Heart of Steele

by Randi Alexander

  She nodded and looked at the fire. “And I threw you right into the spotlight today.” Her shoulders slumped. “You must have hated seeing that video online.”

  “My PR people say that any publicity is good.” They’d have to spin it somehow so he didn’t end up looking foolish. He finished the last piece from his plate and set it down on the coffee table. “For me, it’s just another day in the spotlight. We’ll figure out a way to lessen the negative impact.” He touched his tongue to his bruised lip. “No pun intended.”

  A half laugh puffed out of her.

  Steele picked up the wine bottle. “It would have been worse if it was footage of me in my private life.”

  “Do you have a private life?” Her gaze caught his. She was serious.

  He chuckled. “Yes, I do. I work hard, but I take time to be with my family and friends whenever I can.” He refilled their glasses. “And I enjoy what I do, or I wouldn’t stay in the business.”

  Turning to face him, she ran her fingers over his forearm. “How did you decide that music was what you wanted to do?”

  Her touch sent tingles up and down his arm. “My parents were musicians. They traveled around Texas and Louisiana, playing. They brought my sister and me with them.” He snuck closer and laid his arm behind her, across the back of the couch, his fingers touching her shoulder. “Mom taught me to sing and play dozens of instruments, and what she couldn’t teach me, she’d get me lessons for.”

  “I don’t remember reading that about you.”

  “You did research on me?” He took her hand in his and ran his thumb over her palm.

  “Just a little.” She smiled but looked away to sip her wine.

  “When my uncle died, he left his ranch to Dad, who broke up the band, hauled Mom, Val, and me to the McLairn Ranch, and we became ranchers.”

  She rubbed her lips together for a few seconds and set down her glass. “How did your mom feel about that?”

  “Aw, she was ready to give up the traveling. We’d spent every weekend, every school holiday, every summer on the road. She liked having a place to plant roots.”

  “So, you had your choice of becoming a rancher or a musician?” The fire snapped and she jumped a bit. “That’s why you do both?”

  “Mom wanted me to develop my musical talents. Dad thought I should focus on learning ranching.” It had caused more than one blowout between his parents. “I guess, to make them happy, I did both.” It didn’t leave much time for anything else, like being a kid.

  “That must have caused some friction between them.”

  He looked out the window at the half-moon rising. “It did, so when I was seventeen, I decided to write a song to get them to see how much they meant to each other.”

  Tracy set her warm palm on his stomach. “That’s so sweet.” She laid her head on his shoulder.

  Apocalypses could happen right now, and he wouldn’t care. This was as close to heaven as he could get here on earth.

  “What happened when you played it for them?” She snuggled closer.

  “Dad admitted he may have been wrong about trying to keep me on the ranch. He let Mom send a recording of that song to an agent.” Tipping his head, he breathed in the floral scent of her hair. “He gave me a year to test out the music career idea, but if I didn’t make it by then, I had to knuckle down and learn ranching at the local college.”

  “And?” She laughed. “I ask that as if I don’t know the results of that one-year test.”

  “And...One Night in Amarillo ended up getting me a recording contract.”

  Her head popped up and she looked into his eyes. “You wrote that when you were seventeen? I love that song.” Her lips tightened and she counted on her fingers. “But you said your mom died fifteen years ago.”

  The old ache settled in his chest. “She died five months after I signed the contract deal.” His dad had been heartbroken, his sister was a mess, and Steele? He’d decided he was tough enough to do everything; write and record an album, help run the ranch, and hold his family together.

  Tracy wrapped her arm around him and held him tight. “And you’re still doing both jobs all these years later.”

  He’d been doing it all for so long, he didn’t realize what he’d missed. He closed his eyes and laid his cheek on top of her head. This was what he needed. This was what was missing in his life. Quiet moments, silent communion, someone who gave a damn about him.

  “Which one makes you happy, Steele?” Tracy pressed her ear to his chest.

  His heart rate sped. Hell, she got right to the slippery spot where he was spinning his wheels. Could he do both anymore? All three, really. But trying to hold his family together didn’t feel like a priority any longer. Not with Ryder in the picture. Fuck it.

  His gut told him that it was the right time to back away from the craziness of the music industry, but his brain told him he’d probably go crazy if all he had was the ranch to run. The ranch, no family of his own to share it with, and his dad and sister trying to shove Ryder down his throat.

  He needed to back away fast from that decision, or it’d ruin this perfect moment. “Right now, all I can think of is how happy I am right here. With you.”

  She sighed and turned her head to look at the fire. It needed more wood, but he wasn’t moving as long as he had Tracy in his arms.

  He ran his hand up and down her arm. “How about your childhood?”

  She tensed.

  Something going on there. Something painful.

  “I’m from Montana.” She moved away from him, but he kept his hand on her shoulder. “Small town, not much to do there. I got a scholarship to the U of M, then came out here when I was twenty two.”

  “You mentioned your dad had passed away. Is your mom still there?” She’d been so open whenever they talked. This closed-off tenseness felt strange

  “She is.” Her hands clenched together in her lap.

  “Were you an only child?” Getting her to talk was like prying a hubcap off an old truck.

  “No, I have a brother. In...Montana.” She turned to face him, her face too serious. “About today, when I hit you.”

  He blinked. How had she segued to that topic?

  “I just want you to know that I have never hit anyone before, and I will never, never do it again.” Her hands fisted. “It’s no excuse, but I wanted to explain what I think happened.” She closed her eyes for a few seconds. “I barely remember anything after hearing you say...what you’d said.”

  He’d known better than to take a private call in a public place.

  Her gaze caught his, then darted away. “I’d just gotten a text from Reno saying she was going to tell Chase about Joy. Then you were on the phone, you said that he didn’t need any more bastards around. I shouted at you, I don’t even know what I said.” Pressing her fingers to her temple, she seemed to curl into herself.

  Steele remembered. She’d told him that he was the bastard, and Chase was ten times the man he was. That’s when Steele had smiled at her, thinking she was making a joke, but somewhere inside, wondering if her words were true. But then, she clobbered him, and all his self-doubt got shoved back down inside. He’d been hit in the face by the woman he wanted to bring into his life. Crazy.

  “Tracy.” He waited until she looked at him.

  Her body shook, her eyes shining with tears.

  “I would never tell a man to abandon his child. I can’t explain right now what my dad and I were arguing about, but it had nothing to do with baby Joy. Or any infant, for that matter.”

  He took her arm and tried to pull her closer, but she resisted. “I don’t blame you for hitting me. Hell, under the same circumstances, I would probably have done the same thing.”

  Her lip quivered. “You would have punched me?” A tiny smile curled her lips as a tear tracked down her cheek. Was she over the worst of it? She giggled one little laugh.

  “Yes.” His voice choked a little as relief rushed through him. “Although I’ve never hit a
woman in my life, I would definitely have punched you.”

  “Thank you, Steele.” She blinked away the moisture. “No one has ever said anything that kind to me before.”

  He let go with a loud laugh and pulled her in close.

  She wrapped her arms around him and that rollercoaster ride? It just got back on track and coasted slowly home.

  After a few minutes, she yawned.

  “Let’s get you to bed. It’s been a long day.”

  She sat back from him and looked into his eyes. “Bed?”

  “Just sleep.” He brushed her soft hair back from her face. “We both need it bad, and if I took you into my bed right now, we wouldn’t close our eyes for at least ten wicked hours.”

  She purred and smiled sweetly. “That sounds delicious.”

  Standing, he took her hand and helped her up. “Tomorrow, we’ll do wicked and delicious.” He picked up their plates. “Tonight, I’m tucking you into the peach bedroom, then going to my room and locking the door so you can’t come in and make me change my mind.”

  Picking up the wine glasses, she paused. “How did you know I wanted the peach bedroom?”

  The big shower, the fancy bed, the soft colors. “Just a good guess.” He gestured down the hall. “I set your bag in there, and I had the caretaker’s wife put the clothes and other...stuff...in the dresser for you.”

  She stared into his eyes for a moment. “Thank you.” She went up on her toes and kissed him. “For everything. You’re really a surprise.” Turning, she walked to the kitchen, set down the wine glasses, and went up the stairs. A minute later, her door closed.

  “Jesus. What the hell am I doing?”

  Chapter Six

  Tracy should have helped with the dishes, would have if she hadn’t needed to be alone. Desperately.

  The reminders of her childhood coupled with Steele’s kind understanding and gentle teasing, had her breath clogging in her throat. Leaning back against the closed bedroom door, she let a sob loose, and it echoed off the windows.

  How could she have hit such a nice man? Tears streamed and her nose plugged. On her bed, her red bag stood with those boots sticking out of it. Next to it, her purse lay on its side. How had he known she’d like this room? He was funny and sweet and too damn serious all at the same time.

  Grabbing the tissue box, she lay on the far side of the bed facing the windows, looking out at the serene view.

  She’d held back from Steele. Didn’t tell him more than he needed to know. Their relationship—affair—was going to last until they walked out the cabin door to head back to LA. She didn’t need to unload her sad story on him.

  Her brother. Yes, he was in Montana. In the penitentiary. She wished he would stay there forever, but his parole hearing was coming up. Digging in her purse, she pulled out her phone. The call and text she’d gotten from Reno just after she’d hit Steele, remained unanswered. She sent a quick text to her friend, telling her she’d call in the morning. Tracy didn’t have the energy right now.

  She checked the time. Her mother would be at work now, so she couldn’t call her. The night shift at the grocery store.

  One day, Tracy would make enough to support her mother. But not her deadbeat brother. The bastard sponged off their mom, stole from her sometimes, and now wanted to live with her when he got out of prison. It was not going to happen, and she’d make sure of that.

  Donny was four years older than her, and hadn’t held a job for more than a few months at a time.

  Tracy tucked her knees up and wrapped her arms around her legs. When they were kids, Mom worked nights, Dad spent his evenings drunk or passed out on whatever cheap booze he got his hands on, and Donny was in charge. And he’d let her know who was boss. With his fists.

  An icy chill raced through her. Was that why she’d hit Steele? Was she turning into a monster? During the therapy sessions she’d received free during college, she’d been assured that she’d never become what her brother had been. Were they wrong?

  She flexed her right hand and let the pain in her knuckles start her relaxation and self-hypnosis routine. “Steele. I’m so sorry.” Another wave of tears rushed to her eyes. She would take advantage of their days together, make memories that she’d keep forever, then say goodbye and find a way to forget him. He deserved better than her.

  ****

  Steele put away the remaining pizza; some in the fridge, some in his belly. Tracy had seemed unsteady, like there was something hanging over her, ready to drop and smother her. He finished cleaning the kitchen and re-corked the wine. She needed to be alone tonight, but he’d work on getting her to open up over the next few days.

  Turning off the lights, he left the kitchen and walked down the hall to his cave. The lights were still on and he filled a frozen mug with tap beer. Plopping in his recliner, he sat silently, hoping to hear her, but the walls and floors were too solid. What was she doing?

  “Aw hell.” He pulled out his phone. No new incoming, but he’d never replied to Chase. He dialed his friend’s number.

  “Hey. What the hell is goin’ on there in Hollywood?”

  “Yeah. Shit happened today.” Steele felt foolish, and he hated that feeling.

  “Forgot to duck?” Chase sounded like he was walking.

  “You busy, or can you talk?”

  “Hang on.” He spoke, probably to Reno. “Okay. I’m out on the porch.” His voice was louder.

  “Congratulations, man. What a shock.”

  Chase laughed. “You could call it that.” He breathed a couple times. “She’s beautiful. I can’t explain it. I’m still high on it.”

  Steele’s own breath caught at the emotion in Chase’s voice. “I saw her picture. She don’t look much like you.”

  “Ha. She’s lucky, there.” He was quiet for a moment. “I don’t deserve this much happiness.”

  “The hell you don’t.” Chase had always had self-image issues. “You deserve Reno and Joy and a lifetime of happiness. Probably more than anyone I know.”

  “I hear ya, but it’s still new and scary.” Two thumps sounded, as if Chase had propped his booted feet up on the railing. “Tell me what’s happening with you? Did she break your face? Will you ever croak out that noise you call singing again?”

  Steele took a couple cold swallows. “Not much damage.” Except to his phone. And his pride. “I was talking to...no, arguing with Dad. I said some things that I shouldn’t have. Tracy thought I was on the phone with you.”

  “You were talking about Ryder I bet, huh?” Chase and Reno were the only people outside of Steele’s family who knew about his illegitimate half-brother. And sharp as he was, Chase probably figured out Steele was using the word bastard to refer to Ryder.

  “Yep. Right there on the soundstage. Tracy yelled for a while, I thought she was playing around, and I smiled at her.”

  “Uh oh, that shit-eatin’ grin you call a smile? No wonder she hauled off and let you have one.”

  Steele prodded his lip with one finger. “Pretty hard, too. So now, we’re up in Big Bear until I hear from—”

  “Whoa, there.” Chase laughed. “You’re up at your cabin, in the middle of God’s country, alone with the woman you’ve been wet-dreaming about for a year?”

  “That just about sums it up.” That, plus a few extra emotions that didn’t fit into pure physical, and spilled over into romantic. “My agent and PR people told us to get out of town until we can come up with a good spin on the whole thing.”

  “And? Are you going to do more than enjoy the scenery?”

  “I hope so.” Tracy seemed to want him as much as he wanted her. But after their talk tonight, things might change overnight.

  The tiny cry of a baby filtered through the phone.

  “You need to go?”

  “Not yet.” He laughed. “Evidently, only mommies have the right feeding equipment. Daddies have the right stuff for diaper changin’, though.”

  “Shit, Chase. You’re a daddy.” Steele couldn’t w
ait for the day when he’d be one, too.

  “I gotta keep reminding myself.”

  “Good song-writing material.”

  Chase snorted. “Your situation, too.” He cleared his throat. “Tracy’s a good friend of Reno.” His voice went low and quiet. “Don’t do anything that’ll make Reno tell me to kick your ass.”

  His friend was right. Steele needed to let Tracy know that if things worked out between them, this wasn’t going to be a quick thing. He wanted to see if it could go somewhere. “I’m not plannin’ on it.” Funny how Steele’s Texas twang came back whenever he talked to Chase. LA could suck it out of him faster than a roadrunner on hot tar. “Damn, it’s good to talk to you.”

  “Glad you called. We both had a shocker of a day.”

  He stood and walked to the glass wall. “Tell Reno I’m happy for her. Happy for the three of you.”

  “Thanks, buddy. And, uh, good luck there.”

  “I could use some.”

  They hung up and Steele stood, staring out at the night. Why did his shock have to come with a viral video and tons of emotional shit? When was he going to get what he really wanted from life? “More beer.” Steele grabbed his guitar, a music-lined notepad and pencil, and sat at the bar to refill his beer. May as well turn all this gut-wrenching emotion into a song.

  ****

  Bright, bright light seeped through Tracy’s closed eyelids. She squinted at the sun shining in her window. She’d fallen asleep on top of the covers, and hadn’t moved all night. Stretching, she stood and looked out at the lake. The sun had just poked above the mountains and even with the window tinting growing progressively darker by the second, it was the most amazing thing she’d ever seen.

  Snowy ski slopes, cabins tucked into the wooded areas. She looked for the dam, but didn’t spot it. If she lived here, she’d put a porch along the front of the whole building, and add French doors to get out onto it.

  Of course, Steele wouldn’t. Someone could spot him from below with a telescope. She’d do it anyway, and make him wear a disguise. Like a gray wig, mustache, and buckteeth. Rolling her eyes, she padded into the bathroom and opened the toothbrush package, plopped on toothpaste, and started scrubbing.