by Trudy Stiles
The sun is starting to set, and the sky is vibrant shades of red, orange, and purple.
“It sure seems like Heaven up here.”
She walks around, grasping my hand tightly. The various peaks around us are glowing from the sunset, enhancing the incredible red rocks. She reaches into her backpack and pulls out the journal, quickly finding the picture her father taped inside. She holds the book in the air, the setting sun behind it.
“He must have stood right here when he took this picture,” she notes. “The sun’s practically in the same place as it is now.”
Her face completely relaxes, and she closes her eyes, inhaling deeply through her nose. I take out my phone to capture this sight. She looks calm and serene. At peace.
She slowly opens her eyes, my phone already shoved back into my pocket. “I wonder if this is how my mom felt once she got to the top?” She stretches her arms above her head as if she’s reaching for the clouds above. “It feels incredible up here. It’s so quiet and peaceful.” She backs up and leans into me and I hold her against me.
We stand like this as the sun sets, completely mesmerized. Neither of us makes an attempt to move as the horn sounds, alerting us that the next tram is departing for the base. “Can we hike down?” Noelle asks, laughing.
“Um–no,” I say, pulling her toward the tram. “I think the animals lurking in the terrain along the way are much more dangerous than the tram we’re about to get in, don’t you think?”
A reluctant smile spreads across her face and she shrugs, “It was worth a try, I guess.”
We get on the tram and it’s standing room only. Her eyes widen, but she remains somewhat relaxed. “It’ll be okay,” I whisper into her ear, letting my lips linger. She leans into my side, wrapping her arms tightly around me as we descend, darkness enveloping us. When we reach the bottom, we’re the last to exit the tram and she slowly walks through the doors.
“Want to go up again?” I joke, and she pokes me in the side.
“Not exactly,” she admits, her tone turning serious. “But I feel like I left something up there.”
“What? Did you forget your bag?” I ask.
“Not literally, figuratively,” she corrects me, and I’m curious what she means.
“Oh?”
“When the sun set and those magnificent colors spread across the horizon, I felt like we weren’t alone. I felt my parents.” She shakes her head and shrugs her shoulders. “Or whatever, it was probably just the beauty of it all.” She walks toward the car, embarrassed.
“I can see what you mean,” I say to her, trying to make her feel better about what she sensed. “It’s like we were a few steps closer to Heaven, everything up there was so crisp and calm. Like the angels were trying to speak to us.”
Her eyes light up, and she throws her arms around my neck. “It was incredible,” she says, kissing me tenderly. “I want to go dancing.”
I laugh against her lips, “Yeah?”
“Yes!” she exclaims. I think her adrenaline has officially kicked in and she now needs to burn off that nervous energy she had built up.
“What are we waiting for then?”
This time, I drive so she can navigate. I can tell she already has an idea in her head, so I let her tell me which way to go. She flips back and forth between the journal and her GPS. After about twenty minutes, we’re on the outskirts of the city.
She directs me as I drive through the city and then directs, “Take the next turn, onto Louisiana.” She points toward a bar ahead of us. “There it is.”
There’s a valet outside as I pull up. He quickly opens the door for Noelle and I jump out, tossing my keys into his hand. “Keep it close,” I demand, sliding him a twenty-dollar bill.
“Yes, Sir,” he replies, and a hint of recognition twinges in his eyes. “You got it.”
I reach Noelle and drape my arm over her shoulder. “Are you ready?” She smiles, and we walk into the bar. The first thing that hits me is the loud music. Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s “Relax” is booming through the sound system.
“It’s Eighties Night!” she yells over the music. “Isn’t this awesome?” I pay our cover charge, and she guides me through the crowd and right onto the dance floor.
She’s instantly bouncing up and down, a huge smile across her face. “I love it!” she shouts and twirls around. Her smile widens, and she tries to get me to join her.
I smile and shake my head. “I don’t dance, Noelle.”
“Nonsense! Everyone dances!”
“Let’s get a drink,” I say, pulling her toward the bar.
“You’re no fun,” she pouts.
We make our way to the bar and we slide onto two open stools. Thankfully, it’s not too crowded in here. “What do you want?” I ask, pressing my mouth close to her ear so she can hear me.
“Lemon drop!” She’s bouncing in her seat as Berlin’s “The Metro” begins to play. “This is such a great song!”
I’m not into Eighties music at all, and if I have to sit here much longer and listen to this, my ears are going to bleed. Our drinks are placed in front of us, and she takes a huge sip from the martini. “Only one,” I remind her, smirking, remembering what she said the night she had the Cosmo.
She nods and takes an even bigger sip. Her cheeks are already red.
The dance floor in this place seems to go on for miles, hundreds of people jumping up and down to the retro music. Watching the people is interesting to say the least. Many of them have routines for practically every single song that plays. It’s funny to witness.
After the song finishes, the DJ’s voice booms throughout the bar. “That’s it for our Eighties Dance Party! Stick around, we’ve got some more current stuff for you!” A few patrons start to playfully boo at him, but quickly change their tune when he starts blasting house music through the bar.
Noelle spins back around on her stool and faces me, her lemon drop completely empty. She reaches for her glass of water and practically chugs it. “I think I’m drunk,” she blurts out.
“I think you are, too,” I laugh.
“Maybe it’s the altitude or something.”
“Or maybe it’s the vodka.” I point to her empty martini glass and she smiles, shrugging her shoulders.
A new song starts to play, and Noelle’s eyes get wide. “I love this song.” She slides off of her stool and jumps onto the dance floor just a few feet away.
Calvin Harris’s “Feel So Close” begins booming throughout the bar. Noelle’s eyes are closed as she starts to sway to the music, her hips moving back and forth.
She looks so fucking hot.
Her eyes remain closed as she tosses her arms into the air and starts jumping in place, in perfect time to the beat of the song. Her hair falls wildly around her face as she moves her head back and forth. She’s singing every word of the song, bouncing and gyrating. She’s feeling every word. And I can’t take my eyes off of her. It’s as if a light is shining directly above her and she’s the only person in this entire bar. She’s dancing like nobody’s watching, and it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. For the first time in my life, I want to get out there on the dance floor and feel her move against me. But I don’t move, I just watch like a voyeur. Her body continues to move with the music, hips swaying, arms still in the air. She opens her eyes and they look heavy, sultry. She bites her lip before she begins jumping in time with the beat again.
And then the song ends.
She drops her arms to her sides as the next song begins. She pushes her hair away from her face, and she smiles as she walks back to me, almost in a trance.
“That song is awesome,” she pants, wiping sweat from her brow.
Yes, it fucking is.
“Let’s get out of here,” I say, and she immediately nods.
I channel my inner caveman again and pull her out of the bar. The valet recognizes me from earlier and sprints to get my car. He’s back with it quickly, and this time I give him a fifty.
“Wow, tha
nks, man!” he calls out as I drive away.
Noelle is practically vibrating in the passenger seat. “I really felt that song. Like felt it in me. It took over my body and I just want to listen to it over and over again.” Her body is swaying in the seat as if the song is reverberating throughout my car.
Fuck. Me.
I pull over and park the car on the side of the street, ripping my seat belt from me and lunge across the console. She sucks in her breath as I crash my lips to hers. My fingers get tangled in her hair as I hold her face in place, diving my tongue between her lips, pulling hers into my mouth. “Heath,” she cries out.
“I want you right now.” My hand wraps around the back of her head, and she shakes her head.
“Not here. Drive. Now,” she says, sliding away from me, trying to adjust herself.
I hesitate for a second then realize she’s right. I can’t attack her like this on a city street. Her eyes are wide when she demands, “Hurry.”
I don’t wait any longer before I slam my car into drive and twist and turn through the city streets like a Formula One driver. Noelle is humming “Feel So Close” and her hips are moving again and I’m going to lose all control.
As I pull up in front of the hotel, I almost collide with a car exiting. He flips me off, and I don’t even care.
As if he senses our urgency, the valet runs to my side, taking my keys from me. “Welcome back, Sir.”
Noelle is already out of the car, her backpack slung over her shoulder.
Our elevator ride is quick and this time she’s the one fumbling for our room key. She walks into the room ahead of me and begins to remove her clothing as she saunters into the bedroom, her hips still swaying like they were on the dance floor. By the time she’s through the door, all of her clothes are gone, the moonlight shining through the window, illuminating her naked body.
She stops at the foot of the bed and I wrap one of my arms around her from behind as I push her hair away from her face, exposing the side of her neck. My lips make contact and she melts into me, pressing herself into my pelvis. I’m already rock hard, and I don’t know how much time I have before I need to be inside of her.
She turns around, backing up against the bed. Her eyes are dark and heavy. “I waited so long for this, please don’t make me wait any longer.” She sits down on the bed and slides up toward the headboard. I strip out of my own clothes as I watch her slowly lie down. I’m on top of her before she takes her next breath, our bodies colliding. Her arms wrap around my shoulders, fingers digging into my back as she presses her pelvis against mine.
Time melts away as my hands become familiar with her body all over again. Our fingertips explore each other’s skin, slowly tracing old paths and forging new ones. She arches against me when I glide my hand up her side, slowly grazing the side of her breast. Our eyes have been fixed on each other since I joined her in bed, hers yearning and desperate. Hungry.
I slow down my rhythm above her, my length pressed against her belly and claim her mouth once more. Her lips part slowly, and her tongue darts out welcoming mine. Her hands move to my face, holding me in place so she can take control of our kiss. Soft moans escape her lips as she devours mine.
“Heath,” she pants, shimmying up toward the headboard so I’m now perfectly poised at her entrance. I slide my hand down her side and in between us, slowly dipping my index finger into her wetness causing her to whimper, her hips raising higher to meet the palm of my hand. Her lips are back on mine, sucking and biting. “Please,” she cries as her eyes roll back, and I remove my finger to grab my length. I position myself so I’m there, ready to enter her. Ready to make her mine once again.
“Noelle.” I pause, making sure she’s ready.
Her eyes pop open and she bites her lip, nodding her head slowly. “Yes.”
And that’s all I need to push forward. I enter her slowly, our eyes locked once again. This is the moment we become one. I rest my arms on either side of her head so I’m perfectly perched over her, allowing our bodies to touch. Her breasts brush against my chest, and her arms lock around my neck. Sweat glistens on her forehead as I slowly move between her legs, easing in and out of her so we can savor the feeling, savor the tenderness. Her eyes are filled with tears and so are mine. This moment is bridging all of the years we’ve been apart, our bodies remembering how perfectly we fit together.
Each movement we make is slow and deliberate. I feel all of her, soft pulses grab me, pulling me deeper inside. I lower my lips to hers, softly kissing her. Our breathing is in sync, our bodies moving in perfect rhythm with each other.
“I love you so much,” I mumble against her lips.
She starts crying softly, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I love you, too, Heath. I thought I’d never see you again.” I kiss away her tears, brushing her hair away from her face.
“I’m never letting you go,” I state, devouring her mouth once again.
Our tempo picks up as our bodies move more quickly, more urgently together. She arches her back as she thrusts her hips upward. Her mouth drops open as she begins to gasp for air. She convulses around me, her release long and powerful, her cries filling the room. I quickly follow her, allowing her climax to pull mine from me. Our bodies continue to move together until we’re both fully satiated. She relaxes against me as I place a soft kiss against her lips, tasting salt from her tears.
“Please don’t cry,” I beg as I slowly slide out of her, and settle on her side.
“I can’t help it,” she smiles. “That was emotional. Amazing.”
I kiss her again. “Yes, it was.”
“I’m sorry about the past few days,” she apologizes, and I press my finger against her lips.
“No more apologies.”
“But–”
“I’m serious, Noelle. We can’t move forward if we’re constantly looking back with regret.”
She nods.
“This trip has been a journey for both of us, but most importantly, it’s our journey back together,” I state. “And what we just did proves to me that we should never be apart again.”
“Heath.” She covers her mouth with her hand as tears fill her eyes again. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.”
“Don’t ever say that again. Do you understand?” I don’t ever want her to feel inadequate or undeserving.
“Do you forgive me?” she asks, nervous.
“There’s nothing to forgive. I’m just thankful that you found your way back to me.”
She kisses me tenderly and then tucks her head into my neck.
“You’re my home,” she whispers. “You always will be.”
I wrap my body around her as my heart swells in my chest. This feels so good. So perfect.
“Welcome home, Noelle.”
Noelle
Present
I WAKE UP TO A FAMILIAR FEELING–Heath’s warm body wrapped around mine. We’ve finally arrived at the South Rim of the Grand Canyon, our final destination. The final resting place for my father. We checked into the lodge late last night and were both asleep before our heads hit the pillow.
The past few days have been beyond crazy but also exhilarating. Heath and I have reconnected in a way I could only dream about for so long. The tension that began in Tulsa has slowly dissolved away as we attempt to move past the hurdles that have jumped in our way. It’s still upsetting knowing he and Haley had a relationship of sorts, but I honestly can’t blame Heath for any choices he made while I was gone. I just need to come to terms with the things that happened and realize these things were beyond our control. At the end of the day, I can only blame myself to a certain extent. I chose to stay away. I chose to remain dead.
I fully expect the road back to each other will continue to be bumpy. But if I don’t give him a chance–give us a chance–I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. And then there’s Heath–he won’t let me leave. He’s been quite insistent about that.
“Are you nervous?” he mumbles agains
t the back of my neck, placing a soft kiss there.
“You’re awake?” I ask, surprised.
“Your heart started racing, it woke me up.” His hand is resting under my breast and he moves it up, teasing my nipple gently. I arch into him, a tingling sensation traveling through my belly. He knows exactly where to touch me and he does it expertly, every time.
“I’m a little nervous,” I admit.
Today’s the day I say goodbye to my father, and I’m not sure I’m ready.
He rolls me onto my back so he’s perched over me. “I’m here, Noelle. You’re not going to have to do any of this alone.”
“I know. But I don’t feel ready.” My heart is so heavy, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to keep it together.
“I don’t think you’re supposed to be ready for something like this. We all expect to have to bury our parents someday, but this situation is more unique than most.”
He leans down, placing his lips back on my neck. “I love you, Noelle. Please know that you’re never going to have to go through anything like this by yourself ever again.”
He envelopes me with his body again, reminding me what it feels like to be loved in every way.
WE’RE BOTH OUT OF the shower. We’re about to begin my father’s final journey.
“Are you ready?” Heath asks, tucking a couple bottles of water into his backpack.
“I think so.” Nerves are back, and I suddenly feel nauseous.
I slide my backpack over my shoulders, adjusting the straps so it’s resting comfortably. Heath looks at me funny.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” he asks.
“Um–I don’t think so?”
He looks uncomfortable, shifting back and forth on his feet.
“What?” I ask him, wondering what’s going on.
“Aren’t you forgetting–uh–your father?”
I laugh. “What do you mean? I have him,” I state and pat my backpack. “He’s in here.”
His eyes widen, and his jaw drops. “He fits in there?”
“What exactly did you think I was going to carry with me? Yes, of course, his remains fit in here. His ashes filled a large plastic bag that only weighs about four or five pounds.”