been so strange the past two days. But now is not the time to talk about why we’re here and all of the crazy things that kept us apart.
“We need to get some sleep,” I urge, letting go of her. “We have a very long couple of days ahead of us. And I still need to pack.”
“I’m so sorry I’m dragging you into this–”
“Stop,” I demand, placing my finger to her lips. “I’m here for you, no matter what. I’m glad you came to me.”
She turns and I follow her up the stairs. She walks into the guest room and smiles before she closes the door. It’s so weird having her in my house, under my roof, without being close to her. Without holding her next to me.
I slip into my own bed, kicking my legs out under the covers. I’m already restless, trying to imagine what the next few weeks are going to be like. Is it going to be a struggle to get to know each other all over again? Will we even like each other when all of this is over?
There’s a light knock on my door, and then it opens. Noelle’s silhouette comes into my view, her hair cascading down past her shoulders. A long t-shirt coming to just above her knees. “Heath?” she asks softly.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, leaning up on my elbows.
“Are you seeing someone? I mean–is there anyone in your life right now?” She seems nervous, almost afraid of my answer.
I’ve been waiting for this question since I first heard her voice. Waiting to tell her that the only person I’ve ever thought about was her. I’ve been in love with her for years, unable to let her go. Unable to move forward and connect with anyone else.
“No,” I respond. “There’s no one.”
Haley was a distraction. And for a while, being with her was easy. I can’t imagine what’s going to go through her mind when she finds out Noelle is alive. Things are going to get very complicated and confusing, very quickly.
“Thanks,” she says, turning to leave. “Sorry to bother you.”
She shuts my door, and my room is once again dark. I wanted to stop her from leaving, but I don’t think either of us is ready for that. We have so much more learning to do. So much more growing to do before we can reconnect on any other level.
Too much time separates us from the people we were, the teenagers we were, twelve years ago.
We need to find a way to bridge that time.
We need fireflies and fairies.
Noelle
Present
AUGUST 20: I’VE BEEN AWAKE for hours, staring at her sleeping, perfectly content. Mel’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Her perfection goes beyond her looks. Her heart is warm, kind, and selfless. There isn’t another person in this world I could imagine spending the rest of my life with. I hope God gives us time. So much time we won’t know what to do with ourselves. I also hope he gives us children. Tons of them.
We arrived in Columbus, Ohio, late last night. It’s the first leg of our trip across the country. Because of how things have been busy with my company and Melanie’s various philanthropic endeavors, we delayed our honeymoon for almost six months. No
w it’s just the two of us, our convertible, and the open road. We’re planning our trip city by city, not sure of where we’re going next. And I couldn’t imagine anything more perfect. As long as we’re together.
Today, we’re going to the Columbus Zoo–a destination she’s wanted to visit since she was a little girl. I’m looking forward to watching her explore and have fun. I also hope we can bring our children here someday.
I don’t want to wake her up, though, she looks so peaceful.
I close my father’s journal, slipping it into my backpack. This was in the satchel that my uncle gave me the day I disappeared. I haven’t been able to bring myself to start reading it until recently. I’m only a few entries into it, but the irony doesn’t escape me.
I’m in the same city that he and my mother began their honeymoon. So close to them, but light years away.
“Are you okay?” Heath’s voice pulls me from my trance.
“Yeah,” I admit. “Want to go to the zoo?”
He laughs and says, “Of course. Lead the way.”
We got here late yesterday after driving for just about eight hours. We didn’t get as early of a start as we wanted to in the morning since we were both up so late the night before. We didn’t even eat dinner; we were both exhausted. He had a suite booked for us and we both slept soundly in our own rooms.
We’re trying to figure out the landscape between us. We’re both still strangers, time molding who we are today. I hope when all of this is over and I’ve laid my father to rest, we can find a way to reconnect. Maybe find a way back to each other.
I take out my phone and pull up the page for the Columbus Zoo. “It’s actually not that far from where we are now. Do you want to drive or take a cab?” I ask.
“Oh, you’re serious,” he says. “I thought you were joking.”
“You don’t want to go?” I ask, slightly deflated.
“Yes, let’s go. But I seriously thought you were kidding. It’s all good.” He places his hand on my lower back and gently pushes me toward the door of our room. “Let’s take a cab. I don’t think I’m up for driving just yet. We’ll save that for tomorrow.”