The Doctor's Undoing

by Gina Wilkins

  “And you?” she asked, inwardly cringing at the dispassionate prediction.

  “I’ll crack some jokes. Sometimes the others will laugh, other times they’ll get ticked off, but that’s what they expect from their youngest kid.”

  “You should go.”

  “Oh, yeah, sounds like a riot, doesn’t it?”

  “Seriously, Ron. You should go see your family. It will never get any better between you if you don’t even try.”

  After a moment, he nodded. “I’ll go—if you’ll go with me.”

  “Um—me?”

  “I’m going with you to your family gathering,” he reminded her.

  Well, yes—but she wasn’t asking him to serve as a barrier between her and her family. “You don’t think it would be awkward to have me there?”

  He shrugged. “No more awkward than it ever is. And maybe they’ll behave a little better if we have a guest.”

  “I haven’t even been invited.”

  “I told Mom I might bring my girlfriend. She said you’d be welcome.”

  His girlfriend. The term made her swallow, but then she told herself it had probably been the easiest way to define their relationship to his mother. She supposed it was true enough. For now.

  She had to admit she was curious about Ron’s family. She would like to see the people who’d shaped him, who’d made him the man he was now. She found it hard to believe they were quite as bad as he implied, since he’d turned out so well.

  “All right,” she said, turning on her blinker to signal her upcoming exit from the freeway toward her parents’ house. “I’ll go with you.”

  “You will?”

  “Sure. I’d like to meet your family.”

  “No. Trust me. You won’t like it.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I still want to meet them.”

  “Okay, fine. If I decide to go, I’ll take you with me. Be prepared for a lot of hours on the road that day, because if I go, I’ll leave early Saturday, make the three hour drive, stay a few hours, then head back. I have neither the time nor interest in spending the night.”

  Six hours in a car seemed like a rather stiff price for satisfying her curiosity about him, but she’d already committed now. She didn’t go back on her word. “Okay, then. We’ll bring materials and study in the car together during the ride.”

  “No time wasted, huh?”

  She smiled in response to his wry drawl. “No more than necessary.”

  “That’s my Haley.”

  Turning into the driveway of her parents’ modest, three-bedroom, redbrick ranch house, she told herself it was only a figure of speech, not a declaration. But hearing him call her “his” Haley still elicited a funny little flutter from somewhere in the pit of her stomach.

  If Haley really thought her parents weren’t aware that something had changed, she was deluding herself, Ron decided midway through the Thanksgiving meal. He could tell from the moment her parents greeted him in the living room that they were eyeing him differently than they had before. Maybe her mother had heard something in Haley’s voice when she’d talked about their recent adventures together; maybe they just knew their daughter better than she suspected. But they knew.

  He couldn’t tell if they approved. They didn’t seem to disapprove, exactly. They were certainly warm and welcoming to him, seemed genuinely pleased to have him join them for the holiday meal. Janice seemed delighted with the big bouquet of fall flowers he’d brought as a hostess gift. But they watched him, and he thought he saw a sizing up in those glances, especially from her father.

  Her aunt and uncle, Noelle and Victor Wright, joined them for the meal. Janice and Russell, Haley’s parents, seemed delighted to serve as hosts, even though they performed that same service seven days a week at their restaurant. Haley had taken the whole study group to Pasta Wright to celebrate the successful ending of their first year of classes, and her parents had pulled out all the stops, feeding them an amazing four-course Italian feast and refusing to allow them to pay a cent.

  This meal was just as delicious, though the dishes were traditional American Thanksgiving fare. The conversation around the beautifully decorated table was lively and amusing, the affection in the dining room palpable. There was a brief, spirited debate between brothers Russell and Victor over some issue in local politics, but it ended with laughter and good-natured insults. It would have ended much differently for Ron’s family.

  He’d been around other functional families, of course. He’d spent a lot of time hanging out with his high school best friend’s big, rowdy, supportive clan, then during his first two years of college had dated a young woman from a great family he still considered friends. He was even godfather to his ex-girlfriend’s first child, which said something about what a nice guy she’d married three years ago. So he was under no illusion that all families were as messed up as his own. For that matter, he knew there were families much worse than the one he’d been born into.

  It was just nice to be reminded occasionally how pleasant a family meal could be.

  “So, what type of medicine are you planning to practice, Ron?” Victor asked over dessert.

  Ron swallowed a bite of the creamiest pumpkin pie he’d ever tasted and dabbed at his mouth with a linen napkin. Lulled by the delicious meal and friendly atmosphere, he replied candidly, “I’m thinking pedi hem-onc. Sorry. Pediatric hematology and oncology.”

  He was aware of Haley’s quick look of surprise. He supposed she knew he was intrigued by the specialty, but it was the first time he’d specifically said so. He didn’t know why, exactly, he’d been so reluctant to discuss his future plans with her.

  “Oncology. That’s cancer, isn’t it?” her aunt Noelle asked with a slight frown. “Children’s cancer?”

  He nodded. “Yes, ma’am. I did a rotation in the pedi hem-onc ward, and I’ve just come off a surgical oncology rotation. I find it all very interesting.”

  The older woman shook her blond-highlighted head slowly. “I don’t think I could handle that. Too sad.”

  “It is sad when children are afflicted with cancer,” he answered patiently. “But because of modern medical treatment, the overall survival rate for all the types of pediatric cancer is nearly eighty percent. It’s more than eighty-seven percent for lymphoblastic leukemia, which is the most common form of childhood cancer.”

  “That high?” Russell looked surprised. “That is an encouraging number, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, it is. It depends on the type and progression of the cancer, of course.”

  “Is pedi hem-onc a difficult residency to get into?” Russell asked, somewhat self-consciously using the medical jargon.

  Ron shrugged. “Harder than some, easier than others. If I don’t get accepted into one, I’ll just fall back on Plan B.”

  Janice frowned. “I’m sure you’ll get into any program you want. You should keep a positive attitude.”

  He smothered a smile, deliberately not looking at Haley. So this was where she got her cheerleader attitude. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll do that.”

  “Are you still thinking about psychiatry, Haley?”

  “Yes, Aunt Noelle, that’s still my plan. I’ll do a psychiatry rotation next semester, and I’ll probably know for certain after that.”

  “Will you and Ron both be able to stay in Little Rock for your residencies?”

  Ron glanced sideways at Haley, noting her sudden frown with a sinking feeling. True, they hadn’t discussed that far ahead, but did she have to look quite so unnerved by the possibility that they’d be interviewing for residency programs in the same places? He supposed he should reassure her at some point that he wouldn’t expect her to make any career compromises for him. She was perfectly free to apply anywhere she wanted, just as he supposed he would do, himself.

  “Ron and I will make whatever choices are best for our futures, Aunt Noelle. Mom, is there any more coffee or should I make another pot?”

  Maybe the others took the hint that she di
dn’t want to talk about the future, or maybe they were just ready to move on to another topic. More coffee was served all around, after which everyone moved to the den to chat and play a couple of board games while college football played on the large screen TV. Ron threw himself fully into the activities, making a special effort to be a polite and amusing guest. He was rewarded with laughter from all of them, even Haley.

  Yet, deep inside he continued to be bothered by the feeling that something was going on between him and Haley that he didn’t fully understand.

  The second month of the surgery rotation consisted of two, two-week blocks. Haley had selected burn and transplant as her choices; Ron had opted for plastics and vascular surgery. While she knew burn surgeries would be difficult to witness, Haley thought there was much to learn in that specialty. Transplants also intrigued her. She assumed Ron had similar reasons for making his choices.

  Her schedule now was as hectic as it had been during the first month of surgery. Once again she had to be at the hospital before dawn. By the time she dragged home hours later, she was exhausted from being on her feet all day. The surgeries lasted for hours, and the O.R.’s were kept extremely warm to preserve the patients’ body heat. The patients were very sick, which meant there was a lot of tension in the room, the constant threat of the patients coding.

  She was able to do quite a few things in that rotation, including assisting with skin grafts. She was proud of herself for handling the sights and the pressure; only once did she have to step out for a moment when the heat made her a little light-headed. She followed recommendations she’d learned during the first month of surgery to keep her knees unlocked and to make sure she kept her blood sugar up by having a good breakfast and occasional protein breaks. Both helped her endure the long procedures.

  Because of their hours and because they were assigned to different hospitals, she and Ron didn’t see much of each other during those two weeks. It bothered her how badly she missed him even during that brief, busy separation.

  It was ridiculous to feel that way, she chided herself. They had their own lives, their own interests, their own paths ahead. She predicted fast-paced, fulfilling careers for each of them.

  Whatever direction their individual choices took them, she hoped they would always remain friends. She couldn’t bear the thought of a future that didn’t include Ron in some way.

  Oddly enough, it was the fear of losing his friendship that made her push him away after Thanksgiving. She was aware of what she was doing, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. The more heated their physical relationship became, the more she worried that the inevitable end would be explosive. Painful. Making it impossible for them to maintain any sort of friendly connection afterward.

  She couldn’t say she regretted that she and Ron had given in to the attraction that had simmered between them from the start. In hindsight, it seemed inevitable that they would end up in bed together. Maybe it was as certain that their parting would be as volatile as their friendship had always been. But just the thought of a bitter split made her heart ache. She felt helpless to stop it, paralyzed by indecision—and ruefully aware that her apprehension was leading to the very outcome she dreaded.

  Ron called when he had free time, and they talked easily enough, sharing stories about their days. But each time he suggested they get together for dinner or a movie or just to spend a little time with each other, she demurred, telling him that she was simply too busy or too tired or too overwhelmed with studying and preparations for the next day’s demands. She sensed he was growing annoyed with her excuses, but he didn’t push for explanations, to her relief.

  Compounding her many responsibilities, the class holiday party was scheduled for the second weekend in December, the Saturday before Ron was expected for his family’s Christmas gathering. Because she was expected to arrive early to help with the decorations and preparations, she told Ron that she’d take her own car to the country club where the party was being held. He agreed, though he sounded a little cool and grumpy when they ended that phone call shortly afterward.

  Tossing her phone aside, Haley sank into the cushions of her sofa in her quiet, lonely apartment, sadly wondering if the affair had already ended because of her cowardly machinations. And wistfully hoping that she and Ron could somehow find their way back to friendship if it had.

  Though she arrived at the country club more than an hour before the party was supposed to begin, there was barely time to complete all the preparations. She and Anne, who’d volunteered to help, surreptitiously high-fived when they finished just as the first guests began to wander in.

  There hadn’t been time for chitchat while they’d worked, but they could relax now as they both accepted a glass of wine from a smiling server.

  “Have I told you how nice you look tonight?” Anne asked, motioning with her wineglass toward Haley’s sleek, floor-length black dress. “I haven’t seen that gown before.”

  “I found it on a clearance rack last weekend,” Haley confessed with a laugh. “I realized sort of at the last minute that I had nothing to wear to a dress-up affair.”

  Anne looked beautiful in a long, silvery-blue dress that complemented her blond hair and fair skin, and Haley told her so. “It’s a shame Liam isn’t here to admire you.”

  Liam roamed around the globe for the adventure travel program he hosted on cable television. Haley never knew where he was when he wasn’t in Little Rock with his wife.

  Anne sighed. “He’s in Kuala Lumpur. But he promised he’d be home in time for Christmas.”

  “Glad to hear that.”

  Anne glanced around the rapidly filling room, waving to acknowledge a greeting before asking, “Where’s Ron?”

  Haley glanced at her watch with a frown. “I guess he’s running late. I thought he’d be here by now.”

  “How’s he been? I haven’t seen him since before Thanksgiving.”

  “He’s fine, though he and I haven’t had time to see each other much during the past two weeks, either. I talked to him last night, though. He’s enjoyed plastics. He said he had a cool resident who let him do a lot. The reconstructive part of plastic surgery appealed to Ron; he liked seeing what they can do to make the patients stop dreading looking into a mirror.”

  “That sounds like Ron. He really is a marshmallow, isn’t he?”

  “Yes, I suppose he is. Especially when it comes to kids. He has a gooey center in that respect.”

  “He’ll be a great dad someday.”

  Haley swallowed in response to the seemingly out-of-the-blue comment. Thinking of Ron as a father gave her a funny feeling deep inside her chest, a combination of sadness and longing. She’d always imagined herself having children someday. There was still that tricky double standard in medicine, as in so many careers, which made it more difficult for women than for men to take time to have families, but she knew it was possible.

  As for Ron—he had trouble fully committing even to a career path, always wanting to leave his options open in case he changed his mind. She doubted he would be eager to take on the lifelong responsibilities of parenthood. “Maybe someday.”

  Had Anne been hinting when she’d said that Ron would make a good father? Probably. After her initial reservations, Anne seemed to have concluded that Haley and Ron made a good couple. Being blissfully married herself, still practically in the honeymoon stage, she could be forgiven for wanting the same happiness for her friends. But Haley and Ron? Surely Anne could see how unlikely that imagined happily-ever-after would be.

  A woman prone to giving too much of herself and a man who held too much back? Heartbreak in the making.

  Haley knew how to make commitments, but she had always maintained a healthy dose of self-preservation. She dedicated herself fully to a cause only when she truly believed a positive outcome was achievable.

  The success of her family’s new restaurant venture back when she was in high school? Achievable, and she’d thrown herself into helping them. Earning her u
ndergraduate degree, doing well on the MCAT, getting into medical school? All achievable. Keeping her grades high and her test scores respectable during her training? Tough, but achievable. Getting into a good residency program, maybe even a triple-board program if she chose to go that route? Also achievable, if she stayed on her current course.

  Maintaining a lifelong relationship with a fellow student who wouldn’t even commit to a first choice of a specialty? Who had once mentioned to the group that he’d never been involved in a serious, long-term relationship with a woman? Who even seemed willing to give up on his own family because of their shortcomings?

  She might be an optimist, but she wasn’t a masochist.

  She was relieved when two classmates Kristie and Lydia, in sparkling holiday dresses, wandered up to chat with her and Anne, bringing an end to that suddenly uncomfortable conversation. Or so she had hoped. After only a brief exchange of small talk, one of the newcomers looked at Haley curiously.

  “Where’s Ron? He’s coming tonight, isn’t he?”

  Haley smiled brightly. “Yes, he said he’d be here. I guess he’s just running a little late. You know Ron.”

  Kristie laughed. “Without you there to keep him on track, he’s probably been distracted by a video game or something.”

  Lydia grinned. “Or gotten into a conversation with somebody he passed in a hallway or parking lot. You know how Ron loves to talk and clown around.”

  “And flirt,” Kristie agreed with an arched look at Haley. “Does that ever bother you, Haley? The way he flirts and teases with all the women around him?”

  She lifted an eyebrow. “Why would it bother me? Ron’s just very friendly—he flirts with his senior citizen patients as much as he does with women our age.”

  “You don’t worry that someone else might decide to flirt back?”

  Haley shrugged lightly. “No. I don’t worry about that. Ron and I don’t have that sort of relationship.”